Coaches, Dear Coaches. note: long and kind of off topic but not.
Coaches, thanks for just being here.
I'm finally back to my life until the next unforeseen event occurs.
I did go visit my father last week. I don't know how he is doing today but I have not received a call that he has died. That's all I know for sure. I will call the hospital later today if my sister doesn't update me.
My father gave me the gift of love and acceptance and honesty. I had expected none of that. He was a hardcore alcoholic who was found living on the streets 11 years ago with a broken back. My oldest sister and my brother both wrote him off as a complete waste. A determined social worker tracked down my other sister (who did not feel that way) and she took guardianship of him and he landed in a city run care facility with the most dedicated staff you would ever have the privilege of meeting. They all adore my father. When we got the call that the end was near and we should visit, he was refusing to eat, he was completely non-compliant with IV's and any thing that was placed on his body he'd just rip off so he weakened. We saw him in the hospital due to pneumonia in his right lung.
It's been 38 years since I saw him. I am "The Baby" to him as I was given to my grandparents to be raised from the age of 6 months. Upon walking into the room to see him for the first time as an adult (me, the adult) I just simply walked up to his bedside and he held out his hand and I held it. We just silently looked at each other. All I can say Dear Coaches is you recognize your tribe. It is deeply instinctual. He did not complain. He did not make excuses. He did not lie or defend himself. He only wanted to know the things we all want to know at the end of our lives: Did I hurt anyone? Is everyone Ok? I am sorry if I was a bad father. I did wrong by your mother. She was a good person. Like, really, who in the world gets this kind of gift from their parent? He admitted it was alcohol, alcoholism, that was the problem. And it is true. He wasn't mean or abusive. Just absent and, as I used to joke with my mother, "not a family man". And the kicker? The staff person who literally kept my father alive so I could see him, who told me that every day he would ask when we were coming, whether I was really coming too, this man who never had a dime, took all my mother's money, whatever she had because she was filled with shame and embarrassment at his behaviour so she'd hand it over so he'd go away, this man after the public trustee did a search on his records because of his impending death and a need to settle his affairs, this man has a goodly amt of $ in an old bank account which will be inherited by his 3 surviving children. We were totally shocked. His mother, who was wealthy, had created a small trust fund for him of $150/month that I recall his sister, who administered it after his mother died, complained that it was a lot of trouble as my father was refusing the money. He loathed charity from his family. This small amount has through the magic of compound interest grown into the only inheritance I will receive. The irony is magnificent. Other even more impressive discoveries included watching my father recite this with my sister joining in:
The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ,
Moves on: nor all thy Piety nor Wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line,
Nor all thy Tears wash out a Word of it.
― Omar Khayyαm
Plus a few poems by Robert Service.
It was, Coaches, a life changing event for me. Both of my parents, at the ends of their lives, in the midst of serious illness, have given me true soul-healing gifts as they simply told the truth about their lives and demanded honesty from me and from themselves. Do not think you cannot change or that things can't change for the better. It is possible. I just experienced it. What's required is the courage to try things and to have faith in a good outcome, or the strength to know you can weather whatever comes. It's simply important to try.
On a lighter note, I am down to my 2nd lowest weight this year. I haven't weighed in 12 days and saw 268.5. We stayed here https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/West_Edmonton_Mall during our trip and I walked 10-12K steps everyday in this mall. Saw the skating rink, lake/beach/wavepool, roller coaster, full size pirate ship plus took a trip to the local university to meet the printmaking prof there and discuss doing a masters, which is a side thing that came up because of visiting my father. A complete lucky break.
My days resist planning. DH still has a tricky tummy -- off and on since the trip, so I can't count on what he's going to be willing to eat at supper. It shouldn't effect the rest of my day, but there are always ripple effects somehow. Just for today, then, I'll focus on eating as healthy as possible even without a plan that I can count on.
WI: NA kg, Exercise: +40 70/1200 minutes for November, Food: NA op, Read my Advantages and Responses: yes
I'd better post now or it may not happen. I am going to the class at the Y this morning, then lunch and a movie with cousin Jan, then dinner out to celebrate Hiking Suzanne's hole in one. That is a busy day for me. Food was on plan yesterday and no beer again, credit.
Onebyone What a heartwarming story with your Father. I'm so glad for you. You took the risk and was it ever worth it.
Onebyone Thank you for sharing your amazing and heartwarming experience with us. You will have a different understanding about yourself and I bet you will find your determination to beccome healthier will be accomplished.
Beck habits are rescuing me and helping me eat healthier, eat more slowly but smaller amounts in a way that is becoming natural. At times I'm amazed how I'm chaanging and appreciate her teaching, and the support from this site.
Walking again today, even for just 20 minutes, has my blood flowing and my mood very upbeat.
Still no sweets and am surprised that I don't really want DH's Hershey kisses or DD's ice cream. This thinking is totally new but appreciated greatly.
Wednesday - King Tutankhamen's tomb discovered (Egypt, 1922)
Diet Coaches/Buddies Walk, CREDIT moi, included a stop to vote. Yay for democracy. We only had to vote for City Council and School Commission members. Lots of good choices made it difficult. When my kids were little they went with me to vote sitting atop my shoulders - a fond memory for us all.
Food was OK - but was still able to find snacks despite the passing of Halloween candy. It was unseasonably warm and sunny.
onebyone Your moving and inspirational story of your father leaves me speechless. I so admire your courage for making the journey 38 years.
Joy (gardenerjoy) Ouch that your DH's stomach is so slowly recovering from Cuba. It does seem that there are ripples without obvious connections.
Karen (karenrn) - I've never been to a hole-in-one celebration. Hope it allowed sane eating choices.
Sandy (love2garden) - Yay for walking to get the blood flowing and the spirit uplifted.
Readers -
Quote:
Chapter 2 Foundation Strategies to Escape Your Traps
Foundation Strategy #6: Build up your "resistance muscle."
On the other hand, every time you're tempted to go off plan but you don't, you strengthen your "resistance muscle," and you also increase your confidence that you can resist. You start to create an image of yourself as a person who can stand strong in the face of temptation, which makes it easier to resist the next time and the time after that and the time after that.
So every time you respond to the temptation to make an exception, you either strengthen your giving-in muscle and weaken your resistance muscle or you strengthen your resistance muscle and weaken your giving-in muscle. Thats why every time matters, whether your decision is to skip a strategy or to eat something you're not supposed to.
Judith S. Beck, Ph.D., Deborah Beck Busis, The Diet Trap Solution, Train Your Brain to Lose Weight and Keep It Off for Good (Blue book), pg. 34
A gorgeous sunny and WARM day here for my birthday. Very unusual for early November. I will fully enjoy it.
Great news came my way at last night's pre-birthday dinner. I chose the Mandarin Buffet and did not have seconds and had all the courses of an elaborate meal plus a rare-for-me cocktail. It was 100% enjoyable. And to cap it off I got a phonecall during dinner letting me know my painting submission to the region-wide open juried call for art was given an Award of Merit! Basically second prize which is a great surprise. I get to shake the hand of the local Mayor on Friday at the opening, where I have volunteered to take the photos. I was asked how I'll take my own photo and I said "a selfie". Haha. I'm attaching the images of my 2 paintings. The fridge painting won the award... paint what you know! It's called RHGA Still Life, cold version. The other painting was also submitted and accepted. It's called Mall.
Big catch-up work day ahead of me today. I'm ready to get caught up.
hi coaches-
really quick hello! I have a ton to do today on my day off and seem to be antsy to get going!
Credit for not snacking last night. I went to a book group meeting where we talked about mantras and I left feeling inspired and glad to be a part of this church, so I told myself driving home, you have filled yourself up with good things already, no more eating! it seemed to work. Onebyone- Happy birthday! and so glad things are going well for you, and you had a good experience with your dad.
thinking of you all and sending our sunshine your way!
Credit for making a plan for today! I have little confidence that I can keep to it 100%. If it's 80%, I'll be fine. If it's 70%, it will still be better than recent days with no plan.
WI: NA kg, Exercise: +40 110/1200 minutes for November, Food: NA op, Read my Advantages and Responses: yes
Happy Birthday, onebyone! Love the "paint what you know" pictures!
Last edited by gardenerjoy; 11-04-2015 at 09:53 AM.
Happy Birthday, OneByOne - and yay on the gift of a warm birthday As always, I love your art - congrats on your award!! Editing to add that I very much admire your fortitude and graciousness in visiting your father. I am too much of a grudgeholder and probably miss out on some of life's gifts. Credits for your open mind.
MIA yesterday as I was out sick and out of the office today but part will be a personal day as DH's older daughter texted that she needed food. After a series of obnoxious emails from her after he asked a few questions, I was just furious at her attitude of everyone come help me because I just keep making dumba** decision after another. She is burning all bridges. Tough love is going to come out of this - it won't be one food delivery after another. But also no cash as who knows what it's going for. She tells so many lies, that you just don't know what to believe, so I believe nothing.
Now my meal plan is shot to heck as we're going to see his folks as well, and pick up thin crust pizza - I wish I'd skipped lunch but at least it was light. I'd rather have more pizza than a dang black bean burger.
174 today. Saturday's goal was 174.5 but I'm now shooting for 173.6 (scale is .2s but i was aiming for a pound and a half down). If I don't meet it though I need to remember that I did reach my original goal.
Bill - We had a really low turnout here even with the mayor's race on the line - both new candidates. DH and I did run out to vote but it was a drive not a walk this year as our regular location is under construction. Hoping you end up with a better winter this year than last! They're calling for more snow than usual for us, but I'll take snow instead of ice.
Last edited by nationalparker; 11-04-2015 at 09:37 PM.
NationalParker Lots of sympathy for your experience with a child who refuses to mature at least to her true age.
OnebyOne WOW, you must feel really good. Your art is really getting the right kind of notice.
CurlyJax Your book club sounds interesting. I'll consider joining the one at our Church when they choose the next book. It would be a good way to meet some folks who also like to read.
Gym day, then great massage. No sugar, still eating healthy in proper amounts. Hope the scale is kind to me Saturday.
Major credit for attending Group Power class at the Y yesterday. Even more important was that I enjoyed the class and it was a very friendly group of people. I will be going back tomorrow and plan to make it a part of my weekly routine. Food yesterday wasn't great. I had salad and a half sandwich for lunch, but I know it was more calories that usual. Dinner at the hole in one celebration was one fish taco and half a cheeseburger (shared with dh). That wouldn't have been so bad except that it took so long to get the food that I'm sure I had 3 glasses of wine.
Today's long hike was cancelled due to rain. I decided this will be my day off for the week as the weather is supposed to get better.
Happy Birthday Onebyone! I am amazed with all your talent. I know it must be a lot of work, but you certainly have talent on your side.
I put money down on the Machu Picchu trip. We'll head for Peru about 3/17 and start our trek 3/20. Yahoo!
onebyone, happy birthday! Congratulations on your Art award and thank you for posting pictures for us! Thank you for sharing with us your moving story of your reunion with your dad. I'm so happy for both of you! Kudos to you for walking through your fears and facing such a powerful experience in your life
It's raining here and it will soon turn to snow. I decided I would go out one more time and work in my yard and accomplish everything that I could before the weather hit. I finished up everything I could finish up. I stored garden tools and miscellaneous pots and my little greenhouse, put away everything I could in the yard, raked up all my pinecones and even dug a few more weeds. I feel really good about all the things I accomplished in my yard this year and look forward to next year starting the game. Credit.
Food goes good. I had a craving for fruit salad this afternoon and decided it was certainly a healthy option. I went to the store and picked up fruits and will enjoy that tonight. I also made some fruity iced tea for beverages later.
A nap is on my agenda since I return to the project tomorrow. One last look at my pretty yard before it freezes tonight.
Diet Coaches/Buddies Walked to my evening meeting, CREDIT moi. The night air was cool. I stopped at two Mini-Libraries along the way, reading the book titles by street light. Some were of interest, but I left them for the next person.
Eating was only OK due to snacks. During the evening meeting, the coffee table held good cheeses and a box to top shelf chocolates. I had about a reasonable amount for an evening snack, but I wished that I'd just passed.
onebyone Happy Birthday! Congrats on that Award of Merit. The world does seem to like your art. And Kudos for no seconds at the Mandarin Buffet.
Joy (gardenerjoy) Neat to have a plan with aware expectations.
Debbie (Lexxiss) It's too early to talk of snow; let's wait until winter. DW is also putting all her gardening stuff to bed for the winter. The conflict is that the patio table needs to go to the basement but she's using it to finish working the plants that will over-winter outside.
nationalparker Kudos for fighting to retain your own sanity and to avoid the role of the evil step-mother. [Yep, we're hoping for less than 9 feet of snow this year.]
Karen (karenrn) - Super Kudos for sealing in the Machu Picchu trip. Aren't you guys getting a lot of rain for Arizona?
curlyjax - Neat self talk, "you have filled yourself up with good things already, no more eating!"
Sandy (love2garden) - Kudos both for the gym day and the massage reward.
Readers -
Quote:
Chapter 2 Foundation Strategies to Escape Your Traps
Foundation Strategy #6: Build up your "resistance muscle."
No matter what goal you have for yourself in life, the more confident you are that you can get yourself to do what you need to do, the easier it will be to work toward that goal and the more likely your are to achieve it.
Our dieters get to the point where they're glad that they passed up extra food and stayed in control. Researchers from the University of Chicago reported a similar finding. People felt a boost in mood when they successfully resisted a temptation, even at the very moment they were "depriving" themselves. When you stay in control, you feel proud of yourself and relieved that you're no longer struggling with the to-eat-or-not-to-eat decision.
Judith S. Beck, Ph.D., Deborah Beck Busis, The Diet Trap Solution, Train Your Brain to Lose Weight and Keep It Off for Good (Blue book), pg. 34
My exercise class doesn't start for 3 hours. I'm so used to getting up and heading out to hike, this seems strange. I'll have to figure out how to spend this time.
I took the day off of exercise yesterday, but got some ironing and other things done around the house. Also helped with some paperwork for ds. Food was a little over planned cause I just had a hungry day, no alcohol though.
Dh will be gone for a couple of days for a work related golf tournament. He loves to golf, so nice for him. It is my first time being alone in the house overnight, ever. I'm not usually afraid, but I will say now I don't have the dog to blame the little noises on. I'd better get used to it because he's going to be gone a couple of days later this month also. He did say he had better not come home to a new dog. I think he wants one, but not right now.
Bill You do seem to have a fair amount of events with food temptations.
I say good job keeping it to a reasonable serving. And yes, we have had a little more rain than usual from the storms coming in from California and Mexico. It's past the monsoon season, just other storms. We always need it though.
Lexxis I'm constantly amazed at how productive you are. Nice to have your yard put to bed for the winter. I'm sure it will be much easier come Spring.
Coaches, Dear Coaches. note: long and kind of off topic but not.
Gifts
As always, I love your art - congrats on your award!! Editing to add that I very much admire your fortitude and graciousness in visiting your father. I am too much of a grudgeholder and probably miss out on some of life's gifts. Credits for your open mind. 
