A question... - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

candace.gail · 09-19-2006, 08:56 PM

My sister-in-law is having gastric bypass surgery, and she has suggested my hubby (her brother) should have the surgery. My hubby is 6'6, between 400 and 450. I'm sure he qualifies, but he says he is too scared to have the surgery. At this point, I don't know what other options he has (I've posted about my hubby before, and that he has begun to binge eat and gain weight). I would love for him to look into the surgery, for his health, but he is VERY resistant. I worry about him. Oh, we don't have medical insurance but I have heard there are programs to help people like this.

Ash15+ · 09-19-2006, 09:18 PM

I can understand him being nervous, it IS a major surgery. If you believe that he would be a good candidate for bypass, maybe you could look into some sort of support group in your area for people who have had or are planning to have Gastric Bypass. Maybe if he sees some success stories and meets people who have experienced it, he will be a little less resistent. Hopefully he is able to find a solution, his health is obviously suffering at such a high weight.
Good Luck
Ash

nelie · 09-19-2006, 10:10 PM

Candace, I wouldn't force your husband into surgery because if you don't fix the eating problems before surgery, the weight can come back. You might want to encourage him to join 3fc. It isn't just for women! There have been a couple men on here that have lost 100+ lbs without surgery (Howie and Charles come to mind). There have also been many women, including myself, who have lost 100 lbs or more without surgery.

shoots-alot · 09-20-2006, 12:04 AM

I understand your worried about your husband's weight but, I know a few people who have had this surgery and I agree with Nelie about relearning how to eat healthy first because the few people I know lost a lot of weight but, they all didn't learn anything about eatting habits and they all gained their weight back and then some and one person got so ill because she couldn't stay away from sweets and she was always sick. Maybe you could convince him one more time to try, and say it's alot better than a quick fix. My husband lost over 80bs but it took him a long time but now he knows how to eat and that he can have treats without having to worry about gaining it back.

Sassy_Chick · 09-20-2006, 12:29 AM

I agree with the two posts above me. We have had a few people at my work have the surgery and some have had very great success with it but some are gaining their weight back now because they aren't watching what they eat and what not.

So I would research and also have your hubby try and start to eat better. Has he tried WW's? I heard that their plan is very easy to follow and you don't have to "Give up" any foods. Just an idea. I do wish him luck! I know it is very tough!

Heather · 09-20-2006, 08:18 AM

Just to reiterate, I don't think you can force people to commit to losing weight, in any way. And it is a commitment. If your husband wants to lose weight, there are a lot of options, of which surgery is one. If he doesn't want to, or isn't ready to, I don't believe any plan will work. It's hard enough to lose weight and keep it off when you really want to do it, but if you aren't ready...

When I started losing weight my husband was VERY resistant to try himself. I told him NOT to. This was about me, not him (this was in contrast to all my attempts over the years when I tried to actively involve him to no avail). After a few months of my success, he wanted to try tracking his food too. He made one half-hearted effort and then nothing. I didn't push. A month later, he expressed interest again. Now he WAS ready to commit to the process and has lost over 50 pounds himself.

I think the idea for your husband to come here is a great one, when he's ready. For me at least, one of the biggest obstacles to losing weight was not believing I could do it in a sustained way and keep it off. This place is chock full of motivational stories to help those who are ready to try. It's also a great place for info on all kinds of different plans and approaches...

Loodie · 09-20-2006, 09:12 AM

For what it is worth--I have had RNY surgery & have had great success. My eating habits are being changed using the surgery as a tool & my Weight Loss Clinic's plan. Modifying this behavior is not a lot different than quitting smoking (which I did 13 years ago) or stopping drinking or doing drugs. All can be addictive & require a great deal of will power to quit. It is something that a person needs to do BY themselves FOR themself. The more people that get on the bandwagon and nag that person to do this or that to correct their addiction, it gives that person more reason NOT to stop. If you really love your husband & his sister loves him, you will both stop harrassing him and accept him for who he is in this place in his life. If you can't accept him as the person he is, then you are doing him much more harm than the food is.

Leenie · 09-20-2006, 11:00 AM

As we know WLS is not a cure, its only a tool. No WLS is going to stop you from drinking milk shakes or eating chips. With out a doubt WLS and changing your thinking about food goes hand-in-hand.... its a struggle no matter what you do.

Maybe your DH might be interested in the Lapband?? Its a one hour surgery and your home in the same day in most cases.... just a thought.

Good luck Candace

candace.gail · 09-20-2006, 09:39 PM

From my talks with him, I don't like my husband is interested in trying to lose weight right now. As much as that worries me, I can't bug him about it. Its his choice, not mine. I just wish he could see how unhealthy and dangerous it is.

BTW, what does DH mean?

Sassy_Chick · 09-20-2006, 10:00 PM

I agree. You can't FORCE someone to change. They have to want it for themselves. All you can do is be there for them and give them resources, when they are ready.

I was only giving some suggestions to give her husband, when he was ready. BTW DH = Dear Husband.

Sassy_Chick · 09-20-2006, 10:32 PM

This Link May help any of you who are struggling with the forum abbreviations:
http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/showthread.php?t=83585

Leenie · 09-21-2006, 08:33 AM

Yes your right, you can't force him.... just be an example for him and love him.

Chickadee · 10-11-2006, 07:40 PM

Candlemaker,

I have to be honest with you - I find your statement that you have decided to lose weight "the right way" offensive, especially when you're posting in the WLS section of this forum. Most of the people who post here have had WLS and have dieted and tried "the right way" for years, to no avail. True, complications can, and do, happen sometimes. It is also true that WLS saves people's lives. I know that my lapband surgery changed my life and I have not regretted it for a single day. Some people gain the weight back and some don't. It depends on how you work your tool. If you are a person who has researched WLS and decided it's not for you, I think that's great, but it doesn't mean that other people shouldn't get it. It's all about what's right for you.

Obviously you hit a nerve with me, because I wouldn't normally make a post like this, but I bet a lot of people on this board had the same reaction I did.

Chickadee

Chickadee · 10-13-2006, 07:06 PM

Hi Christina,

You are absolutely right that we don't have to agree on everything, which is why I posted what I did - I didn't agree with what you said. If my post sounded too snarky to you, it's because it's a real pet peeve of mine when people say that surgery is the easy way out, cheating or not a valid method to lose weight. I appreciate now that you didn't mean to offend with your post and I hope you understand where I'm coming from too. This forum is a wonderful place for people to come and discuss their surgeries and not feel like they have to explain their choice or feel that they're being judged. That's why I jumped on your statement about losing weight the "right way".

Good luck in your weightloss efforts. It looks like you're doing a great job.

Chickadee

QuilterInVA · 10-16-2006, 02:25 PM

When you post here you should not be controversial of the procedure. People have to decide what is best for them. Sorry about your friends, but there are people who lose weight "the right way" and die, too.