100 lb. Club - Toxic Friends?




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DollyR
08-17-2006, 07:19 PM
I have a friend who is toxic to my weight loss. If I make plans with her to go to the gym she either goes and cuts the workout short or she decides to not go and suggests other things to do. I am not sure if she even realises it. She is not the best with self esteem and constantly puts herself down with the basic "why don't men like me?" "what's wrong with me?" I get kind of dreary around her and am some days struggling myself to keep my head above water. She is a nice person and she has a good heart but I am really not sure if she is a good person to work out with or discuss any diet ideas with. She can find lots of excuses and to tell you the truth I have a lot of my own excuses deep down......but do I need someone else telling me it as well?

Sigh....this journey is hard enough going. I am very grateful to have all of you.

How do you all deal with toxic friends if you have them??


luflic
08-17-2006, 07:47 PM
For me I have decided to go this alone. That is why this website is so very important to me. I come here for inspiration and encouragement and knowledge I am never disappointed.

I don't need any help in finding reasons not to eat properly or workout I find those all by myself.

I really love the accountability of the places to post exercise and meals so you really can get all the support right here you need.

Goddess Jessica
08-17-2006, 09:13 PM
Darlene,

I hear ya, girl!

Reading your story, I have to wonder if she's not relying on you to be her motivator. Try to flip the picture! If she's relying on you, you can't skip the gym. You have to be the good example. She's tempting you to see how you deal with temptation.

I know what a drag it is when people do nothing but whine about how fat they are, how they haven't gotten laid in forever, etc etc but aren't doing anything to resolve it. I try to change the subject, hoping they'll get the hint that I don't really want to participate in their pity party.

Hope that helps!


kaplods
08-17-2006, 09:46 PM
I had a "workout buddy" a few years ago. We met at a TOPS group, and decided to meet before work at the YMCA. I had a longer commute than she did, so I had to get up at like 5:00 am and it was pretty rough. Since neither of us lived alone, we agreed not to call if one of us couldn't make it, so we wouldn't wake our families.

It wasn't ideal, since sometimes it was very disheartening to get there and not find "our buddy," or one of us would get there late, or one of us wouldn't feel like exercising as much as the other. But I think we were better for each other than we would have been on our own. Would you be more motivated alone (and for how long) or is it just you wish she were more motivating than she is. You might consider adding another person to the "workout club," although that might make it better, might make it worse (if people are tempted not to go because they don't feel like they're leaving a friend in the lurch).

My husband and I are trying to be better influences on each other, rather than provide excuses for each other. In the past, we've tended to fall to the least common denominator, so the worst habits won out. He exercised well and ate poorly, and I ate pretty healthy and was a couch potato. After we married instead of picking up each others better habits, we shared our worst. We're trying to change that, but it's really hard because to be honest, you don't have to be looking for an excuse, you just have to accept it when it presents itself.

TamiL
08-17-2006, 10:00 PM
I can't do this with another person. Its much better to do this for me and me alone. I use this site for my support and encouragement and so far its working. You can do it for yourself!!!

Lifeguard
08-17-2006, 10:20 PM
I have friend who is very much the same. We tried working out together but I finally had to give that up & decide it has to be all on me. I just didn't need someone else's excuses on top of my own.

philosophygrl
08-17-2006, 10:46 PM
I use to want to always try and lose weight with my best friend. If I started, she'd say she would wait a week, then I would put it off until she started. If we both started, she would quit, and I would use that as an excuse to quit too.

I've lost 22.2lbs so far, and this is also the first time in 6 years that I've not cared one time if she started to try and lose weight. I'm going at this all alone. The thought of having someone do it with me was nice, but I soon realized that I have to do this for myself and not worry about her weight loss. If she loses weight, I'd be happy for her, but if she doesn't then that's her issue to deal with. I can't help her, and she can't help me. I can't make her put in the work. I've come to accept this, and it's working really great so far.

Stevi-rocks
08-18-2006, 03:07 AM
I have to ditto going it alone. I went one better and holed up (didn't go out socially) for the 1st 90 days. I wanted nothing to detour me. I also looked like holy ****. I NEEDED a solid starting point. No distractions! I use this site to stay grounded and ask questions. It has been invaluable. My DH teases me to no end about this site! I am going to dinner with one of my oldest friends on Sun as he hasn't seen me in months...I'm also nearly 50 lbs lighter. I tryed working out with my Best friend, and she's so inconsistant, hit and miss, and lacks enthusiasm it drug me down. I go alone.

ChocLabLover
08-18-2006, 08:04 AM
I am also in the "go-it alone" group. I prefer to come here where everyone is like minded and understand the daily struggle that we face. I am very independant person by nature anyway. I do have support of my family, but I find everyone does their weight loss journey at their own pace in their own time, so for me I think it is a very difficult thing to have a buddy, IMHO of course.

Angel33
08-18-2006, 08:36 AM
I choose to go it alone as well. For one, all of my friends are thin. A few times they tried dieting with me but I think they only did it out of pity. It wouldn't take long for them to say that they were tired of doing it and they kinda just left me hanging.
I've tried dieting with family members as well and that wasn't any better. It would only take only family function and they would give up.
That's why I come here for support. I know I can count on you guys to give me a swift kick when I need it and help keep me going.

Thanks

DollyR
08-18-2006, 07:16 PM
I think she (my friend) is just giving herself excuses and trying to find company n the mess. I have good days and bad days. I have good meals and bad meals. I am really looking towards a better new year for my health since it looks to be on an upswing. I am hoping this will the year for me. I will just not engage or ask her about going to the gym. If she is there great! If not well .....I am there and that is what counts.