How do people react?

annieoh · 11-20-2010, 11:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by elisaannh

And as an aside....my mother recently noticed I had lost weight and asked me if I have been sick. wow, that was like a smack in the face. Here I was, feeling so healthy and taking action to lose weight and she thinks I could only losing it to a deadly disease!

Hehe. I had to smile at this because my husband was out of town for 5 weeks this summer, and I'd lost a little weight while he was gone (he's the cook here, so I wasn't eating as well as I did when he's around). He asked if I'd been sick because he knew it was the most likely explanation. I thought it was sweet, since he's never been one to pressure me about my weight in anyway.

LiannaKole · 11-20-2010, 05:12 PM

When I started losing weight, this wasn't something that worried me at all. In fact, it's only been the last couple weeks that people's reaction have affected me negatively at all.

People are so complimentary and tell me how much I've changed in looks that it makes me worry that they like me better NOW than before. And I don't want my weight loss to be about anyone but me, really. I want this; when I think maybe others want me to look thinner, I get rebellious in my head and want to quit.

But then I realized, people are going to react to my physical appearance no matter WHAT I look like. If I'm fat, they'll react (or suppress their reaction) to that, negatively or positively or neutrally or something in between. If I'm thin they'll react (or suppress their reaction) as well. People have to go on physical stuff a lot of times - it doesn't mean friendships or anything have to be based on it, but it affects how people feel/think/act toward others. So I may as well have them react to me being thin like I want to be.

This is something I want, so I'm going to freaking do it no matter if people like it or not.

If you do decide to lose weight and keep it up, do it for you. I've found it's much more rewarding and easier to stick with.

Sunday · 11-20-2010, 08:50 PM

Personally, I always compliment people I know who have obviously lost weight! Friends, family etc. Not sure I'd do it to someone I wasn't close to, but I'm really socially awkward so I find that sort of thing hard.

For some reason my weight is a public issue within my extended family, I'm not sensitive about it (you learn to become somewhat numb to your weight after it controlling you for years) but I like it when people notice.

I find it weird when some people don't, actually. My grandma and my aunt are eternally dieting and weight obsessed, always doling out unsolicited advice and asking how much you weigh, etc. I found it bizarre that when I lost 60 lb, they didn't comment at all.

I've noticed a different public treatment since I've lost weight. You could put it down to my self esteem increasing but it really isn't that. I go to the same supermarket every two weeks, and last week I found that in that shop and others, staff had become more helpful and aware of my presence. Sad.

Sunday · 11-20-2010, 09:05 PM

Oh Nebu, I know what that's like. I'm the stretch mark queen. I have stretch marks in places you wouldn't believe. Bad teeth, I get that too. It's hard to come to terms with these things.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cookc04

Look around you - there are plenty of 'not beautiful people' who are happily married or coupled and plenty of Beautiful People who can't find love.
I need to remind me of this everyday.

This actually really helped me. I remember whining to my psych about how awful I looked and how my life and self esteem would improve if only I wasn't such a bush pig etc., and he told me "We can't all be beautiful". It really got me! There's this brat inside who is needing to hear that no, you are exquisite - you just don't see it!, but really, what if I'm not? Does it matter?

moon safari · 12-03-2010, 02:16 PM

People talking about my weight also really gets to me. I'm just now starting to get compliments about the weight I've lost or how happy/glowing/pretty I look "lately." It pisses me off because I don't want to be complimented OR criticized on my weight. Part of it is pride because I feel like people are thinking wow she was such an out of control slob, finally she's decided to conform to the status quo and give in to societal beauty norms. The other part of me thinks when I was heavier you complimented me on my wit, my intelligence, my humor and I was really proud of that. Now my biggest achievement is going to be putting down the cheeseburgers and milkshakes!? How depressing.

It's my own issues and latent feminist rage that fuels these thoughts but it's really hard to get past so I feel you, definitely.

megwini · 12-04-2010, 07:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rockinrobin

Well, which do you think would be worse - dealing with the compliments (which will die down) or remaining overweight and always wishing and hoping to be thin and always wondering what it's like to be thin and "what if"? I guess it's a case of choosing the lesser of two evils.

And the remarks don't even last that long. For me, I've only been maintaining 11 months, and I haven't heard a single comment about my weight since 3 months ago. I've probably only gotten 2-3 remarks (all positive by the way), in the past 6 months. I got the most compliments WHILE losing, once it was noticeable, and then the first 5-6 months of maintenance. After that.. people just stop caring. We tend to be self-absorbed, so once something stops being new, we stop noticing it.

So don't worry about it. The attention will probably be short-term, which is why it's especially bad to rely on that too much for motivation to stay thin, I think, since eventually the comments fade and it just turns into everyday life.

thinner · 12-19-2010, 10:45 AM

ahhh moon safari, you took the words right out of the mouth, along with those cheeseburgers, LOL. i feel just like you. i don't mind real friends complimenting me privately because i know their true intent and they know what i've been working on. i hate it when i walk in to a group gathering and hear "you've lost sooooo much weight!!!!!!!!!!!!!" , "where's the rest of ya!!!!!", "you're soooooo skinny!!!!" i don't tell how much weight i've lost, and i'm not "skinny" and do get penalized at times for not being "skinny." so i don't like to hear any of those comments in public. i do know that my body looks different from when those particular people have seen me, but it's not all weight loss, and i don't give explanation. it really is horrifying to think how they must have thought of me before, and also it's exaggerated so new people around will wonder even more because they can create whatever mental picture they want.

and yeah, eventually the people who see you regularly will get over it. my biggest problem is people who haven't seen me in awhile and i see them again.

BeTrueToYou · 12-20-2010, 02:24 PM

I have not gotten any compliments...and to be honest I want some. Just something, I will probably take it a little like "what was I ugly before" but sincerely I thought and think of myself as ugly, so it wouldn't be much different than what I already think of myself. It does kinda suck though, not getting any comments at all.

nads84 · 12-20-2010, 04:31 PM

...when i initially started losing, my co-workers/friends (smoker buddies) would tell me that they could notice the change. i quit smoking over two months ago and am now i'm in the process of losing vanity weight. they don't say anything to me. if anything i fear they are jealous as i'm now smaller than all of them. it makes me feel like crap that they kind of grudgingly acknowledge me in the office and tell me that i don't need to lose anymore weight and sometimes, they make me feel awkward all together. a few weeks ago, i showed up in a sweater dress- they were all like omg...go look at her. so people would literally come to my cubicle to look at me. made me feel like a freakshow. i don't miss being large and i love being petite, but i hate that people who never acknowledged me before do so now and those who used to be close to me have shut me out because they don't love themesleves enough to have some will power and take care of their bodies. ...can't win, can we? ...in any case, i'm glad that there are others out there like us. though funny to think i'm pretty much the only person i've ever met or seen who's lost a substantial amount of weight...many of the people i know range from obese to overweight...why are we so sick?

...my two cents. good work to all of you and keep loving yourselves enough to maintain your new found health

cheers!

krampus · 12-20-2010, 09:35 PM

high five nads84 for quitting smoking and getting slim and trim. i'm in a similar boat, smoker buddies sort of act funny around me, but i'm really not interested in getting back the phlegmy cough after every single meal.