I'm going to dress nice if it kills me!

EveLHaelf · 07-22-2010, 08:05 PM

When I was at my starting weight, I wore a huge black hooded sweatshirt and very loose silky black pants. That was my outfit almost every day. And underneath, just in case my boyfriend (now husband) wanted to see a little more, I had on a big baggy t shirt. I was always trying to hide.

Almost 100 pounds later I still have that urge to hide. I've been wearing my husband's t shirts (they are nice and baggy on me yay!) and exercise/stretchy capris. I'm still just so ashamed of my big protruding stomach rolls and my excessively flabby upper arms. I know I should be proud of my accomplishments but it's so hard, especially when I'm STILL not happy with what I see in the mirror.

So in an attempt to get me to start dressing nicer, I went to some stores and bought some WOMANS shirts (they have a waist and show a bit more chest) and I also bought a pair of jeans (size 15 juniors!) I tried them all on and was pleased at how they looked. But now I got them home and I can't bring up the courage to actually WEAR them in public! For example: tonight I am going over to a friends house for dinner because my husband is away for job training. I have on the jeans and one of my shirts. I look at myself in the mirror and i'm not disgusted but i'm not impressed either. There is nothing wrong with the clothes they are nice! Not too fancy, still casual. I"m just feeling so BLAH about my body! The sleeves are a lot shorter than I am used to and I just keep obsessing about how big my arms look. I'm actually pleased with a bit of bagginess around the stomach area because I don't like to have my shirts completely form fitted to my rolls so I am happy with that part of the outfit.....

I mean, I don't look BAD. I'm sure I looked worse when I was wearing baggy t shirts and capris, but I just feel so uncomfortable and silly. I keep thinking "who am i trying to kid? I'm still fat I just dressed it up nicer" This is horrible self talk, I know....ugh...I gotta stop this.

So I"m just going to wear the stupid outfit over to my friends'. Its not a big fancy dinner or anything like that, just a casual get together of friends and I'm sure I won't stand out in any way. I just need to get used to dressing more like a girl, instead of an asexual blob.....

Just needed to get that out. lol thanks for reading!

Lewisempire · 07-22-2010, 09:21 PM

WHAT IF............
someone says, OMG you look great! You are such an inspiration!

Just smile and say Thanks

I don't know you, But I am impressed and inspired, just looking at your accomplishments. You wouldn't let someone talk to a friend of yours like you are talking to yourself. So it is time to become your own best friend, and be proud of where you are. You DESERVE to look like you are put together. BE brave, and have fun tonight! just my opinion!

Windchime · 07-22-2010, 10:48 PM

I hope you wore your new outfit, because it sounds like you looked good. How did it go? Did you feel comfortable?

oodlesofnoodles · 07-22-2010, 11:30 PM

This is weird you posted this, because I was JUST thinking the same thing earlier. I'm pmsing so I feel fat and so hideous that I should probably do the world a favor a find a hole to live in until I start bleeding, but I had to go out and decided to do my makeup in an attempt to feel less bloaty and gross. I was driving to the place thinking "Who am I trying to impress? I look like I'm trying too hard."

It's just weird. I mean, I know how you feel. I think we just need to get used to the fact that people don't see us the way we see ourselves in the mirror. I also think that you (and I as well) are not used to dressing to a T every day. It's new.. and like everything else it takes time to get used to.

I think you should dress like that every single day. Fake it till you make it. That's what I'm trying to do. And I bet you looked amazing by the way.

astrophe · 07-22-2010, 11:54 PM

I hope you took the plunge and did it.

Rootin' for ya!

A.

EveLHaelf · 07-23-2010, 12:28 AM

Thank you all for your encouraging words! I do need to adjust my self talk. I have actually started seeing a counselor so I can work on loving myself and working on other issues that have brought me down in the past....so I am taking the first steps towards loving myself!

I wore the outfit and I did actually feel pretty comfortable! My friend even brought up my accomplishments in weight loss and said I was her hero. So it was a pretty good night.

I like the idea of fakin' it til I make it. I am going to make a goal for myself to dress nice every time I leave the house. Baggy t shirts are only for sleeping in! It's going to take some time and I'm really throwing myself out of my comfort zone but sometimes we just need to jump into it instead of procrastinating. eeek I hope I can do this!

Mel · 07-23-2010, 07:14 AM

Congratulations! That's a big step out of your comfort zone and a good resolution to help yourself. I can so relate- but it does get easier and start to feel good. After years of hiding, I now have the opposite problem of being a clothes addict

As a previous poster said, we a rarely see ourselves as others see us. Do you look in the mirror and only see your imperfections? Look at what you have accomplished! That is what your friends see. And the people who didn't know you 100 pounds ago don't see your baggage.

Give yourself a big pat on the back and keep moving forward

Mel

caryesings · 07-23-2010, 08:06 AM

Yep. I had to have a friend come over and "approve" my smaller clothes. She was complaining that I've been wearing my clothes too big. But she's a big girl herself so understood that in my mind, fitted = clothes tight because of fat gained, and was very helpful in encouraging me to wear the smaller clothes after a try on session.

I actually had to practice wearing sleeveless shirts at home for a month before I could get myself to wear them out of the house, and initially only wore when running errands or going to the gym. Yesterday I finally wore sleeveless to a business meeting.

Shannon in ATL · 07-23-2010, 08:49 AM

Hey honey - it was hard for me to wear clothes that really fit, too. Like Mel, I am now totally a clothes addict, too. I'm so proud of you for getting out there and wearing your cute outfit! And the compliment from your friend was perfect, aren't you glad?

FYI, regarding the quote 'baggy shirts are just for sleeping in' - my most recent clothing obsession has become cute, flattering pajama sets and nightgowns. I'm loving the little tank top & boy short sets for lounging around the house. Took me two years of maintenance to get there. So no more baggy shirts for me there either - just threw away the last of the XXL T's and boy's flannel boxers that were my standard. You may find the same thing down the road - something to look forward to.

EveLHaelf · 07-23-2010, 05:02 PM

You ladies are so awesome! Thank you all. I feel the exact same way when I wear clothes that fit and are a little snug- like i gained weight that's why they are tight. Even if I've just gone down a size and should be proud, I just feel big because they fit and aren't loose like i'm used to. Gotta work on that!

To also help with my accountability, I spoke with my husband last night and told him about my goal to not wear baggy or bum-ish looking clothes outside the house and asked him to call me on it whenever i tried to. He is happy for the change and is willing to hold me accountable. And shannon, I also asked him what kind of things he would prefer me to sleep in. I know he's never been a fan of big baggy t's so I wanted his opinion. He informed me that he likes some nice silky tank tops and maybe just some nice undies for the bottoms. I don't know how he feels about boy shorts but I will ask him that too! This is going to also be a big change for me, but just knowing that i'm pleasing my man by showing more of my body will be good motivation. He will be deploying soon for 6 months so I will have more time to not only get to my goal weight, but to also practice day in and day out to be more comfortable in my skin. So when he gets back he will have a brand-new bombshell wife that he won't be able to keep his hands off! lol

Thanks again for all the encouragement and support!

d-chan · 07-28-2010, 02:04 PM

I know what you mean about those arms. I do pushups and tricep exercises until I could fall down and they still look huge and flabby to me. I can flex and feel the new muscles underneath and it just doesn't help with the idea of fat arms.

I still have all my smaller clothes that I can wait to try and get back in. I think this time may be harder since I'm stretched in places I wasn't before and have all new rolls to work on.

I'm in the baggy T phase right now. I can't stand anything that might reveal my actual shape, especially to myself.

I hope you can get to those silky underthings for your warrior husband. Every soldier needs something to look forward to when they come home. ^_^