SO, one week ago today my dad died. He was only 60 years old, and we'd ridden out 6 weeks of his recovery after his having had major surgery. He'd almost died while in hospital, but was doing great and had gotten a great bill of health and had gone back to work the day before he died. In a lot of ways it was sudden. We still don't know if he had an anurism in his abdomen or if something from his surgery had ruptured and he'd bleed into his abdomen.
For the past week I have eaten almost nothing but junk, drank pop, eaten chocolate and chips, and just this morning began my day with doritos.....did I mention I'm PMSing. The other major food source is Tums because all of this makes me feel like crap. That doesn't seem to be enough motivation though.
I go back to work tomorrow, and can't seem to convince myself that I need to take care of myself, which includes getting back to excercising and eating right, I haven't even been taking my vitamins which have been part of my routine for years....it all seems like so much work and I can't seem to find the energy or insiration to make the right choices. I can't bare to step on the scale and see what dammage I've done to my progress.
This place is aways so great for help and support and I REALLY need it right now. My heart seems to be broken and I can't seem to make anything else matter. Mourning sucks.
thanks for listening
11-22-2006, 11:24 AM
First let me say that I am so very sorry for your loss. There really are no words to express the sorrow that you must be going through. I quite frankly can't imagine it myself. This will be one of the hardest things that you will ever have to go through. But you will get through it, some how, some way. Try to not be so hard on yourself, you have just been through a huge trauma and you need time to heal. By all means don't step on the scale for a while. Take it one day at a time. Little baby steps. My heart goes out to you. I wish you and your family all the best at this very difficult time. :hug:
11-22-2006, 11:42 AM
I'm very sorry for your loss. :hug: My Dad is in the hospital right now and although he is getting better, there was a while there when we thought we might lose him. I can only imagine how you feel...like the pp said, take this tim for yourself and don't beat yourself up over anything. With this kind of trauma you need to give yourself time to heal...and you will get back to healthy eating I know. Take the time you need.
11-22-2006, 11:58 AM
I´m really really sorry for your loss, I can´t even imagine what you have been going through, or the pain you must be feeling, but trust me, give it time, you will feel better...
I agree with Robin, don´t step on the scale for a while, take one thing at a time, but don´t forget yourself, don´t let yourself go ... I know that life as you know it doesn´t exist anymore, but you are still here... take your time, cut yourself some slack, but don´t be careless...
I´m really sorry if it sounds a little harsh, but my weight escalated when I had someone I deeply love between life and death, I remember that when the doctor told us she probably wouldn´t make it, my world turned upside down, my life wasn´t the same anymore and I didn´t know how to deal with any of that... and I became careless, I chose to shut myself from the world, but at the end, eating only made me sadder, and when I finally woke up, I couldn´t even recognize myself anymore...
We are here for you, I´m here for you... feel free to PM me, send me an email, whatever you need... you had the corage to do what I didn´t...
All the best,
11-22-2006, 01:43 PM
[QUOTE=tqvirgo;1479072]SO, one week ago today my dad died. He was only 60 years old
:hug: I want to tell you that I'm so sorry for your loss, and I do know exactly what you're going through right now. My mom died suddenly last month on 10-17-06, and she was only 63 years old. She has had many years of different sicknesses, but her death was on the day that she was to be released from the hospital to go home, and within one hour of being discharged, she passed away in her sleep right there in the hospital bed. Her doctor said he's pretty sure she had a blood clot that went to her heart. She was in the hospital for falling on her right leg very hard, and the bruising was horrible, plus she was on blood thinner, but they think it was a clot from her leg. It's very hard losing someone, but I have to say that losing my mom has been the worst and most difficult thing I have ever gone through in my whole life. I think about her every day, many times, and have times I just have to cry. Tomorrow will be a very hard day for me, because she always came over to our house for the day and loved my dinners. I had been doing very well with my eating and exercising before, but since last month, I've been off track and I'm trying to find the drive each day to get back on track. I will say a prayer for you and your dad and just know that I do care about you.:cry: :hug:
11-22-2006, 01:54 PM
I am so sorry for your loss. I'm sure it did feel sudden if he were on the road to recovery.
I handle stress much like you; I just stop taking care of myself. In the beginning the chocolate and junk food feel good.... like it's numbing the pain. But after a while, it just starts to make you feel sick. And it can be so hard to get out of that eating junk and feeling sick cycle.... I know.
Can you try to console yourself with anything else? Peppermint tea, comfy clothes and a book usually make me feel a little consoled... without making me feel sick. Maybe you like coffee?? Get some of those flavored creamers and treat yourself to that. Just see if you can find something else that feels good besides the pop and junk food.
You are entitled to grieve.... and if you grieve by eating that's okay. You just have to not let it become your "everyday" life again. At some point the cycle has to break.
I think trying to lose weight and get healthy is also a great way to honor your father. I'm sure he wants you to have a full and happy life... and he would be so proud to see you take the steps to ensure that.
Whatever you do, don't be hard on yourself. You are experiening great loss in your life right now. My prayers are with you.
11-22-2006, 01:59 PM
I am so very for your loss. I have lost both my parents and it is so difficult. Try to be kind to yourself. It takes time to heal your broken heart and to be able to remember all the good times. Don't worry about the scale for now, just focus on getting through the sorrow. Hugs.
11-22-2006, 02:00 PM
Oh, Tracy...I'm so, so sorry :hug:
My Dad died when I was seven years old, he was only 44.
I want you to take care of yourself. Give yourself time to deal with this horrible loss. One day, not too long from now, things will clear just a little bit, and slowly, you can start thinking of other things. Always remember how much your Dad loves you...that he's there with you...and that he wants you to be healthy and happy.
For now, take the time to feel everything you need to..and be good to yourself, OK?
11-22-2006, 06:30 PM
I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I agree with the others - now is not the time to worry about the scales. Once the initial shock of his death has passed you can concentrate more fully on your diet. But for right now just concentrate on your mental health and wellbeing.
11-22-2006, 06:38 PM
thank-you all so much.
Robin, Linda, and lilybelle-thank-you so much for your kind words, and support!
Liz- I hope your dad is okay. And thank-you for sharing that with me, he will be in my thoughts.
Carol-tough love is always welcome. I knew I couldn't be the only one out there who handles stress this way...and trust me the PMs to you are a comin.
Michelle- I am sooo sorry. It totally sucks doesn't it. My dad was on his second surgery to remove cancer, that he pulled through with flying colours, then he had clots and he almost died...he survived all of that...and then it's the silliest little thing that took him, like your mom. THat's the part that's tough to comprehend. Sounds like you and I need to team up to get back on track together. :)
Nalynn- that is great advice. I seem to be coming down with a cold, so tea may just become my new best friend in the coming few days, and I've already become one with the comfy cloths. Thank-you for your concern and caring words.
You all made me cry...in that good 'people care about me' kinda way. It was nice to let go emotionally.
Thank-you so much
11-22-2006, 06:41 PM
Thanks Melissa, we must have been typing at the same time.
It's nice to have others say it's ok to back off the scale. I'm so hard on myself....you guys telling me not to do that actually helps.
big hugs to you all :hug: :hug: :hug:
11-22-2006, 08:28 PM
I'm so sorry. I lost my dad suddenly almost three years ago, and it knocked me for a loop. He visited me in the morning, and in the evening he was gone. My weight skyrocketed, and I just didn't care. Nothing mattered.
I didn't have a place like this. I didn't even know I needed it, but I did. I hope you are able to find the support here to make your trauma just a tiny bit more bearable.
11-23-2006, 12:01 PM
I am just catching up on all the threads. My heartfelt condolences for your loss. As the others have said, please take care of yourself and be kind to yourself.
11-23-2006, 01:23 PM
Tracy ~ I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. I can only imagine what that is like. For now just hang in there ~ do whatever you need to do for now ~ worry about the rest later.
11-23-2006, 03:30 PM
Tracy, I am so sorry for your loss. The ladies here have already written such wonderful messages of support, so I won't repeat them but I just wanted to tell you that you are not alone and you have us thinking about you, wishing you well! I will keep you in my thoughts, many many hugs :hug:
11-24-2006, 10:53 AM
Carol, Gayle, Eiluj, and beautifulone,
thanks for your condolences. This place is such a great resource, and support network.
I went back to work yesterday and although I have a bad cold, the normalcy and getting back to my routine feels pretty good.
take care all
11-24-2006, 11:07 AM
Just read the thread and am happy to hear that things are looking up for you! My father died suddenly nearly twenty-five years ago, and I can still feel the sadness! The grieving process is simply that...a process. I find that little things bring back memories, and the sadness comes back again. I don't think we ever get over the loss of a loved one; the life force of the person remains in our hearts. What I CAN tell you is that sad memories DO get replaced by happier thoughts of experiences that we had with the person. I find that I feel guided in my life now by conversations that I had with my dad when I was younger. In many ways I feel as though he is with me, guiding me and helping me as he did when I was younger.
I'm praying that you will remember the happy times and that you will find strength to continue your weight loss journey BECAUSE of the love that you know you shared with your dad. I'm sure that he was very proud of you.
11-25-2006, 11:26 AM
I was lucky to have had a chance to rebond with my dad while he was in the hospital. I feel very fortunate to have many fond memories that already overshadow the sadness. It's just hard to think of him gone.
Everybody is so wonderful here, and it's nice to hear other people's stories and know I'm not alone.
11-28-2006, 12:48 PM
I'm sorry for your loss. My grandma died last year and I just felt numb for a long time after. Try to cut yourself some slack and give yourself time to heal a little bit. You've been through a lot. :hug:
11-29-2006, 08:36 AM
Numb is where I'm at right now. I am trying to eat better, and I'm back to getting up in the mornings and excercising. It's still not real to me, and every once in a while it hits me. I'm trying to take it a day at a time and not be too frustrated with my coping behaviour.
thanks for your kind words of support.