[Trixi]

I don't understand how come I cannot seem to stay on track. The minute anyone tells me how great I look, I start eating. I thought it would motivate me to lose more, but noooooo not me, me all I do is head for the buffet and celebrate the compliment. Then all of the sudden a year goes by and here I am again, chubby and feeling really dumb. I know I can so this, I know what works well for me and yet I don't do it. Why?

Alot has happened in the last year. First I broke off an eight year relationship, then my sister decided she no longer wants to be a mother and leaves her 14 year old alone and he is now with me, then my other younger sister is killed by a teenage driver who was talking on her cellphone and hit my sister while she was riding her bike. So many other things as well. Got a huge promotion at work and hate the new job but love the money. Had to put my cat to sleep because he could not walk anymore, my father passes away and my daughter becomes a teenager! My best friend in the world falls for a jerk and no longer talks to anyone anymore and finally got back together with the ex and trying to deal with not being on my own again. Being pulled in a million directions and watching my food was the last thing I wanted to deal with.

You want to know what made me decide to take this step and begin again? My dog. You see I always fed her scraps of what I was eating and the vet just told me that she is obese. So not only am I affecting my weight, I have also put my dogs health at risk and I feel terrible. She gets no exercise because I was too lazy to walk her more then up the driveway and she cannot even jump up on the couch, she cant lick herself like most dogs do (not that I am missing that part) because her stomach in too bloated.

So not only for me but for my "Sabrina" as well I am making this journey again and I am determined to succeed into a new healthy lifestyle that includes knowing I have a drinking problem and must STOP. At times it feels like there is just too much to work on and I wont be able to do it. So when making the decision I thought of you guys and how helpful you have all been in the past and I know I am going to need you all now and I don't know why I stopped coming in the first place.

Hoping you will forgive me and welcome me back cause I missed you. Whew that was a mouthful, so much so I dont even feel hungry right now ok maybe a little but I can handle it.

[lilybelle]

Trix, welcome back. With all you've had going on in your life, food and exercise would have been almost impossible for anyone to focus on. I know I couldn't have done it. I am glad now that you're wanting to get back to healthy eating and exercise for you and your Dog. You have came to the right place for support. Congratulations for getting back here.

[futuresurferchick]

Wow Trixi, what a year you have had. I agree with Lilybelle that you deserve a huge congratulations for being here and trying to live a healthy lifestyle while you have so much going on. Don't be hard on yourself when you slip up because your persistence is truly an inspiration.

[Trixi]

See I knew there was a reason I came back, I could always count on you guys to motivate and inspire me. I looked at the last year as just life and stuff happens but then it started to all add up and now I think I can focus.

Thanks for all your support and I am also hoping I will be able to give some as well.

[chick_in_the_hat]

Welcome back, Trixi!!! To the dog, too!

Look at it this way - at least you are stopping yourself at 165 instead of 187! So sorry you had such a rough year.

[veggielover]

Trixi, i don't know much about losing members all within the same year but I want to say that you're handling it in a very strong way. I dn't know what I wouldve been like had that happened to me. If you are just overeating, then I truly admire you. Fate only knows what I wouldve already done to myself if my sister passed...

[IamMisa]

Trixi,

Your post almost made me cry. I'm so sorry for all you've had to go through. Sounds like you are swimming in a lot of guilt too, so recognize that and reject it. You are a strong woman and have been able to handle an amazing amount of hurt this past year. You CAN lose weight and you CAN stop drinking.

Wellbutrin/Zyban may help with the drinking. It also will help you quit smoking, if that's an issue. I quit both by using this med two years ago and have had complete success. Ask your Dr about it. I know it's hard to admit this stuff to your Dr, but it's such a relief to get it off your chest and get some help. After all, that's what you're paying the Dr for!

God bless,
Misa

[FreeSpirit]

Hey hun,

I'm sorry to hear about all that you've gone through, and I can really sympathise, I think we all can. We've all gone through rough patches where we've had hard things to go through and get over. I honestly don't think that you putting something else on your plate would be the best thing in your life right now. I'm not saying that you shouldn't start eating healthier or going on 30 minute walks, because that will REALLY improve your outlook, but, maybe you shouldn't focus on it just yet.

Therapists and psychiatrists can do wonders for the mind. Have you considered going to see one and talking out your problems? From what you've said, you deffinately have alot of stuff running through your head, and it would do you good to be able to get that all out without feeling like you're burdening others.

I know that you can do this, babe, and your mental health is soooo important. You'll be more likely to succeed if you have a proper frame of mind, and if you don't have all of that stuff weighing you down.

Good luck.

[Trixi]

Thanks for all your support and advice. It is true that life has not been exactly amazing but there has been some good things as well. I think I want to focus on those things for now and hope it is a better year next year.

I feel like I am cheating myself out of a healthy life and feeling better and maybe that was because of the guilt I had towards everything and I just kept thinking that I was the only one not feeling sorry for themself and got things done (i.e bringing my sister home and organizing the entire funeral) I truly felt bad for the driver who is so young and one mistake has changed her life forever. I even went as far as writing to the family and expressing our forgiveness and no ill feelings towards her which her pastor has informed me how much this meant to her and I am glad I did it. It allowed me to handle my sister's death and know that she is in a better place and has been a huge part in having a cell phone law passed in BC which could save many other lives as well.

I have never been on able to open up in person about things that affect me because I am not sure if they would be important to the person I am talking to. Maybe I would be making a mountain out of a molehill or find that one doctor that decided I need to be locked up somewhere padded lol. I find it alot easier writing things down so I think I will start the journal again and I know this would help me.

As I sit here at work eating this yummy salad (and its only yummy cause I am pretending it is a cheeseburger) I am excited about this and feel better just making the decision. You guys have empowered me to be successful and I thank you all very very much and if I can help in any way please let me know.

Have a wonderful Monday!

[MariaOfColumbia]

Sounds like a really bad year. I had one of those once... not nearly as bad as yours, but it was rough. I finally figured out that it was better to focus on the good parts--no matter how small-- in my mind rather than dwell on the bad parts until it seemed there was nothing good left.

Reorienting one's outlook can make all the difference. It really does help to think of the glass as half full instead of half empty. Things can always get worse (and probably will)... but the trick is to enjoy the *moments* of joy and get as much mileage out of them as possible.

What you did in that first post is exactly what you need to stop doing. Quit counting up the bad things. Let them pass. Look for the good things and allow yourself to feel joy-- even if it's nothing more than a pretty sunset or a kitten playing. Or a dog waddling along beside you on a much needed walk.

There is much good in life. Sometimes it takes an effort to notice. Making that effort is worth the trouble.