I had a good day. 97%OP I'd say with one deviation of tasting the slow cooker food as I was serving it onto my plate ie. ate standing up at the stove. But, I *credit* stopped. However, other than this I not only stuck to my foodplan but reported in my changes and changed a snack up for an even better quality of snack which actually came to me while I was in the grocery store for cat food. Amazing and *credit for all this* Also, weighed in this mornig to see 253.3 a drop of 5.3 from yesterday's weight. Had I not gone back on plan that 5lbs would have been permanent. *credit Dr. Beck strategies*
I also *credit* did not over eat either before or after my visit to a prospective nursing home for my mother. I am continuing to adjust to the notion of her being here. Were she not an alzheimer's patient it would be a tad easier. As it is a move means learning a new place/layout (not sure how capable she is of this) and also leaving behind a friend. It was hearttbreaking to see her long for friendship when everyone around her adores her and talks to her and they consider themselves her friend but her memory issues prevent her from knowing who they are-- I had never before considered how important shared memories are within a friendship. They are an enormous part of a relationship.
I also went to my unplanted community garden plot today. I have plants that need to be transplanted and seeds that need to be planted. I haven't decided if I want to do it inspite of everything being at hand. Today, while there, I felt the urge and thought it would be a good thing for me to do so I am planning to plant in the morning. It doesn't even really need digging just mounding. Now I'll need to make friends with a gardening neighbour as we will be gone for 12 days soon and that could kill it! Yikes. I need someone to agree to water it now and again.
Diet Coaches/Buddies – Gym was gym, CREDIT moi, with a walk afterwards. Then took my serious walk, CREDIT moi, when the sun was bright.
The best part was stopping by the recently opened farmers' market. Bumped into a friend holding a large tomato in his hand like a trophy, LOL. (It was a local greenhouse tomato - field tomatoes arrive around here in July.) Bought a quart of strawberries (for exactly twice the price of California shipping strawberries); they are soooooo good. Had them for dessert, as did DW. We'll consume them quickly as they don't last as long as the shipping variety. That won't be hard.
onebyone – Sobering notion "how important shared memories are within a friendship" - I hadn't thought about losing my friends when my memories go. Ouch! Kudos for finding your way using Dr. Beck's strategies.
Beverlyjoy – Hope you do OK in the storm; after you, it heads to us.
maryann - Love the thought of DS getting a letter from Hogwarts - quite an honor as so few muggles are accepted. Ouch for the painful thoughts of worst case scenarios - when California isn't growing, none of us will be eating.
Beth (bethFromDayton) – Two walks in one day is good news.
spanky - Sending supportive thoughts for facing some difficult choices. Kudos for choosing deep breathing over snacking when facing anxiety.
IBelieveInMe2 – Yay for such a good workout. May you have another one today.
Rosebud170 – Chaotic to Hawaii!! sounds like a book I'd buy, LOL.
chapter 5 Get Ready: Lay the Groundwork
what are you thinking?
Here are some common sabotaging thoughts that I've heard over the years, along with helpful responses. Make Response Cards for any you think may apply to you.
Sabotaging Thought: I can lose weight only if I find exactly the right diet.
Helpful Response: There is no one right diet. There's nothing magical about any diet. the only formula for losing weight is taking in fewer calories than your body expends.
Judith S. Beck, Ph.D., The Beck Diet Solution (Pink book), pg 68.
New Journey: 10 years
In maintenance phase: 8 years and 6 months
Following Dr. Judith Beck via 3FC's Beck Diet Solution Forum: 8 years
Yesterday was instructive. I had planned a high-end calorie day,with a piece of cake, 1 cookie and fruit with whipped cream with my company as well as pasta and meatballs (measured!) for dinner. But one of my guests brought Dunkin' Donuts and, while at first I had NO INTENTION of eating one...as the afternoon went on I "found myself" eating one, all distracted-like. Then a bunch of thoughts went through my head - not worth it. Actually a little stale. Need to pay more attention when I am at the table with a lot of dessert. Probably would not have had it if I had had a cup of tea. So, credit for seeing and stopping it right away! No more donuts. Actually threw away the leftovers after dinner. No more cake. I wrapped up and froze the half that did not get eaten. No more cookies. Didn't fancy one. Not too much dinner - I served myself half of what I had planned and stopped there,even though it was delicious!
So, I ate more than I should have and too many empty calories at that...but I SHUT IT DOWN!
Bill - now I have a desire to hit a Farmer's Market this weekend!
onebyone - Oh, I feel for you with your Mom. There is never any good solution, only the best of difficult options...
Beth - the dumbbell challenge actually sounds fun!
Beverlyjoy - really hope you did not get any extreme weather!!!
a 75 pound weight on a "sled" wrapped around my waist as I walked around a huge parking lot area ~ twice
Wow - what a workout!
I truly want this to be a lifetime change of managing my weight and being healthy. I will pick my book up tonight and run off the checklists of the basics to use each day for awhile to stay in that groove.
Maryann - LOOVEE your birthday plan!! Hope it is a great birthday for him! I should have done that for my younger ones....though we have had a few Harry Potter parties (when a new DVD came out) with all kinds of food/drink/desserts from the books piled on the table, Great Hall style. Fun times.
spanky - hope the walk helped! So sorry that the more relaxed pace brought out more stress, not less.
Today is Kitchen Klutzes of America Day, also Sewing Machine Day and Weed Your Garden Day. I am out on all three counts! Just an ordinary day for me. I am going to finish two paintings for the farmers' market this weekend and I am hoping to make more progress on Zeus the Moose for my gallery show in August. I am sharing the space with my good friend Tim, and we are trying to collaborate but it is hard over a long distance. Luckily the gallery isn't that big. We are trying to do art+story in some way. We have been writing short stories to each other, using three words that we provide and that must be included in the tale. He sends me three and I have to use them and vice versa. We did this for a few years many years ago and then just stopped. We both enjoyed it and so we decided to start our project from that starting point but I am, as is usual for me this year, stumped. I'll keep trying. Something will happen as long as I keep trying.
Tomorrow is my official weigh-in day. I have changed from Thursdays to Fridays for the summer months. I saw 252.6, 0.4shy of my weigh-in last week which is fabulous given my disastrous eating this past weekend. Great. I am so thrilled I have totally accepted that getting back on track immediately is the sane thing to do. It really is. I was 258 two days ago. Had I not course corrected I'd still be there, or more, and feeling terrible. I now feel hopeful and even. Yay for that. I need all my wits about me these days.
I was going to plant that garden but it is raining yet again today. It rained all yesterday. The soil is very wet. I have rain shoes but don't really want to trample all that fluffy weed-free soil in my 20' x 20' plot. I am going to make a plan for the garden today and get my supplies together in the morning and get out there and do it tomorrow. I have my appt with the food folks tomorrow afternoon so I can spend the full morning out there. I don't think I'd be there longer than 5 hours anyway. I'll be ready to be done with it and happy to move on into therapy for food issues in the afternoon. Curious and scared to hear what they say. The evaluation form is SERIOUS. Yikes.
So I have had my OP breakfast, heading into OP snack and will start artwork as soon as I leave you to your day... and so a good day to you Becksters you!
Popping back in to say that I was totally OP today.
Also. I am not tech-savvy...but I figured out that I have a Notes app on my Blackberry - and I made a note for the Advantages. And next I am going to put in a note for each card. Easier than carrying them in my bag when I am out!!
I've been through alot the past few days. The fires are ravaging our State. I'm back in my "spot" of mega-responsibility for other family member's "stuff". I am dealing with it all one step at a time and keep reminding myself that my "getting stressed" will only affect my food choices, and me ultimately. No one else will really care.
I'm solo here now as I drove over the Divide yesterday for a 3 day break and ended up driving back over this morning to deal with a big$$ vehicle issue w/hubbys DD.
So financial stuff, being alone, feeling tired and deprived are all perfect reasons NOT to eat. I credit BDS with my general feeling of calm today. As I was encountering traffic today I specifically noted it was in my best interest to remain calm. Making the choice to be agitated and upset would only harm me.
That said, I certainly felt like a "treat"....something "bad"....the list went through my head. I had to make a stop at WhFoods and came out with the item for my mom, a box of blueberry cereal bars, one papaya and 4 bananas. No bread, no sweets, no tasting samples. I credit my resistance techniques learned via BDS.
I am alone. I have a food plan for tonight and I will follow it.
Utmost in my mind, is the family wedding in 6 weeks. I want to be my best and overeating/emotional eating hurts both my body and my soul. Staying OP helps me stay healthy in more ways than one.
Credit moi and extra credit for posting and contacting my diet buddy today. I know I do better if I share my story with all of you.
spanky, I send you many supportive thoughts. Walking through your struggles as you work on being the healthiest person you can be does matter. I wish you the very best and am glad you are here with us.
Second to last work meeting of the summer. Tidy things up on Monday and I am through. That will feel good. Bosses are very positive about my projects and I took that good feeling in. Credit.
Packed for the weekend camping. I am going to not make a big food production. I have hard boiled some eggs, fruit and yogurt. Really, there is not much more I need . Boys will stop at the store and buy what they want. Credit for letting them take the lead.
IBelieveinMe2: That is a very true statement "It is so difficult to pull it all together." I have thought often about the necessity of treating the whole person. If I attacked one issue, I use another issue as a "release valve" and sabotage myself. Beverleyjoy: Hope all is well on the weather front. I can only imagine the fear. No tornadoes here in CA just earthquakes which to me don't seem as scary. BethFromDayton: Boy! You can't imagine how often I forget to take the dinner out of the freezer. onebyone: credit for the OP weight loss BBE: I am spoiled. We rent ground at the ranch to "strawberry guy" and he usually gives dh free baskets. Sparks17: Superduper credit for throwing the donuts away. Beveleyjoy taught me to put dishwashing soap in it becuase I am not adverse to diving in the trash to fish out food. Lexxiss: I am so sorry there is so much responsibility on your shoulders. Super credit for remembering all the reasons NOT to eat.
Hello, all! Still out of town, last day of work is tomorrow and then two days of vacation for DH and me and then travel back on monday. Food has NOT been good. No, that's incorrect; the food has been good but my choices have not been. more later - off to the pool.
Fresh start Jan. 2016 ... Ladybug for good luck!
Hi folks.. the weather wasn't too bad last night It was more fierce north of us. I am grateful. Today I ate real food and was mindful of what and how much. However, I still have a lot of heartburn. Hoping tomorrow I can eat some fresh fruit or veg.
Move ticker, move!
Next Mini Goal - 214
"You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it." - Margaret Thatcher
I can't lose 100 pounds....but, just maybe I can lose five pounds twenty times.
My plans for tomorrow and Saturday are loose--I'll be eating at the university cafeteria during DD the younger's orientation. I've eaten there before, though, and found it pretty easy to stay OP, so I feel confident.
Today was the first day all year I've had an extra snack at work. I had my planned snack and was still very hungry--to the point of shaking hands. So I set my watch for 20 minutes and told myself that if I was still hungry then I would have something additional. Well, 20 minutes later my hands were still trembling a bit, so I had half a package of cashews.
I'm counting this as a "needed to" snack--in the category of diabetics with shaking hands need to eat.
I ate a bit more dinner than I intended, though--I hadn't thought about the calories in the bun or bbq sauce and didn't add it all up until after dinner. I do best when I enter everything into MFP the night before.
White knuckle yesterday and today with the anxiety! The walk helped yesterday--I used my stopwatch to do intervals so I had to keep my mind on it. That helped. More deep breathing. More thought stopping--all the stuff one does for anxiety.
Remarkably, I did not eat! Today the same, very OP and did weights--which I have to count. Sat in the chapel and whined [whining is a little known type of prayer]. It also helped to read more of this forum's boards.
And so I've made it safely to bedtime again today--Very grateful for the kind thoughts sent my way.
I had an emotional shock today but I didn't eat over it. I thought about it but didnt do it. *credit* I was surfing the net this morning and by accident, somehow, I saw that the mother of a friend died on the last day of January this year. She and I had discussed a few art projects at one time but I nixed it. She was too needy for me at the time. I was too over-worked. I also knew a bit about her via her daughter, who was an artist friend of mine for many years. We did shows together, tried to figure out how to make a living as an artist without having to do other work, what shows were good. Recently she wrote a book, then another, illustrated it with her special unique artwork and it was on my mind to pick her brain about that. I have been promising myself I'd do that very thing "really soon". I was going to set some time aside during an Ottawa visit to go visit her. Then I saw a facebook post that they were closing their shop up due to illness. Then I found out she was ill with a rare cancer. I meant to send something, make something, DO something, but just didnt figuring I'd see her soon. So this morning when I saw her mother died I thought wow DO SOMETHING NOW and I was going to send bright colourful flowers as her mother's death would have hit her hard, especially since she, too, was dealing with being sick. I then saw on their company facebook page a post by her husband showing him carving a totem pole. He wrote that he is "over trying to deal with the grief. Work helps." I was puzzled by this figuring it's the whole household--everything must be so heavy and then on a whim I googled her name and up came her OBITUARY. It was like someone took all my breath away. She died April 16th. She was exactly the same age as me, only a July baby. I thought "she didn't make it to 50." Which makes making it to 50 a real gift to me today. I have been trying to understand this all day and my eating has been solid but the urges to overeat are just right there, just under the surface.
When DH got home with the car I showed him the obit and he let out a gasp. I have never seen that reaction in him. It was just like mine. I have not cried over it. I don't know where my tears are. I am so sad she is not still in the world making things. It's just plain wrong. I got a sympathy card-they all seemed wrong-and will write a letter to her husband. I know what I will say.
Tomorrow is my eating disorder assessment. I have been avoiding filling out the assessment forms. They are heavy duty. Now I want to just run away and say "oh no I'm ok thanks but no thanks" but I am going to see this through. I need to allow myself to check it out. Just cause I am not "as bad as I used to be" doesn't mean there is nothing there for me. Whatever. All I know is I have been in my own way for a few YEARS now. Something is blocking me. And I have got to remove that block. It's just time to turn the page on this. My friend's unexpected death (I was sure she'd beat the cancer. She was FULL of life and plans and energy) reminds me to focus and get moving on what is important.
And so my heavy 2013 continues. What is up with this year?!
Spanky I'm sorry about the stress over your house and the finances. Things can be pretty tough at times. Things can also get unexpectedly better. We just don't know what the future brings. Kudos for not making your immediate future feel worse by using food to cope. Kudos as well for using your coping techniques. The more you make those choices, the less the anxiety controls you. Thanks for posting.
Diet Coaches/Buddies – Interviewed cars for adoption again. CREDIT moi since that's what's needed real soon. My desire for cars to live forever doesn't fit reality. The Ford Focus Hybrid had a rear view camera that displayed on the flat screen in the dashboard, with lines indicating where I was likely to end up given the way I was backing. For more money, the car would parallel park itself! (But won't drive you out of the space which can be as difficult for those who can't get in, LOL.) All cars have tons of flat screen displays integrated with all the controls so that anything that goes wrong disables the car completely. The Focus even eliminated the spare tire; the trunk held an air pump to attempt to re-inflate your tire before you get towed to a garage. I long for a VW Beetle of the '60's.
Eating was OK at an event. There was opportunity to eat more that I avoided. It was a rainy day and life was busy.
onebyone – Thanks for the sobering reminder that life is a one pass journey whose duration isn't guaranteed. Good luck with your assessment today with Kudos for sticking with it.
Debbie (Lexxiss) – Your fires are frightening. Kudos for tending to your busy while staying mindful.
Beverlyjoy – Yay for "real food."
maryann - Kudos for accepting the positive responses of your bosses. Your camping trip sounds fun.
spanky - Kudos for using the chapel and the walk to deal with anxiety instead of food.
nationalparker – Waving toward Kathmandu (as substitute for wherever "out of town" really is). Posting is a good start to minding your food choices.
Beth (bethFromDayton) – Kudos for making thoughtful choices for the cashews at work by paying attention to your body.
sparks17 – Ouch for the doughnut that was "not worth it" - Kudos for stopping at one as well as Kudos for Becking your Blackberry.
chapter 5 Get Ready: Lay the Groundwork
.......Once I accept the fact that
I have to follow a healthy eating plan
......for life, dieting will be easier.
Judith S. Beck, Ph.D., The Beck Diet Solution (Pink book), pg 69.
New Journey: 10 years
In maintenance phase: 8 years and 6 months
Following Dr. Judith Beck via 3FC's Beck Diet Solution Forum: 8 years
Just had hummus and pita chips for breakfast...and I did not measure them, just ate. No cards, no conscious thought, only stealth-thinking. I couldn't let myself really think about it becasue I would have started arguing...so I just did it. I need to figure out the calories and plan the rest of my day before a small problem becomes a big one!
I am totally thinking IT's NOT FAIR right now - can't I just eat some healthy food without writing it down??? No, I can't because I know that "just eating healthy food when I am hungry" turns into "just eating when I am hungry" which turns into "just eating" which turns into - gaining back any weight I have lost. What is the proper response? Oh well. I can't have everything I want.
OK. Back on track in my head. Now it is time to get back on track for real - in my plan on MFP and with my exercise. And today is Friday -menu planning and shopping list creating day.
It is also Day 25 (or so) for me - Identifying Sabotaging Thoughts. Definitely getting some practice this morning!!