It turns out anxiety is a trigger for "I don't care" thoughts. I realized in the last couple of days that while I experience time pressure and stress a lot, I usually feel reasonably competent and anxiety-free most days. But traveling by air for the first time in five years and going to New York City for the first time ever as an adult (and doing it solo) and meeting book bloggers and publishing professionals, are all producing actual anxiety. And I don't deal well, apparently, with anxiety.
For the moment, I'm going with "Oh well" on this, but I when I'm feeling less anxious next week, I want to think about how to give myself better self care during anxious times.
The original plan was to take the Beck book and keep working through the Days and my food journal while I was on this trip. But, I'm taking that off the packing list. I will finish up the last few of the 42 days when I get home.
So, this is last my post until Sunday or Monday. See you then!
Has anyone read Gary Taubes' books? A friend told me the book WHY WE GET FAT was interesting, so I have been listening to it on CD. It is interesting, but really, I don't think eating a diet without grains, fruit, or sugar would be any easier than the way I've been striving to eat (vegetarian with not a lot of grains, starchy veg or sugar). I don't really like meat much, (especially plain meat without sugary bbq sauce..heh heh....) so I would be choking down food I don't particularly like.
gardenerjoy -- I too struggle with wanting to chuck healthy living when I feel anxiety. Nothing soothes it like some non-nutritious carbs. It's hard for me to just feel my feelings instead of eating to cover them, but I can do it most of the time now.
pamatga -- we don't have a Wii or X-Box, but I think we may get one soon. Now that our girls are getting older, we're looking for something fun and active to do as a family, rather than simply have "family movie night". Some of those games look pretty fun.
Bill -- I did some weight training before my elliptical work this morning in your honor.
bigknitter -- I suppose I am of two minds when it comes to IE. I think the concept works better for women who've restricted all of their lives and are afraid of "fattening" food than it does for those, like me, who have had bingeing issues along with the restricting. IE can work for me, but only if I pay strict attention to my true hunger, stop eating when I'm JUST satisfied, as opposed to full, and eat what my BODY wants. My body doesn't really want chocolate cake for dinner because I will then feel draggy and cranky. I know that choosing foods that will nourish me will make me feel light, neutral, and peaceful.
I only ate one thing I shouldn't have and that was a 32 calorie pudding cup.
I was under my calories for the day by about 25 calories so I was doing a happy dance.
I entered my foods today, all of them.
Stayed away from the scale.
Did my 30 Day Shred. Day #9, 21 to go.
Was amazed that I actually felt more at peace with myself. So hopefully tomorrow I will stay on track and feel the same way.
Pamatga, Hope you are able to rest okay tonight. Sorry you are going through so much pain.
Wifetoabadge, Your book sounds interesting. I might ask at the library to see if they have it.
BillBlueEyes, Great job getting rid of things. I have a bunch of stuff I need to get rid of. Maybe I will just box it up and be done with it.
Well off to get some zzz's. Hope everyone had a good day.
Checking in again for today's progress. I get credit today for:
Reading my cards for the first time in 4 days.
Not finishing everything on my dinner plate.
Planned and spontaneous exercise - got in an hour of yoga tonight!!
Trying to eat slowly.
Pam, thank you for your input, that really helps. I think as long as I am still eating pretty healthy and not obsessing about things then I'm probably okay with trying to eat intuitively and doing less planning, not that I could do less right now.
wife2abadge, I think you are right too, I know that it will only work for me if I really focus on the main principles. I'm sure there will be times I let my guard down and make mistakes, but I suppose I would do that with anything. And then I have the Beck skills to fall back on.
Anyway, thanks for listening and being here, it means a lot to me
Diet Coaches/Buddies - Decided to try some cinnamon on my oatmeal after reading, one more time, of its magic medicinal properties. I couldn't; the cinnamon has been packed up! We're slowly moving into camping mode and it wasn't deemed a daily use spice, so it went into the huge boxes marked "occasional spices." I'd better get used to this.
Eating was on plan, CREDIT moi. Not much exercise. I did make a handful of decisions to donate/discard some items for which I'll take a CREDIT moi.
Joy (gardenerjoy) - Yay for visiting the Big Apple. Enjoy, Enjoy, Enjoy.
ChefJoona - Yep, exhausted doesn't encourage exercise - hope you get your rest.
pamatga - Interesting observations how each of us can choose different paths.
GardeningDeb - Kudos for a ninth day of Shredding. [Yep, just box that stuff and ship it to a worthy cause.]
Susan (wife2abadge) - I haven't read the Gary Taubes' books - might get to them someday, if new books weren't being published faster than I can read, LOL. I couldn't eat my DW's dinners if I gave up grains. I'm satisfied with the reduced consumption of highly processed carbs, but grains are part of my food plan.
Lauren (Bigknitter) - Intuitive Eating has lots of appeal. I've played around with it, but found that my intuition seems to have worn out with all my continuous eating. My take is that IE could be used with the Beck strategies in place of a written plan, with the obvious caveat that you're giving up one of the core Beck strategies - that it's far easier to stick to a plan you've already committed to than it is to stick to a notion of proper eating. If it doesn't work for you, you can always revert to your second choice diet. Good luck whatever you choose to do.
Readers -
Quote:
chapter 3 Get Ready to Lose
Before you start, however, I would like you to do the following 10 essential tasks. task 10 Make Response Cards
Below are three sabotaging thoughts that most dieters have. I would like you to create the corresponding Response Cards so that you will have them on hand once you start Phase I.
sabotaging thought:
Dieting should be easy and short term.
To continue to remind yourself of these important concepts, create the following Response Card:
The only way to lose weight permanently is to learn
dieting skills and practice them every day. Then diet-
ing will get easier and easier.
Judith S. Beck, Ph.D, The Complete Beck Diet for Life (Green book), pg 43.
I'm trying to get back in the groove here by starting with personals from yesterday. I've been really stressed and in a time crunch, yet hanging on until yesterday. Yesterday my friend took me out for a planned (but very off my plan) lunch. I had ribs, although I haven't eaten meat for months. I enjoyed every single bite but managed a small bit of food sanity by substituting a garden salad for the potato salad and skipping the white roll...no dessert. Lol. Exercise continues to be good, even though continual rain has not presented much opportunity for bike riding. I'm up early prepping all my fresh veggies from yesterday's grocery run and I'll start some white beans soon for a healthy (and vegetarian) lunch. Back on track, I hope. Some of the stress is resolving, thank goodness. I do well with external stresses but get to that "I don't care" mode when the stress is contained in the 4 walls of home. My two Beck essentials today; plan and track, and use NO CHOICE with unplanned food.
BillBlueEyes, I just recently found several items I had packed away when we redid our kitchen. Your process is very familiar...I just sold the "campstove" we used at my yard sale. Yay for OP food while dealing with the process.
Lauren(Bigknitter), great feedback on a great question. I often practice IE when I'm "in the groove". One thing that has helped me is to be able to recognize that I do have stressful times when it's far better for me to plan and follow-for now, anyway. Beck skills that have been so helpful are eating mindfully and slowly while seated. I never realized how much I grazed.
GardeningDeb, yay for logging all your foods, exercising and staying within your calorie range!
Susan(wife2abadge), I like reading all kinds of books, even if they don't fall into my way of eating. Perspective is always helpful. Whatever food plan we are following...consistency seems to be the key. I love your statement, "I know that choosing foods that will nourish me will make me feel light, neutral, and peaceful." Yay!
gardenerjoy, I think it was a good call to take a break in your Beck days while travelling. I hope you have a grand time!
pamatga, yes, "Many paths lead to the same Truth." Thanks for all your positive input, especially as you struggle with real pain. BTW maryann and I are the juicers here at the moment.
ChefJoona, yay for planned and packed food. I hope you start to feel more rested.
I slept very poorly last night too... tossing adn turing with work stress and emotions.
I have a plan with a couple friends to walk after work, which I'm looking forward to!
I'm looking at two more extremely busy days at work, and then a four day weekend! My mother is retiring from the preschool where she has been the Director for a number of years (she will then be providing full time daycare for my baby niece and other future grandchildren!). The preschool parents have organized a picnic celebration in her honor on Friday. I'm very excited to be able to go and celebrate my mother's teaching career and her next step in life!
Pamatga- Nope, I'm not the juicer... I think its maryann...
Thank you all for your continued inspiration, support and keeping me accountable!
Last night was the season finale for the "Biggest Loser". It was also the "official" announcement of Jillian Michaels leaving the tv program. She will be joining Dr. Phil and The Doctors. If I haven't said it before, I will say it now: I have never liked the bootcamp mentality that got started within the past decade or so. I know some people find it motivates them but not me.
What keeps me glued to this program is how people who didn't see a thin self underneath all of their weight awaken to that possibility. Without a doubt, losing a load of weight does that to a person. However, I was more insecure and lacked self-confidence when I was a size 6 than I was a size 28W. I will have to see what I am when that time comes around again.
Did I sense the consensus here is that most everyone does pre-plan their next day meals and then commit to that? Do you do it the way that Dr. Beck suggests; where you write it down and then cross off what you ate from that and then add in what you ate that wasn't on your plan? If so, how is that actually working for you in reality?
This is what I do and tell me if I should modify my "approach"? As a BLC online member, I have access to a pre-planned meal plan they have made for me or I can substitute one of my own. I do the later simply because I have my own personal favorites I like to eat. I log everything I eat. Everything. The software calculates the macronutrient breakdown as I enter the food items so I can see as I am logging it where I am at in terms of meeting my daily macronutrient recommended requirements.
I usually know ahead of time if I will be eating a meal out so I go on their website, if I don't have their menu memorized already, and I know what I am going to eat before I get there. I usually do not even look at the printed menu. I just order. I always ask for a window seat which is as far from the kitchen and its wafting odors as possible. I never order dessert. I always decline appetizers, even the free ones.
I usually have the same food for breakfast and lunch almost everyday. The only meal that changes is dinner and that is when I ask my DH for his input. Our dinners are always meat, vegetable and starch. I only eat sitting down. I am a slow eater both by habit and necessity because of my enlarged thyroid presses against my esphogus and if I eat too fast, I choke on my food, which I have done often enough to scare the daylights out of me. That will slow you down, trust me!
Probably one of the hardest habits to try and instill is snacks (which BLC encourages) since I came from 16 years of OA where the motto is "3 meals with life in between"; ie, no snacks. I have snacks on occasion but they are an occasion. I wait until I am hungry for the next meal and then I eat. I dish out one serving at our table and the rest of the food remains in the kitchen. I even do this when I have guests. No seconds ever. I have never nibbled while I was preparing food but that habit came from taking baking classes with a Master Chef who told us it was "dirty" to dip(unhygienic).
I see a lot of forethought in the way I have set up not only my kitchen, my meal preparation and also eating out, that I think I am "pre-planning" since I am keeping one eye on what is going in as soon as it does. I know instinctively that I will eat the same types of foods (albeit interchangeable with same food types) every day. No surprises other than if I don't feel like having eggs for breakfast I will have cereal. I weigh and/or measure everything, which I have done for a very long time. I read labels and record all macronutrients on my BLC software. It is saved day from day and I can go back weeks to see what I have eaten, when, how much, and how close I am to the recommended "ideal".
So, how much different is this from what the rest of you are doing? Any one who wishes to critique or add suggestions or comments, I am "all ears". I just would like to feel I am practicing the Beck Diet Solution as it was intended, not as I interpreted it to be.
I have had a couple of good and simultaneously junk filled eating days. We got an incredible treat the other day and I had been working my way slowly through it, really savoring it. That is, until the last piece. After that I just felt terrible in my belly. All this while staying in my calorie target. So, I am trying to figure out if that is eating in moderation since it was within m calories for the day or bad eating, since especially the last piece lead me to feel so terrible.
I'm watching our neighbors' cat while they are away. It is the first real neighborly thing we've done since moving here nearly 5 years ago. That cat keeps refusing to pee in her litterbox, so I've been trying all kinds of things to hopefully improve the situation. Augh!
BillBlueEyes, bummer about the cinnamon. I'm so comdiving about knowing where things are I would have gone diving head first into the box. Remodeling is tough. (I just realized that is what I'm trying to do with my health habits, remodel!)
Lexxiss, sorry to hear about your home stress. That is always really unsettling for me too. You are not alone!
ChefJoona, great job being on plan! How neat that you get to share that with your mother!
PamatGA, I am currently tracking my food using BodyMedia.com, in conjunction with one of their monitoring devices. I did it daily for about a year, but stll was not seeing movement on the scale. So, I invested more time in working out and now will track my food most days (any day I am anxious about my ability to lose weight). I have not been planning my meals lately. Well, actually I plan them a week in advance, but seem to get derailed by my own desires a lot. Ten I update my log. So, right now, my system isn't working to it's full capacity.
I loosely plan what I'll have the next day, but my breakfasts (oats w/fruit) and lunches (veggies, nuts, beans) are usually the same every day, with variations in the types of veggies, beans, and fruit. I try not to have an afternoon snack unless I"m ravenous because if I plan for one, I tend to eat it even if I'm not all that hungry. I get bored at work if it isn't busy and all I want to do is eat if that happens. Not that I don't have work to do, but I'm not always too focused and that means trouble.
As for dinner, I'm feeding my family, so that's almost always planned out for the week on Sundays. I do sometimes change it if I'm really tired or forgot to prep something, but I try to stick to my menus.
I definitely always look up a restaurant's menu online and decide what I"ll have. I sometimes change my mind when I get there, but usually I'm pretty certain. I try to order first so I'm not influenced by others. I'm easily influenced, so it's best not to hear my SIL ordering a cheeseburger and fries!
When I was a size six, I was not insecure and lacking in confidence. I was thrilled with how I looked (though I still thought I needed to lose 5 lbs...sigh). However, I was not psychologically healthy and was very mentally focused on food and what I could and couldn't eat, so I was still pretty miserable in some ways.
Coaches,
Catching up by reading all your posts from the last four days. It is good to hear about real life from people who are sharing the same goals as myself. Out in the work world, the focus is on other tasks and I start to feel isolated because so much of my effort is going into establishing healthy eating habits. The last few days I have become convinced about how serious any effort in weightloss must be. As Beck says - it is a constant vigil, a daily - often hourly series of decisions that require discipline - no slacking. Most days I resent this. Some days I accept with "Oh Well" and "Do the Deal." On those days, the gap between what I think I should have to do and the reality of what I must do shrinks and I find some peace. A good example is exercise. I think if I have a goal of 210 mins a week I should get an award for healthy living. The REALITY is that the vast majority of people who maintain a weightloss for more than two years exercise an average 420 mins. a week. HMMM. Along those same lines - My mind tells me I am doing a superhuman job by only eating two cookies when there are four to be had. This counteracts Beck's proposal that ANY unplanned eating weakens the resistance muscle and should be avoided.
The solution for me seems to be honesty. I must take credit for my efforts but be honest with my weaknesses. I believe in "progress not perfection" and understand my weightloss journey is really just a part of my spiritual path. This is because food is only the symptom of my larger problem which is fear. So in answer to Pamatga's and other's question of how closely do I stick to writing down my food, I write it down every morning as an act of willingness and then try to honestly assess the next day. OP days get a star in my food journal. I also write down my exercise mins and my daily weight.
Wife2abadge: My DS is 8 and really is great about trying new things. We have instituted a standing rule - You must try a new food 9 times before you decide if you like it or not. Now when I asked if he liked something he'll sometimes say: "I think it is a 9 times food." Gardenerjoy: Good for you for putting yourself in a position which will force you to expand your tools in dealing with anxiety. GardenerDeb: Yeah for your peace and your persistance. Bignitter: I love yoga and I love counting it inn my exercise. So important. BBE: I may have missed a post. Where are you going camping? Chefjoona: Enjoy your walk with friends.
Thanks maryann, futurefitchick and wife2abadge for responding to my questions. I can't tell you how I appreciate your descriptive response because it gives a measure to put my own plans against to see how I am doing.
The solution for me seems to be honesty. I must take credit for my efforts but be honest with my weaknesses.-maryann I think this statement speaks volumes. I totally agree that the bottom line has to be self-honesty which I try and do as well in this group. Pride keeps us dishonest anyway and we all know that "pride goes before the fall."
There are many online software programs (free) that will allow you to log your food and calorie intake on a daily basis. When my computer crashed last year, I just got out a 3 subject notebook and hand wrote what I ate. I would write on a napkin at the restaurant exactly what I had eaten to transfer it to my online or paper food log. I have found this to be the single most useful tool in raising my awareness of what I eat.
I have found that when I had to read the label on a vending machine package of M n Ms and record it, I said "No Way, am I going to eat that again! It was 240 calories, mostly fat and it went down so quickly I really didn't even savor it. It was moments like that which actually trained me to choose my food more wisely. I want to get the "most bang for the calorie".
For ex: I can eat a whole bag of 94% fat free Smart Balance popcorn for 240 calories(7.5 cups) and 240 mg sodium vs 2 cup (that isn't much--measure it out, it's disappointing) of the "regular stuff" for same calories but double the sodium and additional fat. So, which would you choose?
Granted, it does take some trial and error (mostly error) but I don't make some of those kind of mistakes very often (M n Ms). Another example, my DH loves Kit Kat bars. They are 220 calories, most of that is fat. You can inhale them they are so light and easy to eat. However, for 20 calories more you can have a Snickers bar which is chewy and has some nuts in it as well which takes a lot longer to eat and actually fills you up more too. Even my DH made the switch recently when, after eating 4-5 Kit Kat bars in succession, he was rummaging through the cupboards to make some of his O.R. popcorn.
So, if I am going to stray I make sure that it is worth the trip. After all, a moment on the lips, a lifetime (or so it feels) on the hips.
Trying to eat slowly at dinner.
Planned exercise.
Walking around downtown to do a couple of errands instead of driving, which turned into another 1 1/2 hour walk.
Checking in here.
I need to be better about reading my cards, giving myself credit, and eating slowly. I will make sure and do these things tomorrow.
I was disappointed at my weigh-in today, I am only down .4 pounds since last week. It is probably my body reacting to the exercise and diet, and no alcohol. I know it has no bearing on me and who I am, but still a little bummed. I have been trying all day to say 'oh well', but I am hoping that things will even out and I will see some progress in that regard in the next week. I do feel great, regardless, besides being extra sore today lol I don't want this to be another blip in my dieting career, I really want to stick to these changes for good so I'm just trying to be really positive about all of it.
Thanks for all of the input from my questions about IE, I appreciate it. I'm still tossing around things in my head so for now I'm just going to continue what I've been doing, since I think I can stick to it and I haven't really been making poor choices.
I'm posting early since I have been up a few hours. I used "Oh well" yesterday when I was awake after only 1 hour of sleep. "Oh well". Instead, I went to a local green market. I went for a walk in a Nature preserve (with my cane) and I did a full Stations of the Cross on a penisula that is located on our church property and the banks of the Chatahoochee River. I figured, since I forgot to wear my pedometer, I walked 1+ mile. My knees swelled up but again "Oh well". I managed to sleep (fitfully) 2 1/2 hours tonight but the pain got me up so again "Oh well".
I am spending more days than one doing Day 36Believe It (in the pink book). The reason being is that this is a really important cornerstone of what I need to do to move forward. I have already recognized some of my strengths in applying some of the Beck techniques: credit moi for eating slowly, eating sitting down, measuring everything I eat, recording everything I eat, drawing that symbolic line when it comes to not going off my designated food plan and diligently doing the homework she asks. I know I will be doing a lot of work on my emotional eating but at least by logging it as part of a designated meal I am sending the message back to that part of my conscious mind that although I see this as a red flag and an area that I know I need to work on, I am "allowing" it within the framework of my food plan, alloted calories, etc. with the idea that I will try to decrease its frequencies and impact on my weight lose goals.
Now, one of my biggest weaknesses: believing I can do this. Here is why I have so many self-doubts. One is, of course, what I just mentioned above but the main reason is I have been on again/off again on so many diets over 35 years with the only consequence of the only thing that has lost weight is the fatness of my wallet(some of the programs were very expensive). I'm too embarassed to mention I am dieting to a lot of people who know me because , in the past, I have poured myself a Diet Coke while I was eating a brownie and then saying "Oh ,well, I really shouldn't be having this but just this once." How hypocritical (and insane) is that? Right now, I feel like Peter who cried wolf too many times. The people who know me are too polite to not say "Why don't you just quit this dieting and face it, you are always going to be fat?" which is what I would probably think if I were on the outside looking in on someone like myself. And, yes, there were periods of my life when I didn't diet...sometimes, relatively long periods of my life. However, in the back of my mind I just always knew I wouldn't be really at peace with myself until I had accomplished this.
I will build confidence in this area of my life when I continue to "draw the line" and not be willing to step over it "no matter what!" (I really love the analogy of that phrase) and my actions match my words. Yes, it gets down to building that resistance muscle; probably the most important muscle right now in my body. "Oh well", "No choice" and "Just get on with it" (borrowing from onebyone avatar phrase) are words I hear myself saying a lot.
I see that Dr. Beck also recognizes this to be a critical turning point: the five-six week mark. This is when the honeymoon phase is over with diets. It has become more routine. I know it has been the time when I have typically bailed on my "latest" diet so I could "indulge". I want to believe I can do this, "this time", so I am paying extra careful attention to doing response cards for this that I am sure I will read a lot over and over.
As I mentioned before, no matter how good (or even great) things were going in my life, I found it difficult to believe they were really a result of my own efforts. Again, part of that is my perfectionism (a trait that I share with a lot of my family members and DH). My best just never felt "good enough".
I've just been insecure for my entire life no matter how much things pointed to the contrary. So, yes, this is a very important Day for me. I want to spend more time developing the skills that will help me move beyond this six week "scare" I am having and really "seal the deal" once and for all.
So, Believing It is what is on the menu from here on in. I'll have half now and the rest in a doggie bag"to go", please!
Diet Coaches/Buddies - Lovely sunshine day. More boxes packed, CREDIT moi. Eating on plan and gym, CREDIT moi. Finally got the tomato plants into the garden - they've been shuttling back and forth in their pots from the patio during the day to the kitchen at night waiting for some sign that it would stay warm enough for survival.
We ate dinner on the patio - welcome warm weather! Just remembered to CREDIT moi for tossing the potato salad that came home from the BBQ restaurant last week. I had looked at it - it was tasty, not too much mayonnaise - and remembered that white potatoes weren't a necessity in my diet plan. So I gave it to the worms in the compost bin without even waiting for it to turn green first, LOL.
FutureFitChick - When you're gonna have a treat, "really savoring it" is the only way to go. When I was overeating, I just stuffed things down - never savoring one bit.
Debbie (Lexxiss) - Fresh veggies are good for the soul. Yay for stress relief which can help with the insidious Sabotaging Thought, "I don't care" when, of course, you do.
maryann - Thoughtfully put - eating and exercise are just parts of our larger spiritual path. Which helps with the notion that they are part of the lifelong journey. [We'll be camping in our own third floor and basement while the rest of our house is being painted. It won't be bad, except that since we're in the old familiar house, we'll feel slighted that we don't have access to the stuff that's temporarily packed out of the way.]
ChefJoona - Kudos for 100% on plan even when working late and exhausted. Congrats to your mom for a meaningful career.
pamatga - Love that motto (new to me), "3 meals with life in between." I have a written generic food plan as Beck suggests is OK for maintenance. It includes several breakfasts although, like you, I tend to have the same one every day, and several lunches which are frequently left overs. My DW makes dinner, so my written plan is to eat no more than she does.
Susan (wife2abadge) - When work loses its edge, it's so easy to turn to food; Kudos for avoiding that.
Lauren (Bigknitter) - Neat to turn errands into exercise, including a 1 1/2 hour walk; Kudos.
Readers -
Quote:
chapter 3 Get Ready to Lose
Before you start, however, I would like you to do the following 10 essential tasks. task 10 Make Response Cards
Below are three sabotaging thoughts that most dieters have. I would like you to create the corresponding Response Cards so that you will have them on hand once you start Phase I.
sabotaging thought:
This is too much work; I don't feel like learning all of these
skills. I don't feel like following my eating plan.
Many dieters have a rebellious side that can seriously impede their ability to lose weight permanently. If they leave this kind of sabotaging thought unchallenged, they are certain to fail in their long-term weight-loss efforts. They may be able to lose some weight, but hey won't be able to keep it off. The skills in this program are essential - not optional - for permanent weight loss.
Judith S. Beck, Ph.D, The Complete Beck Diet for Life (Green book), pg 43.
Wednesday
