i am excited about another pound gone!
did not work out b/c of project at work. bad.
ate on plan. credit
made yummy lasagna. credit
ate more than i was allotted but had saved some cals (per the diet) so I was still on plan.
stayed on target emotionally even after my employee quit and emailed my whole office what a monster I am. Credit! hahaa. i actually found it quite humorous!!! but a year ago it probably would have led me to 3 candy bars, etc.
maryblu- I so have you beat on the control thing. I am finally aware of it and trying to stop/cut back but it's hard! last night, i told my BF not to break the lasagna noodles. he hates the control problem so he gave me the look. later when i could laugh about it, I kept saying don't break the lasagna noodles over and over and laughing at how ridiculous I was being.
-Eating healthy and on plan 3 days in a row- and that was 3 days away from home and 2 hotel nights so double- triple credit.
-Each time I thought about eating off plan, I thought about how lousy I was going to feel if I did it.
-Walking 30 minutes on Tuesday, 40 minutes on Wednesday and riding exercise bike 30 minutes today.
-Bringing the weights to the hotel and doing them on Tuesday night and this morning.
-Reading response and advantage cards each day.
-Checking in with my coaches tonight.
-Planning food for the next 3 days and packing up lunch for tomorrow.
You all know how it feels to step out of a downward spiral. I feel great.
I had to check twice to see if it was really true that it's only the 5th of August and already there are four pages of Beck talk. Always happy to see upon my return that there are many people here fighting the good fight.
I just stopped trying. And am feeling much the worse for it. My weight this whole summer is a steady 273-276. And boy, it's hard on me. But ask me why I'm not dedicating myself to feeling better and I can't tell you that. I did see the Dr for my annual checkup-6 years overdue-and I requested a stress test and some help in getting into a physial fitness program of some sort. I told him I wanted to know the baseline that my body is at and it was hard to do that for me. At the same Dr. visit my BP meds were upped.
Some of you here know how I feel about meds and my dream for me is to not need any, but I am still going contrary to my stated desire... nevertheless, I am grateful there is medicine to help me avoid the destruction of high bp. So the stress test measures the heart and the bp, which was of particular importance to my Dr as I was newly on the new bp meds, and so I get to the hospital and the tech tries to take my bp with the reg sized cuff and that thing never fits me, my upper arms are very fat until I am under 200lbs, but she keeps trying, 3x she does, and it always pulls apart at the velcro tabs as she is pumping it full of air. She goes for a search for a large cuff and comes back to tell me there isn't one (IN THE HOSPITAL?!) and so we skip the bp part and just get me wired up to do the stress test on the treadmill and I exceed their expectations but there is no record of my bp for the test.
When I was younger, that kind of stuff would make me mad. Now I just resign myself to it. It seems to be part and parcel of how I feel "fat people get treated and I am fat so don't be surprised." and I'm not.
Guess I'm depressed.
So today I had the blood tests done. I will get the call to see the Dr. about my cholesterol next. I'm waiting for it-predicting it here but hoping I am wrong. I sincerely hope diabetes markers won't be found. And my place is a worse mess than ever. And it's been a perfect summer here and I won't even let myself out in shorts (I did it once) and don't even have a skirt right now to wear. I'm just not letting myself have anything; like punishing myself will somehow "show me" that it's so lousy being fat I should do something about it.
When I was a young girl, my best friend and neighbour's brother used to shout insults at me for being fat. He was about 4 years older than me and he never missed a chance to call me names. My friend stuck up for me everytime and I tried to avoid him at every turn. Then I got older and placed myself on a huge diet that I stuck to religiously, an old WW diet I got from my aunt, and I lost a pile of weight and I was gorgeous - pretty faces run in my family if I say so myself. Anyway, the guy was all of a sudden attracted to me and one night he came close to whisper to me that all those insults, all that name calling, was his way of motivating me to lose weight and See? Look at the results?! I was just so relieved he'd not bother me anymore that I wasn't even mad.
Maybe I'm still rebelling with this weight. Maybe I just simply cope with food.
Whatever my deal is I'm going to have to face it. Things can't keep going like this. Thanks for continuing to fight the good fight as I know things are not easy for you out there too and we all have our "reasons" and in the end it's not the "why did this happen to me" that matters all that much, but the "how do I change this" that's way way more important.
Sorry to be so longwinded. Thanks for reading.
__________________ **** 5lbs at a time. one * for every pound lost. RESTART:19/1/2015 - 284.8lbs
My food was a bit all over the place today - I had different planned breakfast because I had run out of the usual. And I had a planned lunch, but I kept snacking as I prepared food this afternoon and did it standing up - distracted. I am also tired - finding it a bit wearing driving home late in the traffic which has been awful - Wednesday and Thursday evenings it took me over 2 hours to get home. Anyway today I got to work-at-home and could do aqua fit at lunch time which was terrific
I can see you are all doing great things - and keeping up with posting and commenting. Hopefully I will get to catch up tomorrow
Credits - - I motivated myself by reading A&R cards - No - $0
- Consciously gave credit for positive eating / exercise behaviours - YES - Limit junk food to once per day - Yes - $1 - Made food plan - Not really - $0 - Logged food soon after eating - Yes - but snacking made it difficult to know what to log - $0
- Food on-plan - No
- Posted to the list - Here I am - Ate seated every time - NO - $0 - Ate mindfully and slowly - Yes
- Put down fork occasionally - Yes - Weighed myself - Yes - same - 213 - $1
- Drank water - Yes - Exercise - Yes - - $1
TALLY (only red ones earn money!) - DAY = $3; Week = $22
Working on -
Staying on plan at work and when really busy
Have a good day Beckies -----
Short Term Goal
Last edited by GosfordGirl : 08-06-2010 at 04:49 AM.
Diet Coaches/Buddies - It was one of those evenings where my DW says, "Make dinner appear." When she said it, she was so soaking wet that she needed my help to peel off her jeans - we'd had a cloudburst and she had been too far away from anywhere to stay dry. So, I get to make an errand out of my after-work walk. CREDIT moi for the walk and for choosing chicken and grilled veggies for dinner. Good stuff; Yay for cloudbursts.
onebyone - Kudos for taking the step of posting here; it's such a good way to weasel yourself back on track, and, I do miss you when you're not posting. And Kudos for getting yourself to all those visits to your doctor, with a Honking Congrats for exceeding their expectations on the stress test on the treadmill. I think I recall you mentioning before that you've always maintained that part of your healthy side - Congrats for that.
Just Ouch for the unpleasant experience with the BP cuff; you don't deserve that disrespect from a hospital. You've got an admiral sane response to it. Seems like it may be time for some of your small steps forward to help get traction.
CeeJay - Absolutely yes, Triple Kudos for staying on your eating plan and exercise plan for three days away from home. You are clearly moving forward.
Joy (gardenerjoy) - LOL at "The Big Skinny" for breakfast. Reminds me of the Ministry of Truth in George Orwell's Nineteen Eighty-Four.
Cheryl (Seadwaters) - Ouch for a two hour commute - that's a bunch of time in the car. Kudos for not spending that time snacking.
Debbie (Lexxiss) - You've given me a new goal: to be 89 and normal weight so I can eat as much as I like. Kudos for keeping your sanity with one whole lot of traveling back and forth these days.
Donna (new2me2) - Double Ouch for "HUNGRY" and "wanted to eat" with Double Kudos for standing down both!
ponee - Neat idea to de-lurk in small steps.
Houston2Command - Kudos for emotionally tranquility despite an ex-employee's departing dart. Reminds me of an instance, many years ago, when my office partner went to our boss to complain about me. Says I was staring at him. When asked what he was doing when I stared, he says, "Reading the newspaper." Talk about dumb; suddenly he found himself having to discuss why he was reading the newspaper during hours he was billing to work, LOL.
Amber (AmberPr) - Ouch for "pooped out" - can make it hard to stick to a plan. Have a nice ride.
Mikkijoe - Yep, finding the right eating plan can take a bit of hunting around. If you're interested in Paleo, there's a thread on 3FC, Primal Paleo-ish-August
Alma (Alma4343) - Sailing in Puget Sound sounds like a real joy.
MorganleFay - Yay for being reminded that you like spending time with your DH. And Yay for HRH sleeping right through your DH's shift to wake during yours, LOL. Good luck with the three job prospects.
day 33 Eliminate Emotional Eating
Use Behavioral Techniques
Take some action in order to decrease your distress when you're upset:
. . . Relax. Listen to an audiotape that teaches relaxation techniques, such as progressive muscle relaxation, guided imagery, or deep breathing. Or do the slow, shallow breathing described on page 131. . . .
The Beck Diet Solution, pg 229.
New Journey: 10 years
In maintenance phase: 8 years and 6 months
Following Dr. Judith Beck via 3FC's Beck Diet Solution Forum: 8 years
We're going to Kansas City. We hear everything is up to date there! Part of the point of the trip is to eat in some restaurants we've heard about, so I want to behave as I would in restaurants here. Focus on veggies when I order, focus on servings sizes and estimated calories when I'm eating, be fully prepared to leave half or more of what I'm served on the plate, enjoy every bite that I eat.
I may or may not get formal exercise in, but there will certainly be lots of walking involved.
I'll be back to report on Tuesday evening or Wednesday morning. Hope you all have a good weekend!
WI: -0.25kg, Exercise: +60 375/1800 minutes for August, Food: 90%op, Read my Advantages and Responses: yes
onebyone: it's so wonderful to see you. I think of you often. Good job on the treadmill and I hope the doctor is helpful.
Alma4343: thanks for the exercise details -- the bodypump class sounds really cool!
Really discouraged about exercise. I keep feeling like my tendinitis is getting better, so I do something like use the stairs or take a walk... and then I can barely move for a couple of days. I ended up taking yesterday off work, loading up on ibuprofen, and sleeping most of the day. The good part was that I wasn't hungry. The bad part is that I'm just so frustrated and upset with losing my mobility! I've lost 40 pounds, dammit! I shouldn't still hurt going down stairs!
Sorry to vent... *trying not to weep*
Nothing to do but say "oh, well", and keep focusing on food rather than exercise. Eventually, I pray I will be mobile again.
I wish I was right there for you! I SO hear the pain in your story of present issues as well as the past. Huge credit for not going off on the nurse at the hospital, I would have. That is rediculous, and your are FAR from the only person in that building that needs a larger cuff! Guarenfreakinteed! ERRR that makes me mad!
Let me walk you through a couple steps, that many people could use, to put an end to the way past things still have a hold on you. It is best to do this with the actual person, BUT that is not always possible and you can just image the person right there. Then you start with "When you said/did ____________" " I felt like __________" "And it effected my life in many ways, such as ________" BUT you have no control over me, you have NO say so in my worth, and my value. You did NOT have a right to offend me like that, and I will NOT allow you to do so any longer. I dismiss you actions from my life, forever. I was created as a beautiful woman, and that is what I am, and you, or your comments will never take that away from me"
I may have over stepped my boundaries, but this has been so helpful to myself, I felt I needed to share this.
Well, we are once gain on the road-DH driving-destination tomato patch...and bicycle...and pool. Yesterday was quite successful, considering all the bouncing around with plans. We ended up at a Jackson Browne concert at an outdoor amphitheatre with a picnic dinner all OP. This morning I unintentionally gave another go at the hunger experiment and did quite well until lunch, which was light. *credit* for keeping my WOE on the front burner. I have yet to plan my weekend, but need to hop back on the exercise wagon.
I'm hoping it's a good moment to catch up with you all, which I'll do as my connection allows.
BillBlueEyes, *credit* for "making dinner appear" in such a healthy and spontaneous manner. lol on losing weight by airdrying with your fan.
Houston2Command, Wishing you a great weekend, too. Major *credit* for holding steady during a tough week.
Mikkijoe, *credit* for persistence in finding the right food plan. I had found my plan before starting Beck Diet Solution and Beck is the solution for me to finding long term success. Since Dr Beck encourages you to find the right plan you are headed in the right direction. lol
Synger, I'm sorry you are feeling disappointed with your tendonitis. *credit* for your 40 pound loss. My knee issues are completely gone at my current weight. At 250 I was absolutely certain I had done permanent damage. Take care of yourself in the present moment and the changes will com.
gardenerjoy, happy restaurant sampling. *credit* for setting healthy boundaries for your taste testing. *doublecredit* for appropriate actions when discovering the skinny was not skinny, at all.
Cheryl (seadwaters), *credit* for fitting in aqua fit during a day which included some distracted eating.
onebyone, I'm sorry you are feeling depressed and feel you "just stopped trying." You have posted here, which says to me that you have not stopped. *credit*. My arms did not fit in a BP cuff, either. It can be a temporary situation, as you make choices to continue forward. I miss your input and hope you are able to drop by more often.
CeeJay, major *credits* Keep up the good work!
Alma4343, *credit* for such diligence in exercising! I believe a major milestone comes when you can learn to not be depressed when the scale doesn't move, but in fact turn to other indicators of success.
Donna (new2me2), *credit* for not overeating while hungry.
AmberPr, thanks for checking in! *credit*
MorganleFay, *credit* for finding a good calorie range. regarding the job opportunities.
maryblu, thanks for sharing your "organic" adventures I think it is very interesting that I have to work so hard at control where weight and eating is concerned, but that I have no problem controlling everyone else. lol
MissVitality, *credit* for recognizing that being hard on yourself doesn't help.
Beverlyjoy, I'm so glad to hear from you amidst more medical yuk. Thanks for the Einstein quote and *credit* for willingness to keep moving forward.
Take care everyone! Thanks for accompanying me on my ride back home. I have lots of food for thought and anticipation of a health-filled weekend.
Diet Coaches/Buddies - The neat thing about buying a rotisserie chicken these days is that we get additional meals from it. Before my journey, I'd finish off that sucker in one sitting. Dinner, again, on the patio,again, was gazpacho, again, with chicken, again; CREDIT moi. The gazpacho was made from a cuke that we had overlooked until it was HUGE - but it tasted just as sweet and yummy as its smaller siblings. And gym; CREDIT moi.
CeeJay - Kudos for getting up early to take a 40 minute walk before work. So strong to read, "I am determined."
Joy (gardenerjoy) - Yay for exploring Kansas City. Last time I was there the conference ran an event where we visited some four restaurants for all-you-can-eat KC BBQ at each. Good stuff - but wouldn't want to do that with my current (rational) eating plan. I got my kids KC t-shirts with the K and C in reverse order in the Calvin Kline logo - kinda neat. Have a good time.
Cheryl (Seadwaters) - Just love seeing the red dollars adding up; hope you can afford your success, LOL.
Debbie (Lexxiss) - Neat that you found enough time out of your travels to take in a Jackson Browne concert. An OP picnic dinner gets a special Kudos.
Houston2Command - Ouch for loss of sleep; good weekend to you also.
Mikkijoe - Thanks for the "When you said/did ____________" " I felt like __________" "... " script; that looks powerful.
synger - Kudos for continuing to fight for your mobility; Ouch that it's such a discouraging journey. Sending positive thoughts for more stairs with less pain.
day 33 Eliminate Emotional Eating
Use Behavioral Techniques
The more you practice these mindset and behavioral techniques, the better you'll get at them. Initially, you'll find that the techniques are more effective when you're experiencing mild to moderate levels of negative emotions. As you become more proficient, you'll also be able to use them when you experience more intense emotions.
The Beck Diet Solution, pg 230.
New Journey: 10 years
In maintenance phase: 8 years and 6 months
Following Dr. Judith Beck via 3FC's Beck Diet Solution Forum: 8 years
Last edited by BillBlueEyes : 08-08-2010 at 05:22 AM.
Yesterday went well, other than my mobility-meltdown.
Drank too much wine (I'm beginning to think I'm using alcohol as a secondary pain-killer), but still stayed within my calories
Didn't need morning snack
Went shopping and didn't get anything off-plan
Weighed this morning and was a couple pounds down (not "official" weight, which is only done once a month, but nice to know I'm heading the right direction)
I've stayed on plan today (credit!) and went to a Body Pump class this morning. I successfully challenged a bad habit I had fallen into. I have been going to Body Pump on a Saturday morning for a number of years now and in the last few months, had started driving to a local shop afterwards and buying a roll with sausage. Talk about undoing the good work! Not this morning. I packed a banana to eat after my workout and drove right on past the shop without a second glance. So pleased with myself for that. It's frightening though going through this process and discovering all the bad habits I have accumulated, however, I'm addressing them one day at a time! All in all, I am feeling good!
Synger - that's great news that the scale is moving in the right direction. Hopefully, you will get an even lower reading at your "official" weigh in. Good luck! I feel for you with your mobility issues, please try to not let it get you too down.
Bill - credit for making the chicken go further!
Ceejay - congrats on another day on plan. Credit for exercising before work. I would love to do that but I am so not a morning person and have to drag myself out the bed for a lengthy commute to Edinburgh each day. Evening exercise fits in with my routine better, except at weekends.
Lexxiss - hope you enjoyed the concert!
Houston - hope you get a better sleep tonight! It's awful when you can't sleep, drives me crazy and makes me cranky the next day.
Mikkijoe - I was taught those steps you mention before i.e the technique for addressing difficult people. Until now, I had been a bit fearful of putting it in practice. Then I started this Beck journey and realised that beyond my weight, there were other things in my life making me unhappy and I would need to tackle these to make sure I was in the right place to be successful with this journey. One difficulty was ongoing tension/conflict with a colleague at work. We sat down to have a chat and I used the technique you mentioned and I have to say it worked very well. We had a very open and honest discussion with each other and both committed to changing certain behaviours in future and making more of an effort to work well together. The discussion ended with a big hug. I now feel as if a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I am so much more positive. I recommend your technique to others, thanks for sharing.
gardenerjoy - enjoy Kansas City and all your walking!
seadwaters - i share your pain with the 2 hour commute. I have that every day to and from work but at least I can take the train and read etc. a new express train service has recently been introduced which should cut my journey down to 1 hour 20 minutes each way.
onebyone - I am sorry to hear you are having such a difficult time at the moment. Sending your way xxx
Alma - your sail sounds fantastic. Enjoy!!!
To anyone I have missed, hope you are having a great day - keep smiling!
until next time
I trust myself. I have started so I will finish. I am succeeding.
Last edited by MissVitality : 08-07-2010 at 06:03 PM.