Weight Loss Support - Shifting Perspective




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MariaOfColumbia
11-15-2006, 04:23 PM
Have you ever had that sudden shift in perspective where you suddenly realize you don't look as good as you thought you did?

I just had one of those today. I've lost 41 lbs over the past year, and took to wearing tighter tops to show off my figure, and am wearing one of those today.

When I went to the bathroom just now and caught sight of myself in the mirror, I suddenly realized: I don't look that good. I've finally gotten used to not being obese, and while I knew intellectually that I was still quite overweight at 34% body fat, I was still so impressed with what I'd done that I thought I looked good.

I've suddenly shifted my perspective. Instead of thinking, "Gee, I've lost 41 lbs, don't I look better?" I'm thinking, "ACK! I'm 152 lbs! I'm supposed to be 135- 140. I'm actually kind of pudgy. Why am I wearing this form fitting top? My belly fat shows quite clearly through it!"

I'm still overweight. I knew that before, but now I SEE it, too. Weird. Nothing has changed from 10 minutes ago, except my outlook. I want to go home and put on a big floppy shirt that makes me look small! :(


OnePerDecade
11-15-2006, 04:34 PM
I was thinking about the same exact thing a few hours ago!!!

I am thrilled beyond measure that I am 165. I love that I've lost 62 lbs. I have been wearing things that are tighter or in the case of my bedroom, more revealing. I feel so good about myself and my journey so far....

And then I catch a glimpse of myself in a less than flattering moment and I remember all the years of my life where hitting 165 would have been reason for despair and depression (and bingeing and purging). In that instant, everything I've accomplished feels like a failure.

So what I realized when I was talking to myself in the mirror was this: I am where I am now because of every decision I have made in my life. I am still overweight because I decided time and time and time again to eat or drink too much, because I opted for TV over exercise, because I convinced myself that I "carried it well" -- but I am LESS overweight because I decided to change. Every day for well over 6 months, I have woken up that much healthier and that much closer to my goals. I can obsess over where I'm not, or I can rejoice in where I have come. I choose to rejoice -- because it feels better and frankly, it's much less dangerous from an emotional eating standpoint.

Choose to celebrate yourself!

Glory87
11-15-2006, 04:39 PM
Heh, I don't know if we're every truly happy with ourselves. I now weigh 127 lbs, I'm a thin person. What bothers me now? My nose is big!

I think even beautiful super models obsess over their looks.


mlk58
11-15-2006, 04:45 PM
Just as an aside, I'd be willing to bet you'll look bigger in a big floppy shirt than you do in the form-fitting top. I think everybody looks their best in clothes that actually fit.

MariaOfColumbia
11-15-2006, 05:00 PM
It's just a bit of anguish that I'm still heavier now than I was 3 months after my first pregnancy. That all of a sudden, what I thought was good- really isn't.

I'm not despairing, just aware. To people who knew me big, I'll look small. To people meeting me for the first time, I'll seem "well padded".

No biggy, just a bit puzzled a the sudden shift in perspective. When I get down to goal will I have a new shift? And suddenly see myself in a new way?

lilybelle
11-15-2006, 06:06 PM
I'm at my goal and somedays I feel like I look great, somedays I feel like I still look BIG. Today is a thin day for me and I feel good. On the days that I feel bigger, I try to remind myself where I came from. If I eat off program one meal, I feel 10 lbs. heavier immediately, even though, of course the scale doesn't show that. Some clothes flatter my figure better than others. I try to wear more form-fitting clothes now. I think the looser clothes do nothing for my figure.

kateful
11-15-2006, 07:32 PM
I don't feel like I look one bit different, really, even though I'm two sizes smaller. I really want to be happy somewhere. It really does concern me that I'll get to where I think I want to go and not be satisfied then, either. Then what do I do?

I'm sure you are looking fabulous. Even if you think you still have some work to do, rejoice in the results you have already seen. You deserve that.

Mom2QJandT
11-15-2006, 09:31 PM
WOW - - I came here to post almost the same thing. I have lost a substantial amount of weight and yet I think that I am almost feeling worse about my body. I think "wow, I've lost almost 60 pounds and I still look like a cow". I also notice that I may have been happier when I didn't care what I looked like. I am so aware of how I look now that I get almost obsessive about it. I never tried on more than one outfit before work before I started losing and now I never leave without at least 3 wardrobe changes. It seems that the more I lose and the more I care the less satisfied I become. Anyone else?

MissieA
11-15-2006, 10:46 PM
If I eat off program one meal, I feel 10 lbs. heavier immediately, even though, of course the scale doesn't show that.


Ain't that the truth!!!

And I think my body was more proportionate when I was heavier. Now, the tummy ponch stands out more.

OnePerDecade
11-16-2006, 10:51 AM
I've heard that weight doesn't always come off evenly -- I know that at times in the past few months my proportions have been WAY off (my waist was smaller but no change on my hips, so I looked heavier when I was actually about 20 lbs less!) I think that is why some of us are wondering why clothes still don't look "right" after losing the pounds....

MariaOfColumbia
11-16-2006, 11:27 AM
I think I've been defining myself by "what I'm not". All the time I was obese, I kept thinking, I'm not really this fat- this is just temporary. As I lost weight, I was thinking, "I'm NOT 193 lbs anymore!" "I'm not 175 lbs." "I'm not 160 lbs". I think I suddenly swung the other way. "I'm NOT 135 lbs yet, what am I doing???"

Perhaps I ought to admit that I AM 152 lbs right now, with all that that implies both health wise and appearancewise for my height and age. I'm 34% fat! It doesn't really matter where I was and how much I've changed in the last year.

HERE is where I am now.

And there is still work to be done.

Jasmine31
11-16-2006, 11:52 AM
lilybelle:

I'm at my goal and somedays I feel like I look great, somedays I feel like I still look BIG. Today is a thin day for me and I feel good. On the days that I feel bigger, I try to remind myself where I came from. If I eat off program one meal, I feel 10 lbs. heavier immediately, even though, of course the scale doesn't show that. Some clothes flatter my figure better than others. I try to wear more form-fitting clothes now. I think the looser clothes do nothing for my figure.

Well I am not near "goal" yet but I feel the same way! I have always tried to wear more form fitting clothes plus a tummy tightener cause then I feel more trimmer, if I don't then I feel more frumpy and don't tend to watch what I am doing(at least in the beginning) Nowadays I am so on track most of the time it has more to do with me feeling my best.

Mom2QJandT:

WOW - - I came here to post almost the same thing. I have lost a substantial amount of weight and yet I think that I am almost feeling worse about my body. I think "wow, I've lost almost 60 pounds and I still look like a cow".

That is exactly how I am feeling! I was 280 June of 2006 and got down to 250 by December of 2005 and was really proud. I had to take a few months off due to pregnancy and miscarriage but maintained yet lost a little muscle due to no walking and taking it easy. Anyhow Aporil 24 I was raring to go and was 250. I got back on track but had to regain muscle and I was still eating ALOT although healthier stuff. I hit 238.5 August 1, 2006

My weight loss stalled for about a month cause it was so hot in August that my walking was cut in half and I was still being bad with portions. By Sept 7 I was 235 and I swear I felt better and thought I looked so great then! I think part of it was getting back on the losing streak. That was when I discovered cal counting so I knew I was on my way again. I have been losing steadily ever since. Usually about 2 pounds a week. The month of October I lost about 9.75 pounds, the month of Sept I think it was like 7. But the point I am getting to is now I am at 214.5 and I feel humongous!!! I feel like a fat cow! I feel fatter than I did at 235!!! That is 20 pounds difference!!! (I know I am thinner though) Last month my average for walking was 67 minutes a day, this month I have upped it and am at an average of 89 a day. But I just feel fat and I feel like the weight is not coming off, even though it is. I was 219 when we started the month and I am 214.5 now. So 4.5 pounds.

It was so bad yesterday that I didn't even want to go out in public! The day before I looked in the mirror and my tummy looked huge! It is weird it is like the top part is going down which makes my boobs look great, but it feels like it is falling to the bottom(the tummy). I looked great straight on with the jeans and shirt, but when I looked sideways I was like good lord! I am huge!! I thought, well put your tummy tightener on. Then I remembered I already had it on ! :( I put a longer shirt on to cover it. I was feeling so down I didn't even want to go see my hubby for lunch. (I bring us a sack lunch 4 days and the other day we eat out)

He left me a sweet little note on the computer though. Anyhow I am really hoping this is just a transition phase and that this is going to melt ogff soon. I know like some of the other women have said when they have a problem area it does get slimmer with losing weight but they still notice it. I know even before when I was 15 and lost alot of weight. Down from like 215 to about 160, I looked great but still had a little tummy, it didn't really bug me though. But I do remember I had it.

Someone please tell me this tummy is going to shrink!!! :lol:

I am so aware of how I look now that I get almost obsessive about it. I never tried on more than one outfit before work before I started losing and now I never leave without at least 3 wardrobe changes. It seems that the more I lose and the more I care the less satisfied I become. Anyone else?

I am feeling the same way!!

MissieA:

And I think my body was more proportionate when I was heavier. Now, the tummy ponch stands out more.

That is exactly me!

OnePerDecade:

I've heard that weight doesn't always come off evenly -- I know that at times in the past few months my proportions have been WAY off (my waist was smaller but no change on my hips, so I looked heavier when I was actually about 20 lbs less!) I think that is why some of us are wondering why clothes still don't look "right" after losing the pounds...

Please tell me it gets better dear! Good Lord!!!

rockinrobin
11-16-2006, 12:34 PM
Talk about perspective and all things being relative, now that I'm down to a mere 236 pounds, (catch the sarcasam?) I have to admit that I do indeed look better and have been feeling better about myself and then I think what the heck you look horrible you're 236 pounds, you have absolutely no right to think that you look good. And it definitely comes off different then it went on, the weight that is. My stomach has remained huge and my waist is whittling away, so um yeah, it stands out way more then before and quite frankly before the weight loss I didn't think much about how I looked, obviously or I wouldn't have been 287 pounds and now I can't stop thinking about how I look. Oh life is strange and this weight loss thing is even stranger.

Jasmine31
11-16-2006, 01:08 PM
Congrats on 51 pounds fed up! How long have you been working on it? What plan are you following? You are doing great! Keep your chin up!

rockinrobin
11-16-2006, 01:21 PM
:thanks: Thanks so much Jasmine. You're doing pretty darn well yourself.

I started September 4, 2006. I'm basically counting calories, eating lean protein like white meat chicken, fish and some soy-based products. Lots and lots and lots of veggies. Oh yeah and lots and lots and lots of veggies, I know I said that twice, I just wanted to stess just how much veggies I am really eating. And I drink lots of water, but I always did that. And I'm exercising a bit, could definitely improve in that area. And a lot of old - fashioned will power.

Jasmine31
11-16-2006, 01:45 PM
That is great fedup! You are doing awesome! Thanx for the props I know I am but I just feel like I ain't at the same time. Just getting depressed I guess. :(

How many cals are you doing?

rockinrobin
11-16-2006, 02:58 PM
How many cals are you doing?


I don't count to a tee, don't want to be too obsessive, but it goes something like this:

Breakfast about 200 calories, lunch between 200 & 300, dinner between 400 & 500, 2 snacks between 60 & 100, so that's anywhere from 1000 - 1200. And if I feel I need a little more I will. I was going a little higher, but I'm am so terrified of that dreaded plateau I figured while I'm still at a high weight and the weight therefore is easier to come off of me, why not see if I can do with less, and the truth is I am completely satisfied, not hungry at all. It's amazing how quickly we can retrain ourselves.

And don't be down on yourself. You are doing amazingly well. Look how far you've come. You have MUCH to be proud of!!! :cheer:

Glory87
11-16-2006, 03:50 PM
Of course, the drawback is a plateau when you're only eating 1200 calories - not much wiggle room!

Sojourner
11-16-2006, 04:00 PM
Please we all need to be kinder to ourselves and offer some grace. Would we be this critical of our best friend? A sister? A spouse? A daughter? A fellow 3FC'er? Heck a stranger? Why are we so mean-spirited and cruel when it comes to our bodies? Why do we look in a mirror and think what we think? What does this say about our sense of self-worth... and does it really have anything to do with our weight?

Enough is enough. Who here is willing to STOP the vicious cycles of self-hatred and embrace who we are, today, as an amazing, beautiful creation whose identy equates to far more than a number on the scale? It just brings tears to my eyes to know that an entire generation of American women hates themselves because of their weight... and even worse we are teaching our daughters to do the same.

rockinrobin
11-16-2006, 04:05 PM
I don't hate myself, not even close, I just think I look terrible because I am so overweight due to my not taking care of myself. I can separate the two issues. There are so many things in this great world that we have absolutely no control over, our weight for the most part is something we do have control over and I'm finally gonna starting TO take control. But I don't hate me. And this is not only about weight, there is the matter of good health.

Sojourner
11-16-2006, 04:09 PM
Well do you think other women who are overweight look terrible? Or just you?

rockinrobin
11-16-2006, 04:28 PM
Well do you think other women who are overweight look terrible? Or just you?

Ahhh, now you're getting onto a whole other issue. I absolutely see the beauty in my overweight friends. And in fact think they are indeed pretty and attractive, could they be more pretty and more attractive, yes, do I care- not even a little bit. My very dear friend has told me that I am beautiful and that she doesn't even notice my weight, but she doesn't have to live in my skin. But you're right, I mean I CERTAINLY see your point, we could be kinder to ourselves and more loving. But then again we are our own worse critics, which is why I do see such beauty in my overweight friends. You've definitely got a point and I guess I should try listening a little louder. Thanks.

Sojourner
11-16-2006, 06:09 PM
Sigh... its so difficult isn't it? Just wishing everyone grace and peace of mind today and in the days to come... especially with the holidays and crazy families and hectic schedules and everything that comes with it. :grouphug:

Jasmine31
11-17-2006, 12:35 PM
SOjo:

I know you are right and at 235 I was at a point where I started feeling beautiful and cute again and all of that and it breaks my heart too that women look at these movie stars who weigh 100 pounds at 5'7 and start starving themselves and never think they are thin enough etc. Unfortunately it seems like I flip between two ways, not caring at all, and that got me to 280 pounds!! And thinking I am too fat and everyone else is tiny and cute and actually caring that I work on it. So given the two I would rather be in this frame of mind and I know this will get me to my goal. When i was about 160 I still had a lil pouch but I thought I looked great. I was never one to care about having the perfectly flat tummy anyways. Sometimes I get worried and think this obsession is going to take me too far in the other direction like anorexic what not but I know 100% it won't. My health is first and foremost my deepest concern way before vanity, both my parents are dead from obesity related issues and that is my biggest motivator. So I know I am never going to turn anorexic becuase my goal is health firstly.

I do think once everything evens out and I get to about 160 I will feel really good again and I am hoping to be able to get to the healthy weight of 135-140. It is a work in progress and it is not every day i feel so miserable about myself. Just some days. I am going to try to start doing a little bike riding, crunches and maybe some pilates. we'll see how it goes but thanx for all the concern hun!! :hug:

Mom2QJandT
11-22-2006, 08:54 PM
I'm returning to the party a little late here, but I agree with Sojourner. I would never say the things to my friends or to my daughter that I say to myself. I love my daughter's cute little tummy (she isn't overweight, just still a little baby fat) but there is no way I would ever love my own. I tell her everyday that she is the prettiest little girl in the whole wide world while I tell myself that life would be better if I weren't so fat and ugly. The self hate is what has to stop, because that is exactly what got me to where I was. I never thought that I was important enough to take care of, but if I don't do it, who will? Just never thought about it that way until now.

Eiluj
11-22-2006, 09:07 PM
I never thought that I was important enough to take care of, but if I don't do it, who will? Just never thought about it that way until now.

That is so so true for me, too. I didn't care about myself, and now I have a lot of ground to make up. I can be so prone to self-pity. I need someone to flick my head sometimes and tell me just to stop that! :)

almostheaven
11-22-2006, 10:14 PM
I'm at my goal and somedays I feel like I look great, somedays I feel like I still look BIG.
I have those days. I think it has something to do with bloating. :D

cantforgetthis
11-23-2006, 02:15 AM
Interesting topic!

Yes, I agree, we have to be kind to ourselves. I am definately taking joy in my journey this time. I also know that perspective can be a real bear! :o

As someone that has lost over a 100 pounds in the past, I can say that my perspective is VERY warped. Even after losing all that weight, I still couldn't "see" the difference. I don't think it would have mattered if I had been 100 pounds soaking wet. It wouldn't have been good enough. I had to realize that I had other issues to deal with besides the weight loss and that is where I am today.

I've been able to "see" the differences. Yes, it is never going to be perfection. I've been WAY overweight for to long. But I am certainly going to be the best I can possibly be and believe that I am right where I need to be today. :hug:

HAPPY THANKSGIVING! :D

Sojourner
11-23-2006, 12:15 PM
Some really great advice I was once given was to find a photo of myself as a child and carry it with me everywhere. Whenever I became self-critical, I was to take out the photo and instead talk to that little girl. Wow what a difference! I actually picked a photo of myself at age 13, when some traumatic things happened to me that caused a lot of damage to my sense of self worth and confidence. So it could be a photo of you as a child, or a photo from a time when you needed to be especially loved and protected. Its really a powerful tool. For anyone who has trouble looking at themselves in the mirror without negative thinking, you could tape the photo of yourself as a child to the mirror as a reminder to be kind, caring, and full of grace.

Happy Thanksgiving to all the Americans here... enjoy the day, family, friends, AND food.

LLV
11-23-2006, 01:43 PM
Yeah, now that I've lost most all of my weight, I'm still not happy because I think I look old. My face is too thin.