Beck Diet For Life/Solution – February 2010 – Support, Discussion, Buddy/Coach

[BillBlueEyes]

Sending my warm supportive thoughts, ChinaMaine, to you, your DH, son, and family.

You have always spoken so positively of your MIL, and so positively of taking her into your home when she was left alone. It is such a great memory to know that you were there for her to make her final journey such a joyful one.

[midlifecrisis57]

Hi coaches-fellow travellers,

Once again, I gotta borrow the vernacular from the Beach Patrol: I got my mojo back. Dang. It took a whole week since the pizza binge to get back to where I was and when I made it back, wow, sweetness. Gratitude for sticking with it through the old stuffiness. I have renewed energy, have music Youtube piped through amp, (Ry Cooder, where have you been all my life; Terrence Trent D'Arby, anyone?), have a six hour sleep pattern (I was sleeping about 14 hours a day when I started dieting, hibernating, detoxing and hiding from inlaw crowding). So, progress.

This morning I read Days 21 and 22 of the Pink Beck. I have started keeping handwritten index cards in the kitchen cabinet for emergencies (my other response cards are on computer and kindle, but when in a crisis, I need to grab something while I'm flailing, no time for logging in!). It has helped!

I'm still not up for weighing in, though I'm thrilled to see that Beck has us watching our scales only ONCE A WEEK (I still prefer the OA once a MONTH), and that she has us looking at baseline and negative to five pounds, then start a new chart, rather than actual poundage--who wants to know they weigh over their ceiling weight anyway? Her wisedom is just astounding. Right on!

But I'm still not ready to get on a scale. I watched hourly for too many lonely teenage years, hoping for magic. But I am a little more open to it, maybe in another month or two I will get on a scale. One thing I found that worked was using the scale in my pharmacy, once a month. That way I couldn't obsess at home. I haven't found a scale in public yet. Remember those big old scales that used to be everywhere? Watling was one brand. They dispensed horoscope scrolls, non? I'm talking America 1930s-1970s?
Nostalgia. I feel old.

[midlifecrisis57]

Love your tribute to your MIL, ChinaMaine. Lovely. I felt the same way about my grandmothers passing. Our mothers are just antique little girls, after all (hitchhiking across country in 1939!) I think we must be related. Sounds like what mine would do. My aunt actually hitchhiked across Europe in the 50s and wrote about it. She went to Gould Academy btw. May my passing be as peaceful as your MILs. Wow.

BJ: Kudos for the portioned pizza. You are a better man than I!

1by1: Amazing insights into your overeating. It makes great reflection. I agree, food can be a great punishment (overeating), though I suspect we were both rewarded with food. My Dad used to take me out (singled out of 4 kids) to go have ice cream at HoJos so he could have a strawberry short cake and "talk" to me. Hmmmmm. Yeah. Punishment, bait, lure, inappropriate. (He finally divorced my mom when I was 18, and did/do I feel guilty/guilty pleasure/emotional talk/problems I couldn't solve for him/paid to listen with food/ yeah, it definitely resonates!)
I can only tell you, my friend, that it really helped me to read Melody Beattie's books about codependency and boundaries. I know I crossed a big hurdle in self-sabotaging thoughts about 20 years ago when I realized that I was only one person and could only handle one person's issues (mine) and I only needed to eat for one to do that! I think we get kind of brain hijacked into thinking that its okay to eat 4-6 servings when we are trying to solve the problems of 4-6 people at a time! It only makes Ego/Hunger sense! Anyway, Beattie and Fritz Perls were helpful to sort that all out. Adult Children of Alcoholics meetings for years. It took alot of work, but it is SO Much nicer to be one, living and eating for one, and detaching from the people around me. They need to solve their own problems anyway. You are ONE person: Onebyone! One at a time. One day at a time. One serving at a time. There are people and problems out there you can't fix. Pay attention to ONE. Toi. We can get so diverted trying to do the impossible for others. We are two of a kind, you and I, I can relate!

[gardenerjoy]

I've been a quivering mass of grumpiness and resistance the last few days. Given that, I've done pretty well. But, as comforting as that thought is, it's a sabotaging one that encourages me to continue on that path. It goes along with my other sabotaging thoughts: "I've lost so much weight already that I deserve a break" and "My worst days now are better than my normal days used to be." The problem is that my sense of normal is so warped that taking a break and going back to normal does not mean maintaining my weight, it's a direct path back to 240 pounds. I've been at the top of this slippery slope before, and I recognize it.

I need a new normal and that includes all my Beck principles, including posting here. I'm going to try posting in the morning for awhile to see if that helps.

All the stats, then, are yesterday's except for the weigh in.

WI: +0.55kg, Exercise: +60, 611/1400 minutes for February, Food: plan? what plan?, Read my Advantages and Responses: no

ChinaMaine: so sorry for the loss of your mother-in-law. I'm glad that you've had these last weeks with her. Take care of yourself at this time.

[midlifecrisis57]

Seadwaters: OMG, I just have to comment on your emoticons: they are fabulous: the treadmill is awesome! Thanks for listing checklist, I still enjoy seeing those checklists come in, reminds me to review them, which I don't do on paper, just in my head.

BeachPatrol: You are my hero! You are probably detoxing. Have you given up some junk food that needed to be cleansed out of your system? I have good days and bad days too. When I feel nauseated, constipated, burning, I think of my discomfort as a plug getting released and processed through my system. Its just a suggestion, but it has helped me avoid giving up when the bad days come. Do rest. Do eat what you can on plan and skip the extras. Be patient, the cleansing will pass and you will get more energy than you had before. Check out cleansing diets on line to see more about the process of detoxing. We need to expect this when we diet and not see it as a setback but as the necessary process of cleaning out internal organs. Yes, your tissues are bloated as they detox. Then the water carries away the junk. You will probably go back to the progress you'd made and be past a plateau. Hang in there! You are getting healthier, actually, like a fever cleanses out the infection. Good luck!

FCC: Disposing of the forbidden...oh yes, I remember doing that with half gallons of something that goes in the freezer. I have tried every every every way to bring that stuff home and portion it out. No can do. So I moved the decision point out of my house and into the store. And now I've moved the decision point out of the store and resolve before I go in the store not to even go into the evil aisle where those cartons await the unwary. AVERT AVERT AVERT...that's what I say. I look on the other side if I have to pass, only now the smart pushers are stocking both sides of the aisle with that stuff. So I look at the floor or ceiling. Its cold in that aisle anyway. Yuck! I just go without frozen food. The whole lot of it. Who needs it. I love fresh produce!!!!!! yummmmmmsssssss.

[midlifecrisis57]

GJ: I can so relate to your sabotageur-within. Actual words I've said to myself. YES! WE DESERVE! WE ARE Healthier Now so we can indulge. But we know better.... I credit you for catching yourself in where you are at: struggling. I put the blue-behavior-team-only-collar on (I volunteer in an animal shelter) when I feel the way you do and devote a 3-day to following every Beck suggestion (use a checklist in the book?). For me, I know I've ingested, knowingly or not, one of the addictives (for me: chocolate, sugar, cheese or meat) and my brain is in hijack mode. I am so grateful for a great DO Psychiatrist too, for he has done a great job px'ing for me to "feel normal", and I realize we don't all have such a resource (I didn't for years). All I can say is, you've got some food sensitivities bugging you, I bet, and if you look carefully at your foods it might help to avoid what you know leads to these feelings. I am encouraged by the story that Gandhi used to change one thing in his diet every four months, or so I understand it, to fine tune his diet. It takes the reflection on the foods themselves to find our hidden weaknesses. We all have them. Everyone is different, but we have so many options in our society to try everything and expect to get the high/satisfaction that is promoted for sales. It can't be right for every constitution. GOOD LUCK!

[silverbirch]

Dear ChinaMaine

I am so sorry to hear the news about your MIL. May I say how impressed I have been over the last few months with your kindness, your humanity towards her. That is one of the greatest gifts you can give one another.

[FutureFitChick]

Coaches/Buddies, got to go to the “big city” today, which included a trip to Trader Joe’s. I miss that place. Have had both a busy and very enjoyable day. Food has included several poor choices, leaving me short on calories for dinner. Hmmm… salad I guess will be in my dinner plans.

Today’s Essentials:
Weigh-in: +1 lbs.
Read Advantage Cards two times: yes
Read Response Cards at least two times: yes, but didn’t consider them when making poor food choice today
Ate slowly, sitting down, noticing every bite: no, ate in car
Gave myself credit when I engaged in helpful eating behaviors: yes
Did spontaneous exercise: yes
Did planned exercise: none planned
Wrote out food plan for tomorrow: not yet
Tracked today’s food: yes

BeverlyJoy, so excited for you. Not only are you almost at your next goal, but you’re almost down 50 pounds! Great job at reminding yourself you could incorporate tempting food into your plan for the next day. Great job.

BillBlueEyes, great job on eating on plan 100%. You’ll get the exercise in soon. I’m sure of it.

ChinaMaine, your story about your mother-in-law’s passing is sad, but so incredibly life affirming and warming at the same time. The garden sounds splendid as a memorial to such beauty.

GardenerJoy, what an imagine in my mind was conjured by your poetic but beauty-less “quivering mass”. Somehow those words don’t align with the honest & strong woman I know you are! And food plan is the one that we are both writing today, right?

Midlifecrisis57, hope the unpacking is going well.

[Beverlyjoy]

China Marie - I am so sorry to hear of the passing of your mother in law. I am also sorry it came so unexpectedly. So nice to have that last nice time together.

I I love the idea of a garden in her honor - that's lovely. You and your family are in my thoughts.

Take care now.

[onebyone]

ChinaMaine What a wonderful legacy your MIL left you and what a wonderful legacy you are building for your own family in how you loved and cared for this woman. The examples you've both set have affected me this evening. A garden is such a wonderful tribute and I am sure family members will be moved as well. All the best to you and your family as you go through the days ahead.

So, Year of the Tiger tomorrow.

..^ ^..
-- . . --
= <> =
-- ! --

Bye Bye Year of the Ox.

My Chinese Friend, S, told me today that it is okay to wash your hair and sweep your floors on Chinese New Year's Eve but DON'T DO IT TOMORROW or you'll wash away all the good luck for the year ahead. Tonight you can get rid of the unpleasantness of last year. I am doing dishes and just about to wash my hair. I definitely won't do this tomorrow. My Tiger year is looking great. I don't want to mess with it.

So, foodwise today was back on track. I was, once more, moderate and reasonable and did not over stuff, or have seconds, or eat sugar and I wasn't sedentary.

DH just landed in Toronto. His next flight is here to *me* leaving Toronto at 12:15 am and arriving here at 1:15am. My friend T is coming over at midnight and driving me over to the airport so we can meet his plane and get him home. I'll be bringing his winter coat. He'll be feeling the difference. It was 29C when he left. -10C here. Tomorrow he'll be shovelling off the front step. Yesterday he was turning the air conditioner on. O well. I'm looking forward to hearing his stories. Just last night he told me if we aren't living in London England by xmas (imagine!) we'll be going to the office xmas party in Costa Rica. So this coming xmas I am at a party in London or Costa Rica.
I could never have dreamed such a thing... and I think up some pretty far-fetched stuff.

Anyway better go. I really am going to wash my hair and it looks like my ride will be here early.

Have a good evening everyone.

[seadwaters]

Hi Coaches

I missed a night checking in and tonight I am doing it early because I have lots to do and need an early night. So this is a quick one.

Tomorrow is a big day - it is the first day of Chinese year of the METAL Tiger - this is my year - the beginning of my (Chinese) 60th so hopefully auspicious somehow! (Every 12 years is TIGER and every 60 years is METAL!) It is also the first day of radiotherapy and the first day back to more-or-less full-time work for about 6 months. And it is all a bit of an organisational nightmare because I will be spending Monday and Tuesday nights in town with an acquaintance so that I do not need to drive everyday to treatment from my home - I live about 75 km from the treatment centre. Now I only need to drive down Monday morning and both ways on Thursday and Friday. But I didn't realise how much organising it would take for food - for breakfasts and lunches and dinners - plus other necessities. Interestingly today's Beck chapter was day 32 - TRAVELLING - so again it was really relevant and had useful advice.

There has been so much news to catch up on.

ChinaMaine - a touching tribute to your Mother-in-Law and I was one of the many with tears in my eyes as I read your post. You are a great example of how to be with someone during this phase of life.

Onebyone - oooh - you must be so excited. Enjoy seeing your husband tonight and I am sending good wishes your way. You seem to have put the lasagne incident behind you - I really felt for what you were going through with that - so CREDIT

FutureFitChick - I am not saying I don't get grouchy - I am a lot and would rather be eating whatever, whenever. I just don't normally feel that it is unfair - I usually think well why not me! But I was noticing a sense of, phooey I don't want to do this and it isn't fair, creeping in. I am often annoyed I actually have to think about what I eat and how much!

I hope you all enjoy your Monday holiday!

Credits for today:

• Read my cards - once
  
• Read my Beck book - yes
  
• Checked in
• Measured my food - YES
  
• Ate on plan - YES
  
• Ate mindfully most of the time - sort of
  
• Ate sitting down - a few slip ups
  
• Weighed myself - YES - and it was down again
  
• Exercised - No
• Made opportunities for incidental exercise - NO opportunities
  
• Gave credit for positive behaviours - Yep
  
• Made a food plan yes - for the next 3 days!
• Made a schedule for tomorrow - yes - will need to be careful to include BECK time
  

Not so good:

• Freaking out about getting food organised for 3 days away from home - it would be so easy to just get really yucky take away!
  

Working on:

• Being organised!
  

[BillBlueEyes]

Diet Coaches/Buddies - Just don't have the energy to do much yet, although the coughing remains reduced. Ate on plan; CREDIT moi. Plan an excursion today to look for some Bald Eagles.

onebyone - Welcome home to your DH; LOL that you had to bring him a coat at the airport. His thick Canadian blood will return in no time. Yep, it's year of the Tiger for the Beckies.

ChinaMaine - You remain in my thoughts. I so delight at the thought of "pussee-willows in her garden." Your MIL sounds like one spirited lady.

FutureFitChick - Yea for Trader Joe's. LOL at reading your Response Cards twice, "but didn’t consider them when making poor food choice today" - awareness is the big step to action; you're on it.

Beverlyjoy - Kudos for one serving of pizza and no candy. That's neat.

Joy (gardenerjoy) - Big Kudos for recognizing all that stuff as Sabotaging Thoughts and being wary of the slippery slope.

midlifecrisis57 - Celebrating the return of your mojo.

seadwaters - Thanks for the info on the year of the Metal Tiger. I agree it's an auspicious year for you and the success of your radiotherapy. Auspicious begins with being on Day 32 Traveling just when you need it.

Readers -

day 18
Change Your Definition of Full

Break the Connection

If you easily stop eating before you're overly full, you might only need to practice today's task once. On the other hand, if you struggle to stop eating before you've overeaten, you might need to continually work on this skill for several weeks.

The Beck Diet Solution, pg 159.

[Beverlyjoy]

Hi coaches/buddies...

I had a good day yesterday - I am grateful. I forgot to put a bit of dark chocolate in my plan (the stuff I didn't eat before). So, before it was gone (DH) I added six dark chocolate m&m's - I made them last about ten minutes. SO delicious.

Today we are going to our couisn's for a vd dinner. I asked her what she's making so I will plan the best I can. I will need to resist stuffing.

Credits
gave credit - sometimes
fork down, eat seated, no seconds - all the of the time
mindful and tasting eating - some of the time
eat slowly - most of the time
plan food - yes, made a couple changes and noted
logged food - yes
leave one bite of food on plate - some of the time
arc/no choice - 1
rc - 1
remember that eating doesn't help physical pain - yes

working on
exercise - none
spontateous exercise - none
feel fullness - I am trying

Billiebe - hope that cough goes soon. (I still have mine after 4 weeks -yikes). Kudos for staying on plan. Enjoy the eagles. I love the birdies, too!

seadwaters - I am wishing you well in your radiotherapy, being back at work and organizing it all! WOW - making your food plan for three days ahead is a huge credit. You take care now.

onebyone - so glad you have been back on track - credit, indeed. I think getting back isn't very easy or comfortable.

futurefitchick - I love trader joe's too. So many healthy goodies at a reasonable price! Good for your spontaneous exercise!!!! Reading your response cards twice is good - it will help in the long run.

midlifecrisis - kudo's for finally putting the pizza incident behind you and getting your mojo back. Good idea to have your index cards, computer and kindle for the Beck principles!!

gardenjoy - so glad you grumpiness is going away. "I've lost so much weight already that I deserve a break" and "My worst days now are better than my normal days used to be." I think that you realizing that you can't go back to that kind of thinking as an excuse to eat more is a HUGE credit.

[gardenerjoy]

We had some excitement this morning -- an SUV ran into a power pole on a slick hill near our house and the top half of the pole was knocked off along with all of its lines, including a high voltage one. We took a hike in the snow to converse with firemen and the neighbors and to see what was going on. The good side is that I can already claim a half hour of exercise for today. The down side is that I missed my weigh in this morning.

Yesterday went well and I'm feeling better now that I'm back on plan. I didn't realize how much being off plan was effecting my mood.

WI: NA kg, Exercise: +60, 671/1400 minutes for February, Food: op, Read my Advantages and Responses: yes

FutureFitChick: thanks! and, yes, I wrote a food plan for yesterday and have one for today!

onebyone: hope you had a happy homecoming with DH!

seadwaters: you have a lot going on! I am so impressed that you are working out what to do to make your eating work well, even with such challenges. One thing that has worked for me is to accept less variety in the name of convenience. My last trip, I had the same sandwich and salad for both lunch and supper for three days in a row and it was fine. Thinking of you!

ChinaMaine: continuing to send healing energies to you and your family.

BillBlueEyes: hope you see some eagles today and that the outing improves your health.

Beverlyjoy: you can do resist the stuffing! Knowing that you need to ahead of time is half the battle!

[Shepherdess]

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone! The heifers gave us a break yesterday. We had one calf at midnight, but nothing else for the rest of the day. So with the break I was able to get my long run in. I was tired and didn’t feel like heading out, but I told myself just a short run and I could go home. There was blowing sleet, but the weather cleared, although the wind kept up, and I wound up feeling good enough to do all my miles.

Eating has been fairly good, although there was an issue with eating too many crackers the other day. I had planned to have some as a snack, but I know better than to eat them straight out of the box, especially while tired. Other than that, things have been good and I’m able to cook—yay. I’m not measuring my food quite as much, but I think this is a good thing. I’m still trying to pay attention to portion size, but I want to get to the point where I know portion sizes without always needing the measuring cup. It is also somewhat helpful to not be around a computer, so I’m not tracking calories everyday. I’m trying to teach myself that just because I’m not tracking every single calorie, every single calorie still counts. It seems to be working so far, but I haven’t been at this long.

The girls are still giving us a break today. There was one calf born at around 6 am, but other than that there weren’t any girls even thinking about it. This is pretty normal when we have sudden weather changes. Anyone close is in a hurry to have her baby before the weather goes haywire, as it just did. It got up to 40 yesterday, though, as mentioned above, with lots of wind and sleet. Then we woke up to sub-zero temps this AM (that new baby is in the barn under a heat lamp). So I’m back home doing laundry, catching up on e-mail, getting some baking done. I think today’s exercise is going to be a long yoga session this afternoon.

ChinaMaine, condolences to you and your family on the passing of your MIL. She sounds like “a kick in the pants,” and around here, that is one of the highest compliments we can bestow. I love the idea of dancing in the rain. The garden sounds like a wonderful tribute to her memory.

Beverlyjoy, congrats on not overeating on your weigh-in day—for three weeks, no less! I have had similar struggles. For me, the urge to eat after weighing in was linked to strong emotions—positive if the number was down, negative if the number was up. Beck is helpful for me because I’m taking baby steps to seeing that number as just information. Huge kudos for making chocolate last—it’s never easy for me!

CeeJay, kudos on staying on plan. I agree that I feel better when on plan—more relaxed. So why is it so hard to remember that when I’m fighting a craving? I guess if I knew the answer I wouldn’t need Beck.

FutureFitChick, Huge congrats on happily making it to the gym! Thanks for the info about infradian eating patterns—you sent me to google once again. Ouch for poor food choices. It’s always difficult on those busy days, and I would have a difficult time staying on plan with a trip to Trader Joes. Good job saving the slip by rethinking dinner.
RE crock pot: yes, we packed our crock pot. It’s just a matter of planning—I’m finally getting a handle on it.

BillBE, ouch for feeling tired, and double ouch for another deadline so you to keep you working hard while sick. Yay for a three day weekend that will hopefully have you back on your feet. Your excursion to see bald eagles sounds wonderful. Good job for planning some exercise even while tired!

Re calves: if all goes well, we should have 80. Glad that wool is going to good use!

Seadwaters, I love the idea that this is an auspicious year for you! It’s a great attitude to have while beginning a new treatment program, increasing work, and all the while, sticking to your plan. Huge credit for doing the planning while eating away from home.

Midlifecrisis57, congrats for getting your footing. I hate it when a poor food choice throws me for a loop that I can’t get out of for several days. Keeping your cards stashed around sounds like a great idea.

Gardenerjoy, ouch for “quivering mass of grumpiness” (and an lol). Great job recognizing that sabotaging thought—I too am looking for a “new normal.” Huge credit for doing well while confronting all of these difficult emotions. And talk about being able to find the silver lining—kudos for being grateful for the half-hour of exercise you got due to an accident that will no doubt bring you some challenges.

Onebyone, I know all about those sabotaging thoughts trying to tell me that I don’t care, only to find out too late that I really do care. I just wish I could remember that those voices lie. Yay for your dh coming home! It’s so exciting to think about a new year, with new possibilities—England or Costa Rica, what does it matter? Either possibility is pretty exciting!


Best wishes to all of you!