General chatter - I am furious with my husband right now!




drake3272004
11-23-2006, 02:58 PM
Well, to start off, my DH quit smoking about 4 years ago and the only way that he could do that was to use chew for awhile, then to quit the chew he used the nicotine gum and suckers.
Fast forward to today, he was a complete jerk earlier because he was trying to peel eggs and they weren't cooperating, so he took it out on me! He apologized, no big deal, whatever. His mom showed up a bit ago and we were sitting at the table talking, while the turkey finishes.....and I notice that he has a can of chew in his pocket!!!!!!!!!!!! I just want to scream at him right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!:( :mad:


beautifulone
11-23-2006, 04:18 PM
Jackie... are you angry with him because he may be chew'ing again? Are you angry because you are frustrated that he is doing something that is unhealthy and you are really concerned about his health? Are you angry because he has fallen off track? or another reason?

I'd like to better understand why you are feeling so angry and I don't want to tell you how to feel or give you advice especially if it's unasked for and inappropriate, but I do want to gently say that quitting smoking is HARD. I've never smoked so I wouldn't know, but I'm sure others can vouch for that. I still remember the day one of my professors told us in class that on average, someone who smokes will try to quit 12 times before they quit for good! 12 times! I liken quitting smoking or any addiction to losing weight... and we all know how difficult that can be!

hang in there.

buckettgirl
11-23-2006, 08:04 PM
I understand, I really do - I quit smoking 4 years ago and my husband has struggled to quit since... I cannot stand being around smoke and I encourage him to quit.
I gave up the nagging. Certainly, I am sure that you do not what him doing something so obviously stupid... however, you have to let it go.
He will not quit because you get pissy about it; in fact, it will likely cause more problems than it is worth.
The only thing that you can do is CALMLY tell him that you saw the can of chew, that you disapprove, and that you are willing to be supportive of him when HE decides he is ready to kick the habit.
I have learned the hard way through the last 4 years that I cannot make my husband quit nor can I make him stay quit the few times he has done so. I can be assertive about my position not to support his habit and then let it go.
You can't make him quit/stay quit... set boundaries (like I refuse to buy my husband's cigarettes and he is NEVER allowed to smoke around me or in our cars) and be supportive when he decides to quit.


drake3272004
11-23-2006, 10:06 PM
I am more hurt that he was hiding it:( I know it's hard to quit, I was there when he quit.........it was hard to watch!
If he has to hide it after all that, then what does that say about us? I don't know......

Bravelilchicken
11-23-2006, 11:09 PM
The hiding it would be what hurt me the most too. When I quit I hid it for awhile too, but it was out of embarassment that I caved and bought again, but then a few days after I threw them out and havent smoked since. Maybe he just is ashamed of buying?

beautifulone
11-24-2006, 02:55 PM
I see what you mean, I would find that hurtful too... but you know, there could be a number of reasons he hadnt yet told you.. I hope you guys get to talk and figure it out. Good luck!

Wolfena
11-24-2006, 07:56 PM
You do realize men were put on this earth so we'd have something to complain about, right?

Life would be incredibly boring if we didn't have something to complain about periodically.

Men are just naturally capable of turning into that something - it's OK though, they expect it.

;)

drake3272004
11-25-2006, 12:32 PM
Well, we haven't sat down to talk yet, just in passing. He came in last night from work and right off the bat he started to tell me that he wasn't dishonest with me because he hadn't lied about it. I didn't want to get into it before going to the pool and in front of the kids, so I said "so telling everyone that you've quit for the last few years is not a lie?" and I walked away. I wasn't even **tchy about it, just stated a fact.
So, because he didn't right out lie to me, then he wasn't being dishonest?????????? I don't get it, sounded like an excuse to me.

beautifulone
11-25-2006, 05:18 PM
No.. I agree with you about honesty.. I think it's a lie by omission or something like that, and if not a lie, then still not complete truthfulness and it sounds like that's what you're most upset about.. I can understand why you feel hurt.

By the way, I think it's great that you didnt start arguing in front of the kids :)

drake3272004
11-26-2006, 11:16 PM
No.. I agree with you about honesty.. I think it's a lie by omission or something like that, and if not a lie, then still not complete truthfulness and it sounds like that's what you're most upset about.. I can understand why you feel hurt.

By the way, I think it's great that you didnt start arguing in front of the kids
We got a chance to talk. He understands why I'm so upset. I'm probably going to have a tough time trusting him for awhile, he's been chewing for 6 months!!! He works construction, so we don't see him much in the summer......that's how he was able to hide it so well. Plus he has been drinking these Rock Star drink things that I can't stand the smell of so that's how he has been able to cover up the smell of the chew.:( We'll get past it, we've gone through much worse.........it just sucked that it had to happen this weekend.

As far as the kids go, we generally try not to argue in front of them, especially if it's going to turn ugly.