Weight Loss Support - Can't Stay Motivated!




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Canadian_Mickey
10-31-2006, 10:13 PM
I hate this.... not only can't I stay motivated, but I can't stay on track. no wonder I haven't lost anything! :( I'm so discouraged! I know that I'm the only one to blame. I feel like I lazy bones, even though I do exercising at least 3 times a week, and walk daily for about 3 miles. The food is the problem...I can't seem to get into the habit of measuring my food, and all that. I did it for 4 days, and then I fell off again. My hubby critisizes me whenever he sees me measuring my food, and it makes me feel even worse then I already do, so then I don't bother, because I don't want him to bash me about it for the entire night. I've explained things to him, how I feel, and he's not supportive, and I don't have anyone around me who will really help me with this. I've been doing this and counting calories for the past 6 months and haven't lost a pound!!! ARGH! My inches haven't changed either... I don't know what to do anymore!


BlueToBlue
10-31-2006, 10:30 PM
Don't be so hard on yourself--if I had someone criticizing me when I measured my food, I'd find it hard to stay motivated too! Why would he do that? Is it because seeing you trying to change your own eating habits makes him feel bad about his eating habits. Or is he afraid that you'll get thin and won't be interested in him anymore? I guess you are just going to have to find a way to tune him out. Can you measure your food out in advance when he's not around? Or buy food that doesn't require measurement (e.g., pre-packaged meals, individual servings)?

I fell off the wagon a while ago and had a little trouble getting back on. What helped me was having someone to be accountable to for my food choices. In my case, it was my personal trainer. I knew when I went in to work out with him that he was going to ask me what I had eaten that day and it motivated me to eat better. I know you say there isn't anyone around who can help you with this, but it doesn't have to be someone you meet with in person. Maybe a family member or friend that you email or talk to over the phone. Or maybe even just writing out what you plan to eat in the planning thread here in the Support forum. Even doing that helps me stay on track sometimes.

Maybe you could check with your local hospitals to see if they have any support groups for people that are trying to lose weight. I know the hospitals in my area sometimes offer these types of groups.

Sojourner
10-31-2006, 11:05 PM
Well I am certainly not a psycholgist but I can share some of what I have gone through so far on this journey. It sounds like you have some underlying issues at play here... in addition to an unsupportive husband. First, I would sit your husband down and tell him that you need his support and not his criticism and then firmly request that he not negatively comment on your weight loss or exercise efforts, period. It is disrespectful of him to be feeding you negative comments during this challenging time and he needs to stop immediately.

Next I would take some time away by yourself with a journal if you like to write or colored pencils/paints if you are artistic or even just photo albums from you life. Start writing, drawing, or viewing photos about your life. Think back to a time when food wasn't an issue or you generally felt confident about yourself or ambitious. Think through all the events in your life. When did things change? How old were you? What happened? How did you feel? Who was involved? I have found that coming to terms with emotional elements in my life and past have radically changed the way I handle food and view my self worth. Think about it... you are consistently treating yourself poorly when you overeat, intentionally make bad food choices, decide not to follow through with tracking/counting/measuring, or not show up to the gym or workout. You are lying to yourself about your value and you are treating yourself in a way that shows you do not think you are worth the effort. It is self-abuse. Would you ever treat a friend or child this way? What kind of internal messages are you telling yourself? Think specifically about when you are making the decision to not exercise or not measure/track or not eat something healthy. What goes through your head? What messages have you been told by your mother/husband/sibling/friend etc. that you might be playing in your head? Write it all down if you have to (or draw if you prefer). Here is where the self sabotage happens. Part of reshaping who you are is changing the way you think about yourself, the way you internally dialogue with yourself, and the resulting choices that you make.

A tool that really helped me deal with some of these issues was to find a photo of myself from my youth and carry it with me everywhere. I chose a picture of me at age 13... when a number of devastating events caused me to withdraw into myself and within a few years I began to gain weight. Find that picture of yourself and take it out whenever it is time to make a decision about exercising, about eating, and do what would be best for that little girl. Its radically effective and you will be surprised at the different choices you will make.

You can do this... it will be a process with many ups and downs but learning to treat yourself like a valuable, worthy person will change your life forever. :hug:


Canadian_Mickey
11-01-2006, 12:16 AM
Sojo_grrl: Wow! I never thought of it like that! But you're right! There's been so much in the past 4 years, when I gained the weight that really changed how I felt about myself. When I read your post, it turned on a lightbulb! I never realized before how much the events of life have influenced my way of eating! Now I just have to find my way back to that mindset of before...somehow! I admit that my husbands attitude towards my decision to do this has taken it's toll on me. :( Thanks for making me see things a little differently! I greatly appreciate it! :)

cbmare
11-01-2006, 02:24 PM
Maybe you could check with your local hospitals to see if they have any support groups for people that are trying to lose weight. I know the hospitals in my area sometimes offer these types of groups.

OK. I have some questions about this.

I've heard from some people that some hospitals have weight/workout rooms that the public can use at times. What does one have to do to be able to go there?

Do you have to be a patient of a doctor who works there?

Hmmm. You've started the "gray matter" churning.

I quit Curves because it was starting to get boring. Since I have been called back to work, I don't have the time to get there and take care of my obligations at home. A local hospital may be the way to go.

Beach Patrol
11-01-2006, 02:55 PM
Amanda,
your husband is having some issues with your attempts to a better lifestyle - you can't MAKE HIM support you, but when he starts with the negative talk, you CAN tell him to shut his hole! ;) Tell him if he CAN'T be supportive, you'd appreciate it if he'd just keep his thoughts to himself! Everytime he starts to open his mouth with the negative talk, tell him to "SHUTTY!" :D

As for the measuring of food, etc, I could never do that either. I can't count the calories & measure & cook the special meals, blahblahblah. I had to come up with my own special "me" diet. It usually includes a great deal of FRESH fruits & veggies, lean meats, lots of seafood, and I go easy on the treats. I found that I normally don't have to count much of anything when I eat that way. I don't completely cut out anything - especially anything that I love! - because I know I won't last long if I do. So I simply "cut down" on the "bad foods" and increase the really good stuff. I try to stay away from anything processed as much as possible. Canned & pre-packaged foods, even the frozen low-calorie meals, tend to be high in sodium. And that just makes me feel bloated. Plus, I know that eating fresh foods is better because I know there is NOTHING added that I don't add & so forth.

You can get plenty of support here. That's why we're all here. So keep up with us, and we'll keep up with you. Deal? :) :hug:

srmb60
11-01-2006, 03:53 PM
Canadian Mickey? I'm sorry but I've forgotten your situation. Is it just you and your husband at home? Were you looking for a job just lately? How'd that go?
I noticed that you no longer have your weight listed in your profile.

Ok then here's my take on the husband thing. What did he say? Not what you felt like he said, not what you think he meant ... exactly what did he say?

kiwichic
11-01-2006, 06:36 PM
Before I met the x I was slim and fit and weight was not an issue. After he left all most 2 years ago, I was 224 :( .
The realationship sucked and i couldn't see it until after he left. Now it all comes flooding back. He also wanted to sabotage my efforts.

You can handle the measuring by using the same containers every time, so that once you have th correct weights , you can just put what ever it is into that container and it's done.
Also you can have a plate marked with the sizes for the protien and the carbs, no need to have one for vegtables because you can have heaps of those.

I know when some one is picking at you it can wear you down. But you can take a new look at him when he's doing it and really see him, then make up your mind which way you chose to take it.
So if he's one of those that won't quit because he likes to pick, you can tune him and his behaivour out.

Plan all your meals at the begining of the week , you can put your meat in bags already measured and freeze them in seperate bags.
Don't let him take away your power . And don't use it as a Subconscious excuse either :) .

Have a journal they really do work.
And if you like we can have a thread on here some where and list our meals for the day .

Be specific in what you want, and use specific words. Empower yourself, and become the person you dream about. You can do this :)

Stinger
11-01-2006, 06:58 PM
Try using your hand as a measure. i.e. Your meat should be no longer then your hand your side dishes no larger then your fist. That way no one will be the wiser. I don't tell people I am dieting...because either they will tell you what you should do or they will tell you your doing it the wrong way...Instead I tell them I am eating healthier (which you really are) to avoid health problems. No one who eats healthy eats fries and donuts. I found found that people are much more supportive if you tell them this.

juliebee
11-01-2006, 08:40 PM
I know how you feel on the lack of support.
My boyfriend, who is usually the most supportive guy in the world, could NOT understand why I didn't want to eat junk any more. It was so strange! He was never that negative before. Finally one day I couldn't take it any more.
I just looked him in the eye and said "Whether you are WITH ME or AGAINST ME on this, I AM DOING IT. You can just watch me do it, or you can be my supportive boyfriend through it. Either way I AM DOING IT." LOL he seemed to get the message at that point and has been great about it since :)

Canadian_Mickey
11-01-2006, 09:18 PM
Thanks everyone! You all are great! I talked to DH today, and had a long conversation with him, whether he heard any of it I don't know cause most of the time he doesn't seem to, but whatever. I told him that because of the health problems I've had in the past few years, I really want to take better care of myself, and with all the meds I was on for so long I gained about 30 Lb's extra, that I would like to lose to feel better about myself. So I would appreciate his encouragement not his criticism, and do what is proper "If you can't say something nice...DON'T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL!!!" So we'll see what happens.

kiwichic: I can totally relate to gaining weight in a relationship...it seems that since I've been with DH, is when my weight troubles started. My self-esteem dropped through the floor shortly afterwards, because of problems in our relationship, personal issues. And now I'm trying to fight my way back to feeling better about myself for once in the past 4 yrs...Man it's hard!!!!

almostheaven
11-01-2006, 09:51 PM
If you really can't do the measuring, another trick would be to use a smaller plate, so you end up eating smaller portions.

Stevi-rocks
11-01-2006, 10:48 PM
For me, the measuring, weighing, and counting every little thing was crutial.....In the begining. I have changed my weight loss "plan" multiple times in the last 4 months. At 1st, I approached it like I do most things, I was inflexible and relentless. Not totally a bad thing for the start as you are learning everything, but in order for this to become and hold as a FOREVER lifestyle change, I had to tweek things. (I had failed to keep it off in the past) Now I'm losing and to be completely honest, I'm not really trying. (Surprises me daily!) Portions come naturally, the desire for high fats and low nutrition has diminished, I have memorized the nutritional data for alot of my favorite foods. There are so many things that I just don't do anymore. End of story. This just happens (in time) when you commit to something. It will happen for you. DON'T BUDGE! :D

mom_n_garden
11-01-2006, 11:21 PM
You are being way to hard on yourself. Keep up the exercise. Maybe you need to find a new way to measure food. That advice someone gave you about using your hand sounds good. You have to find something that you can live with.

I wanted to tell you that I have been married for almost 15 years. My (now Husband) boyfriend use to give me a hard time if I put on a few pounds. Now we have children and I am 50 pounds heavier then I was when we got married and I have to say I MISS THE DAYS he gave me a hard time about my weight. I think it actually helped me stay on track. On a brighter note : I know he loves me for who I am - even when I need to drop some serious weight.

Keep up the good work. TOmorrow is another day.

WhitWhit
11-02-2006, 12:48 AM
Maybe he is scared that when you get thin and even hotter that you will leave him. Also, is he thin or overweight? Maybe that has something to do with it.

Hang in there, hun :) I know that we are all here for you!

MorticiaAddams
11-02-2006, 10:36 AM
I think my motivation will be to live to see my son grew up and be a grandmother and to be a more productive person in my marriage. I am putting thoughts in my own head that my husband cant stand to look at me or touch me, such a bad place to be, is there a way out, Yet thats for me to do and me alone. Some times we just need to know were worth the effort. :^: