What do Others Really See?

guamvixen · 10-13-2010, 03:08 PM

I went to the doctor yesterday, for my 31 week pregnancy appointment. I noticed a girl in front of me, she was being weighed, I thought to myself, "She's cute, she's about my size, I wonder if she weighs as much as I do" She was my height too. I couldn't help but look to see where the nurse was moving the scale dial to, then it appeard to have the top level go all the way to the left, and I thought "Oh my! She's about 105-110?" At that moment I felt as big as a house! She appeared a healthy size, not overweight at all, but not too skinny, just normal, healthy cute. Then I heard the nurse say "Very good, 153" She weighed 153 lbs and for that brief moment I felt my heart stop because I thought I weighed a good 20lbs more than her, but she in fact weighed 20lbs more than me.

I know we all carry our weight differently, but it made me realize I am still way to hard on myself. I stepped back mentally, and made some observances. I've never shared a NSV here before but I came to find that there have been several that have gone unnoticed in my life. For example, the "Lose Weight" ads posted here no longer apply to me, yet sometimes I find myself still curious or out of habit, checking them out. Also, I can fit in the shower with my hubby to be with plenty of room to spare and I never stopped to appreciate that. A really strange one is, my mom went from telling me to lose weight, to telling me I need to put more meat on my bones.

The moral of the story is like the title asks, what do others really see you as? Do you ever wonder how hard you are on yourself? Do you ever find yourself checking out other people that look your height and weight and wonder if that's what you look like?

xty · 10-13-2010, 07:48 PM

guamvixen - I just teared up, I really empathize with *so* many of your posts and find you to be very wise.

I have always had a very hard time seeing myself correctly, especially without pix or video. I do try to work on it, but its hard. I am much kinder now, no mean words in the head or condemning thoughts. But I notice Im often times mentally off-base from reality.

Just yesterday a super tiny (like size 2 tiny!) coworker offered to loan me leggings for a workout class we take as Id forgotten mine at home. I was hysterically laughing at the concept that my legs could fit in her stretchiest pants. But she called me out - she said "I dont think you realize your size today, they would 100% fit". I refused to even try them on.

And about checking people out - oh yes. On the train, at the mall, everywhere and pretty often (though less in the last year). I even try to find a reflective surface to see what we look like side by side. Yes, crazy. I know.

And re: the meat on your bones thing....as you actually told me in another wise post of yours....until someone has walked a mile in your shoes, their suggestion that you are either too fat or too thin is irrelevant.

matt_H · 10-13-2010, 09:35 PM

Like xty, this is something that I really struggle with.

Whenever I see a guy wearing jeans, I try to look at the patch on the back that sometimes has the waist size. I saw a guy recently that I thought was much smaller than me and he was wearing waist size 36 (and I was wearing 32s).

guamvixen · 10-13-2010, 09:56 PM

Thank you friends! I'm glad I'm not as crazy as I constantly feel. I just wish there was a switch I could turn off when it comes to these feelings. I was overweight for so long, when does the brain catch up? Xty, I find you very wise as well and I notice we share a lot of the same opinions and feelings! Thank you for being honest and true!! Matt, you are awesome! I wouldn't have guessed that guys do what girls do with comparing themselves. We all aren't so different after all! I think ultimately, we need to realize that we DID IT! And hit the ground running with our new lifestyles, but like the old saying, easier said than done!

Big hugs new friends and thanks again!

cherrypie · 10-14-2010, 01:06 AM

this reminds me of one of the saddest moments of my life (well, not really but weight saddest)

I worked with this girl who had a baby then got really thin after. Then she got painfully thin like I wanted to offer her a sandwhich all the time. She really liked vintage clothes though. In the early '80s I'd bought these incentive jeans. They were levis and I dieted down to fit them and wore them about twice. I asked if she wanted them thinking they were going to be baggy on her. She said sure bring them in so I did. She tried them on and they were too small.

I looked at her already too thin body and thought "how is it possible I was once that thin and still thought I was fat?"

saef · 10-14-2010, 11:17 AM

Guam, I'm another one who often sees herself & her own preoccupations & behaviors in your posts.

I think that after anyone loses a lot of weight, a licensed professional should make a home visit to them & give them some kind of Identity Crisis kit which contains a small camera, a measuring tape & a mirror, and should also offer a series of free one-on-one counseling sessions.

Eliana · 10-14-2010, 11:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cherrypie

this reminds me of one of the saddest moments of my life (well, not really but weight saddest)

I worked with this girl who had a baby then got really thin after. Then she got painfully thin like I wanted to offer her a sandwhich all the time. She really liked vintage clothes though. In the early '80s I'd bought these incentive jeans. They were levis and I dieted down to fit them and wore them about twice. I asked if she wanted them thinking they were going to be baggy on her. She said sure bring them in so I did. She tried them on and they were too small.

I looked at her already too thin body and thought "how is it possible I was once that thin and still thought I was fat?"

This is why I'm glad I got fat.

I was a size 3 in college and still thought I was fat. I remember distinctly trying on all size 3 clothes and getting angry with the store for having marked them wrong. I had a size 6 skirt I remember that was huge on me and I was convinced I was a size 6 and that the skirt was just too big.

Now that I've truly been fat, and I am over the world happy to be wearing size 8's!! And I feel thin, I really do. I appreciate my weight now so much more than I ever did.

Yet I still compare myself to others.

And I don't know if I see myself right. I say all the time I think I look smaller than I weigh? But I second guess and doubt that very much and am pretty sure others would look at me and think that no, I actually look larger than 160 pounds. So who knows? All I know is I am quite content.

krampus · 10-14-2010, 10:06 PM

I experienced the opposite. I gained weight very slowly throughout college and my image of myself never changed. It's so sad now to realize that I was so much bigger than I felt for so long.

StephanieM · 10-14-2010, 10:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by saef

I think that after anyone loses a lot of weight, a licensed professional should make a home visit to them & give them some kind of Identity Crisis kit which contains a small camera, a measuring tape & a mirror, and should also offer a series of free one-on-one counseling sessions.

That is the best idea I've ever seen

I wish we all had that

cherrypie · 10-14-2010, 10:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by krampus

I experienced the opposite. I gained weight very slowly throughout college and my image of myself never changed. It's so sad now to realize that I was so much bigger than I felt for so long.

lol I have that now. I take things into the changeroom and hold stuff up in my size and think 'that is huge! it's going to be way too big' and it isn't

krampus · 10-14-2010, 10:18 PM

I hear ya. I was a solid size 10 for a few years but I still insisted to myself that I was an 8. I convinced myself that all the stores had made their sizes smaller, even though it was clearly me that was getting bigger...

yellsa · 10-14-2010, 10:24 PM

I did the same. I didnt realize how big I really was getting until I hit rock bottom. Or i was just in denial when my clothes was getting tighter and tighter.

AliceInFatland · 10-15-2010, 02:19 PM

From the age of around 14 on, I thought I was fat. I saw a fat girl in the mirror and all I noticed were flaws. I was probably 5' 3"/5' 4" and 130-135 pounds. Not fat, just chubby. My heighest weight was 200, but at around 185 I realized that when I looked in the mirror, I saw the exact same girl I saw when I was 14. Then I looked at photos of myself and realized that I had essentially grown into my mental image of myself. Actual photos of me finally matched the me I saw in the mirror, whereas old photos of me--how did I see fat? How did I see my stomach as an uneven bulge instead of an adorable, slightly chubby tummy? When I look in the mirror, I see those bulges and rolls and width, other now they're actually there. :[

HermersSis · 10-17-2010, 08:19 PM

Yeah, I think you're adorable and kind of a big inspiration. I don't think that mentality changes so quickly but that's not a terrible thing. It'll keep you from gaining.

Magrat · 10-18-2010, 05:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cherrypie

lol I have that now. I take things into the changeroom and hold stuff up in my size and think 'that is huge! it's going to be way too big' and it isn't

That happened to me just before I embarked on my weight loss journey and was actually one of the things that spurred me to do it.