General chatter - I've offended someone here
11-25-2006, 09:41 AM
And it hurts my heart. But it's my own fault cuz I 'think' it had to do with following someone around on the boards to see what else they're up to. Which I like to do and I encourage others to do.
I'm guessing cuz there certainly was nothing wrong with my post in the thread where the poster took offence.
I'm truly sorry that I caused any pain or discomfort. I hope those of you who know me a bit, know that I never intend that ... never at all.
Anyway ... enough about me. This is what I'm really after ....
How do you know you are being diss'd in a thread? Tone? wording? poster history? what?
Do you respond?
What's the difference between diss and sturdy correction? Would either one offend you?
Have you ever typed a long angry post but deleted instead of posting?
11-25-2006, 10:03 AM
Susan: I've written many angry posts and then once I've typed it, I feel better, then delete it. I also got LAMBASTED by a poster on a writing forum I belonged to due to a political comment I made. I literally started crying and then thought, "Hey, I don't even, literally, know this person in real life...why am I letting it get under my skin so badly?" Plus, the downfall of e-mails or forum posting is it's hard to tell the tone of voice in a post or letter, therefore, it's hard to decifer if the person is really being as harsh as we're reading it to be. Know what I mean?
Take it with a grain of salt, Susan. I didn't read the post that got you upset, but know that you've never insulted ME on the boards and if it weren't for you and Gary, I wouldn't have anyone to talk to about HOCKEY!! And Gary doesnt' even LIKE hockey!! Go figure!!
11-25-2006, 10:15 AM
hey Tech! It's Not That I Don't Like Hockey Really ~ But Have You Noticed Their "fans" ;)
Ps ~ The Pond The Ducks Play In Has Been Changed To The Honda Center ~ Guess Those Japanese Must Really Love The Sport :d
Pss ~ I Am Taking The Jags In The Pool This Week ~ Peyton Should Have An Easy One...hope-hope
11-25-2006, 10:51 AM
DISS'D IN A THREAD? WHO ME? :lol:
I LOVE EVERYBODY HERE! THERE ARE THOSE THAT LOVE ME TOO...'cause they tell me...and those that CAN'T STAND ME....'cause they tell me. That's what makes life so much fun!!!!! and not boring!
Plenty of us :love: :yes: :love: you Susan...if you want to apologize for un-intentionally hurting someone, go ahead, then move on!!
11-25-2006, 12:18 PM
But it's my own fault cuz I 'think' it had to do with following someone around on the boards to see what else they're up to.
You are more than welcome to follow me around sweetie! ;)
I have been in many forums that were also fighting / flaming forums and it can actually be alot of fun as long as no personal real life info is involved. I do have a bit of a thick skin. There are some online stalkers that I have had who were jealous of my popularity on other boards, (I know it sounds ******ed) and have even had sidebars dedicated to me. :lol: Poeple trying to bait me to come argue with them. I am usually the type I will state my case and that is about it. Anything beyond an initial rebuttal is usually just a senseless argument with who can yell louder so I don't get involved. Alot of times these people just want attention and will keep pushing buttons. The best thing you can give an attention whore, is NO ATTENTION! That makes them madder than anything and they hate being ignored. Eventually they drop it and move on.
I even had one stalker who (had a pic of me when I was much thinner and younger :lol: ) Anyhow he used me as his myspace profile pic for a year! I could care less. Have at it! He thought it would bug me and get under my skin. He wanted me to send him messages begging him or threatening him to take it off. I never even acknowledged it. I laughed when I saw it. I also think it is pretty funny that he is engaged to a girl yet he has MY PIC up on his myspace! What a freak! Obsessed much?? Anyhow one of my online friends who I have known for years happened to come across it and knew it was me and she is also a moderator at myspace. She called me on the phone from Ohio to tell me and I laughed. I had forgotten all about it! This freak had had this pic on his account for like 2 years! She threatened him with pulling his whole account and he promptly removed it. *snickers*
11-25-2006, 08:15 PM
I have thick skin too....but I'm trying to get rid of it...;)
Just wanted to drop in to say :love: you SUSANB!! I've never seen you say anything that wasn't helpful and supportive. And I'll admit to stalking you because I enjoy reading your posts. :D
11-25-2006, 08:31 PM
I had a quick mental picture of the 3 Stooges a la Inspector Clouseau .... me following Gina whose following me whose following Gina ....
My friend would love this thread. She says I'm a semi professional paranoid :)
11-25-2006, 09:14 PM
You can never make everyone happy on any message board. There's ALWAYS going to be someone who gets offended by someone else, no matter how respectful & nice that person seems to be.
Just comes from being in a public area with people from all walks of life, all over the world, all different beliefs. Don't sweat it - you'll be just fine. (and so will they)
11-25-2006, 10:29 PM
Just think of how boring life would be if no-one voiced an opinion (even if it was unpopular)! How boring things would be if there wasn't some debate! I don't think you've really "been" here UNLESS you have either been offended or offended someone, especially since I don't think ANYONE here means to be offensive! Cut yourself some slack! All voices should be welcome here if the intention is good...
Glad you are here...
When I first came on line, I remember reading somewhere: When you read a post, give the writer the benefit of the doubt. When you write a post, write knowing that everything you say can be misinterpreted. :)
11-26-2006, 12:05 AM
I have very thick skin, too. (I'm not fat, I just have thick skin :p ) I have probably offended my fair share of people, and I've been offended more than a few times. But I don't think it's always intentional. Online, we don't have the benefit of body language and tone of voice to express ourselves.
I know of one person in particular who offends a LOT of people, but I know she doesn't mean to. She never ever uses emoticons, she just blurts out the words and so they seem harsh. Emoticons are the internets version of body language.
Anyway, I agree with the others - don't worry. Be happy :) I also think you are always helpful to others, and if someone misunderstands the tone of your posts, then I personally wouldn't worry about it. Life is too short not to move forward.
11-26-2006, 12:06 AM
Hi Xan :wave:
Hi Suzanne! :wave: (I remember this board when it was a UBB, and the forums on the Weight Watchers had problems and, it seemed, EVERYONE who posted there discovered these boards all at the same time. Very exciting. !!!!!)
I will stick around this time, I swear it :) Apologies to Susan B for interrupting your thread.
11-26-2006, 06:40 AM
Susan, I will tell you that I don't follow people around the boards, but there are certain forums that I always check in on. Like the Support forum, 100lb club and General Chatter just to mention a few. And I have seen and read your posts many, many times and never not once have I seen anything offensive. You always seem to genuinely care about people and give strong, solid and motherly advice.
You know since I've started this weight loss journey and have started to change my life I have had a huge, almost uncontrollable and overwhelming desire to help others and share what I have learned and in wanting to do that I think I may come off as too pushy or sound too know it all-y. Which horrifies me to think that I may be coming off this way. But I guess that's just the way it is sometimes. And I'm never quite sure just how much info someone is looking for or how much of a push they're looking for when they start a new thread and ask a question. Hopefully for every time I come off harshly or wrong or G-d forbid insensitive or offensive, the other nine times I come off helpful and sincere.
Susan, again please know that I and I think most everyone here knows that your intentions are ALWAYS, ALWAYS sincere, genuine and loving and that your first and foremost of intentions are to help people. :hug:
11-26-2006, 08:53 AM
Aw ... you all are sooo sweet! Thanks!
11-26-2006, 11:40 AM
I agree with rockinrobin. I really like Susan. <3
11-26-2006, 06:42 PM
Just inspired by jasmine's story about the myspace pic...
Years ago I made some enemies in a chat room, and one of them started sending around a photo, supposedly of me. I didn't care at first until people started perking up and talking about the NAKED picture of me being passed around. I was confused but horrified and then confused all over again, as I'm not exactly the type of person to have naked pictures of myself taken. I felt like crying because I was so upset and humiliated, even though I knew the picture couldn't possibly be real.
So, I snuck back on as a different name, asked for the picture and the person who was passing it around sent it to me. It turns out that it was a photo of an absolutely stunningly beautiful woman in a bubble bath - who had maybe MAYBE the SLIGHTEST vague resemblance (in the face) to me, but had about 2 cup sizes more in the chest, and about 50 lbs less in the gut/thighs.
I suddenly realized that was pretty darn cool. I came back and told everyone that I WISHED that was me, and asked if anyone would mind if I just used that as my new profile pic? :)
People online can get so silly/stupid sometimes.
11-26-2006, 11:12 PM
11-27-2006, 10:55 AM
So it's you with the WMDs is it Chick ;)
I agree I :love: SusanB too! Let's start a fan club, then we can ALL stalk her ;)
Some people can be a little over sensitive! That's why I use so many emoticons, if I have a little rant that people over here in lala land (my real world!!!) that people could tell I was being silly because I was smiling and laughing. I usually end it with a ;) :lol: on the board...
Like - Oh gawd I really HATE SusanB stalking me, like, ALL. THE. TIME ;) :lol:
11-27-2006, 12:30 PM
Oh, Susan, I feel bad for you! I see your posts all over as well because I tend to be all over the place here! Sometimes I post where I don't feel like I belong and then wonder if anyone will take offense, but so far I haven't been dissed. And I know that I'm a know-it-all. I can be that way off the boards as well! LOL I'm so sorry to hear you had a problem.
11-27-2006, 05:55 PM
OH god yes....I have offended people with the best of intentions. Written language is so uncommunicative. Plus I tend to ramble and say too much and have strong opinions.
I think it is ironically funny that the time I got the most hate/flack though was a time I asked a question and got slammed for asking such a question. Me the "know it all" getting slammed for having a question :D
My favorite part of the slam was that while my intentions were pure I was informed in no uncertain terms that my intentions were hateful and despite what I may think they KNEW that my intent was purely to spread hate. Funny how they KNEW that.
Also - there will always be people who are offended by actual good advice. I had a nursing mom be severely offended and leave a mom's board because I told her it was not healthy to be eating only 800 calories a day while nursing full time and working out. Her goal was 5 lbs weight loss per week. Anything less was unacceptable. But the funny thing is she ASKED if it was ok and if maybe that was why her milk supply dropped.
11-28-2006, 12:02 AM
well heck, i offended again just this week in another forum....and this time it was for being nice.
11-28-2006, 12:05 AM
That's why I use so many emoticons, if I have a little rant that people over here in lala land (my real world!!!) that people could tell I was being silly because I was smiling and laughing. I usually end it with a ;) :lol: on the board...
Smilies do make it all better.....:lol3: :devil:
11-28-2006, 12:49 AM
Susan I have to tell you I was offended at a few of your posts when you were following me, but I am new to this forum and I am very sensitive and I have only learned that in the last couple of years. I cry at the drop of the hat. I can't help it, tears just come out at times i don't want them to. (I am putting my kneck out here and all of you could pass a nasty picture of me somewhere and shun me, but i want you to know that I have learned from you!)
I was only offended because you were straight forward and abrupt with your comments and no one else would comment after you. I thought i was being pegged. (silly, I know, but nevertheless, that was my thoughts at the time)
I thought I was trying to learn, but I was actually whining and you stopped me from whining and made me start looking at myself. So I learned that you ment well and that I needed to look at what I was doing. (I thought about leaving the site, but stuck with it).
Susan from that and reading your other posts ( I learned I could follow people too) I knew you ment well.
I hope I didn't offend you by being honest with you. I do enjoy your posts!! You do not realize what you have installed in my life from your posts to me. You have made me look at my life, my way of eating, and have made me more positive and to encourage others in trouble.
Keep doing what your doing and help others, you are good at it!!
11-28-2006, 02:03 AM
Oh Loveandlaughalways :hug: No honey you've made me teary! I'm so glad you stuck around! Praise the Lord I'm not the only voice here!
You are right about this, I do just want this for everyone! I'm such a schlump! And I realllllllyyyy think that if I can lose weight anybody can. Sounds cliche but I do. It's just soooo much better being slim. And I want eveybody to be here! Seriously!
BTW ... I'm always happy to see your posts! I love your username!
.... now I have to go see what I said ;)
11-28-2006, 05:50 AM
I came back this morning to clarify something. When I should have been trying to get back to sleep, I was still dwelling on this thread ... those of you who stew are in good company :)
I assumed that that first poster I was talking about read my responses to her and then followed me to the "YOU" thread ... where I vented.
I always go back and check threads in which I've posted. Just in case someone wants clarification, to tell me I'm full of it or something like that.
11-28-2006, 12:26 PM
Well I am glad to hear you two have worked thru your differences!
You are still one strong cookie for looking beyond the trouble, actually listening and taking things to heart and staying on the forum! That courage will take you a long way!
:hug: to you both!
11-28-2006, 07:01 PM
:grouphug: Let's all sing "kumbayah" :D
Sometimes blunt honesty is the best gift you can give someone. That's what I love about 3FC....people aren't afraid to tell the truth. That doesn't mean I always want to hear it....but it pays to keep in mind that if you ask for an opinion you can't be too annoyed when you get one. If you are sensitive, I would like to apologize as well...I have prolly offended a few chicks here as well. It's coming from a place of love, not mean-ness.
11-28-2006, 07:07 PM
....... oh loooord Kumbaya ....
Gina! You are the coolest!
I feel very blessed by the vast scope of the written word! It wouldn't be much of a message board if the answer to every question was just 'eat less and move more .... next!'
It's also sad that we have the capacity to immediately assume someone who doesn't even know us might want to hurt us. Sad sad social developement that.
11-28-2006, 07:22 PM
:hug: :hug: :hug: CAN'T WE JUST ALL GET ALONG? :hug: :hug: :hug:
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :nono: :nono: :no: :no: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :no: :no: :nono: :nono: :nono: ;)
11-28-2006, 07:55 PM
Thanks Susan!! :hug: You can follow me anytime. I am trying to get healthier by not being so sensitive. It will take sometime, but I am working on it. I think I will make it one of my goal.
11-28-2006, 08:32 PM
I'm pretty sure I've offended more people than I can count on all my fingers and toes on here at one point or another (mostly unintentionaly. mostly :devil: ;) ). And I am the QUEEN of writing a big long post and then just never hitting "submit." Heck, I sometimes even DO hit submit and then go back and edit to delete the message I'd posted before anyone had a chance to respond. I know I can be outspoken at times, but I also know I only have good intentions at heart. I also know that I can sometimes be way too sarcastic, and that can be easily misconstrued as offensive on here (even though I do use the smilies most times :D ).
Anyway, gotta keep on keepin' on despite others' possible misunderstandings of your intentions. Life's too short to worry about the petty (although the petty can be mildly amusing and entertaining at times...my god, I'm evil :devil: ).