Wow Meg - this hits so close to home for me! As I got closer to my goal, I still didn't like what I saw in the mirror and I asked a friend once - what do I do if I've reached my goal weight and I'm still not happy? She said that I should seek therapy!
She was joking but the point was valid. If I have (and I think I do) a distorted image of myself, then I need to address that. My original goal weight was 145 because it seemed to be attainable and a weight at which I didn't feel "fat". When I reached that weight, I stayed there for quite a while and then finally started to lose again.
As I got closer to where I am now and was still really not happy with my appearance, I realized that I needed to work out. That has helped quite a bit but I'm still not completely happy...who is I know!?
Part of me thinks that I could still lose another 10 lbs. but everyone, my doctor included, thinks I'm well within "normal" range. I'm not sure what to do about it.
Just the other day I was talking to a co-worker who also asked why I wanted to lose weight and I said that when stand next to "skinny" people, I still feel fat. When I said who I was talking about, they thought I was nuts and that I looked the same size as this "skinny" person. I still don't see it but it was a weird moment when I realized that I just don't see what other people see.
Do I still want to lose more? Definitely, but I'm also okay where I am. Most of me knows that my weight is fine and that my body just might not want to go any lower so that takes the decision out of my hands really.
To answer your other questions - yes, losing weight can be addictive and I definitely want the "cushion" of the few extra pounds. I like to eat and splurge on occasion and want to have a little cushion. My goal weight is always really a range since I go up and down so easily. My new goal range is 123-128 but I'm still struggling to get below 130.
Anyway, sorry for the rambling but obviously your post hit home with me. I'm curious to hear other people's thoughts.
There is so much media attention for the sickly thin these days. It only takes a couple of folks telling you that you are too thin, to make you doubtful and scared. I think there is a huge component of doubt about 'what's a good bottom number'.
A little bigger and we've failed, a little lower and we're deemed sick.
It's enough to send ya to the ice cream store and five pounds up again.
When we start on our journey of weight loss its easy to be unhappy with how we look and look at someone slimmer and think how fab they look. So we make a goal - be it 20, 80, 150lbs and think that once we reach it we will be toned, slim, svelte godesses but in reality it doesn't dawn on us that people have body images no matter what their weight.
All three of your reasons hit home with me today - I can look in the mirror and appreciate that I look and feel so much better today than a year ago but I still see the fat and the bits I don't like. There is a poem I've got that helps put a bit of perspective on it for me - feel free to edit/delete if necessary....
THE PURPLE HAT
(Beautiful Women)
Age 3: She looks at herself and sees a Queen. Age 8: She looks at herself and sees Cinderella. Age 15: She looks at herself and sees an Ugly Sister (Mom, I can't go to school looking like this!) Age 20: She looks at herself and sees "too fat/too thin, too short/too tall, too straight/too curly"- but decides she's going out anyway. Age 30: She looks at herself and sees "too fat/too thin, too short/too tall, too straight/too curly"-but decides she doesn't have time to fix it so she's going out anyway. Age 40: She looks at herself and sees "too fat/too thin, too short/too tall, too straight/too curly"-but says, "At least, I am 'clean"and goes out anyway. Age 50: She looks at herself and sees "I am" and goes wherever she wants to go. Age 60: She looks at herself and reminds herself of all the people who can't even see themselves in the mirror anymore. Goes out and conquers the world. Age 70: She looks at herself & sees wisdom, laughter and ability, goes out and enjoys life. Age 80: Doesn't bother to look. Just puts on a purple hat and goes out to have fun with the world.
Maybe we need to realise that we've done/almost done the fixing and should all grab that Purple Hat a little earlier than 80.
Oh my! What a post!
I got to goal last December, I found out I was pregnant the same month. When I was heading towards goal I just kept thinking 1 more lb, round it off to a good number, truth was I was addicted to the weight loss, I couldnt imagine not doing it, the struggle to maintain.
I was 116 at goal, I doubt I will set my goal as low, but in the back of my head (well the front as I write this) I have a feeling that the closer I get to goal the more I'll think about the figures and numbers..do I need to lose just one more?!
Its scary in one way, its retraining your head to know that you look fab', slim and toned and sexy. The numbers only make a difference to yourself.
I think sometimes there's a disconnect between the bodies "normal" people have and can have, and the bodies we think we can have. Those of us who've spent quality time in communal dressing rooms (Loehmann's, anyone?) learned early on that even bodies that look great in clothes aren't always so great out of clothes, and that a near-naked great 60-year-old body doesn't look much like a great 20-year-old body.
I'm kinda thinking my body will tell me when it's time to stop losing and start maintaining. Being a shrimp at only 5 feet ZERO inches, I can go really low I would think without it being dangerous. 105, 110, 120 - whatever. I just don't think that I can get there - or even close. The lowest I remember me being as an adult is 135 and it was a real, real struggle to stay there. I'd love to keep losing when I get to 135, heck, I can't wait to GET to 135. But I highly doubt I will get much lower then that. I am not willing to over exercise and undereat to get there. IF when I get there I'm still losing with out resorting to drastic measures, that would be great and fantastic, if not I'll be very happy at 135. Will my body ever be perfect and gorgeous - nope. But that's okay, it's already IMPROVED - greatly. And that's just fine for this 43 year old mother of 3, formerly mordbidly obese woman. Had I never been morbidly obese, I suppose I might have a different attitude about my flaws. But that was not to be my fate. Fate I brought about, no doubt. Of course we'll have to see what actually happens as I get closer to 135. Something I am imensely looking forward to.
I'm kinda thinking my body will tell me when it's time to stop losing and start maintaining. Being a shrimp at only 5 feet ZERO inches, I can go really low I would think without it being dangerous. 105, 110, 120 - whatever. I just don't think that I can get there - or even close. The lowest I remember me being as an adult is 135 and it was a real, real struggle to stay there. I'd love to keep losing when I get to 135, heck, I can't wait to GET to 135.
You might be surprised - I certainly was. My lowest adult weight was 137 (after weeks of near fasting) and I maintained that weight for I don't know, a day. Further weight loss attempts couldn't get me below 142. I was VERY surprised when I got down to 127. My body just kind of settled where it wants to be - even if I don't eat much for a few days, I don't seem to go any lower (but a few days of eating more doesn't send me much higher). As for your previous struggles to stay at 135, were you eating as healthy as you eat now? I think it makes a big difference. I certainly wasn't, I hit my goal weight and then STOPPED DIETING.
For me, my reason would definitely be 2:
2. The more we lose, the further we are away from 'fat'. Five or ten extra pounds is a buffer zone or safety net to keep us from going back to where we were.
I would looove to lose the last of my belly fat (and saddlebags!!), but I would be too bony in other places. My wrists and collarbones are already a little too pronounced (I think it's just the way I'm built, though). I also tend to lose weight in my breasts (which really need a little filling out!) so I keep reminding myself I look really good at 127-130 and this is a very good weight to be.
From a view of someone who has yet to lose weight, I think that even if I am "unhappy" with my body once I've met my goal, I will ALWAYS be happier than right now, at my highest weight. I just have to remember that.
This is just what I freaking needed right now!! I feel the same way. I was even going to set up a new goal of 122 after hitting my half the woman mark so that I could say that I have lost 150lbs. Crazy. What a silly reason. Especially since I am 5'4" and of medium-but-muscular build. And it probably just wouldn't work out anyway. I don't think that that is a maintainable weight for me if I want to just be able to live and enjoy life without obsessing over every single calorie I consume for the rest of my days.
I was stressing out and wondering what I should weight, what my build is, and what would be an objective "perfect weight" for me. It was in searching for that that I came across a site for eating disorders that articulated it perfectly: The perfect weight for your body is the weight which it settles at naturally when you are eating a balanced diet (not under or overeating) and exercising moderately. In other words; the perfect weight for you is one at which your body wants to be at when you are living a healthy lifestyle.
That is something that I have to accept and I think that my goal of 136 is sustainable and completely reasonable for me, especially considering where I have come from!
You might be surprised - I certainly was. My lowest adult weight was 137 (after weeks of near fasting) and I maintained that weight for I don't know, a day. Further weight loss attempts couldn't get me below 142. I was VERY surprised when I got down to 127. My body just kind of settled where it wants to be - even if I don't eat much for a few days, I don't seem to go any lower (but a few days of eating more doesn't send me much higher). As for your previous struggles to stay at 135, were you eating as healthy as you eat now? I think it makes a big difference. I certainly wasn't, I hit my goal weight and then STOPPED DIETING..
Well for sure, for sure I am eating WAAAY healthier now. But something tells me you already knew that . I ate terribly back then. Over 20 years ago. I was always dieting. I lived on an orange, seltzer and a bran muffin. That was my attempt at weightloss. I 'd last a couple of weeks, eat regularly and not well at that and then go back to the seltzer, orange and muffin. So, maybe, just maybe I CAN get below the 135 mark. But you see, you said your body kind of settled where it wants to be, which is what I think, but who knows, that will happen with me. Believe me if when hit the 135 mark and my body WANTS and will ALLOW me to lose more - I'm all for it.
Weight isn't always a constant for a given body shape. I'm smaller now at 175(ish) than I was in jr high at 155. If you are lifting, like Meg, you'll probably be a lot more dense (in a good way ) and be heavier than you look, whatever that means.
For what it's worth, I had no trouble stopping weight loss, because my body suddenly dug in its heels and said here you are. So here I am. Of course, I believe one of the reasons for my success this time around is that I actually didn't have a goal weight when I started, and hence no real number to beat myself with when I didn't achieve it. I kind of think that about half the people more than 20 lbs away who do set a goal set it too high, and half set it too low. Not sure how anyone will know how they will look and feel after significant weight loss, even if they were there before. Time passes, people change. The long view is long.
I didn't have problems stopping losing weight. In fact I'm at 175 too, Anne! I don't know that it was my body that stopped me so much as my mind.
I can certainly see that I still have a lot of fat on me, especially at the gym. And maybe at some point I will want to push myself to lose more. I have no idea! I do know that I feel SO much better than I used to and can do so much MORE! I never thought I'd get even this far, so I'm thrilled.
I credit weight training a great deal for helping me feel so good (and so small!) at my current weight.
Is/Was It Hard For You To Stop Losing? Why?
