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Body Image and Issues after Weight Loss Including discussions about excess skin and reconstructive surgery

Male attention and how to deal with it.

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Old 05-03-2012, 04:44 AM   #31
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This thread reminded me about when this happened to me when I was younger and had lost my weight.
Men started swarming towards me. Flowers coming to work, etc. I worked for a doctor at the time and he noticed all of the attention I was getting and called me into his office and asked me what I thought of it all.
I told him that since they couldn't give me the time of day when I was fat, then they don't deserve my time now that I was thin.
My inner beauty had not changed and I was still the same person.
He said he liked my answer and level head and could see that no problems could evolve and with my attitude none ever did.
As I go about this journey once again I am going to have the same attitude.
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Old 05-04-2012, 06:25 PM   #32
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i got alot of gawks from people when they saw me at a smaller size. none have blatantly asked me out but if they did, i'd be like "oh darn, i used to be really interested in you...dang i wish you had asked me out when i was really interested in you..." or something like that. or "well i was here ___ years ago, where were you?" if i knew it was somebody who was around me in previous years. oh yes i would.
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Old 05-04-2012, 09:15 PM   #33
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... I really don't want to hurt their feelings, but I immediately feel like eating whenever I get approached like that. I'm noticing a pattern.
You feel like eating because you want to say 'NO' and for some reason you're putting their 'feelings' ahead of your own. Just decline the offer. You don't need a reason for saying 'no'. What is the alternative? Go out with someone you don't like just to make him happy? Keep making excuses because he's too dense to realize you're not interested? Deal with your unease by eating junk and making yourself sick?

Losing the weight does not mean you have to accept advances from people you don't like, or dress in ways that make you uncomfortable, or do anything that causes you grief. With time you'll become more comfortable with the new social stuff that comes along.

Above all, enjoy your accomplishment !
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Old 05-05-2012, 09:49 AM   #34
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You know, I was thinking about this thread lately, and thought I'd dig it up and was surprised to see it had already been revisited!! I originally posted this 2 years ago!

Since the op, it seemed as though things had calmed down. The male attention seemed to level off, and I havent had much of a problem with it for 18 months or so. Maybe it is because I have become used to it, or maybe I was putting out a vibe that told men to back off...or maybe my self confidence had waned. Whatever the case may be, it had just become a non-issue for me. Then, now, all of a sudden it's back!! LOL

Recently I've done a few "new" things to myself. I've changed my hairstyle and got highlites, something i have never done, and just spent a butt load of money on my teeth. (6 new crowns on my front top teeth). Maybe my confidence is back, or something but damn...BACK OFF dudes!! Lol Thankfully this time I'm dealing better and haven't binged or anything, but crap guys. Maybe my hubby needs to buy me a bigger flashier diamond wedding ring!
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Old 05-06-2012, 08:01 AM   #35
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Lori, that's cause you are a hottie! Men are always attracted to women who feel good about themselves and are confident. Enjoy the extra attention.
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Old 05-06-2012, 08:22 AM   #36
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Anyway, hey, I live in New York. Any time I feel like I am looking really good, I just have to walk through NoLita & run into leggy models shopping at boutiques or dine late in the Far West Village & see them teetering on their kitten heels between the Belgian blocks, drunk out of their pretty minds. And my place in the hierarchy gets reaffirmed. Yeah, I weigh less, but in their world, I'm still a rather dumpy little jalopy.
HAHAHA Amazing but SOOO true!!! That's why I stay in Queens!!!!!
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Old 05-06-2012, 10:16 AM   #37
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Old 05-07-2012, 11:49 AM   #38
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Some of you responded that when you were fat you felt invisible. I totally agree but wasn't that the point, for some? I was a fat kid and pre-teen. I lost it and kept it off throughout and into my late 30's. Then lots of changes, went back to school, stopped partying (and misusing substances) and started using food again. When all was said and done I was up to 225 lbs. Tried to lose it, got about 40 off and then stalled. Before I knew it I was up to 235 at 48 years old. I made a commitment to deal with this once and for all, no excuses so I joined a gym, hired a trainer, went to the gym 7 days a week for 9 months and tracked every morsel. 15 months later I had lost 97 lbs. I do a lot of weight lifting now in an effort initially, to fill in some of the flabby areas. That flab was fat and as I have continued to reduce BF, I am left with fabulous muscles! BUT, the dreaded hanging tummy remains. So male attention....not something I was unaccustomed to in my thinner life but the last 10 years, not as much. A couple of half-hearted relationships with guys who liked fat chicks. Now I am receiving LOTS of attention at the gym. One guy in patrticular has been pretty consistent with the attention/conversation and he seems okay, going slow, a bit cautious himself butI can be hot and cold and notgive off warm fuzzies so....
I find myself faced with the prospect of getting naked with someone (not necessarily this guy) looking as I do now. Top half is great (although my boobs have disappeared) but the anxiety at the very thought of baring this stomach, has sent me on a few wild food binges. Like crazy month long binge. I didn't gain, I was a bit restrained, but just hitting the sugar looking for that "high" and comfortable feeling of an old friend. Freaking crazy. So I guess I want to know how have some of you single women reagrdless of age, dealt with this issue? I have consulted a plastic surgeon (Several actually) and chosen one but $10k for a TT is still a bit of a ways off. And please,don't tell me if he's the right one and really cares or is truly interested, it won't matter because plenty of guys I speak with have indicated," it matters. " It's one thing when you're with someone for years and they change physically, (and even then some of these guys aren't happy, they just don't tell), but when it's someone new????
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Old 05-07-2012, 06:14 PM   #39
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...plenty of guys I speak with have indicated," it matters. " It's one thing when you're with someone for years and they change physically, (and even then some of these guys aren't happy, they just don't tell), but when it's someone new????
Seriously?? Where are you finding these men? I refuse to believe that all single men in our age group could possibly be so shallow. Are they really expecting all women to look like supermodels in their late 40s?
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Old 05-07-2012, 06:33 PM   #40
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If they're looking for a super model they better be one themselves!

I just went to my 20th reunion.ion a few years ago. I actually think most of my classmates look better now. I suppose that's because I'm older too but its also normal.

It might not be a bad idea to talk to the guy before you get intimate about your weight loss success and the way you feel about the extra skin. If he is not supportive he is not worth it. One of the biggest things I deal with is rejection from my spouse because of my weight.

It really hurts and is my biggest trigger for over eating is the rejection and lack of intimacy. It really Sucks and is a vicious circle.

I have been doing much better since starting IP and being more awareaware. Now I'm trying to do other things when I run into one of my triggers. Sometimes I read, listen to some favorite music really loud, wearing headphones, and sometimes I come here to 3fc.
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Old 05-07-2012, 06:39 PM   #41
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Have to agree with losermom - a decent guy would def not care or make you feel bad about it. I started seeing someone a couple of months ago and he's super fit - all muscle etc. I have the hangy tummy which flatly refuses to shift and he's never commented on it or ever made me feel anything other than fab.
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Old 05-07-2012, 11:20 PM   #42
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to answer, oh yes so many guys 30s, 40s, 50s, and older still expect women to look perfect, and they themselves look all over the spectrum. it doesn't correspond that if the guy is fat or has stretch marks that he will accept a woman with those things. it does seem to correlate some that men who *think* they have more money or looks never lose the sense of entitlement. it's a huge percentage of the population so that the already small dating pool is even smaller((
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Old 05-08-2012, 09:52 AM   #43
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Interesting variety of responses. I dont think it's about looking for a supermodel, but some people are going to find it a turn off, and I can't fault them for that. That's not necessarily being shallow. Not saying they will verbalize it in a way that makes me feel bad, I don't think most guys are sh**heads that way. There is a nice way to just back out of a situation if you aren't feeling it w/out needlessly adding to the rejection. That said, I agree that one needs to invest a little more in the "getting to know someone" arena. I am not talking about "hook-ups" because quite frankly, then it wouldn't matter what someone you probably won't see again thinks.
A lot of you commenting are already in relationships or in fact married so I would hope there is already more of a foundation there but I have some friend's husbands who although supportive of their wive's weight loss, aren't totally lovin' what's been left over. They would never tell them but they aren't quite as turned on as they used to be and no, not all of these guys are rockstars. For myself, at 50, I am looking at guys who ARE fit and in my age bracket. I don't want a 50-something who is overweght and a couch potato-heart attack - waiting to happen. So he will be fitter than many of his peers and have a better body because he leads a healthier lifestyle (i.e. better diet and fitness minded).
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Old 05-08-2012, 09:59 AM   #44
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Seriously?? Where are you finding these men? I refuse to believe that all single men in our age group could possibly be so shallow. Are they really expecting all women to look like supermodels in their late 40s?
I don't necessarily think it's all about supermodels. I live in sunny South Florida where plenty of 40, 50 AND 60-something year old women look amazing. Whether it's natural, through diet and exercise, a little medical intervention or a combination, the result is the same and many of the men in our age group look just as great so it's natural to want someone at least similar in appearance and interests. Appearance IS what initially attracts people to one another-the other stuff comes along as the interest grows but the physical is still important for a lot of people-guys are visual, it is what it is.

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Old 05-08-2012, 11:12 AM   #45
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I never found these "men who want women to look perfect". I've been dating steadily since I was 18, and I've been everywhere from size 8 to 24 and all the sizes in between. I never had a lack of dates and there was never a guy who cringed or seemed to give a rat's *** about my "imperfections".
I think a lot of that is in people's heads. They make it seem that way on TV, but it has been my experience that men like WOMEN. They like boobs- whether they're big, small, perky or saggy. They like butts- big ones, small ones, wide ones and bubble ones.
Or maybe it's just that I wouldn't bother talking to anyone who's such an *** they think women should look like the pictures in the magazines.
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