Hi! I know it is going to a new thread tomorrow but...
I'm back after about a year. It's been a rough year, I left the group because I tore the cartilage in my left wrist and couldnt type. 3 bouts of pneumonia, a broken RIGHT wrist, and a grade 3 sprained LEFT ankle and most BUT NOT ALL of the weight regained, I am KNOCK-WOOD relatively ready for light duty exercise.
Credit for planning meals for this week and grocery shopping them. Credit for getting my walk in before it got too hot. (supposed to hit 107 later this week in Western Oregon. WHAT?!? We don't do that!)
Struggling with self-talk right now. I've always had a bit of dysmorphic disorder that goes both ways. When I lost 70 lbs 10 years ago I saw myself as the same size the whole way until one day I caught a reflection of myself out of the corner of my eye and thinking it was another person SAW it and then the image snapped to reality. But then THAT image of me stuck even when I was gaining, I just didnt see it. My last "snap" to reality was a few years ago when I finally saw 170 instead of 130. And that image is how I have seen myself for the last 4-5 years - even seeing pictures wouldnt shake it although the pictures were always shocking . In May I had to have my hair cut really really short for a play and that drastic change in my hair finally snapped me to this reality. So even though I am still about 10 lbs lighter than last spring, to me it is like I gained 50 lbs overnight. My friends don't get why I am desperate to grow out my hip, stylish and apparently flattering haircut.
Abstainer vs. moderator. I'm a bit of both. I do get depressed at the thought of not having certain things. Rebellious. But sometimes I trigger either by eating it or by NOT eating it. For me it is better to be in the "not off limits if I plan for it" I tend to plan small sweets regularly (one dove) and that does well. Alcohol on specific days, currently Wednesday and Saturday, last time when I was more active it was only off limits S/T/Th because I lifted the next day. lf I do best on calorie cycling so I can have a bigger day on Saturday as going out to eat is something that dh and I like to do. I have been successful in the past in actually planning a harder to budget treat at goals. Not so much a rewarding with food, but a one day maintenance day.
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