I can't picture myself....how do I change this body image?

SlimBy2011 · 03-19-2010, 11:39 PM

Just give it time. Eventually you'll see enough pictures of yourself and hear enough comments that you'll finally start to believe what everyone else is saying.

Deena52 · 03-23-2010, 07:21 AM

I think this is a fairly common occurrence and can range from normal to problematic....the problematic end being body dysmorphic disorder.

One thing that I noticed when I started losing weight was that I was not noticing the results until it occurred to me to go and get some smaller sized clothing (got at thrift shops so no big expense). THEN I could really see the difference.

Another factor may be that we had some sort of fantasy of what we were going to look like when we lost the weight but it's not looking exactly like what our fantasy was. And many of us were heavy for a significant enough time that it is now several years later and we're older and may have some looks issues that go along with that. I have some loose belly skin that I did NOT have after any of my pregnancies back in the day and also some loose skin on my face, that I'm not thrilled about. Really noticed this in my before and after photos.

But then my face was fat before and I didn't like that either. It's still waaay better to have lost the weight, though.
I guess our fantasy of what we will look like is similar to the thoughts we sometimes have that once we lose the weight, all our problems will be solved.

deena

devadiva · 03-25-2010, 09:37 AM

deanna 52 I know what you mean I have that extra face skin on my cheeks OH WELL just have to live with it.. the surprizing thin is through tons of exercise most of the stuff on my arms and stomach are gone ! And I agree I LOVE thrift stores I am such a junkie now I fit in small clothes I come home witharm full all the time!

skinnylibrarian · 04-16-2010, 09:19 PM

I have the same problem. I've been struggling with being happy with my body for 7 years now, and now that I've kicked the eating disorder I had and I'm going about this in a more healthy way, I realize I still have absolutely no perspective about my body. I made the mistake a few days ago of asking my boyfriend if I look the same, thinner, or heavier than I was when we first met, and he said I may have put on a couple of pounds but that I don't look bad... I then proceeded to freak out and be angry at him for saying so (poor guy!).

In short, I'm in the same boat as you, and what I'm trying to do to change it is to focus on the mirror rather than the scale - if what I see makes me happy, then I'm at a good weight, and I try to keep in mind that water retention happens, some clothes are more flattering than others, and I just have to take it a day at a time. I don't know if that helps you at all... good luck!

Belease · 04-19-2010, 07:32 PM

I feel the same way. Sometimes I feel thinner, but mostly I feel like all my weight loss is a bit of a joke. Especially in my thighs and bum. But you can only really judge them by looking down, and of course, they look bigger from that angle. Or so I keep telling myself! I want to be happy with my body, which is why I started losing weight to begin with, but the only way to do that seems to be to lose more. I still have a bit to lose I guess. Just hope it comes off my thighs!

VermontMom · 04-19-2010, 08:07 PM

You're definitely not alone!! I have an awful sense of what I look like. I see pics of myself from just a couple years ago, and I was maybe only 10 pounds less than I am now; but I look at those pics and remember at the time, I still felt like I was a chubster. And I hold up a pair of pants that I"m wearing currently; on a 'good day' I might think I look okay in them, but I hold them up like when I'm about to do laundry, and they look HUGE to me

But it's not just my body, I am always thinking that EVERY woman I see is cuter or prettier in some way. It can be very depressing.

I like this advice -

Quote:

Originally Posted by Thighs Be Gone

Fix yourself up each day, keep going for your goal. Do what you *think* fit, healthy women do. Fake it until you make it.

ValRock · 08-08-2010, 01:14 AM

Totally not alone! I still see a fat girl in the mirror and pictures... I wish I knew how long it took to go away.

Sonata · 08-08-2010, 10:40 PM

I kind of have the opposite problem. I look in the mirror and say, "Damn, I'm a fox!" then someone takes a picture of me and I look at it and say, "Aaaaaaaagh! Man the harpoons!"

wannabeskinnylady · 08-12-2010, 12:43 PM

I literally don't think I look any thinner, though, hello, I have lost 52lbs. Of course I am. My measurements are all smaller, but when I look in the mirror I still see a fat person.

I finally got out of the overweight range a few weeks ago, but I don't feel all that much different. My clothes are too big, but somehow it doesn't register. People make comments to me about being small, and I just think they are being nice. I guess when you spend your entire life overweight, you become conditioned to a certain way of relating to yourself, and when that weight isn't there anymore, the conditioning doesn't magically disappear.

Gemini604 · 08-15-2010, 11:12 AM

It's so weird that I found this post. I've been thinking of this the past few days.

How I feel about my weight loss is kind of screwed up. When I first started losing weight I felt great, so proud of myself and really enjoying how all my clothes were fitting looser. I saw changes in the mirror and was lovin' it. At that point, though, I didn't really see how "big" I was.

Now that I'm "not overweight", ie, my BMI is normal, I feel fat. It's like, now that I'm normal I see how big I am! It's kind of crazy...

When I get really frustrated I remind myself of how far I've come. And, if I were to be honest with myself, shopping for clothes has been easier. It's not as effortless as I thought it would be but it's still easier and more rewarding.

Just my 2 cents

Jen

100percentME · 08-15-2010, 02:29 PM

another problem that im having is that now that i know how big i was, and now that i can identify between "i feel good at this weight' and "i need to lose weight" it kills me to be above my ideal weight.
the lowest that i got down to was 126 and i felt amazing at that weight. i wasnt overly skinny, but i felt really good and looking at those pics, i looked just how i want to look. than i went on vacation and gained 15 pounds but in my mind i may as well have gained back all 45 pounds.
its super frustrating that i was right next to my goal, and now i feel how each part of my body is different with those 15 pounds.
kind of a tangent from the actual topic, but its connected i think...

rschroed · 08-16-2010, 02:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sonata

I kind of have the opposite problem. I look in the mirror and say, "Damn, I'm a fox!" then someone takes a picture of me and I look at it and say, "Aaaaaaaagh! Man the harpoons!"

THAT is how I feel. Even now, I don't know what to believe--that the camera's adding a fake ten pounds, or that I actually am just in deep denial about how much fat I still have. Alternatively, it could be that, when I'm looking at myself in the mirror, I'm not making stupid facial expressions and my clothes are adjusted so there's no muffin top/unflattering angle?

I sometimes think that what I'm looking for in weight loss is to get to a place where my self-image and the camera intersect and tell the same story.

Deena52 · 08-16-2010, 12:51 PM

With serious body dysmorphia, one has a completely distorted picture of themselves.....about everything, not just their weight. In fact, they usually zone in on specific parts of their bodies (and tend to have lots of plastic surgeries due to this). And while I don't think that this tendency we have to still feel fat is body dysmorphia in the classic sense......I do think it's vaguely in the same ballpark.

There has to be some self-esteem issues as underlying causes for body dysmorphia.....and while I'm sure they are not severe for most of us, I think that the fear....fear of getting fat again, fear of failure, fear of feeling horrible again, etc....underlies these feelings we have to some degree. And this certainly would have self-esteem issues related to it.....fear of looking horrible again, therefore BEING horrible...right?

Because really, it's more of a feeling....than just a specific distortion of what we see in the mirror. Even worse than the mirror is when I run my hands down my body when wearing something like a bathrobe, etc. And I feel this panic rising because it feels to me like my body feels the exact same as it did before I lost the weight. I see the loss much better in the mirror than I do by feel.
And I'm not sure what the heck it is I think I should feel like.....a skeleton? No.....I definitely don't want to feel like that. But I feel like I can grab handfuls of myself...which seques into me being sure that somehow I suddenly, underneath the robe, ballooned into my lumpy 195 lb. body....which intellectually, I know is impossible but emotionally, I almost panic when I feel it.......and have to run to the mirror just to double check what's under the robe. It's like it's some sort of tactile/feel version of an optical illusion.....a tactical illusion.

But it's more the fear much more than a true optical illusion. The fear is so intense that it causes us to misjudge what we are seeing. We fear it's not enough....not enough of a cushion to guarantee not sliding back easily....go back to being fat, and a failure, etc.

Sure....when I had lost about 20 lbs., I did not see the difference in the mirror....when others were commenting on it so they clearly were seeing a difference. But when you lose almost 70 lbs. (or much, much more as some have here), there is NO way we possibly cannot see a difference in the mirror. I think we do see a difference.....but our fear of gaining it back distorts how we view the difference.
Like when you are watching a scene of someone out walking at night....but then see the same scene with scary music in the background. You are still looking at the exact same thing, but sensing something totally different. There's nothing wrong with our vision.....I just think there's a distortion of how we feel when looking at ourselves in the mirror. There are times when I look in the mirror and think I look fabulous...but then I can look in the mirror and panic that I've gained the weight back. Even though I'm looking at the same thing.....and am looking at just what everyone else is.

deena

Windchime · 08-16-2010, 10:06 PM

I really think that it's our mental picture of ourselves overpowering what our eyes are seeing. I know that for a long time when I was at my heaviest, I didn't really think I was THAT heavy. I mean, I thought I carried it well (ha!) and didn't look too bad. Now I look at pictures (the few which exist) and realize that I was pretty chunky indeed.

But now that I am 40 pounds lighter....my head is still back in that heavy place. I know that I am wearing smaller jeans, but my body seems the same. It's as if the jeans have gotten bigger and I am the same. I know that's not true, but sometimes that's how it seems.

And then sometimes I will catch an unexpected glimpse in a mirror or a window reflection and think that I don't look bad. So really, I think it's a mental thing. I think for me, it just takes time for the truth of what I look like and my mental image to mesh.