[Kery]

Just wishing to share a lightbulb moment.

This morning, before going to work, I was re-reading a chapter of Leslie Goldman's book (the locker diaries), and something that hadn't caught my attention struck me. It's in the last chapter, when one of the interviewed women mentions hearing other women at the gym asking each other "what part of your body do you hate the most?".

Which first implies that such a strong feeling as hate is applied to the body, and then also implies that there is more than one part a woman may hate. Not good.

As I was reading the woman's comment about that (I don't remember her name right now), it all became clear in my head:

"Why would I hate any part of my body? It's my body!"

So yeah... I think I've reached that point. My body is not perfect... and I just can't care! I look at myself in the mirror, and I like what I see.

And it feels great.

[Rosinante]

That's deep, and congratulations on your realization.

I used to like my eyes best of all - but the 22lb photo I took yesterday makes them look like pig's eyes. Ack.

I've always hated the whole apple bit of me, from neck to 'waist', tho I love my bm.

I overcame that a bit last year when I made friends with a guy who was doing some building work for us. He's huge (but I like big men) and his wife is also very big - and absolutely gorgeous. They're such a contented looking, attractive looking couple, that that really made me re-evaluate me. I'm getting better - but I'd love your lightbulb!

[Meg]

Great lightbulb moment, Kery! I was thinking something along these lines too this week and came to the same conclusion -- it's MY body, I've done the very best with it that I can, and it is what it is.

I have a lot of scars from skin removal surgery. I knew the choice was skin or scars, I picked scars, and have never, ever regretted the decision. And I don't care if people see them! I won't ever look like an never-obese person and it's OK with me. It's me and I'm proud of what I've accomplished.

How could I possibly hate my body? It took so much abuse over several decades and still managed to come back to fitness and good health. That's amazing to me! And my body and I have so much fun together in the gym! Of course, dressing it in cute, small clothes is kind of cool too.

It's me and why would I ever hate me?

[Kery]

Well that moment sure took about 29 years to hit in, so I guess it was high time. ^^;

You're so right, Meg. It's amazing what a human body can bounce back on. It's a wonderful piece of biological machinery, if I may say so.

[LittleMoonRabbit]

Kery, that's awesome. I love those light bulb moments! Good for you!! We should all learn to love our bodies... we have to be in them for the rest of our lives right? They are like our home...

anyways, just wanted to tell you that you are inspirational to me! We have the same starting weight and height, and I see that you are almost to goal, and it reminds me that I can do this too... so thank you!

[Kery]

You're welcome.

I've been working at it since 2005, though... but as the saying goes, slow and steady--and I also had to ingrain a lot of "healthy" behaviours first (I used to hate veggies with a passion, which of course didn't make things easy!). Trial and error and all that. That said, yes, it is indeed possible.

[saef]

I hope that I can eventually have an attitude like yours, Kery. For me, it seems, there's a definite divide between my body and my self.

I think of my self as being my mind, my consciousness, my memories, and the body is something that I got stuck with, somehow. As if I got to the department store too late, & also was on a strict budget, and the racks where all the bodies were waiting were already picked over, and I had to choose from among the rejects left behind -- so I never got the style or color or even the size of body that I really wanted. And ever since, I've had to try to convince myself that I'm contented with it, and try to dress it up as best I could. When all along, I'm convinced there's been some kind of mismatch. And that maybe I could get another, better one, if I worked at it hard enough. And that what's inside me isn't adequately represented by what's outside & what others can see.

I do not have a sense of wholeness or unity. I have instead a sense of myself as a patchwork piece. I am collection of various qualities, each of which I'd grade differently. It's a "report card" sensibility, but transferred to my body. I'd give my breasts one grade, my hips another, my arms yet another. Maybe one part of me belongs in the gifted or advanced placement class; all the others need remedial work. ;-)

[shrinkingviolet]

Saef, you have such a way with words. I have felt similarly in the past. I'm just now starting to make friends with my body...since I almost lost ALL my weight via death. That's what it is taking to shake me out of this nonsense. Now that I have a big gash across my abdomen from surgery and am in surgical menopause I think I'm going to declare myself just fine. Our bodies are sacred temples housing our souls. I'm taking time to meditate these days to try to meld myself together body, mind, and spirit. We are wonderful just as we are because we are alive. And why do men get to be ok with themselves even w/beer guts and receeding hairlines?

[saef]

Violet, as I recall, you've said you were or are still fighting with cancer. I remember this in particular about you because someone I love struggled with cancer all of last year & unfortunately, lost the battle. And then, just after he died, someone else I love was diagnosed with cancer, which the doctors called "very curable" (I assume they don't use those words lightly) and was treated. It's early but she appears to be in remission.

I think these events have made me more conscious that my body really is part of myself, and that if it's extinguished, everything's gone, but I think it's different from experiencing that myself. I've gotten a great big scare, but still, knowing about this intellectually is different from really feeling it & understanding it. I'm not quite there yet.

[shrinkingviolet]

I hear you. Even having experienced it first hand I worry a little about slipping into old patterns as I grow more comfortable with it all. I do remember reading that your father had had cancer. I hope your other loved one continues to do well. I had adenocarcinoma in my endocervix, but the doctor feels that he got it all out. I was gutted. I'll be "cured" if I go the five years w/o recurrence. I'm still not all the way into acceptance of my body, but I'm closer than ever. I have moments of being one with myself. I hope you get to that place w/o crisis. You have lovely, bright, intelligent eyes, I'm sure they are attached to a beautiful woman who really ought to write a book about her struggle with weight issues because your posts are so helpful and so eloquent.

[saef]

Thank you, Violet. And I wish you peace & health & good fortune on your journey.

I've often wished that some of the posts on this forum could be saved in a book form. A book of commplaces, maybe, or quotes for every day of the year.

Posting here helps me figure things out. When it comes to ruminating the whys & wherefores of weight loss & body image, I'm like that old lady who E.M. Forster quoted: "How can I know what I think till I see what I say?" Someone asks something here or says something, and it rings true to me, and it helps me with working on the puzzle -- the big puzzle we're all here working on.

[shrinkingviolet]

Then piecing together a book would be a healing process for you and help to heal your future readers, as well. I'd buy that book.

[valpal23]

Originally Posted by Kery

"Why would I hate any part of my body? It's my body!"

That's great! I hit a similar realization last year when I realized my weight loss was incumbant on my self-loathing. Once I truely saw my lower weight self... I questioned why I hated myself.. realized I didnt.. and my weight loss stopped. ha ha now it's about doing it because I love myself and know I can reach my goals And if I dont get there, I still dont hate myself. It's a nice way to live!