Body Image and Issues after Weight Loss Including discussions about excess skin and reconstructive surgery

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Old 07-17-2008, 11:37 AM   #1  
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Default Negative take on Positive comments

Okay, this may sound a bit weird. Since losing a bunch of weight I've found myself with some strange reactions to comments I hear. First off I've never really considered myself attractive and have been getting the words "sexy and beautiful" thrown at me quite a bit. I honestly have no idea how to handle it. I'm slowly starting to warm up to the idea that I'm not half bad looking, but definitely not desirable. I know I have issues with letting people get to close to me in "that way". Another odd reaction I'm noticing is that I've been termed little and petite, sometimes tiny. I still can't see myself as those things and honestly I don't really want to as I have always equated little and tiny with weak and powerless. Odd? These things are encouraging me to work out hard and build muscle, I suppose at least if this new body of mine is tiny it should pack a punch. Does anyone else have issues like this? I mean, I'm THRILLED to have lost the weight and I feel so much better physically. I have just been heavy my whole life and have NO clue how to handle my new self. Anyone have any advise or can at least vouch that I'm not a totally nutter?
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Old 07-17-2008, 11:44 AM   #2  
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Every once in a while someone will refer to me as "petite" and I just go, "huh???"

Just the other night I was telling my trainer how frustrating it is because in my wedding dress I look super thin from the side and am super wide in the hips. She just rolled her eyes like I was nuts.

How long have you been at this? I know when I was new to all of it, my head had some major catching up to do with my body. After 4 years, it was only this spring when I saw myself on camera and DIDN'T think of myself in terms of fat or thin. I just saw me.

It will take time, but you will get used to it. In the mean time, isn't it fun? I was just so fascinated when I first lost weight and I thought that was kind of exciting, actually.

My advice, people are going to say all sorts of things and some of them will be inappropriate or will make you uncomfortable. Most of the time, the comments I recieved were relatively harmless. People were just shocked.

When someone pays you a compliment and there is no ill-intent behind it, I just had to learn to smile and say "thank you".

You're not crazy, though!

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Old 07-17-2008, 07:39 PM   #3  
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I get the petite comment a lot too - I'm 5'7" and my whole life I thought I was built like a linebacker. I used to say I was like an amazon woman. It took a couple of years before my head caught up.
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Old 07-17-2008, 08:32 PM   #4  
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I would LOVE to be called "petite," or "tiny," or "little!"

But that will never, ever happen, because I AM an amazon! I will always be a "big girl" because of my height. Even at my slimmest (6 feet tall/150 lbs--when I was 15), no one ever acused me of being petite. Sigh. In fact, I don't think I've ever heard those words applied to me.

When I hear those words, I don't think of it as someone who is weak or powerless. I think it sounds girly or feminine, someone who is cute and adorable.

Me, on the other hand, I get comments that are always about what a "big girl" I am, how I look like I can "handle" myself, or things along that line. Makes me sound like a UFC fighter or something. Those comments never make me feel girly or adorable-- it usually makes me feel like I'm some awkward, brutish Yeti lumbering around.

So, yeah. I'm jealous.

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Old 07-18-2008, 02:44 PM   #5  
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Awww...apple cheeks...that sucks!! I've never been a "big girl", not bone wise that is...but i don't think i've ever been refered to as "petite". Anorexic yes...petite, no.

Misshayes...it does take some time getting used to and a new mindset. I have never been too keen on being whistled at. But today, at lunch, I was walking around the parking lot getting my excersize in. There is some construction going on across the parking lot and some guy whistled at me. For a brief moment i was annoyed. Here i am, trying to get my excersize in when there already is this 4 storey hotel that just got built next to us making me feel like people might be watching but now this construction duffus has to go and whistle at me. But i turned around, and i waved!!! I WAVED!!! WHAT?!?!? I've never done that before. I smiled and waved!! I thought about it as i made my way around the lot...I deserved to be whistled at. I look good. I have lost a lot of weight, i've gotten alot of confidence, why not appreciate that someone appreciates it?? I'm not saying i want to be whistled at or oggled all the time, but every now and then, i deserve it. I worked hard. And i know during the work week, i am probably asking for some sort of comment by the way i dress. Now don't get me wrong, i don't dress slutty or anything, but i dress nice. I wear good fitted clothes and high heels. I do my hair and makeup. I try to look my best. And thankfully, that's going to draw some attention. I don't try to wear provocative clothing or anything.

Anyways, what i'm trying to say is, it takes some getting used to. And you need to tell yourself that an occassional compliment is allowed and that you deserve it. I mean, i know it really boost my ego. And i've never had a big ego. I've always thought i was nothing to look at. ANd i still have those days where i think that, but thankfully, i see a beautiful woman more often than not. A much more confident woman that i used to.

Does this make any sense???
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Old 07-18-2008, 03:32 PM   #6  
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LOL! awwww Apple Cheeks! I'm sorry to laugh but: "Makes me sound like a UFC fighter or something" cracked me up. But you know, the plus side of being tall is that at your goal weight, you will look like a model; at MY goal weight, I will just look like... you know... an average person (which is basically how I look now).

I'm not big per se -- I'm 5'4", which isn't tall, but I've always FELT enormous, not just fat, but BIG. When I was growing up, for some reason I was not only the heaviest girl in class, but for many years, until 7th or 8th grade, i was also one of the tallest. I felt like an Amazon and I would get all those "You're such a big girl" kind of comments; I HATED them, I just wanted to be cute and small like all the other little girls. So I too associate being petite and small with being feminine and pretty, not weak.

Even though I'm not tall and I do occasionally buy clothes in the petite section, I have NEEEEVER been refered to as petite or any synonym thereof. Ever. In my life. By anyone.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Apple Cheeks View Post
I would LOVE to be called "petite," or "tiny," or "little!"

But that will never, ever happen, because I AM an amazon! I will always be a "big girl" because of my height. Even at my slimmest (6 feet tall/150 lbs--when I was 15), no one ever acused me of being petite. Sigh. In fact, I don't think I've ever heard those words applied to me.

When I hear those words, I don't think of it as someone who is weak or powerless. I think it sounds girly or feminine, someone who is cute and adorable.

Me, on the other hand, I get comments that are always about what a "big girl" I am, how I look like I can "handle" myself, or things along that line. Makes me sound like a UFC fighter or something. Those comments never make me feel girly or adorable-- it usually makes me feel like I'm some awkward, brutish Yeti lumbering around.

So, yeah. I'm jealous.
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Old 07-18-2008, 07:12 PM   #7  
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Old 07-19-2008, 03:45 PM   #8  
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Thanks for the replies. I'm glad I'm not crazy, just a little delusional
I'm getting used to it slowly. I'm noticing it is definitely something that needs to happen from within. I tried on a pair of 7's the other day and they fit wonderfully. I had an Oh. moment there. I look at others who are that size and think "Little, Petite" and there I was. Eating my words. Its just strange to think of yourself in completely different terms than you've ever had to. I agree with KLK. I was always the biggest girl in class and for a while on of the tallest. Its a long time coming to finally be one of the cute ones. I'm definately not waif, but I guess I need to remove my personal "linebacker" stigma.

I'm sorry Apple. Never would have thought about it like that. I've always been envious of tall girls (for that modelesque characteristic I will never posess) and would never have thought it to be the opposite.
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Old 07-20-2008, 04:32 PM   #9  
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Lumifan said a lot of the things I feel, as well!

I am so confident now that I've lost weight and gotten toned/ripped. I stop traffic. I make people slow down their cars to stare. I get hollered, honked, and whistled at. Men yell obscene comments at me regarding my body (nice boobs, nice butt, nice legs, you have a HOT body, heyyy SEXY, etc). People stop to stare at me. I will walk by and people will turn their heads in the exact direction I'm walking in just to watch me from behind. I get treated with respect by men and women alike because I demand it. I'm decent looking, have great style (being able to shop anywhere because I'm no longer fat -a privelege I will NEVER take for granted again - allows this), crazy hair, and a very positive, outgoing sort of energy that equates to a dynamic, commanding presence.

The obscene comments, the being observed like I'm a piece of meat in a butcher shop, and the cat calls once bothered me (when I was previously thin in my teen years), but now, like Lumifan, I think to myself, "Well darn, I DESERVE IT! I bust my BUTT every DAY for this body. I make conscious choices to make myself as gorgeous and healthy as possible. CHECK ME OUT! This is my work of art."

MissHayes, you are not delusional.. just body dysmorphic It's hard to grasp the concept that other people actually consider you to be thin when you're so used to being a bigger girl. But CONGRATULATIONS... you SHOULD feel AWESOME about yourself for transforming yourself into a healthier, slimmer version

Oh, and Apple, I also have always envied tall girls. I did print modeling in my teen years and wanted to do runway, but at 5'6" (5'7" at MOST in the morning), I didn't stand a chance. Tall girls have this gorgeous modelesque quality that I've always adored, but I guess the grass is always greener on the other side, huh?
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Old 08-12-2008, 04:42 AM   #10  
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I am still not quite used to how me respond to me. I mean before I got looks, comments and a certain degree of leering, but they were from the kind of men who do that to EVERYONE. Now I get tons of attention from the kind of nerdy, quiet guys I've always liked. It's fun. I mean I'm super partnered up and really happy (he was my gym crush since forever), but still the attention is really interesting.
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Old 10-05-2008, 01:26 AM   #11  
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Even when I do lose all of my weight I'll still be a big girl. I used to be really jealous of the petite sect, because that's what I associated with being feminine and good, while as Apple Cheeks said, I felt like a Yeti. I'm actually taller than most of the guys in my classes still, even in college. It can get really depressing sometimes when I think "I'll never be any one's 'shorty'"

BUt when i do get compliments it's really cool. Grin and bear it, if a perfect stranger is taking the time to notice you, and vocalize it, they mean it!

Yay you!
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Old 11-20-2008, 10:39 PM   #12  
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It can be surreal to get compliments and sometimes it's hard to know how to accept a compliment although I am very giving with them. I dunno but I try not to do the whole negative self-talk thing and I think it helps.
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Old 11-21-2008, 07:20 PM   #13  
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I hope people keep posting on this topic because this is what I'm dealing with right now. I'm only half way to my goal weight, but I'm getting the looks and attention and it is weird.

"Back in the day" when I was young and skinny guys were always falling all over themselves to talk to me and I took it for granted. Now, I like it, but I'm a tad bitter too. I'm very solidly single and for the last several years no-one has been at all interested in me and now this. I can't help but think that they wouldn't talk to me even six months ago and it kind of pisses me off you know.

I'm having trouble shopping for clothes too. I got pretty good at dressing well for my old size. I haven't figured out what looks good on me now, but I figure that's okay since I am still losing weight. I will have to readjust several more times to new sizes before I settle down.

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