Weight Loss Support - Ouch...that hurt!




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willmakeit
10-05-2006, 01:04 AM
Have you experienced times in ur life when u felt hurt/sad because people unknowingly said bad things about overweight people (notnecessarily directly to you)...or praised someone for the skinny figure and great looks they had.

I was with a bunch of friends at work the other day and they were comparing two new girls who just joined a nearby dept. I know they didnt realise that I was there or it would affect me. They were judging those 2 ladies based on their looks and how "one maintained her figure inspite of being a mother so she must be really an organised and disciplined person by nature!"

What has a persons nature got to do anything with their body? Infact I feel people who have some imperfections will always be more kind and good-natured in life...jmho! I know that even when I lose all my weight, I would never even imagine of thinking like that!


hourglass
10-05-2006, 01:19 AM
I know what you mean. My mother often comments about overweight people. I just think, ''Doesn't she realize that was ME a year ago, and I still feel just like the people she's talking about?" It's weird. Sometimes people just don't think.

lilybelle
10-05-2006, 01:27 AM
I absolutely hate to hear anyone talk bad about someone who is overweight. I have been there (many times) and it's hard to lose weight and a person has to be in the right frame of mind to do it. As for the thin mom, how do they know she has maintained her figure. Maybe, like many of us, she has struggled and lost weight and is very conscious to keep her new found figure. A person that didn't know me before now, might think the same of me if they saw me with my children. But, believe me, it isn't so. I always felt I was a very organized person and disciplined in other areas of my life, but not my eating.


2frustrated
10-05-2006, 05:30 AM
How about, "She maintaned her figure after childbirth. She must be anally retentive and neglecting her kids..." Swings both ways!! ;) It's just stuff people say!! It doesn't mean anything, most people don't think before opening their mouths. In fact most people just don't think!!!!

This is why I hate small talk! I always feel it's completely pointless and not true at all. Some guy in the lift last night asked me if I was a biker (I was dressed head to toe in protective clothing and carrying my helmet so it was pretty obvious!). Mainly I want to say, "No I'm wearing this for a dare!" But I MEAN what a stupid thing to say! If he'd wanted to talk about bikes, he could've opened with, "Hey, what kind of bike to you ride?" But no....

Anyway... tangent.

Just ignore 'em, I'm sure everyone's said something without thinking and when you think about it, what you've said it's pretty stupid. :crazy:

veggielover
10-05-2006, 08:16 AM
A MALE friend of mine was harsh despite being obese a few years ago himself. He lost A TON of weight, went from obese to a SKINNY FRAIL SKELETON. He said to me once that he believed all fat people shuld be located on an island where they should be forced to be on treadmills forever while skinny models crossed their view and ate ice cream! Now thats harsh...

linki
10-05-2006, 09:43 AM
Some guy in the lift last night asked me if I was a biker (I was dressed head to toe in protective clothing and carrying my helmet so it was pretty obvious!). Mainly I want to say, "No I'm wearing this for a dare!"

:lol: Yes! I get the urge to respond like that all the time!

I have been pretty lucky that I haven't ever really been around people who would talk like that about a person's weight. It is awful when people draw so many conclusions from a person's looks.:mad: Is that how THEY want to be treated?

linki
10-05-2006, 09:45 AM
A MALE friend of mine was harsh despite being obese a few years ago himself. He lost A TON of weight, went from obese to a SKINNY FRAIL SKELETON. He said to me once that he believed all fat people shuld be located on an island where they should be forced to be on treadmills forever while skinny models crossed their view and ate ice cream! Now thats harsh...

Wow, that's pretty extreme. He must've really hated himself.:(

Sassy_Chick
10-05-2006, 10:16 AM
I watched an episode of King of Queens and in this episode Arthur showed Doug some photos and Carrie's (Arthur is Carrie's Dad, in case you don't watch the show) mother was pictured and I guess she gained weight later on in their marriage. (the mother passed on) Anyways Doug asked Arthur about it and Arthur told him that most of the women in the family started out thin but gained weight later.

Doug was horrifed at the thought of his now thin wife becoming overweight. So he started noticing that Carrie had put on a couple pounds and wanted to "nip it in the bud" before she gained too much. He talked to his friend at work about it and his friend at work advised him to leave it alone as he had already tried it with his wife and it took him 7 months to get to where he was now.

But Doug didn't listen and mentioned to Carrie that "he" wanted to go on a diet but wanted them "both" to do it. Carrie was like, "We"? and finally it came out that Doug wanted her to drop some weight. She of course got upset but said she would lose the weight.

So that night Carrie makes Spaghetti for Doug and Arthur but a very small peice of Haddock and Broccoli for herself along with a salad with fat free dressing she measures out. Doug gets annoyed by this and tells her to "EAT" but she refuses. So then he says, "Okay I will eat what your having" and makes himself a plate. He scarfs his down and they do the diet thing together but Doug is in misery and then goes to work and his friend's wife found out that he and Doug were talking and so he was starting from square one with his wife again.

Anyways. It comes out later that the reason Doug is worried about this was because of the picture he saw of Carries mother and so Carrie asks him what he would think of her if she did gain as much weight as her mother. He said he would be fine with it but made a face of disgust behind her back and she saw his reflection in the window.

Later on Carrie sees her wedding pictures and has a "break down" about it and tries on her wedding dress and discovers she cannot fit into it. She also tells Doug that she is a big "fattie" and is going to be big and FAT and unattractive. They talk about it and Doug says that he is okay with her and that she will always be beautiful and all of that, but it just really made me feel crappy.

Yet another message on tv that says that fat people are disgusting and unattractive. It just makes me sick how many tv shows, ads, movies all have the same message. No wonder so many young people have eating disorders and what not now a days!

angel-eyes
10-05-2006, 10:23 AM
And Doug is the picture of a healthy fit person? That really burns me up....he's heavy (and actually I think the actor HAS put on weight in real life) and Carrie tries to lose the weight? The ending of this episode would have been better if she then found out she was pregnant!!! oh? so thats why you've put on 5 lbs? oh? for the right reasons!

beautifulone
10-05-2006, 02:03 PM
Ouch... !! We live in a very harsh culture in that sense... and why is it that women are so much more pressured to look a certain way in comparison to men?? Agh it bothers me to no end!

That episode sounds absolutely hypocritical, from what I remember Doug is nowhere near a healthy weight.

Bravelilchicken
10-05-2006, 04:28 PM
Women weigh 5 pounds too much and are heavy. I complain about it and my hubby says that guys are pressured to be buff and that it is hard on guys, but he agrees it is harder for women.

hoodj0080
10-05-2006, 04:40 PM
You know that new mom who was so skinny might just be lucky. One of my friends gave birth and was back to a size 0 two weeks later. As humor write Dave Barry once said, "Sometime people can drink whiskey and eat nothing but slim jims and look great. Meanwhile, you could eat nothing but lettuce and look like a water buffalo."

Sassy_Chick
10-06-2006, 07:15 AM
Hi Ladies. I agree with you all. Yes your right, Doug (Kevin James) is definately not the "picture of health". Although most of the time Carrie does make fun of him constantly, but still I did not find the episode I mentioned above humerous at all esp. since he always gets most of the brunt of the jokes about his weight on the show, but they always make him look good and her look awful. I think its just how society is though, unfortunately. That the women are all to be "Super Models" and that guys can pretty much do what they want and look and act however they want.

Take my husband for ex. He is a "Big Guy", but it is more acceptable for him to be "Big" than for me. When we go places, I see people give me looks of disgust, but give him a big smile. Like when we went to the outlet mall on our vacation. This one woman stopped and looked at me up and down and gave me that "look". If you've ever been heavy in your life, you know what that "look" is. It made me want to scratch her eyes out! But I didn't.

But I get that all the time. There is this one woman at work who really drives me insane. She insists on always "looking up" my husband all the time and she knows me and knows of course we are married. Yet she continues to "look him up" all the time. I don't mind him having friends that are girls, but we as women and esp. when it concerns our "man" we KNOW when a woman is out to get our man versus just being "Friendly". I always tell my husband he is just too nice and some women mistake that as flirting.

It just drives me insane how some women totally disrespect other women who are either married or involved with a man and they KNOW it. There is a big difference between being nice or a friend and "out to get" a man.

And this woman that is doing this at work is of course thin and pretty. I hate that. I know that gives out a wrong impression on other women who are thin and pretty and who do NOT act that way, but it totally drives me insane women who are and think they can get a way with everything just because of it.

Anyways. Sorry to have gotten off on a bit of a tangent there, but yes there is definately a difference on how "Big" Men and "Big" Women get treated in today's society.

These are all just my humble opinions............

Have a Great Day!

:hug:

QuilterInVA
10-06-2006, 10:07 AM
Since 60% of Americans are now overweight, that attitude may change in the future. People need to be more tolerant. Unless you live the other person's life, you don't know why they might be overweight...over consumption, health problems, etc.

willmakeit
10-06-2006, 11:24 PM
People who have never dealt with weight/physical imperfections in their life do not realise how difficult and frustrating it is to lose pounds. They think its easy just coz its easy for THEM to stay thin without effort.
I personally feel that overwieght people eat healthier food and workout more often than most naturally thin people.

Most of my office collegues who are naturally thin have bowls of candy and chocolate onn their desk and often eat full fat/full sugar ice-creams/cookies... I do not remember the last time I have had fat free and sugar free cookies, forget regular cookies/chocolates.
They feel a lil sad and hog on Reese's/hersheys for hours. I've seen people eating cheeses and drinking alcohol glass after glass in parties... How could they be more responsible/disciplined in life than other overweight people who have avoided this for years and have put more efforts than them in life!?!

pgray1229
10-07-2006, 12:49 AM
I guess some people just don't know what they're talking about, and sometimes they just don't know how much it hurts either.

Whenever I overhear people talking like that, I just ignore them. To me they aren't worth my time.

Cheer up! :hug:

Hale_Mary
10-07-2006, 12:41 PM
Having firmly stuffed my foot into my mouth on numerous occasions, I always want to give people the benefit of the doubt.

I've said some stupid things in front people, such as making negative comments about my body/weight when someone much larger than me was around. I suppose it's because I'm not seeing them in that light.

I do have to say that I found the whole baby weight phenomon to be annoying. For some reason that is the first thing on everyone's mind. Not the woman's health, not the child's heath, but whether or not the woman drops the pregnancy weight.

When she loses it quickly it's a miracle.

"Oh, how did she do it!? Is that even healthy?"

and if she doesn't lose it, she's really let herself go.

Sassy_Chick
10-14-2006, 08:30 AM
I work with mostly men and at times I think they tend to "forget" I'm even there when they start discussing women. Thursday night at work a group of men gathered around in my area and were discussing women. This one particular guy who is heavy set, but did have gastric bypass and has lost weight, but is slowly gaining it back.......Anyways he was talking about dating and he goes online a lot and meets a lot of girls from there.

Well the other guys were asking him questions about the online dating site and if the women potrayed themselves honestly. The "dating" guy said yes and then one guy (jokingly) asks if any of the women he has ever met from the online dating site ever had an adams apple. (joking) The guy said, (not joking) "No but this one girl I met was kinda heavy, but she has gotten the gastric bypass surgery so she is losing."

I didn't see how a girl who was "heavy" had any relavance to someone who had a "adams apple". Is that supposed to mean that "Heavy Girls" are LESS femine? It just kinda ticked me off, I didn't say anything as it wouldn't have mattered in a group of men. :rolleyes: But sometimes I can honestly say that I feel like I'm a "Spy" in their "little worlds" because as I said since I'm there all the time (when I'm working) they tend to "Forget" that I'm a woman. So its kind of like a "inside view" of men and at times it is totally disgusting. No I'm not so offended to "Report" them. If they ever said anything that derogatory (sp??) I would just let them know it.

But it just goes to show that again there is another "judgement" towards "heavy women" that is so untrue! There are plenty of "heavy" women who I've seen who are VERY femine and VERY pretty!

Anyways, just thought I would share. Oh and yes it also "irked" me since the guy who was talking about this "heavy set" girl is heavy himself and also used to be heavier before his surgery, so I'm sure he totally understands how it feels to be ridiculed or judged because of your weight. Although I still think Guys have it a lot easier as I think us as Women don't judge as harshly towards "Heavy Set" men as badly as Men do towards "heavy set" women. What do you think ladies?

Because I know that my husband is also "heavy set" and women don't seem to care and some women don't even care that he is happily married (yes they KNOW he is married and they KNOW I'm his wife!) and even when I am right beside him!!!! (openly flirt with him!!!!) It drives me INSANE! :tantrum: :bomb: :censored: Yet I get treated like an afterthought by most people. It is like a double standard. It is okay to be "Heavy" and a male but it is totally NOT if you are a woman?

Any thoughts?



Anyways.........just thought I'd share.

1TiredGradStudent
10-14-2006, 11:21 AM
From reading this, I didn't take away from it what you did. I don't think he was saying "heavy girls aren't feminine", but rather - no, that never happened (dating a "girl" with an adam's apple)...but this did (dating a heavy girl). Both of those could be an example of someone not portraying themselves honestly before the first meeting (not saying that was the case, but it is conceivable), which is what they were talking about, from what you said. Just a thought.




I work with mostly men and at times I think they tend to "forget" I'm even there when they start discussing women. Thursday night at work a group of men gathered around in my area and were discussing women. This one particular guy who is heavy set, but did have gastric bypass and has lost weight, but is slowly gaining it back.......Anyways he was talking about dating and he goes online a lot and meets a lot of girls from there.

Well the other guys were asking him questions about the online dating site and if the women potrayed themselves honestly. The "dating" guy said yes and then one guy (jokingly) asks if any of the women he has ever met from the online dating site ever had an adams apple. (joking) The guy said, (not joking) "No but this one girl I met was kinda heavy, but she has gotten the gastric bypass surgery so she is losing."

I didn't see how a girl who was "heavy" had any relavance to someone who had a "adams apple". Is that supposed to mean that "Heavy Girls" are LESS femine? It just kinda ticked me off, I didn't say anything as it wouldn't have mattered in a group of men. :rolleyes: But sometimes I can honestly say that I feel like I'm a "Spy" in their "little worlds" because as I said since I'm there all the time (when I'm working) they tend to "Forget" that I'm a woman. So its kind of like a "inside view" of men and at times it is totally disgusting. No I'm not so offended to "Report" them. If they ever said anything that derogatory (sp??) I would just let them know it.

But it just goes to show that again there is another "judgement" towards "heavy women" that is so untrue! There are plenty of "heavy" women who I've seen who are VERY femine and VERY pretty!

Anyways, just thought I would share. Oh and yes it also "irked" me since the guy who was talking about this "heavy set" girl is heavy himself and also used to be heavier before his surgery, so I'm sure he totally understands how it feels to be ridiculed or judged because of your weight. Although I still think Guys have it a lot easier as I think us as Women don't judge as harshly towards "Heavy Set" men as badly as Men do towards "heavy set" women. What do you think ladies?

Because I know that my husband is also "heavy set" and women don't seem to care and some women don't even care that he is happily married (yes they KNOW he is married and they KNOW I'm his wife!) and even when I am right beside him!!!! (openly flirt with him!!!!) It drives me INSANE! :tantrum: :bomb: :censored: Yet I get treated like an afterthought by most people. It is like a double standard. It is okay to be "Heavy" and a male but it is totally NOT if you are a woman?

Any thoughts?



Anyways.........just thought I'd share.

rockinrobin
10-14-2006, 11:38 AM
I think that people are so incredibly insensitive to and about overweight people. I think it's got to be the fact that they think it's because it's something that we have control over and have done to ourselves. They don't realize there are SO many underlying issues and it's just not "well then stop eating so much". I am cringing right now thinking of all the times people have said inappropriate and insensitive things. And TV is the worst. People love making jokes at the fat persons expense. Well one thing being this overweight has taught me - I am so sensitive to people who are different, whether it's their looks or their speech or anything.

Sassy_Chick
10-14-2006, 05:35 PM
I can see what you mean, 1tiredgradstudent but either way it was still wrong in my eyes and he said YES he knew she was heavy before meeting her, that she didn't lie about it in her profile.

I just wanted to make a point about how men, Heavy or Thin (some men, NOT all) see Heavy Women. I get kind of an "insiders view" at work so I get to hear things that most women do not hear.

lilybelle
10-14-2006, 11:18 PM
Sassy, thanks for sharing the Male insight. I , personally have heard other women being much more cruel about women and their weight issues than I ever heard a man speak. Many times we put our own selves down. It's like sometimes wer'e our "own worst enemy". JMHO, but I know that I had put myself down many times over my weight and still "beat myself up" if I eat something I shouldn't or gain a lb.

AmberKay
10-15-2006, 12:12 AM
Yes! One I remember in particular, was when I was trying on clothes with a friend (skinny skinny friend. she's actually 10 lbs underweight.) and she looked in the mirror and said, "Hm...I'm too bony for this. It doesn't look good." she then pauses, looks at me, and says, "Wouldn't it suck to have a skinny friend say that and be the chubby friend who couldn't even wear it?"

OOUUUUCCCCHHH I just raised my eyebrows, changed, and walked out.

I know what you mean, Sassychick, about the men thing. A lot of my male friends talk about women around me. I recall one such conversation. I called one of them shallow, joking, and he said "No, I dated [so and so], so obviously I couldn't be shallow." The girl he was talking about is overweight. I wanted to slap him. The guys sitting around had a good laugh, though. :(

Sassy_Chick
10-15-2006, 05:33 PM
Yes Lillybelle, we are our own worst enemies for sure! Your right about that one! And yes Women can definately be mean as well, I'm not saying they can't be. Was just sharing the conversation I witnessed is all. ;)

Amberkay, OUCH! That definately had to hurt!!!!!!! :hug: I've never had that happen to me. But then again I don't think I've ever had a skinny skinny friend.....My mom is very very thin and she would say things like, "These pants are too huge for me." But she never ever would say anything like that.

:hug:

kateful
10-15-2006, 06:06 PM
People who have never dealt with weight/physical imperfections in their life do not realise how difficult and frustrating it is to lose pounds. They think its easy just coz its easy for THEM to stay thin without effort.
I personally feel that overwieght people eat healthier food and workout more often than most naturally thin people.

Most of my office collegues who are naturally thin have bowls of candy and chocolate onn their desk and often eat full fat/full sugar ice-creams/cookies... I do not remember the last time I have had fat free and sugar free cookies, forget regular cookies/chocolates.
They feel a lil sad and hog on Reese's/hersheys for hours. I've seen people eating cheeses and drinking alcohol glass after glass in parties... How could they be more responsible/disciplined in life than other overweight people who have avoided this for years and have put more efforts than them in life!?!

This is interesting to me because I was reading Geneen Roth's Breaking Free from Emotional Eating last night. She encourages people to free themselves from their "thou shalt not" attitudes about certain foods. If I can have full fat ice cream any time I want, I won't want to eat a gallon of it in one sitting. She says she lost 30 pounds when she stopped dieting. Just a thought that maybe those "naturally thin" folks weren't always that way. My boss is probably a size six. I've heard people make comments to her about how food things are easier for her because she's thin. She pointed out the other day that she gets up early every day to work out on her elliptical. I guess my point is that maybe we don't know how hard it is for them.

passionfruit
10-16-2006, 09:41 PM
What irritates me most is when 'thin' people pull their skin and say, "Look at that fat!". Makes you wonder what they think of you when they perceive a layer of skin as 'fat'.
I just rememebered a moment I had a few years back...when a 'friend' of mine poked my belly and said: "Wow it's so bouncy!" I gave her a HUGE slap on the back of her shoulder. I made it look like a playful smack, but made sure it hurt like ....!

kateful
10-16-2006, 09:47 PM
What irritates me most is when 'thin' people pull their skin and say, "Look at that fat!". Makes you wonder what they think of you when they perceive a layer of skin as 'fat'.
I just rememebered a moment I had a few years back...when a 'friend' of mine poked my belly and said: "Wow it's so bouncy!" I gave her a HUGE slap on the back of her shoulder. I made it look like a playful smack, but made sure it hurt like ....!

Whenever I have said anything negative about myself in that way, I wasn't, didn't and wouldn't have even considered anyone else's body.

AmberKay
10-16-2006, 11:24 PM
Ooohhh, the belly poke. *shudder*

redlight
10-17-2006, 12:15 AM
I get the belly poke too. :(

I also have a skinny friend who complains about being "a cow". She has a flat stomach, absolutely flat!

lilybelle
10-17-2006, 12:26 AM
My son's exGF used to always complain in front of me that she was just "so fat". She was 5'9 and 117 lbs. It really made me feel like quite a big pig in front of her. He dumped her and now has a new GF. She's 5'0 and 95 lbs., the tiniest thing you ever saw. She buys her clothes in the kids section. I haven't heard her complain about being fat. Just goes to show that no matter how much wt. we lose, there's always going to be someone that is smaller.
Yep, I've had the "belly poke" before too, and it really pi@@ed me off.

passionfruit
10-17-2006, 03:10 PM
kateful - I know what you mean, everyone is self conscious of their body to think or worry of anybody elses. Yet I still wonder whether there are some people who just call themselves 'fat' for attention of gaining compliments on them being too thin to be fat, and belittle others bigger than them.

lillybelle - If your son's ex-gf sees you now, she will be the one feeling like the big pig:lol:.

lilybelle
10-17-2006, 03:20 PM
Louise, unfortunately this just happened a couple months ago and I was at this same wt. then. I used to listen to her constantly say "if I ever weigh 120 lbs., I'm going on a diet, I just hate being so fat". I actually think she was just looking for compliments and the reassurance that she was "skinny".

rockinrobin
10-17-2006, 03:45 PM
If anyone every poked my belly I don't think I would have as much control as you guys seem to. That is absolutely rude and disgusting and disrespectful.

And I absolutely HATE it when thin people complain how fat they are. Besides everything else it is extremely rude and disrespectful and HIGHLY insensitive to the heavier people who are surely around them.

kateful
10-17-2006, 08:11 PM
**snip**
And I absolutely HATE it when thin people complain how fat they are. Besides everything else it is extremely rude and disrespectful and HIGHLY insensitive to the heavier people who are surely around them.

While I understand your perspective, I think calling "thin" people rude, disrespecful and insensitive is a little....well...insensitive.

I'm sure for some people, I might have qualified as "thin people" at 180. Now, at 165, I might qualify even more as "thim people". However, I can assure you that I do have plenty of fat that needs to go. In fact, I'm still 20 pounds of fat overweight, at least.

Because someone may be more sick than I am, does that mean I'm not sick? If someone is more broke than I am, am I not broke? To someone who is 360, maybe you shouldn't complain about your weight or health issues because they have more.

1TiredGradStudent
10-17-2006, 11:48 PM
While I understand your perspective, I think calling "thin" people rude, disrespecful and insensitive is a little....well...insensitive.

I'm sure for some people, I might have qualified as "thin people" at 180. Now, at 165, I might qualify even more as "thim people". However, I can assure you that I do have plenty of fat that needs to go. In fact, I'm still 20 pounds of fat overweight, at least.

Because someone may be more sick than I am, does that mean I'm not sick? If someone is more broke than I am, am I not broke? To someone who is 360, maybe you shouldn't complain about your weight or health issues because they have more.



:cp: :cp: :cp:


Well said.

rockinrobin
10-18-2006, 12:01 AM
I certainly do not think that all "thin" people are rude and insensitive, not even close. I do think that it is rude to poke someones belly. I think thin people, fat people, medium people and all people should be more aware of what they are saying around other people, myself included. Why offend someone? Why make somebody feel bad? Isn't it better to err on the side of caution? Isn't it better to make people feel good and happy?

rockinrobin
10-18-2006, 12:15 AM
And by the way kateful, point well taken about the "if someone is more sick than i does that not mean that I too am sick etc., etc." I hear you and you definitely have a point.

Beach Patrol
10-18-2006, 01:28 PM
Reading this thread has made me take a good long hard look at my lifetime weight. I am now 43. I was a "chubby" child. I didn't lose my "baby fat" until I was in 7th grade; 12 years old. When I was 18, in college, & weighed 115, and was lifting weights & swimming a lot (I was a lifeguard, had to keep strong & in shape).... I didn't think I was "all that". In fact, I kept trying to get below 110. I considered myself HUGE at 121 pounds (when I graduated hi school) because I had managed to stay 103-108 throughout high school.

I am 165 now. I have had adult weights of 126, 132, 148, 130, 152, 128, 165, 138, and my highest was 178 about 6 years ago. No matter WHAT I've weighed, I always FELT FAT. I think it was ingrained in me from childhood. My brother - always tall & slim, made fun of me when we were kids. The usual brother-sister stuff, "Fatso, fatso 2by4, can't get through the bathroom door!" :rolleyes: I remember in 5th grade, my mom always gave me 50cents for a treat at recess. I always bought two Nestle crunch bars. I have a pic my best friend took of me standing at the playground entrance, with a Nestle bar in each hand. I was indeed, a chubby little girl.

Not that I didn't eat healthy! - contrare! - my mother fed us well. I have always been a "fast" eater. I practically inhale my food. Still! to this day! - it is a VERY DIFFICULT struggle for me to eat slowly!

I have lived with myself all my life. I know what my habits are, and how hard it is to break them, and psychologically why I'm having such a difficult time. I was pretty much taught from birth that "fat girls" don't get husbands. They aren't smart. They are disgusting. They won't get a decent job. Etc, etc. And altho I KNOW in my heart those things are NOT true! - they are still little voices in my head, that just WON'T SHUT THE **** UP.:mad:

Therefore I know, anytime anyone - whether it's someone I know, someone I work with, a family member, a perfect stanger, whoever - says something "offensive" to me regarding weight, 9 out 10 times, it's not because they were being offensive, but because it is in my nature to take their words offensively.

And it's up to me to work on that.

kateful
10-18-2006, 01:50 PM
I certainly do not think that all "thin" people are rude and insensitive, not even close. I do think that it is rude to poke someones belly. I think thin people, fat people, medium people and all people should be more aware of what they are saying around other people, myself included. Why offend someone? Why make somebody feel bad? Isn't it better to err on the side of caution? Isn't it better to make people feel good and happy?

Someone would draw back a nub, as they say, if I ever received a "belly poke", so I agree with you completely on that.

Regarding offending someone--that's a tough one. I can offend someone, these days, by talking about decorating my Christmas tree, you know. I think I agree with the prior poster that we all ought to evaluate the intent of the person speaking more than our reaction to what they said. Just because I was offended doesn't mean you were being offensive. If someone said, (as someone once did say to me), "Wow! You've put on some weight." I think both the reaction and the statement align in the offensive/offended category. However, if someone says, "Man, I've got to do something about this weight. I feel like a cow," I should assume she's not really saying that she thinks I'm a cow.

Anyway, my .02.

rockinrobin
10-18-2006, 03:17 PM
I was just thinking, my husband is overweight - he's 5ft 8in and 225 lbs., nowhere near as overweight as me and I have heard many people tell him he has to lose weight with me standing right by his side. And you know I thought that was doubly insensitive of them #1 for even mentioning it in the first place and #2 for mentioning it in front of his clearly heavier wife.

I don't know why I just stuck that in there, but anyway Beachpatrol's got a point and I agree and kateful you also have a point with easily offending people with Christmas and stuff. Is it that we women are too sensitive, none of this stuff bothers my husband, why do we take things so personally and let things hurt us so easily?

Beach Patrol
10-18-2006, 03:46 PM
I think women are naturally more sensitive than men. And, in general, men listen to & operate on the exact words spoken, whereas women, in general, tend to read between the lines & even input a few of their own words! ;)

I'm not all that sensitive to others' harsh remarks, no matter how thoughtless or cruel. Because pretty much all in all, whatever someone has said is something I've already thought about myself. The person who has the most power to hurt me IS ME. I'm so hard on myself. I look in the mirror and just HATE to see the jiggle. I can't STAND the cellulite, it makes me SICK to glance at a reflection of myself in a store window (those windows make you look extra chubby ANYWAY!) and when I get all down on myself & over eat or eat something "bad" instead of making a good healthy choice. I get SO ANGRY when I realize I've lost the weight only to gain it back again.... that's when those voices in my head attack me. And they all sound like my voice!!! So I know .... it's me. And again, that's something I have to work on.