Beck Diet For Life/Solution – February 2012 – Support, Discussion, Buddy/Coach

[Lexxiss]

Hi Coaches/Buddies/Friends!

Yesterday took some twists and turns and I came out somewhere in the middle, "coulda done better coulda done worse". I had to take DH to an appt in the afternoon then we spent time walking through stores looking for a cheap ring for him. He lost his wedding ring shoveling. I'm still hopeful we'll find it in the Spring but things like that rub on a really sensitive emotional spot. "If we had money we'd just go buy another nice one".

Anyway....we found one for $5.99 at the curio shop and as we were driving home right by our favorite mexican restaurant DH exclaimed, "I'm really hungry". He really wanted to go there and I had to remind myself that he is affected every day that I make a food plan....sometimes he deserves to have what he is wanting. (I did make sure I thought it through and identified it as legitimate not just a sabotaging thought) We shared our usual appetizer and went home. Reality is that we go there twice a year now and for a year we ate lunch there every single day. I see improvement.....

Anyway....after we got home I ate sourdough bread and 2 100 cal. bars. I was not hungry I ate emotionally. I went to bed.
Credits for the day: making a plan, exercising, weighing and being mindful at dinner.

BillBlueEyes, I love those rolls, too! Hmm....I'm wondering what was the sticky stuff holding the cauliflower together. Kudos for Thursdays OP day!

maplover, sending continued support with similar thoughts as gardenerjoy. (I just spoke with a friend under stress who has gained 30# in 3 months). Perhaps your working your program to the best of your ability right now is keeping you focusing on your food instead of in blast off binge mode.

onebyone, love your reports in! Love "food as usual".

gardenerjoy, great reevaluation with a new plan!

silverbirch, great that Beck is helping you with some continuing maintenance tools.

Beverlyjoy, glad you are staying within the parameters of your plan.

everyone else!

It's 420 am here and I've managed to get to my office without waking DH. I've been procrastinating on company books and if I could fit an hour in this AM I would make great progress and FEEL BETTER. I acknowledge that my food plan and my work plan are related.

Have a great day coaches!

[fyreflie24]

Hey Coaches...

Ok I'm reaching out here... I need some help.

I'm sabotaging. I know I am. As I've mentioned ad nauseam by this point, we leave June 23rd for the beach and I promised DH I'd wear a bathing suit for the first time in about 15 years. I don't think he's ever seen me wear one on the beach, ever. I carry my weight in my lower half, especially my legs so it's really hard to disguise. When I started this journey in August, a 'friend' told my husband I was setting myself up for failure. That kinda stuck and on one hand it makes me feisty and on the other hand it kicks in my "I'd rather no fully try and fail than give it my all and fail". Of course it's ridiculous to look at a few extra pounds over goal as a failure when I've come this far but I know I'm not getting out there and exercising like I should be. I feel the wall I feel the block. I've struggled with this for years is many areas of my life. Anyone have any suggestions?

[Lexxiss]

Donamarie, big credit for reaching out! I caught your post just as I was "heading to the pool"-swimsuit and all. I live 2 miles from a year round outdoor hotsprings pool. After spending 20+ years in Alaska without a pool, beach or a swimsuit I made peace with myself "in" a swimsuit at my high weight. I had to acknowledge that I was never going to lose weight if I waited to do everything I wanted to do until I got to a certain weight/size/etc. I think your coaches here have gently reminded you over the past months to let go of the idea that your ultimate goal weight must be achieved by XX date.

You have made such incredible progress! You have changed your lifestyle around 100%! Credit Credit Credit!!! You continue to move in the direction of your goals! I am so impressed with your determination! My suggestion would be to continue everything you are doing but consider redefining your "Countdown to Ocean Isle Beach on June 23".
~perhaps find some goals that are reachable and not "weight based"

I am not a goddess in my swimsuit but I feel lots more comfortable now than I did 80+ pounds ago. My original purchased suit is mega sizes too big. Last year when suits were on sale I bought a smaller one which fits me now. Success. I am buying a new one this month which will be smaller than the last. Success. I look at all the bikini babes at the pool everyday and accept that I'm 53 and it's ok not to be one of them. Success. There are bizillions of super adorable swimsuits out there. Perhaps your original idea for a suit might change. Start looking.

When I started my journey I couldn't ride my bike around the block. I've made great progress and I look to you for inspiration. We are all on different paths yet have a common bond.

My card tells me:
"My weight isn't who I am. It isn't a measure of my worth. It's just a number that tells me important information."
Green book-p. 58

ETA-Went back to my project then thought "My swimsuit is not a measure of my worth. It's a garment which, when I wear it, allows me to enrich my life doing something fun with my family."
And, BTW, every time I wear it my DH comments how great I look.

[Tazzy]

Hello Everyone,

This will be a short post as I've got lots to do before we head off on our cruise tomorrow! Still surreal to me that it's finally here, we booked in last July so it's been a long wait. I've got some strategies in mind for eating and will try those jeans on every morning to stay on track. I didn't work this hard to lose 30 pounds to gain a bunch back in one week.

fyreflie24 I totally agree with Lexxiss on your situation. You have made significant progress on your journey and you have to be very proud of that. I dont' know that I will ever feel 100% comfortable wearing a bathing suit but I have also realized that I don't think others pay as much attention to us as we like to think they do. I may notice someone at the pool or the beach, take a quick look and carry on with what I was doing. I'm assuming they are doing the same. And honestly I don't need to have all the attention. Remember measurements of inches and how your body is changing from all your cycling can be much more important that the number on the scale. It's sad how much we let that one little number impact so much of our life. Continue with your plan and you are going to look fabulous on the beach in June, regardless of what the scale says.

We won't have any internet access on the ship (well none that I'm willing to pay big money for) so I'll be away until Feb 20th. See you all then

[onebyone]

Hi Coaches

I talked to the cashier at the Officemax. She was from Buffalo, NY and has been in Key West for 3 months she said. We both agreed that this feels like July, and not winter. The woman I walked past yesterday would not agree. She was wearing a baby blue knee length downfilled coat zipped up to the neck. To her, it is indeed Winter. Very easy to see who's from here and who is not.

I had a rough sleep last night. I couldn't get to the point of falling asleep until after 1:30. For the first time since I got here my mind was playing between home and here, back and forth, back and forth. The reason for this was I had to submit my application for the 2012 Studio Tour--did it through email, but I had to gather my images from my netbook, write out the info they wanted, and email it off. I had to get DH to go over there this morning with 2 post-dated chq in hand, which he was not thrilled to do as it messes with his before-work-in-the-morning time. Also, I was thinking how I wouldn't be able to do this kind of artwork at home yesterday and I thought I should give it one last try to see if there is any space close by to where I live and lo and behold a brand new artists' collective has formed in the north of the Big City, about 30min from me, which is all great. I sent off an email asap to the contact person and got one right back. The price is right, the location is right, but, again, DH has to go over at some point-he's got to call/email and arrange the meeting with the woman--and then he has to bring that chequebook and secure me the space. As my sister said, right now it's all about me. Which, she said was fair, as it has been all about him for more than a year. Amen sister.

Foodwise, I ate a lot this morning. I tracked it, and I stopped *credits* but it was nervous eating. So much yet to do for my show. Just now, I ate more than I wanted, I was done/full enough, but went past that but I stopped before I was stuffed* big credit here*. It's too hot and humid to be overfull. Thank you to this latitude so much closer to the equator than where I'm from.

I spent the whole morning editing images on the computer and when I got them printed the people at the copy place just used the low level Windows fax pgm and all my images are the wrong size. I had them sized to the size of my linoleum blocks and my woodblocks. They are pretty hopeless there. I can deal with it, but, it adds more work, again, to my project. I am hoping for a "happy accident" though. Sometimes my plans are not the best plans and the unplanned thing is the better thing. We'll see. Enough of them are okay that I can be busy all weekend long anyway. I still have time. But just barely. Set up for me exhibition is Wednesday.

Better go. I have to get to work now.

I'm planning some exercise for later today, perhaps an evening walk.


Tazzy Enjoy your trip! Looking forward to hering your report when you get back... soak up that sun!

fyreflie24 I just got a size 20 bathing suit. I was looking at all these suits, the ones with the skirts, the ones with the halters, the ones with the top and bottom separate-tankinis, and I thought, what do I want a suit for? Am I wearing one to lounge around a pool, one to be a bathing beauty in? For me, the answer is no. I want a suit that works and that I can actually swim in without worrying about this or that part. So I got a speedo. And it's *yawn* navy blue--but it does have an X back and it does have a bit of white piping on the edges of the straps and the neckline. We really are much more interested in ourselves than anyone else is. Look at the swimming thing practically; if you want to swim, you need a suit. Do you want to swim? Your hubby is well aware of your concerns with the whole thing and I can guarantee that he wants his DW living her life to the fullest and not held back by some imaginary yet-to-be achieved version of her future perfect self. You are already good enough. Get the suit. Wear the suit. Be brave. You deserve it. Smile.

Gotta run.

to everyone.

[maryann]

Good Afternoon, Coaches.

It has been an uncomfortable week for me. I spent the last two days deliberately ignoring my food plan, tracking schedule, and all the healthy Beck habits that brought me to the point I am today - especially SITTING DOWN when I eat. No sitting down is always a huge sign I am on the run emotionally. I don't want to take responsibility for what is in my mouth. I don't want to stop for a moment and feel my feelings. Blick!
But it is a new day. I have finished my sabbatical proposal and resume. I haven't done a resume in 22 years. I look at the paper and am proud of my accomplishments - including a teacher of the year award. Then out of nowhere I get an email from an ex student's mother - thanking me for teaching her daughter four years ago. She said her daughter still uses the writing skills I gave her and she wanted me to teach her young son coming up in two years. Wow. Here is the tough part that I think you people will understand more than any other group in my life. All that good stuff, all the praise just made me want to eat more!
Why is that? Why is it so uncomfortable for me? Maybe because accolades prove I am not invisible. And I so want to be invisible, sometimes. Yet sometimes I want everyone in the world to see and love me. It is complicated stuff.
What do I know? I am a sister among brothers and sisters in this world - no better, no worse. I have a place here, it is small and ordinary but it is mine and I deserve happiness and fellowship. Eating won't take that right away. Being fat won't take that right away. Being thin won't give me anymore than my fair share of love. Simple. To treat myself so poorly with food is mistreating God's kid. I won't have it. This fits in with Donamar, Lexxiss and Onebyone issues with the swimsuit. I have the right to enjoy my body in the sun, in the water, in the arms of someone I love. I don't have to earn these privileges. I am enough exactly this moment, exactly at this weight.
I have tracked today. I am going to walk the track when my son goes to basketball practice.
Best to all of you.

[gardenerjoy]

I chatted with my brother for two hours in his hot tub last night, leading to a nice whoosh of water weight! Not to mention relaxation and familial bonding.

WI: -0.85kgs, Exercise:+35 400/1300 minutes for February, Food: 95%op, Read my Advantages and Responses: yes

fyreflie24: Nodding along with Lexxiss and Tazzy and onebyone. I never stopped wearing a swimsuit because I wanted too much to do the things that require one (especially hot tubs, see above :-) ). Even now, I don't look good in one because I have asymptomatic varicose veins that I'm not willing to treat for the sole purpose of looking better in a swimsuit or a skirt. I look great, and professional, in slacks and that's what matters to me. Knowing that I don't look so hot in a swimsuit, I can attest to the fact that people are not paying attention to how I look. Most of them are spending too much time worrying about how they look in their swimsuits! Which means we're all spending too much energy on that particular issue.

Here's another thought I've been having that might help. I think our culture does a number on us women. We are surrounded by thin women in fashion and other advertising and that gives us one ideal of beauty we strive for. And, yet, we're also tangentially aware of what Playboy models look like and assume that is what men want, so there's another ideal of beauty to strive for. There's at least thirty pounds of difference between those two ideals of beauty! I think subconsciously we want both -- to look like fashion models in clothes and Playboy models when naked and it's driving us, collectively, nuts. Swimsuits are the worst -- we want the slender limbs of a fashion model combined with the generous proportions of Playboy models at the same moment. The few women who can make their bodies conform to that are called Sports Illustrated swimsuit models -- the rest of us have to find a way to be happy with something considerably short of our culture's ideal.

I had an idea for you. Is there some place where you could swim laps once every week or two as cross-training for your biking? Swimsuits are on sale right now (I just bought a tankini in one size and color and a contrasting-colored bottom in a larger size from Lands End). How about buying a swimsuit today to fit your body at this moment? And then using it for your athletic pursuits. One of the best paths women have out of the above conflicting ideals is to start appreciating our bodies for what they do, including athletic pursuits. Who knows? Maybe this time next year, you'll be telling us about training for a triathlon.

Wow, maryann, what you wrote was really powerful for me -- hope it made you feel better, too.

onebyone: I finished An Appetite for Murder, the mystery featuring a food writer in Key West. I really enjoyed the characters and the setting was a lot of fun! Hope you're enjoying the real life Key West as much!

[BillBlueEyes]

Diet Coaches/Buddies - Eating on plan even though we had a dinner guest, CREDIT moi. Sometimes guests mean a high calorie dessert, but last night was fruit salad - just right.

Did gym, CREDIT moi, including compulsively sorting the dumbbells into their proper slots which is a good excuse for me to lift ones that I'm not yet strong enough to use for my work out. And today is the day of the month for me to tick my journey counters, CREDIT moi.


onebyone – Ouch for the complexity of handling your Canadian business affairs from Florida. Major Kudos for buying yourself a bathing suit for function instead of Sports Illustrated posing.

Joy (gardenerjoy) – Two hours in a hot tub and I'd look like a prune, LOL. Thanks for the reminder about how skewed we all are in our expectations about women's bodies.

Debbie (Lexxiss) – Love the thought of a $6.99 wedding ring; I might do that when we vacation this summer so there's no possibility of losing the real one.

maryann - Yay for an unexpected bit of appreciation for your teaching, with Kudos for working on accepting it as reflecting the person you really are. Just love, "I am enough exactly this moment, exactly at this weight."

Tazzy - Waving toward a cruise ship somewhere warm - Bon Voyage.

Donamari (fyreflie24) – Sending supportive thoughts as you wrestle with the classic bathing suit issue. I join the others suggesting the Nike approach - Just Do It. What I tend to notice about women at the beach is their confidence; their size isn't so different to me from their size fully clothed. I do enjoy folks who are happy in their own skin.

Readers -

chapter 4 Stage 1 The Success Skills Plan
Success Skill 9 Get Back on Track - Right Away

what to do . . .
To make your Cheat Sheet, get a 3x5 index card. On it, write the following questions:

• What was the situation, and what were my sabotaging thoughts?
• Did I eat this food slowly, while sitting down and enjoying every bite?
• How do I feel now that I've given in?
• Had I read my Response Cards and Advantages Deck today?
• Did I try any other Resistance Techniques?
• How can I avoid this situation in the future?
• What can I say to myself next time?

Judith S. Beck, Ph.D., The Complete Beck Diet for Life (Green book), pg 104.

[Beverlyjoy]

Hi - I am struggling. I did a bend and twist while unloading the dishwasher. Ouch! Phooey. I can't take any nsaids because of surgery next week. I can take a muscle relaxer - that helps some. I'll try again to make a plan.

Am going to our cousin's for dinner. (Dh's first cousin & his wife) It's been quite a week for them. Each had a parent in Hospice - One did pass away. They will have healthy foods available. Actually, they asked what they can fix that I can eat. That's really very nice.

All I can think about is chocolate. Isn't that crazy? However, I have not eaten any chocolate.

Thanks for your support.

[fyreflie24]

Originally Posted by Beverlyjoy

All I can think about is chocolate. Isn't that crazy? However, I have not eaten any chocolate.

I hate when food talks to me. Good for you for talking back and saying NO!

[fyreflie24]

Friends,
I am humbled by your kind and generous outpouring of affection, advice and concern. Thank you! I'm in the process of doing some real soul searching and your words of wisdom have certainly helped! I'll let you know here I end up settling

[maryann]

Good Morning. Coaches.
I feel good this morning. A new start. Credit for taking DS to Basketball and walk/jogging the track while I waited. Credit for lots of veggies yesterday and a plan for yoga this morning. I thought last nite about my unwillingness to feel that empty stomach at the end of the evening. I know Beverleyjoy was talking about extra snacking at nite. Today, my goal is to go to bed with the slight concave stomach that means I stuck to my plan.
BBE: So being OC can burn calories? Right on.

[fyreflie24]

Maryann: I don't know if this works into your food plan but I bulk a bit of extra protein into dinner and that usually does a great job holding me over at night. If I'm wanting something, I drink tea. It fills and can even be sweet, like mint... Glad you're feeling so positive about a fresh start

[Lexxiss]

Hi Coaches/Buddies/Friends!

I have been very busy. Our church has a very "big" dessert auction tomorrow. It's fancy desserts that sell for big bucks. Last night I dipped into some of the cashews designated for the Five Nut Tart, but this morning reminded myself that tasting was not an option. *credit* I've been baking off and on all day, only stopping for exercise, meals and a 3 hr. meeting. Actually, we haven't had dinner yet so I'm off to fix what I had planned.

BillBlueEyes, kudos for yet another month ticking your journey counters!

MaryAnn, glad you are feeling better.

Beverlyjoy, I hope you are feeling better.

[onebyone]

Hi Coaches.

I had a stellar work day creating the best print I've ever made.
It's a six colour woodblock reduction print that took 8 hours to do. I made three prints and now my block is destroyed except for the whites of the eyes and the teeth. Those were the last bits to be printed.

My subject was the other artist in residence. I am going to offer him one of my three prints tomorrow. I have made him look crazed but I'm sure he'll like it. I can't show you guys my print yet as I want to hold off until it's displayed this week at my exhibition. I am *very* proud of it. *credit*

Food was second to my art today. I had my firstmeal at noon after my walk. Forgot I hadn't had breakfast. Then didn't eat again until after 8:30 when I had cleaned everything up. Clean up was awful btw. Ink everywhere - especially the floor and walls of the shower! I almost thought it wouldn't come off....but it did. *credit for elbow grease*

I made it to my OA meeting this morning and walked there as well, killing two birds with one stone. *credit*

Tomorrow I go to see the Sheriff's Farm. The local Sheriff here has a farm beneath the jail with rescued animals in it: tortoises, albino python, blind horse, chickens, even a So. American cavie! The inmates tend to the critters. I'm really looking forward to it.

Time for bed.

Have a good night coaches.