Thin Guilt

Cali Doll · 09-01-2009, 09:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stella

Definitely. I, too, feel guilty at times that I`m succeeding while others don`t, but then again, it`s not my fault that they, for whateer reason, are not losing.

Also, for years and years, I was them and they were me. Maybe, the one or other felt guilty towards me but it never stopped them from losing, and damn right it has not!

We are only responsible for ourselves and not for other people.

Stella

Well said!!

Gretchenpdx · 09-08-2009, 03:09 PM

I am getting uncomfortable with the overzealous attention or, even worse, the near disappointment when the answer to "how" is food measurement/calorie restriction and exercising...

sacha · 09-08-2009, 09:05 PM

This is a difficult issue for me as well. I am at a very normal weight however it is not enough for me. I wish to gain muscle and really excel at my weightlifting. Yes, once upon a time, losing 30lbs was my biggest goal, but I have realized that weight is really only one component of health. I also work in an environment that is mostly female and few don't struggle with their weight. They share diet plans with each other, but never with me. I would love to share with them what really worked (eating proper nutritious calories for my weight and keeping active) but I don't think they are ready. You can't help someone who isn't ready (and that applies to everything).

megwini · 09-09-2009, 04:18 PM

I kind of feel this same pressure. For me it's mostly a hesitance to talk about me losing weight and such. Like my roommate now.. I love her to DEATH but she's obese and I know she wants to lose weight because she's mentioned it in passing when we were talking with another friend of hers (so it wasn't said directly to me) and I KNOW she's unsatisfied with her weight, so it makes me hesitant to say that I'm losing weight around her. I love her to death and she's like the best roommate ever, so I don't want her to feel... I don't know... like I'm one of THEM... one of THOSE girls, you know? It's hard sometimes, I think.

Stella · 09-13-2009, 06:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by megwini

. I love her to death and she's like the best roommate ever, so I don't want her to feel... I don't know... like I'm one of THEM... one of THOSE girls, you know? It's hard sometimes, I think.

I can absolutely second that. My sister is here at the moment, and she has gained a lot of weight, for various reasons, over the last few years. She has always been slim and I was large (which, I think, she has enjoyed at times), now I am normal weight and she is very large.

As we live in separate countries (I emigrated for love!) we don`t see each other often. Although I got a half hearted compliment for my weight loss I could clearly see that my own weight loss heightened her embarrassment about her own size.

This I could deal with, but I can sense that she gets exasperated at the way I eat, e.g. when she gets herself an XXL ice cream and I order an XXS for myself or worse, none at all. Her husband (who is even larger) also said that I don`t eat and can`t possibly be happy with the way I`m losing the weight. That, in turn, made me defensive. I`ve been trying to provide them with the loveliest of things at home, but when we go out, they shovel in loads of junk which angers me. Food really is an issue which goes like a red thread through this visit.

Stella

losermom · 09-13-2009, 01:42 PM

Stella, one of my best friends recently told me this. When people make nasty comments about how you are losing weight or what you are eating, that it says more about what they are feeling than about you. You are doing great! Recently, one of my workout "buddies" made the comment to someone else, who was asking how I lost weight, that "She only works part-time." Yes, I work 30 hrs a week. I also have 2 kids at home while she does not. Has she lost weight in the 10+ months that we have been weight training? No, not a noticeable amount. I would prefer to weight train by myself, but for now I'm stuck with her.

Stella · 09-15-2009, 06:22 AM

You are very right. But she moans about her mweight so much, making all sorts of excuses, e.g. stating that it`s not her fault.

Stella

Hamoco350 · 09-20-2009, 12:21 AM

Wow .. congrats on being so close to your goal, first of all.

I am SO far away from my own goal, but I have often worried about the things you mentioned. I've always been very obese, and I've always tried to be proud that (personality-wise) I wasn't as superficial as other girls. But I hope I do not become that way when I lose the weight!

I think you should be proud of yourself. Enjoy this thirst for life, and try to put the guilt to rest - you have worked hard to be healthy, and that is such a beautiful thing!

Stella · 09-20-2009, 04:30 AM

Thank you. I agree but it can be hard at times.

I doubt that you can ever become superficial in the way you dislike it from thinner women. Even when you are as thin as them, you`ll have been there and know all about it.

My sister is saying that about herself. She says that she was a superficial skinny girl, but if she ever regains her former figure she will never take it for granted again. She says that she could never understand how on earth a woman could let herself get "fat" and complain about it while doing nothign about it. She is now experiencing what it is like.

mom4life · 10-30-2009, 04:10 PM

I do understand what y'all are saying. In my case I feel guilty because while I've been helping others to lose and see them one by one drop out, I feel guilty that I'm getting close to reaching my goal. So even though I'm happy I'm almost there, I feel bad for the ones I've left behind.
I do agree on putting your mind on other projects or things. It seems like all I think about it exercise and food (what to and not to eat), so to have something to distract me on would be great.