Support Groups - My mom is severly obese..
10-04-2006, 10:21 AM
And I'm not too sure what I can do about it. She's at least 300 pounds, and about 5'0. It seems as though everyday is a struggle for her, she can barely walk (has knee and back problems..) she sleeps for half the day. She doesn't want to go out much, has either my dad or I do it. She knows she needs to lose weight, but has NO motivation to do it. Sometimes I wonder if she even wants to. She's wasting her life away and it's getting to the point where if we don't do something, who knows what might happen. Oh yeah, did I mention she smokes too?
I've told her that we can do it together, but she doesn't want to "diet". Everytime something is mentioned we get into a fight. Any suggestions as to what I can do to help her??
10-04-2006, 10:30 AM
Just keep trying to encourage her. As you can not
make someone lose weight if they do not want to.
Maybe when she sees your progress that will then
inspire her to do it to.
10-04-2006, 11:14 AM
Who does the grocery shopping? If your mom is in bed most of the time and depressed as well, I'm guessing she doesn't like to go out. You and your dad (does he live with you?) can atleast control what goes in the house. If your mom hates what you bring, then at least it will motivate her to get out of the house and do something. My mom is obese too (and smokes) and after months of me nagging her, she's doing WW with me. Hang in there!
10-04-2006, 11:38 AM
She sometimes goes grocery shopping, but will only get a few things close by the cashier/door because she can't walk for long. She gets out maybe once a week.. I've suggested we do weight watchers together (I've done it a few times, and she did it when she was younger.) but she doesn't want to have a planned out diet (she hates the word diet - as do the rest of us.)
If anything, I may follow the point system at home and start making more meals. It's almost as if she's given up on life. I get very impatient with her, because I know so much of her pain is because of her weight, and that's something she can control but chooses not to.
Sorry, I had to vent, I'm just getting really frustrated with the whole situation
10-04-2006, 11:38 AM
Speaking as someone who IS obese....you can encourage her but NOT overly encourage. Certainly don't berate her about her weight and lack of motivation. We all have to find our own reasons to lose weight and NO ONE can do it for us or make us. I understand your concern for your mom and it is a real health concern but unfortunately you can't make her do it...she has to come to the realization for herself. Pray for her, model good eating and exercise habits....that's about all you can do for now. I agree bringing healthy food into the home is very important too...
10-04-2006, 11:53 AM
I can certainly feel for the situation that she is in. Prior to losing weight, I slept 12 hrs. every night with a 3 hr. nap each day. I was so depressed about my weight and my general state of health. My biggest obstacle with losing weight was I didn't believe that I could do it. I had basically given up. The best thing that happened to me, was having my new doctor jump all over me about my weight. He was basically saying that if I wasn't willing to help myself, there was nothing he could do for me. I had many health issues and several of them were weight related. He is the first and only person that has ever gotten through to me, how badly my weight was killing me. Maybe if she heard this from a Doctor, it might help. Most people say No, that no one can get another person to lose weight, but mine darn sure did. He also held me accountable with weigh-ins every couple months. I now see him every 4 months and there is no chance in He@@ that I will step on his scales and show a gain. It definitely keeps me going.
I also feel for your position, it is difficult seeing someone you love, in so much pain and knowing they could take better care of themselves. Set a good example for her and try to be as encouraging as possible.
10-04-2006, 12:43 PM
I'd like to think the doctor could say something to motivate her.. but the doctors have said all they can. At this point, I believe they've given up on helping her arthritis in her back and legs, because they know if she took the weight off, then they could do more. Until then, nothing can be done. My dad (who lives at home with us) is thisclose to saying something because it not only effects her, it effects the rest of us. He doesn't want to watch her die either.
10-04-2006, 03:34 PM
I know you love her and worry about her, but IT IS HER DECISION AND SHE HAS TO MAKE IT AND WANT IT! The truth is, as hard as it is for you to see and experience, she has to want to change or nothing you do is going to work and you will fracture your relationship if you go at this too hard. She will resent you harping on it all the time, believe me, I know. For God's sake, tell her she is beautiful the way she is and that you love her no matter what her size. That you want her to be healthy and see you have grandchildren but quit making it the focal point of your relationship or it will bite you in the behind I guarantee it.
I weigh over 350 lbs and am probably older than your mom at 53 and have been obese for at least 25 years. It isn't easy to make a decision to lose weight let alone one in which it may take 2 years of hard work to do. It is something you really really want to do. As for the darn doctor, most fat people hate them because they always focus on the weight while you sit and look at their fat bellies staring at you in the face. Fact is, a good doctor will ask a patient how they can help instead of demanding they lose weight. I had one tell me if I would lose weight the pain in my side would go away and for a year I lived with the pain until one night it got so bad I drove around the city I lived in ALL NIGHT because I couldn't sleep. I ended up in the emergency room having emergency gall bladder surgery because some dumb doctor told me my only problem was to lose weight!!! Doctor's overlook fat people's problems and focus on the fat and never seem to see the underlying health issues that need to be addressed first. I have little or no use for most doctors because of my experiences as a fat woman.
One thing is you and dad need to quit enabling her by doing everything for her. Mad or not, she needs to be told SHE has to go out and shop, she has to get stuff for herself. This is one area you CAN control and it is important that you do. Quit buying her the pizzas, or junk food. If she wants them, make her go get them herself. If she needs HELP that is one thing, but doing everything for her allows her to wallow in her self pity and she will never do anything for herself.
Just keep telling her you love her and want to help her get healthy and when she is ready you will do it with her in any way she chooses then BACK OFF!