It's me again. Soul searching. Asking the basic questions once again: Why is this so hard? Why do I go along OK for a bit and then completely derail? When will I ever get a handle on my stress=eat behaviour? Is it all beyond me?
I am trying today so that's better. I did weights, read some of the pink workbook, posted (finally), ate a healthy breakfast and recorded what I ate.
This is what I am doing for the rest of the day NO MATTER WHAT:
- record what I eat
- eat a sandwich and salad for lunch
- eat an apple and a string cheese for snack
- eat brown rice and veg chili for dinner
- eat yogurt and berries for snack
- ride exercise bike 30 mins
- get outside
- read advantage and response cards
- plan tomorrow
- go to bed at 10:00
- check back in to see and record what I did
Some time ago working from home seemed like a dream, but my rapidly increasing weight and social isolation tells differently. I am working on finding a job, where I could be more around people, because I feel that social isolation might be playing a part in my eating disorder.
Binged again, thou not as much as yesterday, but still, it was a binge. At first I wanted to have a binge feast when everyone went on a trip for a day and I got all home for myself, but somehow managed to stay on plan. Then they got back and brought all those treats and I couldn't control myself anymore. I don't know if i should hide so that not to see all those treats or what? Because my reasoning doesn't work, mind just shuts down.
Hello everyone,
I had a great run yesterday and then even did housework. My husband thinks I am coming down with something. I don't know why I don't do a big cleaning more often. I like when my house is freshly clean. I have to find motivation to clean the garage, that is where all the stuff I don't want to part with is. I don't want to move and take most of the stuff in the garage with me. I have an emotional attachment to that stuff, why I am not sure. I do have a plan though. I met someone who can't afford bikes, scooters, balls, and stuff like that for her son and I have this stuff sitting in the garage, I believe her need for it will help me part with it.
Yesterday when I was cleaning I twisted my knee. It is so sore right now. I can walk on it but I may need to rest it.
It was beautiful here today so I felt like being out and about.
I hope everyone has a great weekend.
Thanks again for all the wonderful posts. I get so much out of being here.
Hi, all, trying to reconnect again, and this time stay that way!
Have been having a sleep issue that's bigger than a breadbox, but lucky to have good health insurance and all the other support I need. That said, I miss you all.
Ceejay, one of my special sistas cuzza music....I share your angst, but the problem is..It is NOT THAT HARD..not at all, if we just *do it. I am not at all minimizing anything, because I am as flummaxed as you are for still struggling when I know what works..I know what to do..We both do..for whatever reason, we are choosing NOT to...simple as that..as painful as that..but, 'tis true. Beck lays it all out..for those of us who know the Deming Cycle...Plan..Do..Check..Act....or..just read Beck and Do it...spring is here..time to just do it.
I took a deep breath this morning and let my mom know I wouldn't be joining the group for breakfast. I really wanted my green smoothie and didn't feel like sacrificing calories on something I didn't feel like eating. Exercise was on the stationary bike then I put the edger blade on our small tiller and did my front sidewalk...and mom's. Said no choice to food that was in view at her house and instead came home for my yummy snack. Just thinking....if I counted, I wonder how many opportunities there are in my path every day to eat off plan....it seems like lots!
BillBlueEyes, how many floors is 203 stairs? Credit for enjoying a planned dinner out, with many unusual and not often eaten foods.
gardenerjoy, another compost lover here! Mine is spread and tilled into my garden. Yay! Read on!
ChefJoona, wishing you enjoyable travels and the healthiest food choices possible.
Beverlyjoy, I think your "mininum of have to's is pretty darn good!
pamatga, *credit* for the changes to your food plan that have really made a difference for you this month.
Erika (eusebius), I can see what a rollercoaster the piano purchase is *credit* for determining you will not eat over it.
RunningFree, *credit* for coming here yesterday and today. Does your family understand what your are going through when they bring all the treats home?
onebyone, gotta say it's just great hearing that your are getting back into your comfort zone.
CeeJay, rest of the day...no matter what... NO CHOICE!
Ann(Newlifestyle), *credit* for taking the big step of giving some stuff from your garage to someone in need.
maryblu, you're right, it is NOT THAT HARD. I do think the first significant NO CHOICE successes are the most important. It gets easier, after that.
I said "This is what I am doing for the rest of the day NO MATTER WHAT"
- record what I eat done
- eat a sandwich and salad for lunch done
- eat an apple and a string cheese for snack done
- eat brown rice and veg chili for dinner done
- eat yogurt and berries for snack done
- ride exercise bike 30 mins done
- get outside done
- read advantage and response cards done
- plan tomorrow done
- go to bed at 10:00 another 50 minutes and I am down for the night
- check back in to see and record what I did done
maryblu- thank you for your post. I have done quite a bit of thinking about what you said. Your statement that we know what to do and we are choosing not to is really very powerful. Who is in control? We are. I maybe need to stop overthinking this. Like you said time for action.
Diet Coaches/Buddies - On plan eating included, again, ignoring my DW's trail mix; CREDIT moi. We had three nights in a row eating away from home. At a friends house last night, dessert was a micro-cupcake - tiny little thing about one bite size. I had red velvet. It was so, . . . , so, . . . , cupcakey. I'm working on understanding this cupcake craze.
Some walking, some box lifting for exercise, CREDIT moi. A couple more boxes resolved, with a bunch of stuff to the curb under a FREE sign. Enjoyed seeing a guy in a newish Cadillac stop and pick through the pile and take a few things. Oh, and planting our snow peas, albeit a little late, they're in the ground ready for the magic to happen.
maryblu - Ouch for sleep issues - hope you find your magic solution to those. Thanks for reminding us of the "Deming Cycle...Plan..Do..Check..Act" - good ideas have been around for a while.
onebyone - Yay for seeing that being receptive to the words in diet books signals your willingness to get back on your path of "smaller portions, planning and exercise."
Erika (eusebius) - I can feel the tension trying to choose between two attractive options - good luck figuring that out. LOL that the joys of motherhood include a "cinematic masterpiece."
CeeJay - Kudos for publishing your plan, then doing it, "NO MATTER WHAT."
Beverlyjoy - Yay for a day that includes stretches - reminds me that I just gotta stop ignoring those.
Debbie (Lexxiss) - Isn't it so, "many opportunities there are in my path every day to eat off plan." When I discovered Beck's simple solution - have a plan and stick to it, NO CHOICE - I was so happy that her strategy was easy to do, at least easier than facing the hundreds of decisions each day. Kudos for choosing your green smoothie rather than the group breakfast.
Ann (Newlifestyle) - It's a real joy for me when I send something I value to someone who can use it. Hope you can make progress sending stuff in your garage to new homes. I know how hard that is to do.
ChefJoona - Kudos for doing Shred hard enough to make yourself sore; with repetition that should ease. Bon Voyage on your two day road trip.
pamatga - Veggie pizza sounds like a fine breakfast to me. Kudos for getting back into some non weight-bearing exercises.
RunningFree - Ouch for the continuing struggle with the treats. It might be time to work on short term goals - like no snacking for the next hour, or no snacking for the time it takes to read this chapter. Then take a break and a tall glass of water. You can figure out some strategies to break up the long stretches of time that have no structure.
Isolation is a challenge because it takes more effort to keep the mind focused on the plans of the day rather than the short-term hit of food. Can you plan time with friends during the day, even study-dates just to read the materials at the same time? Some folks get benefit from going to the library to study because it breaks up their time and libraries don't have their kitchen near by. You can beat this with the tools that you have. Good luck.
Readers -
Quote:
chapter 3 Get Ready to Lose
Before you start, however, I would like you to do the following 10 essential tasks. task 2 Set a Modest Weight-Loss Goal
I also want you to celebrate every time you reach a 5-pound milestone. Buy a new article of clothing or accessory. Get a new computer game, CD, or DVD. Treat yourself to a manicure, pedicure, or massage. Get tickets to an entertainment or sporting event. Buy a charm bracelet and get a new charm to commemorate each milestone. You can set whatever reward you want - as long as it doesn't involve food. Take a moment now to think how you will reward yourself each 5-pound milestone. Write down a few ideas in your Diet Notebook under the heading "Rewards for Losing 5 Pounds."
Judith S. Beck, Ph.D, The Complete Beck Diet for Life (Green book), pgs 33-34.
It sounds like everyone is really hard at work in working their Beck plan. Great job everyone!
Credit moi: for planning my meals yesterday and sticking to them.
went to annual eye appointment. Eye health, previous concern, is good.
logging everything I eat every day, no exceptions.
Weighing every day, no exceptions, no excuses.
Accepting another group challenge to continue to walk down that scale.
Reporting daily to foour different groups.
No exceptions. No excuses. No one else can do this for me except me, so what am I waiting for?
Sidenote:[In January 2010, I was told that I was beginning to show signs of proliferative retinopathy (my blood glucose was close to 200 mg/dl-normal is in the upper 90s). Again, yesterday, the eye doctor told me to report to him immediately if I should have double vision, floating particles or headaches. He said my eye health was good yesterday. I am so glad that when I was told of this risk (my Dad also has macular degeneration- a slow form of blindness- which is hereditary and no cure) and that I did something about it. My DH went to Walgreen's and I began testing my blood glucose and brought it down to a little over 100 mg/dl. I am so glad that I did not ignore his concerns in 2010 and became proactive about making changes in my diet and losing 25 lbs last year. Who would ever think that being obese could lead to blindness but it can. I am an artist and interior designer. I did my post graduate work in architecture. Of all my senses, my sight is the most valued.
Question to ask: was any of that extra food really worth it?]
I read for more than 6 hours and almost 400 pages. A lot of people did more than that! Read-a-Thon was a world-wide online event. We interacted on blogs, Twitter, and Facebook. Of course, the more interaction I did, the less I read! So, I waited until this morning to go back and see what a lot of people did.
WI: NAkgs, Exercise: +35* 425/1500 minutes for April, Food: 80%op, Read my Advantages and Responses: yes
Happy Spring! It's very Springy here. (Enjoy Fall to our southern hemisphere Becksters)
I had a healthy day yesterday.... I am very grateful. I planned/measured/logged food, watched my sodium (said 'not fair, oh well' on this subject), did my stretches, left a bite, said no choice a few times, weighed myself and journaled. I am very grateful to have these credits.
I went to the store and got more veggies and fruit.
It's spring and all the little cutie pies in the neighborhood were out playing. We had a peanut party and I did not eat one. I shared some stories and songs at their request. The girls had on some new clothes, so we all had to twirl. It was a happy day.
I hope you all are having a good day. As always, thanks to you for you support and caring ways.
Ceejay - I am doing a happy dance in honor of all your credits!
Last edited by Beverlyjoy; 04-10-2011 at 04:09 PM.
Well first up: accountability- last night after I posted about my fantastic day, I ate some stuff I should not have. Must move on. Talk about self sabotage.
Today was better- I ate dinner late and know I am not eating before bed- going to bed as soon as I type this- no repeat of last night.
Credits today:
- weighed in- yikes
- rode exercise bike 30 mins
- read advantage and response cards
- read some of the pink workbook
- ate 3 healthy on plan meals and one healthy snack
- checked in with my coaches
I am having a hard time with compulsive behaviour around portion size. Today was particularly bad. At breakfast, I had three eggs. I made my 6'3" DH 2 eggs, but I had 3. I do this kind of thing all the time, eat more than him I mean. I'll go for seconds, he doesn't. I pile mine higher, I take an extra and etc. I figure if I don't talk about it I won't change it so there it is. Then this afternoon, I wanted lunch, DH was napping, and I went for his canned Chunky Soup and opted for two cans mixed together as my one serving.
Such a strong desire for lots of food. It's just not calming down. All I can say is the alternative, having the "right" portion size makes me feel scared. I am sure it's all the changes, the stress of trying to find where I fit here, the unresolved clutter issues and the stress of continuing to de-clutter and simply set up house (I'm kind of stalled but do a little each day) well it's all triggering my primary coping mechanism: eating for comfort and eating as distraction/pleasure. But with my first social week here (4 events coming up) I am once more wishing my body was in better shape. Oh well. This is me right now and I know it's not about my body but about my whole self. Still. I need some weightloss success asap. I'm beginning to lose hope I'll ever get any of it off for real.
I need to start again: new arc cards, reading arc cards, writing my food down, planning goals/meals/strategy. I just need to work Beck.
I'm not going to be dwelling in the negative. I need to keep trying because the alternative is more weight gain. No thanks. I'll come here instead until I'm back on the wagon and after that too.
Today was better- I ate dinner late and know I am not eating before bed- going to bed as soon as I type this- no repeat of last night.
Credits today:
- weighed in- yikes
- rode exercise bike 30 mins
- read advantage and response cards
- read some of the pink workbook
- ate 3 healthy on plan meals and one healthy snack
- checked in with my coaches
Diet Coaches/Buddies - Eating wandered a bit when I found my hand, far away from the safety of my own kitchen, in a bowl of toasted almonds. Ouch. Otherwise on plan; CREDIT moi. This tree nuts thing needs some serious attention, like going back to my clear resolution during my losing phase when I simply had NOTHING that wasn't on my plan. But I do get to uptick my monthly New Journey counter today; CREDIT moi for staying the course another month.
Walking, CREDIT moi, saw people trimming bushes and making yards look spiffy - as if it were spring. Just a joy to be out wearing a light weight wind breaker rather than a winter coat. Four boxes of books packed and carried down to the basement for the duration of the painting this summer. And the great news, a large stack of stuff put out on the curb was taken - ALL of it: metal boxes of old electronics, some computer software, a stack of new 8" ceramic tiles. May you find a new home, my dear treasures.
onebyone - Kudos for keeping your head clear, "I'll come here instead until I'm back on the wagon and after that too." Ouch for those sabotaging portion sizes. Acknowledging them is the big first step. Sending you supportive thoughts so that you can also get back to a written, detailed food plan for the day to give you some ease for staying the course.
CeeJay - Yep, "Must move on." Kudos for a good day including your session on your exercise bike.
Joy (gardenerjoy) - Kudos for squeezing in 35 minutes of exercise while still reading 400 pages during your Read-a-Thon.
Beverlyjoy - Amazing that you can host a peanut party and not eat a single one - Kudos. I'm gonna think of you next time I see a bowl of nuts.
pamatga - Congrats on that monster reduction of your blood glucose in just one year. Yay for good eye health.
Readers -
Quote:
chapter 3 Get Ready to Lose
Before you start, however, I would like you to do the following 10 essential tasks. task 3 Make Time for Dieting
Dieting requires a commitment. To lose weight successfully, dieting should be your top priority for a long time, and maintaining your new habits will always be high on your list if you want to keep off the excess weight for life. Many of the tasks I suggest you complete throughout this program don't take a great deal of time to do, but don't fool yourself into thinking that you will somehow be able to just find the time. You will have to plan precisely when you are going to do each task. Otherwise, you will find yourself making excuses, such as, I don't have time or I'm too rushed. Making excuses is a slippery slope that leads to failure.
Judith S. Beck, Ph.D, The Complete Beck Diet for Life (Green book), pg 34.
Sorry I didn't post yesterday. I had church in the morning and a concert in the afternoon, and got home exhausted. I had some extra on-plan snacks that I probably didn't really need ... oh well. Didn't go over my points allowance.
I actually gained a pound this week ... drat! I had the presence of mind this morning to look ahead to Day 21 - Get Ready to Weigh In and was pleased to see Dr. Beck advising us not to panic when this happens and to chalk it up to fluctuation. It is indeed that time of the month (actually, that's about half the month for me ... grr!!) so onward. I will hope for a loss next week.
Yesterday was Day 10 - Set a Realistic Goal. So 5 pounds it is. Today, appropriately enough, is Day 11 - Distinguish Between Hunger, Desire and Cravings. I'll be doing the hunger rating chart today.
CeeJay - Big credit for enumerating your helpful behaviours! Well done. RunningFree - Who got back and brought treats? Do you need to have a talk with them about bringing trigger foods into your house? You deserve to have your needs respected ... (((Hugs))) Ann (NewLifestyle) - Kudos for a great run and housework! Hope your knee is feeling better today. maryblu - Sorry about the sleep issue ... that can be a big bummer. Glad to see you posting here. Debbie (Lexxiss) - Green smoothies rule! Great job with food choices and exercise. Amazing how many choices we have to navigate in a day! BillBE - Yeah, I'm not into the whole cupcake thing. There's a cupcake bakery in our neighbourhood which I am studiously avoiding. Kudos for on plan eating, exercise, decluttering, gardening ... you are an inspiration! The tree nuts are no match for the likes of you pamatga - you are doing great!! gardenerjoy - wow, 400 pages. That really does sound like grad school. Did you enjoy it? Beverlyjoy - Kudos for a healthy day and good choices!! onebyone - (((Hugs))) - you are going through a stressful time. We are here for you! Who is that in your avatar? I sure feel like he looks some days, lol.
Grateful that I don't have a really packed day today. Wishing everyone an OP Monday.
cheers
Erika
Read ARC: yes
Sat down to eat: yes - but not as mindfully as I would have liked
Gave myself credit: yes - but need to do it more consciously and often
Sunday
end of the week--new one looms
