[helping rachel]

Julia:

Just a thought. Look around a room and decide what you want in that room. What should be in there functionally. What should be there because it will be the "home" of that item. Start releasing what doesn't belong. Sometimes I play a game with myself and set the timer to see how much I can get done in 15 minutes. I am always amazed at how much I can discard, wipe down and vacuum. Just do something.......

[Lexxiss]

Michelle! Glad you found us!

Julia, I suggested starting with just one item IF this process is something uncomfortable starting out. No, 1 thing a day does not work with everyday clutter. Where it will really make a difference is if you start designating 1..or 2 or 3 items to send to goodwill and/or the trash every single day.
You might find your comfort level for starting out would be:
1. old clutter-5 minutes recycle/thrift/pitch
2. current clutter-5 minutes "what did you not put away yesterday?"
3. clean-clean upstairs bathroom...or another 5 minute chore

As I mentioned, I kind of got my 1-2-3 from Flylady. Her motto is "you are not behind...jump in where you are." It seems by starting somewhere and creating the routine then down the road a week or two you will really start to notice a difference. She really points out the "burn out factor". She says when we try to "catch up" all at once it's too much.

Re Current Clutter: one concept that really helped me was to teach myself (cognitive skills) to skip the middle point. For example, I come in the house and take off my hat, scarf and gloves. I can take them off and set them on the table (clutter) or I can take them off and put them in the drawer. If I put them in the drawer it's done, if I put them on the table there is an added step. If I bring a pop can from upstairs to the kitchen I put it right in recycle instead of setting it on the counter (clutter). I'm still amazed at how many times I catch myself wanting to put something down on a counter/table.

I seem to notice that it's in our nature to want to "clean up." Clean the dishes, clean the toilet, vacuum the rug, etc. but what is not as natural but makes a big difference is taking time to identify items that could be eliminated...thus freeing space...through recycling/thrift store/trash.

I found it great to start cleaning/picking up on a daily basis but I have found a new freedom and happiness by taking items out of my home that don't serve me now.

[Lexxiss]

Hello declutterers!

Today's 1-2-3

old clutter-put relevant photos back in albums, went through files on dresser and took to basement. (20 min)
current clutter-picked up entire house (5 min)
cleaned-(and organized) inside refrigerator (5 min)
30 minutes

Have a great day everyone!

[helping rachel]

Here is my 1-2-3.

OC: Finish one box, I started last night--- take out trash of 3 full boxes sitting in kitchen.
NC: Go thru one new box.
Clean: Vac basement for Morgan's school meeting on Wed.

[onebyone]

Hi There.

Lexxiss reminded me of why I started this thread a year or two ago. I was moving from a three bedroom townhouse, with a basement, to a 2 bedroom apartment, with three closets. I was facing everything on my own. My DH had already started his new job and I was left with everything else. He regualry tod me that it was "all my stuff anyway" when we got into it--which we did casue I was so angry! I had enormous sympathy though for what he was doing and that tempered me most of the time. It was all he could do to succumb to a *harsh* office environment and to drive back and forth 200mi every weekend to come home for a visit and then head back again. Our income, for the first time ever, was high enough that we would need to do our taxes. Huh.

I was sooooo stumped. I have never been a "good housekeeper". Whatever stereotype you can think of for that phrase, I was the opposite and I had ZERO interest in anything to do with that stuff.
I can function in chaos.
I like to see everything I own at all times.
And on top of that, clean clean spaces unnerve me. They feel "scary"...so lots to deal with eh?

Anyway, given all of this I had to figure out a way to approach my task. The Beck Diet Soution gave me tools and the desire to try to move forward in this part of my life as well. Fly Lady was already on my radar too, and her 15minutes of planned cleanup/sorting/decluttering/tossing whatever it is but PLANNED really dovetails nicely with Beck, so what truly helps me and helped me when I had that whole house to deal with, was making a master list and then breaking it down into manageable steps and then breaking that down into what I thought were "ridicuously small steps even a baby could do". I really did that and still do that when I am serious.

I have learned that when someone says "Clean the kitchen" I have no idea what this truly means. How do you go from dishes out everywhere, cupboards poorly used-some empty, some overfull, stuff in them but not what I actually use (just stashed in there-used to be from an emergency clean-up cause someone was coming over) floors looking bad, drawers hard to close cause there is too much stuff in them-so how to go from this to a "clean kitchen"? I decided to work for 15minutes only. I wrote out a detailed plan on a BIG whiteboard. For this example I would ask myself first, before I even started to actually clean anything "what does a clean kitchen mean to me? What is important to me? what would it look like? If my kitchen were what I wanted it to be, what would I want to do in there? How woud it feel when I was in there? " I would write this statement out. This is my "statement of intention". It is my end goal. It is my ideal. It is what I want for this particular space
Right now it needs to do with
1) nothing on the floor
2)sinks clean and empty
3) dishes in the cupboards
4) countertops cleaned = stuff tossed out/wiped down/extra stuff not used often put away in cupboards (NOTE: may need to take a look at the cupboard organization)

I have done these three steps and now know I need to add another and I need to do it soon: clean the major appliances. this means:
1. the stove: clean= wipe down the a) dials on stove
b)stove hood
c)glass top
d)oven door
e)glass in the door
f) clean out the drawer in the bottom of the stove = toss-give away what you don't use/don't want
g)clean inside the oven
So you can see the stove is BIG DEAL to me. Lots of steps.
I can tell you when I decide to do this task I will write this all out on my white board so I can have the PLEASURE of running a line through that task on my list when I am done it. Sometimes I just erase that task off the board leaving he empty space on my whitebaord which is also visually and emotionally satisfying to me. I need to see my progress because it is so easy for me to dismiss what I have actually done. It seems like *so little* given that I have a 7' stack of boxes in the dining room, stuff in the hall, dishes in the sink--whatever. It's just like my weight and my accomplishments. For example: I did an artist residency in February last year in Key West. I was chosen on the strength of my work, by a jury of my peers, and given the gift of a month there to further my work which they deemed valuable and they fully supported it... but I am the same weight I was when I left there. I can't get under that 250 and now, if I go back again, if they let me come back, I will still be fat. I am a failure. See? Really easy to dismiss one by the other. I may be compartmentalizing, but just cause I have a pile of boxes in one room doesn't mean the sink ain't clean and I can't celebrate it. In fact I HAVE TO.

I share all this cause I truly deeply at a soul level know how difficult this is. My weight and my disordered home have been with me since I was a child. I make great strides and move forward and then it's like an internal backlash happens and I just stop dead. I am striving for moderation so I can keep going inbetween the urges to "get something done already". This thread is a GREAT PLACE FOR ME as I see the consistency and the coping and the re-thinking that we all do to deal with this issue which I do believe impacts my weight and my ability to stay on plan. I believe in a plan rooted in success. If all I can do today is clean out that sink or clear off that coffee table ok. *credit moi* But if I make a decision and I know I am doing this within the context of a larger vision for the living room or the kitchen or the goal of a certain ideal living environment in my home, then this "small" step means so much more given that context. I need that. I need to remember that, hence this long message.

Anyway, really long rambling share this morning, but I needed to remember that I too have done this and I too am moving forward and I too know and have skills to approach this. *credit* and THANK YOU ALL for coming here and feeling free enough to share your thoughts on this.

My goals for my place today are:

1. put the shelves into the living room bookcase DONE
2. clear the shelves in the hallway bookcases. DONE
3. open AND DEAL WITH three boxes today from the stack in the dining room *modified this to ONE box which is now DONE
4. get the styrofoam packaging that I shoved into the dining room from some xmas stuff into garbage bags DONE
5.find out where I go (and how much are they) to purchase extra tags for extra garbage bags so the garbage man will take my stuff next garbage day. DONE
6. to do one load of laundry DONE

note: have decided to aim for one box a day. it's enough. *credit

[onebyone]

znaoic My DH is a collector. Lucky for him, alot of it is in digital format, but he has boxes of comics, shelves of "classic" video games, vintage movie posters, some toys, some books, computer components. I am NOT ALLOWED EVER to move/remove his stuff. I am a visual artist. I have many mediums I work in. Much of my stuff is now offsite in separate studio space but things that spark me are still here in abundance: books, magazines, artwork, weird things/objects. What I have noticed is I truly do have enough to occupy myself with trying to sort out my own stuff and I leave DH alone. He often comes around to cleaning up on his own when he sees that I am doing it. I know his mom always threw away his stuff behind his back so I only do it in terms of things that are not in any collection. It's too emotionally charged for me to want to go there, especially when my own stuff is not dealt with. I have given him 90% of the back room for his stuff and I take no ownership in its state. What gets me ticked off is *feeling* that I am 100% responsible for all the common areas of the house: kitchen, bathroom, living room, bedroom, hallway. I accept this most days and he never bugs me about it. When I try, he helps. When I ignore it he does too. It's always better when I just accept that I am home a lot more than he is and so I have the opportunity and the energy to clean up more often than he does. And since I spend more time here it gets on my nerves more too. Maybe. Thanks for joining us.

Julia150 You wrote this

I've written your statement down on a card. I imagine the most common feeling of resistance is going to be I don't feel like it. Guess what, the other side of the card says? You can spare 5 minutes to do this.

OMG. Thanks so much for sharing this. I never even thought about writing on the back of a card! OMG. BRILLIANT! Thanks for sharing.
When I was starting to clean my living room getting ready for our move I broke my space down into quadrants that made sense to me. For example my living room went from A)coffee table = 1) top of table and 2)shelf below it. Then B) stuff between the end of the couch to the wall on the right. Or C) corner of the room beside the tv stand and the wall. If there was a piece of furniture I broke it into shelves, D) tv stand = a) top surface all around the tv b) shelves = 1)4 on the right then 2) 4 in the center then 3)4 on the left c) clean under the tv stand. I would even break down the "4 shelves on the right" if I had to and mark them off. I needed the PROOF for MYSELF that I was making progress. I am *easily* overwhelmed by feelings of despair in regards to household cleanup/decluttering. Somedays are better than others and I don't need all this detailed documentation. Right now I am back there needing this reinforcement. I don't judge this. I notice it and accept it and know it changes over time -- but not if I don't face it. I can only change these old patterns by encounrtering them, by facing them, by acting on my desire to have the house I want and deserve to have. You only get from here to there by going through it. We all must find a way to do the work. Thankfully we can do it together and help each other when we get stuck and encourage those who are lighting the way (Lexxiss! Helping Rachel! a nod to you both

Newlifestyle SO GRATEFUL you are here with us. I *know* what to means to have friends to talk this kind of stuff overwith. It's like one of those "obvious" things that "everyone knows how to do-DUH" what's there to talk about? Well, lots. In my growing up years I was actively discouraged from cleaning with lots of reinforcement of how I couldn't do it right and what I did was re-done in front of me to show me how poorly I had done it. On top of that, this person always took great pleasure at every opportunity of this kind of thing. Eventually I stopped doing any of it. I was also actively discouraged from doing artwork or from even reading books. Look how that turned out? Anyway, of course you are sad. You honour your relationship with your brother by the depth of your feelings. I am sad for you as well. You honour him by living a good life as well. *credit* for moving forward and for lookign at your stuff wth new eyes. Thanks for posting.

[helping rachel]

Hugs sent to you OnebyOne. So glad to see you post where you are. I admire your knowledge and understanding of your internal process as related to your external process. I witness the formation of where this .....desire not clean came from. Who wants to hang out with their "inner critic" to do chores that we don't like to do anyway?

I also appreciate you sharing why you started this thread. It is hard to downsize and it is hard to do it by yourself. It just is.

I am here to hear your up's and down's and to support you in your process. I love how you have broken down the steps and that you know what is workable in moderation. Isn't it amazing how much this ties into Beck for weight? I have been on a "No choice" focus on shopping or ignoring small stuff. I have a part that is emerging that says I want to take care of what I have and I have enough.

I think it is wise to honor that part of us that needs pleasure after we have done something that isn't that pleasurable. Using the distraction technique from Beck that doesn't involve food or red wine for me.

Anyhow, I sent you a pm ....I will share my internal discovery and the power that has shifted and what part of me was protecting me from changing if you want to know. If that isn't helpful to hear my story, no problem.

I am glad to see you here! Credit! Glad to see a plan! Credit Glad to hear of your creative giftings and admiration from peers for being awarded to go to Key West! Credit---True Self shared. (Sure don't have that gift

I am glad that you started this thread or we won't be sharing our process. Credit!

[Newlifestyle]

I am done for the day. I am here struggling as my brother's dog passed away today. The vet thinks she was so lonely without him. I am coming here to confess I did eat over this. A package of toffifee. It did not make me feel better. I am just very overwhelmed and emotionally drained. Please forgive me if I don't post. I will try to but no promises.
Take Care

[helping rachel]

Ann: Sending hugs your way for the loss of your brother's dog. Another loss can make your brother's loss come back in a fresh way. We will hold space for you, so don't feel pressure to post or not post. We are here to listen and support your journey.

Condolences,
Tami

[Julia150]

Everyone: I am working on a computer with a hiccup but I want to post quickly.
I am so glad I found this thread, my house chaos goes hand in hand with my weight, I'm glad I can work on both and I appreciate all of your combinded wisdom.
Yesterday
New clutter: recycled pop cans laying around
Old clutter: Can't remember but I know there was one (must not have been to big, but I did SOMETHING
Clean something: Washed dishes and loaded dishwasher

JuliaLearningNewSkills!

[helping rachel]

Julia: How was the 1-2-3- dance? Is it doable? Some women on the thread have read Peter Walsh's book "Does this clutter make my butt look fat?". I think he shares the tie in with weight and clutter.

I had a stare down with the dishwasher yesterday thinking someone else can unload and I shouldn't have to since I shopped and cooked dinner. I played this game to see how long it would take and it took me 4 minutes to unload it. Sometimes I spend more energy not doing a task than doing it. I am trying to change that groove. Noticing and Naming my process is helping.....now to neutralize it to make best decisions for me......===Lifelong task.

Work today,

oc---pulled 20 items out of the closet that I don't use, wear or want. Bagged and put in back of car.
nc----Sunday paper and junk mail. separate and let go.
clean- kitchen floor. yuk!

I am paranoid about going to grocery store. Health Department reported 863 cases of flu reported last week. This compares to the number of 340 same time last season. I guess it is what it is, I have to go anyway....

[Lexxiss]

Hi declutterers!
This morn I wasn't able to access Internet from home....now I am at work on iPhone...hence no novels or personals.

I started the company books this morning...it already feels more organized than last year . Credit.

Old clutter-is the 2012 paperwork!
Current clutter-picked up and put away....even one photo that didn't make it back to its album on Sunday...put away dishes, took trash/recycle out and made bed.
Clean-nothing yet
Bbl

[Newlifestyle]

Hello,
Just checking in, I will be back, I know I will.
Thanks for supportive suggestions and thoughts.
Take Care
Ann

[Lexxiss]

I really wanted to respond to others' posts yesterday but I'm not that adept at iphone typing. My internet seems fine this morning.

Ann(Newlifestyle), thanks for taking the energy to let us know you'll be back. Intention is important and other steps you are taking during this difficult time are sure to help you day by day.

Julia, love that you are open to giving some daily effort to your decluttering tasks. JuliaLearningNewSkills! Love it!

Tami(helping rachel), yay for finding more items to take from a closet and finding the energy to get them all the way to the car. I appreciated hearing your commentary about unloading the dishwasher...timing it and recognizing it takes more energy to "not do a task". I agree wholeheartedly.

onebyone, I have read your post many times in the past few days and I still remember how difficult your move was. Because of the circumstances of your DH's new job you were left to accomplish a gigantic task all by yourself. I shared with you at that time parts of our move from Alaska where we did pretty much the same thing-pack before being able to "process" our "stuff". Because we moved into a larger place it was much easier to stuff everything in closets, basements, sheds, porches, workshops….but it was still the same old "stuff". I am happy to say it feels good to be going through everything on a daily basis now and letting go.
My DH is also a collector. I don't touch his stuff at all and have really worked at emotionally detaching from "his stuff". I don't even suggest he go through his stuff...not one word. When I come across something that is rightfully his I put it in his "area" and leave it's process to him. That stuff never comes down to the thrift box and I don't expect it to.
I, too, get aggravated from time to time that the effort in our home is mostly my effort. I have noticed that in small ways he is participating more in the daily process which fuels me to keep going and to keep my mouth shut.
You mentioned not knowing what cleaning is. I can relate there, too. Growing up we didn't ever learn what that meant and my recollection of cleaning was when my dad would get pi**ed off at all the stuff and just start pulling it out of the garage..into the car and to the dump. He was sick of it and got to the point he didn't care what he threw away.
I am learning that I can change that. I can mindfully sort through my possessions and make sound decisions about what is important to keep and what is not. By taking all the items out of my kitchen cupboards that I never use I can make space for the things that matter AND when I get rid of the extra stuff in the cupboards AND put the useful stuff in them I can learn how to keep my countertop clean. The key words for me are I can learn.
One thing that has helped me to "let go" of the stuff I just don't use (but my mind still says "this is useful") is to acknowledge that if I let go now and send that item away that it will be okay to acquire that item again if I find out later that I want it. Truthfully I can say that of all the many things I have sent out of my home there has not been one thing so far that I haven't been able to live without.
Anyway, I've got to get rolling this morning but I am so grateful you are here and we will keep moving forward together.
My motto today LIVE, LOVE, LEARN, CHANGE

[Lexxiss]

Today's 1-2-3

old clutter-I brought a small box home from work yesterday and have placed 3 items in it this morning-thrif
current clutter-traveling later today and will pick up 100% before I go
clean-I will vacuum the downstairs.