I think I've been unconsciously sabotaging myself because I am afraid of how I will change when I get skinny.
It sounds stupid... I know. But I like who I am. I am comfortable with myself and I attribute my knowing myself so well and being who I am to growing up as the chubby kid.
I know most of you know what I'm talking about. I wasn't happy with my body, so I found other things about myself that I LOVE and now, as a result, I think that I've become a pretty good person.
I'm even comfortable with my appearance... I just want to be healthy and fit.
I honestly believe that I would be very different if I had been skinny and beautiful through elementary and high school.
So I said 'I' a lot in this post.... heh heh.
Its always about me right?! agh.
Does this ever concern you guys?!
Yes. While I was trim and athletic in high school (basketball, volleyball), I never considered myself thin and never appreciated the figure I had then. Since I gained this weight, I've lost some weight a number of times (although never all of it). When I would get to the point that the loss, and therefore I, began to attract attention, I would get a little anxious and fall into binge eating. I'm not sure why that has happened. I was never sexually abused, although I know that's often a cause of these behaviors. I just don't like getting attentions from males who I'm not married to. It really freaks me out!!
I'm doing some serious head work this time to try to fend it off before it becomes reality. I've actually consciously thought it might work this time since I'm letting my gray hair grow in. I've looked in the mirror and told myself I could get skinny now that I'll look older and possibly less attractive because I'll have white hair. I know that sounds crazy. But, I also realize that I *am* a little crazy. So, there's that.
I'm now thinking I might sneak up on myself and get my hair colored again when I lose this fat.
I don't think I've ever been skinny so I don't know. I think the one thing I am concerned with is loosing all of my weight (100-120) and needing to have a tummy tuck because of all of the flabby skin. That is freaking me out and I don't want to let it stand in the way of success. Any advise anyone can give on this would be appreciated. Thanks
I know I've been more comfortable being at a heavier weight because I don't want someone other then my husband looking at me in a sexy way.Back in highschool I was heavy,lost weight and only then did guys start noticing me....and while it seems nice,it's not something I want to go back to.I'm trying to not look at that way though...and keeping my concentration on the long term goal of being healthy and hot looking for my hubby
jagmom, you probably will need a tummy tuck, but for me that is the exciting part. I will have a perfect excuse to go in and get Janet Jacksons abs. I can't wait to get rid of the flab and release the six pack that is hidden within.
When i lost 100 pounds before i REALLY needed a tummy tuck, just because the excess skin, not because of vanity. It was sad to lose all that weight and still not be comfortable in my own skin. I never got around to it and gained it all back. This time, i will NOT put it off and i cant wait.
Delilah, i think a lot of people feel as you do. I personally love my personality but being thin gives me such a confidence. I just walk taller when i feel i have the right to. I know that sounds sad but i just dont respect myself fat. When i lost all my weight the first time, i was the same person as i was when i was heavy, i just felt a certain pride added to that person and i realized just how insecure i was. Being thin let my TRUE self out.
I fear losing the weight for what may seem like a silly reason... the way my husband will look at me. I hear all the time about women losing weight and how it screws up their marriages due to husbands not respecting the "new women" or not knowing how to handle the changes. My husband is very supportive but at times it seems he holds me back from my weight loss goal. Not cause he wants be to be unhapppy and unhealthy but I think he fears I will get the attention I use to get from guys when we first started dating. Something we'll just have to work through as the pounds shed away cause I am in this for the long haul. I'm 100% sure he won't complain when I have more energy and when he sees how happy I am!
"THE KEY TO CHANGE IS TO... LET GO OF FEAR." -Rosanne Cash
I am not really scared of being thin. I think my only fear is going through all of this and gaining it back. About 10 years ago I lost from an 18 to an 8 and gained it all back plus some. For the first 2 years I kept it all off and then I started getting depressed at maintanence. I felt like my joy and only friend (food) had foresaken me and I gradually let it all come back plus.
I am going about it this time in a new way and I have a lot more support. I am not going to say I will never be fat again but I am not under the same pressure I was then and my life is a whole lot better, so I just have to trust myself and realize that I am my best friend not food. I have come to realize that family, friends, and even food will fail you. You will always be there for yourself.
Terrie
My fear was that for my whole life, I was fat (since about age 4), and I've never known life as a thin or "normal" person. I always blamed so many things on my weight--guys didn't like me because I was fat, I didn't get the lead in the school musical because Iwas fat, I messed up this or that or whatever...so much of it was blamed on being fat. So where's the fear? The fear is that if I lost all the weight, nothing would change! Things would still go wrong, and then that could only mean one thing--there's something else wrong with me! And who really wants to face that reality?!
I say this all in the past tense because I'm not afraid anymore. I've got a fabulous job, a nice apartment, a loving boyfriend, a college education, a new car...and all while being fat
you probably will need a tummy tuck, but for me that is the exciting part.
Wow, I PRAY I won't need a tummy tuck! I have had abdominal surgery (for medical reason) in the past, and I would never EVER want to put myself through that again! Unless my extra skin is to the point it is causing a rash or other skin irritation or medical issue, I won't get it removed. I certainly don't have the money nor the desire to have surgery Besides, I'd rather have some loose skin on a healthy body than all this extra fat! Then again, we'll see what it's like when I get there...
Afraid of being skinny? Absolutely not. I was slim for a long time and never appreciated what I had. I remember bemoaning to my friends about my little pot belly, this was when I was a happy healthy size 10. Oh if only I knew then what I know now .
So no, I'm not afraid of being skinny again. I welcome the day where I can once again wear skinny jeans. My biggest fear is putting the weight back on.
I know I've been more comfortable being at a heavier weight because I don't want someone other then my husband looking at me in a sexy way.Back in highschool I was heavy,lost weight and only then did guys start noticing me....and while it seems nice,it's not something I want to go back to.
You know, I used to worry about the same thing. I used to get harassed by guys all the time and I was afraid it would get worse after I lost weight. You know what? I seldom get sexually harassed walking down the street anymore. Granted, before it was usually black guys that yelled stuff out or made comments when I'd walk by because I had the curvier "booty-licious" body they seem to prefer (I'm sorry for the ethnic stereotyping, but that's been my experience).
I understand some of the change may be due to the fact that I'm now walking with more confidence or maybe I'm getting used to the "city walk" (where you don't make eye contact with ANYONE), which was hard for me coming from the midwest.
Gettingsmaller: I also have a strong fear of gaining it all back too. In my weight loss process, I have set 'high weight limits' for myself. If I get to that weight, it's a warning sign to kick myself back into gear before I slide all the way back to the weight I was starting out. So many people here have lost so much more weight than I have, but losing the weight I did was one of the hardest things I've done and I don't ever want to have to do that again.
There are times when I'm afraid of being skinny. I've never been skinny so I don't know how I would act. I can sit here and say that I know the person that I am and I won't change but a person never knows. I'll never know who I'll be when I'm skinny untill I am skinny.
I am afraid of the flab. When I lost 30 pounds my two spare tiers did get smaller, but they sagged, like streched out water balloons. But it's not like I was going running around in a bikini, so as long as I can squeeze into a smaller size pants then I'm perfectly happy. I just don't want to look saggy in front of my SO.
and speaking of SO. My DB says he's perfectly happy with me at the weight I am. But I'm not. But I'm afraid he'll think of me differently if I'm thinner. I don't want him to distrust me once I'm thinner. Though I think that just may be the way I feel. My DB is also losing some weight and he was already popular before, I don't know how I feel. I don't wanna be the Fat girlfriend with the nice looking boyfriend. So that is just one other thing that is motivating me to not give up on being skinny.. or at leat thinner.
My husband has seen me skinny, and he's seen me as the Goodyear Blimp. I'm not worried about that.
What worries me is, like jilly said, I've blamed so much in my life on being overweight. What happens when I no longer am, and things still don't go my way?
I can relate Delilah*21, I am afraid of what I might be like when i lose all my weight. I have been trying to tell my family this same thing but noone will listen to me they think it's a lame excuse to not sticking to my diet. It scares the **** out of me, what if I like to attention to much, what if my dh doesn't like me skinny, (he likes bbw). I start to lose then bam, i start to gain it all back plus more. It's something i want, but something i fear too, but i am determine to lose this weight and love myself. I will not let the fat lady in me win this battle.....
Is anyone else afraid of being skinny?!
Besides, I'd rather have some loose skin on a healthy body than all this extra fat! Then again, we'll see what it's like when I get there...
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