Demerit to me for sabotaging myself today. After saying we never get popcorn at a movie...we got popcorn because it was so cheap and then I picked up Reese pieces bc DH likes them...I had probably 25 of them ... movie was good though. But seriously, to eat popcorn just because we'd said how we never splurged with it and then we both wanted it.
At 174.0 today so no chance of dropping down for days...frustrated. only credit was dh who is cycling into nights and starting up hours later wanted pizza and I said nope for me...so he heated a single Greek one from trader Joe's for 300 calories I think..if I weren't battling weight I'd have been in on one with him before he could've ended the sentence...
Onward and forward. Some family is vacationing at the beach and how wonderful that sounds now...
Diet Coaches/Buddies – Did OK at a birthday party dinner, CREDIT moi, partially because the choices were mostly healthy. Did have a piece of homemade cake said to be to-die-for. Meh - it was just good cake.
Walk, CREDIT moi, included a trip to the supermarket which is next to a book store and a hardware store; naturally, I dawdled in all. No rain from Hurricane Joaquin all day - don't know where it's gone.
Joy (gardenerjoy) – Found one site discussing Witnessing Whiteness - you guys are doing amazing stuff out there.
nationalparker – Super Kudos for skipping pizza even as your DH had one in front of you. Beach does sound wonderful - that is if you're not in North Carolina being hit by Hurricane Joaquin.
Karen (karenrn) - Yay for the possibility of friends joining you at Machu Picchu. And Yay for hiking in comfortable temperatures.
curlyjax - Sending supportive thoughts for the emotional issues at work and with DD's friendship. Kudos for "but today is a new day!"
SuzLen - Ouch for the potluck "but not a veggie in sight" leaving you adrift. Kudos for thinking ahead about the Christmas potluck.
Readers -
Quote:
Chapter 1 Are You Trapped?
How You Can Learn to Escape Traps
Cognitive Behavior Therapy really is the missing link in your weight-loss journey. Using this approach, you will learn how to get out of your own way and reap the benefits of losing weight:
Being leaner and healthier
Having more energy
Increasing your self-confidence
Feeling in control and not at the mercy of food
Feeling more attractive
Providing a healthy role model for your kids
Enjoying shopping for clothes
Being more confident at work and in social situations
And many, many more benefits, some of which you may not even recognize until later
You don't need fancy equipment. You don't need to pay high membership fees or order special meals. You can follow whatever healthy, maintainable diet you want; we simply teach you to stay on it.
Judith S. Beck, Ph.D., Deborah Beck Busis, The Diet Trap Solution, Train Your Brain to Lose Weight and Keep It Off for Good (Blue book), pg. 18
Yesterday was a good day - and the weather matched - CREDIT. Read some of my book "Creating Cultures of Thinking" - it is a "deeper" book than I had expected and it will take some time. I have to read and ponder to grasp the full import of what he is saying. That said, I am loving it. It makes me feel like I can change my little corner of the world and let all of these little ones I work with know how much potential they have.
BillBB: I hate wasting calories on "so-so" food. That's one reason I don't drink sodas - I would rather save those calories for something worthwhile.
nationalparker: I hear your frustration. Just when I say "I never...", then I do it. There must be a name for that somewhere. Good for you for saying "no" to the pizza!
karenrn: I don't think "old age" will every catch up with you as you are always on the move. And I admire it, and aim to do the same.
curlyjax: the wedding is in 7 weeks! I have decided to cater the groom's dinner myself. Cooking for 80-100 people isn't much for me, I have catered larger. It will be much cheaper, and since I rented that house, I am looking for ways to cut back!
gardenerjoy: Can you explain what the program is, I have never heard of it.
I got the nice drop that I was hoping for from a special event day where I ate lightly. Posting that response card really helped me. I got home earlier than expected and my instinct was to super-size my snacks to make up for the lighter eating earlier in the day. But I remembered that I wanted to "get ahead on my weight loss" and the only way that will happen is to sustain the lighter eating.
Today's relevant response card is the one I wrote up for how to do a "Day After a Big Day Retreat' which includes a bunch of self-care activities, a break from some social media, and the healthiest food plan can I can devise.
WI: -0.55 kg, Exercise: +40 125/880 minutes for October, Food: NA op, Read my Advantages and Responses: yes
SuzLen: Yes, I can explain more about the program (especially since I learned more about it in my workshop yesterday!). We go through the book Witnessing Whiteness by Shelly Tochluk in ten sessions over twenty weeks or so. The premise is that the reason we have difficulty talking about race in the United States is because the dominant culture doesn't recognize itself. If we're white, we can't see whiteness. It's like we're fish trying to find water. It's a tricky book -- besides the topic, the format is a mix of memoir, academic nonfiction, and self-help. It seems like everybody hates the book part-way through, but we get to the last month and it all pulls together and draws on what came before and everyone is really excited about the potential and possibilities when we get to the end. I went through the program earlier this year as a participant and later this month I'll be a co-facilitator for a new group.
The St. Louis YWCA started this program nearly 5 years ago and now it's being sponsored by YWCAs in 17 cities.
I also learned yesterday that the YWCA is the oldest woman's organization in the country!
curlyjax: This is an unconventional approach to sleeping problems and staying away from anxious thoughts, but I've found the book A Blueprint for Your Castle in the Clouds by Barbara Sophia Tammes helpful for both of those problems. When I have a thought that is keeping me from sleeping, I go put it on the back burner of the kitchen in my castle in the clouds. Then I go to another part of that castle and focus on relaxing or solving a less upsetting problem or expressing gratitude. Sometimes, it really helps me sleep better. When that doesn't work, at least the wakefulness is more pleasant and healing.
DH and I went away for the night and just got back. We saw Whose Live in a small town about an hour away. This was the live version of the tv show Whose Line is it Anyway? and we have been waiting since xmas 2014 for the show. It was great. After the show we went back to the hotel and decided to go for a walk and in the lobby were the performers! I stood there dumbstruck. I had serious stars in my eyes with these guys which is weird as I didn't think that about other performers we have seen. These guys? Well I think it's because it was improv and they were working on the fly and I just admire that so much. The working under pressure and working well that I wasn't going to ask them for anything more. DH however turned around as we walked past and went back and simply said Great Show. Thank you. and shook everyone's hand. I just stood there gawking. And then we left. I have done this before, with a favorite singer (Fred Eaglesmith). Couldn't bring myself to approach him either, even though we were both attending the same folk festival and sharing the same backstage lounge area. I couldn't do it. DH reminded me that they were Americans, ie. more outgoing, assertive and so would expect to be approached. I, as a true Canadian, did not want to impose.
Anyway... I made it my business to finally use my new fitbit after my sister, who gave it to me, has become the same kind of maniac walker that DH was when he first got his. She is now averaging 11-12K steps a day and did 16K yesterday. I figured I'd better try to reach 10K and I did it yesterday by taking a morning walk and this morning I did the hotel treadmill, but still need 3.4K steps to reach the 10K goal.
I should be walking as I type this I fear.
Foodwise I did pretty good. I tracked and I planned for larger evening meals and less for the other two meals. That worked. I left some on my plate last night *credit* but didn't leave any thins morning. Too good. And famished after the treadmill.
I am in the midst of ramping up to make things like crazy this month before the firing deadline at the kiln is upon me: November 6th. I have several other deadlines too for other kinds of work. I am just hanging on getting everything done. But I'll manage. I always have.
What's new and added to the mix is the health of my mother and my MIL. My mother's alzheimer's is progressing. Her mobility is less as is her cognition. And she no longer wakes from a nap/sleep when I speak to her. I must hold and stroke her hand gently and talk to her and then she opens her eyes and it takes a good minute or two for her to know it's me. But she does know me and she does come back but I can't even tell you how I feel with these new behaviours. I'm just sort of shut down. Same goes for MIL who after pursuing a diagnosis for her coughing/spots on her lung with the terrible failed biopsy this summer well she was told last week she has inoperable (but not untreatable) lung cancer in both lungs. The Drs. haven't given her a definitive diagnosis as they had an MRI of her brain yet to do but her other tests don't indicate any other cancer source. So in my future are hospital and Dr visits and visits in general. DH is ok, moving forward and we agree we will just respond to the situation as it goes. I have not had any experience with anyone around me who had this or any other type of cancer and probably that's a good thing.
And that's all my news.
My takeaway is to re-commit to my vow to lose the weight and get healthy. To change my behaviours permanently and to clean up my place and to push myself and my artwork and to just be the best I can be. It's not any different than it ever was. It just all feels a tad bit more urgent. And that's ok. Complacency is not my friend.
Thank you for reading.
UPDATE: reached my 10K steps goal tonight by walking in place while watching America's Next Top Model Season 22. Perfect choice for walking to. 10000 credits.
Back from our trip. We had an enjoyable time except for the driving. I logged 1800 m. in 4 days as my DH isn't able to drive any distance with his shoulder. The weather was pretty good and we saw much wildlife, especially bison.....lots of bison....up close...very close. Cool. I witnessed Old Faithful and Castle geysers. Pretty cool, too. The best was the lodging I found for our last 2 nights right outside the East entrance of Y-Stone. Called PahaskaTepee, I later learned it was originally the hunting lodge for BuffaloBill Cody built at the turn of the century. We stayed in a cute cabin right next to it and studied it in awe. We were going to stay 2 nights but that final eve it just started pouring buckets and my DH the weather forecaster predicted (correctly) it wasn't going to lift so we left a day early.
Home, I am overwhelmed by the amount of things I have to do, especially since DH can't lift anything. I unloaded the car, did laundry, put away all our travel stuff then gave myself permission to go in the yard and only plant one tree and dig one potato plant. It worked-I got motivated and filled my 4 barrels. My treat was eating small ripe yellow plums right off the tree. Delicious! Most years they don't have a chance to ripen yet we haven't had a frost. (very unusual)
Food was pretty ok on our trip. We only had 3 meals out and they were all at McD-right across from our motel in Jackson, Wy. I know from experience I can order simple and I did. I supersized DH's meals with 700 cal milkshakes. Our total for 3 meals-$31. Everything else we brought with us.
My scale had taken a jump but I'm not going to freak out. It's already down by 2 this morning. I've missed my smoothie and exercise and my plan is to just work back into it all. I've already started.
I work 2 days then head over to be with my friend as she starts Chemotherapy on Wed. am. It's going to be a challenging week and I am going to plan my meals in a more serious fashion. Credit.
I miss you all....will post as I'm able.
onebyone, sending supportive thoughts as you walk the path with your mom and MIL. One day at a time and kudos for committing to take care of yourself.
It seems that my weekend plans go wonky each weekend, so I'm not going to plan anything for next weekend and just roll with whatever. Well, I DO have us scheduled to listen to adult scary storytelling in the cemetery after dark next Saturday pre-Halloween. But if weather doesn't cooperate, that'll get cancelled.
A gorgeous day today here - the perfect autumn day. House is opened wide and once we returned from errands, I started baking a pumpkin loaf cake, swapping the butter for applesauce, and it's a bit spongy but tasty. baked a banana bread and some chicken for a few meals, as well as roasted carrots and onions. Got a head start on the week.
Finishing laundry and office stuff that I have to wrap up before work tomorrow, so just a brief note. Didn't put on my fitbit today but have been buoyed to see that I've surpassed 10K wtih regular activity the past few days.
Diet Coaches/Buddies – Morning bird walk, CREDIT moi, saw fewer migrants than I'd hoped. It was a surprise that we went out at all since cancellation seemed obvious due to Hurricane Joaquin - which was missing in action. Later walk for an errand to the drug store included two conversations with neighbors also enjoying the crisp air. I didn't buy candy in the drug store despite mounds available at 'sale' prices. We've got a whole month of this stuff being pushed.
Food was OK - CREDIT moi for that much. I ended up treating a large morning snack as lunch. It was healthy food consumed while chatting with friends - just more than I'd planned.
onebyone – Yep, 10K Kudos for 10K steps. It's good that you're able to enjoy that your mom can still recognize you even though it takes a few minutes for her to feel the connection. Sending supportive thoughts as you and your DH work with your MIL on her condition.
Joy (gardenerjoy) – Thanks for the reminder that a touch of self-care after a big day is warranted.
Debbie (Lexxiss) – What a trip! Your Pahaska Tepee just got added to my Bucket List. Kudos for staying the path with a simple strategy, "I can order simple and I did."
nationalparker – Yay for "the perfect autumn day" - we're chilly enough here for DW to start chatting about closing the storm windows. LOL at "wonky each weekend." 10K Kudos for those 10K steps.
SuzLen - I am moved by the notion, "let all of these little ones I work with know how much potential they have," - joyful vocation, that.
Readers -
Quote:
Chapter 2 Foundation Strategies to Escape Your Traps
Do you want this to be the last time you try to lose weight? We know you're probably eager to dive headfirst into dieting so you can lose weight fast. Who wouldn't be? But we want you to think about these questions: How well has rushing into changing your eating worked for you in the long run? What does history tell you? Did you quickly lose weight - but then gain it back? Our guess is you have fallen into the same traps over and over or you wouldn't be reading this now.
Judith S. Beck, Ph.D., Deborah Beck Busis, The Diet Trap Solution, Train Your Brain to Lose Weight and Keep It Off for Good (Blue book), pg. 23
Well, at least I haven't gained back ALL the weight this time or lost all the fitness I've gained over the past 9 months. It's just been a bad couple of weeks. But I went running this morning and I'm drinking my protein & greens shake now. I have a written food plan for the day and I'm sticking to it. Excelsior
My "Day After a Big Day" Retreat was really successful -- calming with time for reflection. And, it helped me have my second light eating day in a row. I've lost nearly a kilogram in the two days. That made me aware of an odd cognitive dissonance I've been carrying with me recently -- some part of me believed that eating lightly wouldn't really have an effect. It's good that I now have proof that it does.
WI: -0.4 kg, Exercise: +40 165/880 minutes for October, Food: 90% op, Read my Advantages and Responses: yes
I read all the posts and remember that life is constantly throwing "exceptions" at us. Routine, at least for me, becomes the exception. I think about Beck's teaching "No matter what." I wish I could put this into practice. This weekend I spent hours of emotional energy trying to help my SIL 5150 my brother. I learned that wandering the streets with disorientation and no id, inappropriate clothing and swearing loudly to nobody in particular is not enough of a red flag for city officials to do anything. In the end, my brave SILs were able to convince DB to get into the car and get check in to the emergency psychiatric hospital. My heart bleeds for all concerned. I was charged with calling mom, dad and various other siblings with the news. There are factions and oppositions within my family. I am one of the few speaking to all.
I did not have a food program this weekend. I could not conceive of going through all this without using food for comfort. It makes me sad that I don't have that healthy tool in my box yet. So, I list my assets and credits:
I am going to the gym today.
I weighed two pounds above ticker.
I have been OP for 12 hours.
I was loving and caring to my nuclear family and took nothing out on them.
I am going healthy food shopping after dentist and physical therapy.
I have also allowed myself to feel pretty crumby and have not expected myself to be upbeat.
We're experiencing another gorgeous autumn day. I sure wish this was a long weekend. Dreaming of retirement that's 10+ years away minimum.
Busy workday and got the main big projects tackled to start with. Now waiting feedback/issues to come my way. Got outside to walk for a half hour or so in the sunshine and catch up with a friend who is in a rehab facility after an injury.
Steel cut oats for breakfast but I put in more sugar than I needed to - sweeter is better in my mind, but I probably overdid it. Raisins! Cranberries! Some brown sugar! More! ACK! Brought lunch in to work and increased the size a bit so I'm not ravenous when I get home. Testing.
Bill - Still smiling over the "to-die-for" cake that was 'meh'... I'd have given it a whirl, just to see as well. I always hope something delectable will have an ingredient that I don't like - if it's sour cream or cream cheese, I can say, "thank you but no" so, so easily and no second thought. I should tell myself they snuck it in there. The hawk remains around our yard now. DH went out with his binocs to check him out yesterday. I said don't give me a report if he returns with any food...
Maryann - Credits to you for working through frustrating, sad situation and managing to do that with your cool and not eating over the issues. That's major.
Lexxiss - Love the brief trip recap - so glad you were able to get away for a bit, even if a ton of driving (!!) ... i've bookmarked the place you stayed in Cody. I love stopping in Cody for the museums and this looks like a spot we'd really enjoy. Good luck to you with your challenging week - hard to return from a trip and jump right in deep.
Joy - YAY for the results seen from the action taken. That is so reassuring.
Eusebius - Good to see you back here. I've restarted as many times as you. I waver between life is short and just enjoy some more things in moderation ... and just get where you want to get for goodness sake (i typed foodness sake by accident. Telling.)
OneByOne - You are walking such a tough road right now - take care of yourself. Great job with the FitBit! Like "complacency is not my friend" ... thank you!
SuzLen - Looking forward to hearing how today (especially after school) went for you. Mondays are tough, yet you seemed to finish last week strong! I remember I'm not alone with the whole "coming home from work HUNGRY and STRESSED" ... I can turn to hot tea again and again. Maybe I start a rotation of the pretty teacups and actually savor it! Seven weeks. I want to join you in those seven weeks to a healthier self. Mind?
Just a fairly quick check in. dh and I had a nice time at Wicked yesterday. The singing was just magnificent, but I'll have to say I've liked other plays better. It was fun though.
Today Hiking Suzanne and I started out for a hike but were turned back with the rain. We did get an hour in though and it was a good hill. I sure wished it hadn't rained (I'm still ahead of her and that my friends is a miracle). I'm sure a miracle that won't last.
After cleaning up I ran a few errands. This afternoon I ran to Macy's to see if I could find any tops on sale, but didn't. I need a few new things that aren't tee shirts. Then I decided it will be cool enough for my long sleeved shirts soon and I didn't see anything I liked at a price I was willing to pay.
My friend from Washington is arriving tomorrow afternoon for a week. I would bet we'll head to the mall sometime while she is here. We also have a program thru the public library that offers Cultural Passes. I picked one up today for the Heard Museum (Native American). It's good for free entrance for two for any time within one week. Then I can get another one to another museum or the Desert Botanical Museum. We'll see if we get around to it. Also would like to take my friend to the Musical Instrument Museum which is really good, but there isn't a pass for that museum. Each patron can use two passes each month.
I've had a tough time getting back on track but I'm feeling a bit better about it today. My friend is on WW and we did pretty well when I was at her house in Washington, so I hope we do well here. The last thing I want to do is be a bad influence on her. Exercise will be more limited during her visit cause she just isn't up for the strenuous hikes I like to do, but I'm hoping to get one in before I pick her up tomorrow.
Rough day - I was starving at 10:30 this morning. And yes, it did feel like an emergency!! And I didn't have a single healthy snack in site. I haven't had to snack since school started - what is up with that?? I dished myself out a small handful of tortilla chips left over from Friday. CREDIT for passing over the leftover chocolate chip cookies!
The rest of the day has gone by uneventfully. Thank goodness. Planning on some raspberry tea if things get sketchy tonight!
nationalparker: my father, who has passed away, LOVED his oatmeal just like you described. It was dessert for breakfast.
maryann: I am so sorry and sad for your brother and his family. They are lucky to have you there as the glue. Good for you for holding your own family together so the outside drama doesn't affect them as much.
gardenerjoy: Yay for the positive effects of eating lightly. It works!!
eusebius: so glad to hear from you again!
Lexxiss: tired just thinking of all that driving, glad your trip was such a good one.
onebyone: good thoughts your way as your tackle these life challenges with loved ones. I have been watching "Alias" on Netflix as I workout on the treadmill. Just watching her makes me feel tougher, haha, now I need to work on the leaner part!
BillBB: the way you describe your day one would think you live in small town Mayberry (although I am sure Handel was never performed there) - however you can walk ANYWHERE!!! I think it is fabulous.
Heading off to exercise. The night is still young - yay! I should get some reading in before I crash.
Tuesday - "The Jazz Singer" (First full talkie, 1927)
Diet Coaches/Buddies – Walked to class, CREDIT moi, where I learned that our Milky Way Galaxy is 13 billion years old. I've known that "We are Stardust" forever, but just learned that it's local Supernovas that created the elements in me. Makes me feel proud. I am Milky Way dust.
Evening snack was skipped because we stopped at a small Japanese place on the way home. My dish was healthy enough, but I ate all of it which was more than a normal dinner serving. The Miso Soup and Seaweed Salad side dishes made me feel healthy, though.
Joy (gardenerjoy) – Yay for establishing the connection between eating and weight - since I, too, lose my belief from time to time.
Erika (eusebius) – 3049582583 Kudos for your restart - the most difficult first step to be taken. Excelsior! indeed.
maryann - Major Kudos for remaining true to yourself while nuclear-family chaos reigned. And Special Kudos for the acceptance in "have not expected myself to be upbeat."
nationalparker – LOL at the additions to steel cut oats; I know about stuffing in raisins on cold winter mornings.
Karen (karenrn) - It's neat that you're sensitive to your friend who is doing Weight Watchers. Yay for rain in Arizona even it made you turn back on your hike.
SuzLen - Big Kudos for ignoring leftover chocolate chip cookies when starving at 10:30 in the morning. Calling them 'leftover' does take away some of the appeal.
Readers -
Quote:
Chapter 2 Foundation Strategies to Escape Your Traps
Instead of focusing on how much you want to lose weight at this moment, we would like you to consider taking a longer and broader view. If you're like most people, you've been searching for the perfect diet, one that would allow you to make short-term changes so you could lose weight quickly and easily. You many not have realized that:
You need an eating plan that is not only healthy, reasonable, flexible, and maintainable, but also that you'll be able to follow while you're losing weight and for as long as you want to maintain your weight loss.
You need skills to get yourself to stick to this diet while you're losing weight and for as long as you want to maintain your weight loss, no matter what else is going on in your life or what traps are lurking around the corner.
You need to learn these strategies before you start following an eating plan. Day after day, you'll increase your self-discipline as you practice these strategies. And day after day, you'll increase your confidence that you can get yourself to do what you need to do, even if you don't feel like doing it. We want you to increase your self-discipline and self-confidence on easier tasks, before you tackle the much more difficult task of making lasting changes in when and what you eat.
Judith S. Beck, Ph.D., Deborah Beck Busis, The Diet Trap Solution, Train Your Brain to Lose Weight and Keep It Off for Good (Blue book), pg. 23
Sunday - Sputnik launched by U.S.S.R (1957)
Hello
Brought lunch in to work and increased the size a bit so I'm not ravenous when I get home. Testing. 
