[buckettgirl]

Official loss as of today: 30lbs in 34 days.

I am glad, but for some reason, I am having a very emotional time with this. I have a need to SABBOTAGE myself. Normally, I would have by now...something in me tells me I don't deserve to lose weight.
The longer I do this, the harder it Mentally becomes. I just want to be able to eat normal like everyone else... ok, well not normal - Healthy normal!
Deep down, I am very grateful for this opportunity, and I am SOOOO glad it works. It really takes alot of work to deal with the emotions and behaviors that get so interweaved with eating/food. My counselor helps though. I don't think I'm going to slip up. I think in a day or two I will move through this emotional slump.
What do you do to build up your mentality/positive attitude in a time like this?

I am NEVER getting this fat again. I don't ever want to go through this again.

[MelodyL]

Grats on the weight loss Amanda!! That is awesome!! I think we all go through those slumps, I try to get my mind back into a positive frame by reading success stories, doing something that I enjoy, sometimes I write in my journal and work through what I'm feeling, or sometimes just talking to someone else about it. I'm sure you'll get through this, hang in there!!

[Monkeybabies]

Amanda ....that is great progress!

You know, loosing weight is so intertwined with our emotions because eating and gaining is so intertwined with our emotions. I totally know what you mean. On my last weightloss journey, I became a former over eater to a total out ofr control shopper. I went from using eating as an emotion crutch for shopping and spending money to fill that void. I was working with a councelor at the time. I never came to a conclusion for my over eating/shopping issues. But I do know that when I took away the credit cards...I had to stop shopping. Hmmmmm...maybe if I take away the high fat colorie food I would stop gaining and start loosing. (Note to self)

I am curious to know, what techniques your councelor is using? I am assuming they have dealt with this issue many times before.l Bottom line...I understand where you are coming from.

[Heather]

Congrats Amanda!!

I know you're already exercising, but sometimes I find that works. Maybe take a walk??

Also, maybe talk to yourself just as you did here -- you're making sense! You aren't doing optifast for life and will be able to eat later, right? Tell yourself that! You know why you're doing this and that a better you awaits.

Good luck!

[Angel33]

You are doing fantastic Amanda.
I agree with Wyllen. Just keep telling yourself you can do this and keep in mind that you never want to go back.
We are all so proud of you for doing so good.
Keep up the good work.

[Sandi]

Amanda!! That is awesome. Good job.

I know that it seems tough, but I am almost glad that you are still feeling the emotions, because even though the food choices are out of the way for now, they won't always be and you need to learn your own way of dealing with them so that when you do re-introduce food, you'll be able to manage.

Keep it up!!!

[buckettgirl]

You guys are always so much help and so encouraging. I always seem to get the boost I need to make it another day. Thanks everyone!

Gina - my counselor and I are talking about trying hypnotherapy because alot of the emotional baggage I carry in regard to my weight has to do with so many negative beliefs that developed in childhood. She thinks that this has a good possibility to help heal my inner child, so to speak, which will help me to move past some of this now. I've done hypnotherapy before and find it to be fairly effective (for me), but I feel kinda silly when I do it LOL, however I think I am going to give it a try.

Wyllenn - I think a walk was just what I needed. Haven't exercised since Friday (I worked that evening, and there were only 2 CNAs for 35 residents, and it was very physically stressful) - I've just felt exhausted since then. So I thought, ok, I have to go for a walk today, not only because I need to get my exercise in, but I'll feel better. I just got back from my walk, and I do feel much calmer and peaceful.

Sandi - you are absolutely right. It seems very difficult to figure out effective and healthy ways to deal with these emotions after using food to cope for 20 years! LOL Actually, slowly but surely, I think that exercise is starting to replace food. And I don't just mean the exericise I am doing for weight loss either - doing housework and yardwork, and the exercise I get at work all seem to give a greater sense of wellbeing. I know that I just have to keep at it and eventually I won't need food to cope.

[Jen]

amanda - congrats!! That is so amazing, you've done wonderfully. Definately keep up the exercise, it is such a mood lifter! Try and figure out what are the triggers to you feeling like you want to sabotage yourself. Is it boredom or something making you feel emotional? It is scary losing so much weight so fast because your whole identity is changing faster than what you are probably prepared for. Try and remember how much better you are feeling already and think about how you will feel 122 lbs from now when you reach your goal. It is within your grasp! It really is. I know I feel totally bogged down by my extra weight, I feel like I used to be a completely different person when I wasn't so fat. I want to be that person again! Let's stay focused on achieving that goal and success is just around the corner.

[ElaineR]

Amanda:

I can really relate to where you are coming from with the emotions. I have a really hard time with this myself. I feel like I have been judged by my weight my entire life.. and I have not always been overweight. In fact, I was a skinny kid and was slim all the way up to my late 30s. Even then, my weight was "ok" until about six years ago and I began binging on a nightly basis and my weight really went up fast after that.

I can remember being at a normal weight and having female "friends" really giving me a hard time for being thin, because they were not, which I didn't have a an issue with. I even had one "friend" call me a ryhmes with witch at my own birthday party because I, as she said, looked thinner than her. And, I had someone else tell me if I "looked any better" she wouldn't want to go out with me anymore!

Now, I get treated cruelly because I am fat! No one has ever shown any real concern for why I gained so much so fast, just very willing to let it be known how "dissappointed" they are with me. My anger at how I am treated really does get in the way of losing, I've had to really dig in my heels and find the mental place that says "this is for me". It is not so easy.

So, you are on Optifast? Is this that medically supervised fast? How long have you been doing that? Do you just do the drinks, or is there some food included? Just curious.

Hang in there doll. You are fantastic!

[Heather]

Originally Posted by buckettgirl

Wyllenn - I think a walk was just what I needed. Haven't exercised since Friday (I worked that evening, and there were only 2 CNAs for 35 residents, and it was very physically stressful) - I've just felt exhausted since then. So I thought, ok, I have to go for a walk today, not only because I need to get my exercise in, but I'll feel better. I just got back from my walk, and I do feel much calmer and peaceful.

Sandi - you are absolutely right. It seems very difficult to figure out effective and healthy ways to deal with these emotions after using food to cope for 20 years! LOL Actually, slowly but surely, I think that exercise is starting to replace food. And I don't just mean the exericise I am doing for weight loss either - doing housework and yardwork, and the exercise I get at work all seem to give a greater sense of wellbeing. I know that I just have to keep at it and eventually I won't need food to cope.

You know, I am finding that using exercise to cope in the way I used to use food really IS helpful. It does help curb cravings that have less to do with hunger, and then I don't feel crappy afterward for eating so much. Eating food when I was upset or stressed always seemed like a good idea, but it never really did make me feel better. Exercise does.

It's just not my reflex -- YET! I hope that if I keep using exercise when I feel that stress and need to eat that maybe it will become more automatic.

I'm glad the walk helped! And you're right -- anything that gets the body moving may be useful!

[ElaineR]

Wyllen:

Exercise has been my sanity saver also. I have always been pretty active, but when I fell into that binge routine, I stopped being physically active during that time as well. For the past year, I've been really consistent with the walking and it does do all of those things: reduce stress, reduce hunger. The other benefit for me, is just having something to do that I actually enjoy as much as if not more so than eating. I live in Washington, DC, which is a wonderful walking city. The other issue that some of you may or may not relate to is, once I hit about the 190lb mark (my highest being 241, currently at 235).. I lost my social "calling card". In other words, I don't get invited to ANYTHING. Walking fills that gap and takes the sting out of the lonliness. Also, by joining walking groups, hiking groups.. I at least have those group activities to participate in. So far, I haven't had anyone from the Sierra Club tell me I can't come to any more hikes because I am fat.

[buckettgirl]

Originally Posted by ElaineR

So, you are on Optifast? Is this that medically supervised fast? How long have you been doing that? Do you just do the drinks, or is there some food included? Just curious.

Hang in there doll. You are fantastic!

Yup... medically supervised; we go down to Wichita every 2 weeks (we drive 2.5hrs one way just do check-ups... no one offers this where we live )
I just started on June 7th... it feels like I've been at it alot longer LOL
It is different now than it was 10 years ago... we can choose from powdered shakes, ready-to-drink shakes, bars, soups, and they even have a sloppy joe mix that is pretty good. It has taken this long to find the right combination of products that work for me and my schedule.... I do 4-5 shakes per day and 1 bar per day. I'm soup-ed out! LOL The soup is alright, but I got burnt out on that pretty quick. My dad really likes the soups though (he's doing this with me). We also can have about as much Sugar Free Jello as we want - its a free food.... LOL Being able to have that helps - especially since it comes in so many flavors (I think I'm gonna make some jello pops this weekend).
I'm hoping to be down 50lbs by the time school starts - Aug 21. That would be awesome... I would love for my classmates to ask if there is something different about me, and I'd be like "YEAH! I've lost 50lbs since you last saw me!" hehe