Maryann Big big hugs to you. From where I'm sitting it sounds like you have made brilliant progress in how you handle these things. I know it doesn't feel like that, but the fact that you can talk to your son about what's going on, and you can come on here and be completely honest. I think that's truly admirable. My dad is a very angry person and I have had similar issues to you my whole life coupled with messed up hormones. Last year I attended group CBT lessons and my goodness it's made such a difference to my life (and the life of those around me!). Keep on keeping on and try to forgive yourself. I'm sure your DS knows how much you love him. Well done too for being two thirds of the way through your weight loss target. That too is admirable.
Nationalparker I just looked up that movie. Sounds great - I will defo be watching it. Well done on resisting munching on the sofa. That takes some doing when you're alone (apart from your cuddly cat!).
Gardenerjoy How fab that you lost weight following the program 80% to 90%. That's so encouraging for a newbie like me.
Well I have had another good day. I would say 90% OP. Just a couple of unplanned foods but nothing too serious. I did planned exercise of walking with the wheelchair again and then walked another 1.5 miles with the kids again to run errands rather than driving. Also been up and downstairs a lot each time I need sth rather than saving it all up.
I am about to read the chapter on setting 5lbs goals. I really like this bit as I feel like I have more of a plan, and with achievable goals..
Does anyone get the Beck email newsletters? Today's was amazeballs.
It's below but it's long so don't feel obliged to read it!
Feeling deprived often leads dieters or maintainers to get off track. And once they do, it can take some of them days, weeks, or even months to get back on track. Meanwhile, they may have regained weight and become demoralized. So it is critical to address deprivation before it arises, so dieters will be prepared to deal with it effectively and stick to their plan.
Two people go to the same dinner party. After dinner they both limit themselves to two cookies from the lavish spread of dessert. Why does one walk away feeling great while the other walks away feeling terribly deprived? The answer is that deprivation is in the eye of the beholder.
When clients first come to see us as part of the Cognitive Behavioral-based program that we've developed to help dieters lose weight and keep it off, we find that they often initially feel a sense of deprivation when they limit their food intake. When they have just one slice of cake at a wedding, they think, "It's so unfair that I can't eat as much as everyone else is."
One reason dieters often feel so deprived is because of their history of depriving themselves. When they "dieted," they cut out whole categories of favorite foods, such as bread or cake or ice cream. Our program teaches dieters that they shouldn't eliminate any food that they will eventually want to eat again. Instead, they need to learn how to eat their favorite foods in reasonable portions, noticing and enjoying every bite. Many of our dieters, for example, decide to have one dessert a day. They initially find this "legalization" strange because they have traditionally labeled dessert as "bad."
We help dieters understand that there is a huge middle ground between having none of their favorite foods and having way too much. We address their automatic thoughts, e.g., "I shouldn't have eaten that cookie. I'm not going to let myself have cookies again for a long time so I'd better eat as much as I can right now." They often write a coping card for themselves with a message such as the following: "I can have a reasonable portion of cookies every single day if I want. Desserts are an important part of a lifetime eating plan. I don't need to have more right now because I can always have more tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that."
When our dieters realize that they can have a reasonable dessert every day, they break through their former all-or-nothing eating approach and recognize that they never need to go overboard because they will always have the opportunity to have more dessert the next day. Their sense of deprivation decreases significantly. In fact, one sign that dieters are ready to "graduate" from our program is when they leave an event, having followed their plan, and feel so good about the extra food they didn't eat.
So, the dieter who goes to a party and feels really deprived about eating only two cookies is probably thinking, "I wish I could have more. Dieting is terrible. I never get to eat my favorite foods," while the dieter who feels good about limiting herself to two cookies is probably thinking, "I'm so glad I ate those two cookies slowly and really enjoyed each bite. I don't need to have more now because I can have more every single day, if I want. Besides, when I stick to reasonable portions I can have it both ways: I can eat cookies and lose weight."
it's always something these days=better get a better grip
Coaches
Wow. I need to just let go of things and let them move through me without resorting to the food. After checking in with my food buddy and declaring I would nto eat over the events of the day, I ate over them more than I have in a year. My sister and I were discussing how "maybe we're not doing as well as we think we are". I *thought * I was ok. My mother decided to walk away from her retirement residence yesterday morning. She has no short term memory and no idea where she lives. Dementia or alzheimer's whatever the disease she has no idea where she lives and can't EVER just "go for a walk". A sharp eyed resident asked her what she was doing at 7am and when she said "going for a walk" they cautioned her against it but she was off - her mobility is A++ - and they found her after she walked into another nursing home a fair distance away around 10am. She has ID in her purse cause this happened once before a few years ago, so they tracked her down, but we had a few tense hours of knowing there was nothing to do but wait. I thought "I don't know if I can go through my mother's death right now." But since this wasn't the outcome, I am now TERRIFIED of what will happen when she moves here to a new residence, 15min by car from me, in September. Plus I am wondering if she has deteriorated. Should she be in a locked ward (this makes me howl inside)? So inspite of my email promise I drove to buy bad "food". I ate it. All of it. And then had dinner. And then had a dinner again. I woke up this morning and started in again with the leftover crap food, but I *credit* wrapped it up and sent it off to the office with DH. DH, by the way, did not support my vegetarianism and after my body asked for meat on Friday, I have been on a meat-eating bender. *sigh* I have no balance whatsoever right now. But I won't stop looking for it. My obligations to shows and the guild and stuff is now almost over and I can re-focus on myself and my home until my mother moves here in mid-September--though I may have an emotional visit to my brother's house this month. I have been dreading going there, but would like to have some of his tools to use and some of the books he read and re-read. It's going to be very very hard though. He is gone 3 weeks today.
I bought and read The Spectrum and I feel I can use his program for my life, but it is obvious I need to write it down and I need to exercise. I actually feel very defeated but how I feel is not an excuse to give up. So I won't. I'll keep getting up and going forward until I am back 100% OP most of the time.
Morning coaches,
I am struggling this morning. Got home too late last night to do my planning and posting and have woken in a bit of a funk. I have had two pretty high intensity days at work so I think it is probably just that I am tired so maybe I should go easy on myself in taking it a bit easier on the work front today. It is a work from home day today and the temptation is just to work in my PJs but I think I probably need to make myself get dressed for the day so that I create that boundary between home and work.
On days like this I am very glass half empty - I seem to ony see the crappy side of things. So- for example - I was really looking forward to a breakfast of fresh baked bread - a bit of a treat breakfast I have once or twice a week. I cut the bread too soon though so it all squashed up and then the slice I was getting was small so even though there would be the same food content it didn't look like I was going to eat very much. It totally crushed me and I just wanted to have a great big "it's not fair" temper tantrum. Lot's of "f... It - I'll just eat whatever I want today" thoughts - which I am managing to combat (credit to me) but then my glass half empty voice says "man today is going to be exhausting - you're going to be doing battle all day long". Man the mind is a crafty bloody thing.
It is so good to have you guys to write this to.
So here's the thought from while I have been writing: the most powerful tool I have today is "no choice". I have no choice but to stick to my plan. There is no conversation to be had so anytime those silly little thoughts pop into my head I can say "hey, hello, nice of you to pop in - but I'm afraid it's time to go now because I ain't deviating from my plan - no matter what"
Some credits: writing here; realising this is a mood and not reality; staying mostly on plan yesterday; adjusting my plan from yesterday to accommodate the extra coffee I had; sticking to my breakfast plan this morning despite my disappointment; I declined a colleague's birthday cake at work yesterday
An imperfection from yesterday - a colleague brought me a surprise coffee yesterday, which I drank even though it wasn't on my plan. I enjoyed it and I adjusted the rest of my plan so it didn't mess me up. But I notice that I didn't feel like I had the option not to drink it. I am realising that the "I need to be polite" is a sabotaging thought I really struggle with. So - with the benefit of hindsight I could have said thanks, taken it, pretended to sip and then thrown it away later. There's a plan for future surprise coffees. For food that is offered I can say "no thank you" and if pressed I can say "I'm on diet". That feels totally terrifying. I think there is this messed up bit where I feel like if I say I am on diet I am admitting I am fat and somehow people might not have noticed if I don't draw it to their attention :-)
Noticing too that I have a dialogue going on in my brain about doing personals today - part of me saying "I don't have time for this - you'll never get all your work done today if you do this now" and the other side saying "oh you're being lazy not doing this". Man - I really am giving myself a hard time today aren't I! I think I will do personals though because I need to remind myself I am connected to you all and that I am not alone in this. And every time I give myself grief today I will remind myself that I am brave and strong and good.
Reesuh - LOL on the sitting down in the car to eat doesn't count!
Maryann - really enjoying your excitement about your appliances
National Parker - yay to you for choosing the best available option at the airport. Did you say a few days ago that "now's my chance" is one of your downfalls too? If so then way to go because if ever there were a "now's my chance" opportunity it is the transit lounge!
Gardenerjoy - loved "discipline is contagious"
Bunnababy - well done for planning. And how fun to think of Fiddler on the Roof :-)
3TL - well done for being very nearly OP and for owning up to the bits that weren't. And yeah - I really like the 5 pound goals (though I am in the land of kgs so doing 3 kg goals. I am really hoping to hit my first goal and get my first reward at tomorrow's weigh in :-) thanks for sharing that newsletter piece. It got me to thinking that I think I need to build in one dessert a week. I have been using my two weekly indulgences up on a cider each week and I am starting to feel deprived. So maybe I could choose to have half a cider - or I could opt for 3 indulgences and lose the weight a bit slower. Hmmm food for thought. (So to speak)
Beth - hope it is good news from your daughter's surgeon - and well done for thinking ahead about how you'll deal with a restaurant meal
BBE - it is so helpful to see you using all these methods 6 years into maintenance - it really helps me see that this is a new way of living that I am learning and not just a temporary change
Beverlyjoy - well done for seeing the crazy thinking! Hope the struggle gets easier soon.
Lexiss - yay to you for working out what needed to be in place for your morning to go well
Gardener joy - what a great response for pre-event stress-eating! And yay for a 90% OP day
Nationalparker - yay to noticing the pleasure of a cuddly cat - I love it when I can see the simple pleasures of life
Maryann - wow for being able to untangle your feelings so well. i hope you find the self- acceptance space soon - how come with other people it is so easy to reject the behaviour, but still love the person yet with ourselves it is so hard to do the same thing??? And I love your "quarter for each bad word" strategy! What a great way to make amends.
One by one - huge credit for "but I won't stop looking for it"!
Thanks everyone for reading my long whingy ramble at the beginning. It has really helped to connect with you all through the personals and now I am feeling positive about having a nice warm shower and getting into my day.
I didn't make wise choices at dinner tonight, but I did make wise quantity decisions. I boxed up half my entree before I even started eating--and then added to the box when I was full.
DD was allowed to eat and very much enjoyed her crab linguine alfredo, some mashed potatoes, and the center part of key lime pie. She is now on "soft" foods for the next month, so proteins will continue to be an issue, but she can at least have mashed potatoes, scrambled eggs--things other than pudding and smoothies!
My walking partner wanted to take the "long" route this morning, so we did, which was a 40 minute instead of a 20 minute walk--I can't do that on a regular basis--doesn't work for my work schedule!
DD and I managed to get a lot more pre-college shopping in, including picking some fabric for me to make her some pajama bottoms (shorts and pants). We saw wonderfully adorable ones at both Target and Kohl's--but without pockets and pockets are essential. Heck, I couldn't even find a pajama bottom pattern with pockets, but I've been adding pockets to items without them since DS was a toddler. (I used to make pockets within pockets within pockets for him--he loved that. He still remembers the t-shirt I made him that had pockets all over it--including on the sleeves)
I'm going to plan tomorrow and call it a night--shopping is tiring!
Next four days are work days. I will check in as I can. Hoping daily. Work is getting grueling from a physical standpoint but don't want to retire just yet.
Wondering how my thoughts regarding food and taking care of myself got so screwed up along the way. I am the only one in my biological family that is overweight. I know my mom controls her food intake so makes me feel guilty that I don't. Arrrggghhh! I am working on that, Credit!
I want to do this to prove to ME that I can and not worry about what others around me are thinking.
Diet Coaches/Buddies – We had a guest for dinner; the three of us all ate reasonably, CREDIT moi. That's such a good feeling. Eating on plan is so much easier when everyone is eating sanely. When the adult kids are here, they eat like active young adults and that wiggles my mind to think that I should eat like that also.
To get grapes for dessert, I included the supermarket on my walk (CREDIT moi) remembering the $1.49 per pound green seedless grapes from last week. Nope, they're back to $3.99 per pound. Wouldn't do it. DW had cherries that the three of us gobbled as we chatted. Yay for cherries.
onebyone – Sending supportive thoughts as you continue to remember your brother. Powerful thought this, "let go of things." Ouch for the terror of your mom wandering away from her place.
Joy (gardenerjoy) – Useful reminder to me that "mostly 80% and 90% days" was good enough for losing.
Debbie (Lexxiss) – Neat that you're aware that your morning exercise is crucial to staying your eating plan.
Beverlyjoy – It always gladdens my heart when you write that you're performing. Yep, Kudos "for not running away."
maryann - Kudos for recognizing that you are withholding self acceptance - so I send you a bunch from here.
nationalparker – I have a friend who made a commercial kitchen to sell her bread. It was a big deal. She got a good price on a commercial mixer - what a lovely monster. LOL at your DH's vacation from veggies.
Beth (bethFromDayton) – Yay for DD getting to eat - "crab linguine alfredo" isn't a bad start for new foods. Kudos for working portions while dining out.
ForMyGirls - Useful to me to read, "realising this is a mood and not reality." Interesting that getting dressed helps to shift the mind to the work self. Congrats for the neat ticker.
Sue (Bunnababy) - Kudos for recognizing that you're doing this for "ME."
3rdTimeLucky - Thanks for the Beck bit on "deprivation is in the eye of the beholder." LOL at saving up before going up and down the stairs - I've noticed that I don't do that as much, also.
Readers -
Quote:
day 5Eat Slowly and Mindfully
How to Notice What You're Eating
Here are some tips to help you concentrate.
Eat in a relaxed atmosphere. The less stress you feel, the more easily you'll be able to pay attention to what you're eating. Do what you can to eat in a quiet, nonstimulating environment.
Judith S. Beck, Ph.D., The Beck Diet Solution (Pink book), pg 80.
Hi coaches... checking in. The five hour drive went well. I have two performances today and one tomorrow and then I will be heading home. My food has been sane and I have many healthy foods available. I am aiming at not gaining in these few days.
I got up and did my exercises, strengthening, and stretching. I think stretching is the most important one for me. Credit.
Evening coaches. It has been so great to have you in my life today. I managed to stay on program and have a fairly productive work day despite the mood I woke in. So credit to me for reaching out to you all this morning. Credit to me for staying on track today. Credit to me for reminding myself of the strategies I came up with this morning when I felt myself getting sunk today.
Beth : I am amusing myself here imagining what pockets within pockets might be like!
Bunnababy - good luck getting through your work days!
BBE - your expensive grapes combined with my focus on the "unfairness" of it all made me think of a way funny YouTube vid a friend showed me about equity and fairness - http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=gOtlN4p...%3DgOtlN4pNArk
Or google Capuchin monkeys reject unequal pay if the link doesn't work
Beverlyjoy- yay to you for getting all your exercises and stretching even in this busy time. I'm especially impressed by the stretching - that is so the first thing to go for me.
Stressful evening as DH called and asked if he should apply for a job open in Florida. We've talked about moving but have done NOTHING to prep for that - it's been in the 18-24 month range out. So I said no, not yet; financially and with the house we're nowhere near ready. I'm not prepared to fund two households and we cannot make it on his salary alone (with child support and college support going out). That sent us into a disagreement. Him: "you're setting up roadblocks" to Me: I'm not going to put ourselves into a situation where we might face bankruptcy because of lack of financial planning". I was getting very aggravated; don't call me from work and lob that on me and expect me to just go along with it. We have repairs to do to our home to get it market-ready, not to mention finishing landscaping, carpeting, etc. My job brings in about 55% of the income, so it's not something I can just leave. And at my age, job hunting is going to be harder - not 30 anymore. Sorry for rambling, but I got off the phone extremely aggravated and thought, I used to go to the kitchen and eat, but I'm not that person anymore. So I picked up a book and went to bed and read.
I was rushing this morning and didn't have time to do my positive writing so will do it after I finish this note.
Meeting with a parks representative this evening at the trail; not exactly sure WHY. She asked if I'd be willing to meet up (after I wrote her a thank you note for trail maintenance that enabled the habitat for the animals to stay in place) ... said they like to meet with those who use the trails. Hope she doesn't see my gardens that are filled with weeds at this point.
Mind is running 1,000 miles an hour. I've been given a job at work that one full time person used to handle before she quit. In addition to my other more than fulltime work. I'm stressing about it.
Decided I must change my ticker to be accurate because it's now been since May that I was 167. Back up to danged 171.
A shop that specializes in local foods opened up a mile from my house last fall. And now, it's closing. This makes me sad. It had a deli where I felt really good about the carry-outs. Just like I'd make at home, only I didn't do the work. It was the first time since starting this journey that I've had that kind of resource. Even Whole Foods isn't that good because everything there seems too salty to us -- plus, it's a long way away. It was such a relief to have a place that I could use once a week or so on a night when things just weren't working out that well for cooking, or when I had an evening activity that made it hard to cook. And now it's gone.
I'll have to adjust a few things -- another source for local chicken, a new peanut butter, and back to the farmers' markets for produce. I like farmers' markets but I have to admit it was nice for awhile to be able to buy local products on my schedule instead of the market schedule.
My lunch plan today has a question mark next to it. Resolving to figure out something that serves me well.
I may listen to Bob Marley's Three Little Birds on repeat today: Don't worry 'bout a thing 'cuz every little thing gonna be all right.
WI: NC kg, Exercise: +30 290/1500 minutes for August, Food: 100%op, Read my Advantages and Responses: yes
Hugs for maryann, onebyone, nationalparker, and anyone else who is struggling today.
Yesterday turned around after I posted and decided to give myself a break. DS and I had another beautiful day together and, later on, when he asked to learn to make a chocolate banana smoothie, I joked, "Do you think we can can do this without me swearing?" (My outburst had to do with pancake-making going awry.) DS laughed and we had a fine time. I also took time in the evening to go to an AA meeting which always puts perspective back in my life. I am over 25 years sober and I must remember that my sobriety is the greatest gift I can ever give my son.
Food was OP. Today is planned in MFP. Long day today taking DS to music lesson which is an hour away plus a million errands ( or so it seems).
It must be getting close to school time because I have started to have teacher dreams.
3rdTimeLuck: I completely agree with the deprivation post. I allow myself dessert on most days of the week and I think it really helps. The trouble comes when I refuse to track it. Then I suspect my motives.
Onebyone: What a terrible disease your mother has. There is not a soul in the world who wouldn't have compassion for your situation. Make sure you give yourself as much compassion.
ForMyGirls: I recognized so much of me in your posts. The perfectionsism, the compulsion to do everything 100% or not at all. Credit for your willingness to STAY PRESENT and feel the pain of these trials because that is the real solution to food addiction. It is not until I am willing to actually FEEL what it is to live in an imperfect, sometimes unfair world and not check out emotionally with food binges that I really begin to feel peace. It is a daily exercise for me but I am better.
Bunnaby: Good Luck with your work week.
BBE: LOL at grape story. Let me tell you how many times I have spent $3.99 on Frozen yoghurt and it WASN"T a whole pound.
nationalparker: It is a hard thing to change your ticker. Credit for the honesty. Sorry about the disagreement. The most shocking thing about marriage is the amount of energy (positive and negative) it requires to be a healthy union.
gardenerjoy: I think of the healthy places I go as lightposts, steering me when I am in a dark place: The club, an AA meeting, and healthy, reasonably priced fruit stands. We are lucky to have so many local products here in the agricultural Mecca of the world. (Central Valley California) Credit for your forging on to find your next healthy place.
I've just read through all the new posts. Sorry for those who are struggling but you guys are still doing things you deserve big credit for, and recognising you deserve the credit too - I think that's great.
I am not gonna do personals right now. I am just waiting for my kids to nod off (youngest DS has needed me in the next room since he broke his leg, until he's asleep). Then I'm gonna go try my Pilates DVD for the first time. I started a weekly class 6 weeks ago and really feel the benefit. But my teacher is taking a 6 week break over the school holidays. I don't want to lose what I've built up to date so bought a DVD.
Been 85% OP today. Been out all day with friends. I'm not yet at the chapter about writing my food plan out nightly so whilst I have a plan in my mind and I have been sticking to it, mostly, I haven't been as rigid as I will be. Credit to me for not rushing through the chapters but taking a day at a time and doing my Pilates instead of the ironing (I am a total neat freak who struggles to let anything build up but the ironing is gonna have to wait until tomorrow as the Pilates is more important). I also staved off a serious attack of the munchies earlier by having a chopped up apple. I kept asking myself "am I really hungry or do I just want to eat".
I wanted to tell you about the Pilates too because it will make me more sure to do it once I go downstairs, rather than wimp out and put the TV on... I will report back later.
Hello coaches,
I've not been very active on the forum - this past week has been one of those where time just gets away from me. Stayed OP for the most part and saw the scale edge downwards a little. I've just been diet-bombed by a co-worker. She brought me 10 gummy bears and I caved and ate them. Then she tells me that they're about 10 cals each! That's an extra 20 minute walk to burn that off! I've asked her not to do that anymore - it was thoughtfulness on her part to include me but I can't eat junk. And I had a dish of planned, local, fresh strawberries right beside me! Makes me want to go back and bite their little teddie bear heads off again. Ah well, I'll get back on plan. Hope all of you are having a good OP day. Sending positive thoughts out to those of you faced with family worries.
Tracey
Wednesday - National Lighthouse Day
