100 lb. Club - Spiraling and scared and sad




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famograham
07-10-2006, 07:58 PM
I'm still alive everyone ;) Reading every day, posting a little.

Just having a tough time with life in general and I feel like I'm in a bit of a funk right now.

This is getting so old!!!

Things are so strained between Rudy and I... I'm going through a time right now where I realize how much I give and how little is returned to me relationship wise. We've got communication issues so although it would be easy for me to come right out and tell him how I feel...the resulting ice storm, and silence and turmoil is sometimes just not worth it.

My Mom is staying here right now until they're done putting the final touches on her new house (a couple of weeks or so) The whole tree incident in January is what set my entire backslide in motion...losing my childhood home, not to mention possibly losing my kids AND my Mom (lucky me that they're safe)

I was supposed to have made it to my goal by now, this was going to be my first summer thin....however, I have now managed to put myself about ten pounds less than when this all started in April 05, ten pounds in 15 months...when I had been at 40 lost.

I'm completely bummed, probably actually depressed and I have this feeling of, " So what....what difference will it make anyway?" I don't want to feel like this, and I HATE whining about it.

Love you guys :)
:hug:
Linda


teahoney
07-10-2006, 08:19 PM
Okay, I am totally out of the loop as far as everything that you are going through but I definitely understand. Please feel free to post here and let go of all your frustrations as you see fit. We are here for you. I know we don't know each other well but if you ever need to vent but don't feel like putting it for the whole board to read, feel free to pm me.

kathi
07-10-2006, 08:39 PM
:hug: Linda,

I am just getting back on track for my own weight loss and am also "new" here, but I would like to offer you some support.

As someone with three kids who has been through a divorce, I know how emotional issues can wreak havoc on you physically and emotionally. You feel so out of control, like what you do has no impact on the world. It is compounded when those you should be able to count on are maybe not there for you in the way you need them. And then, of course, life just keeps coming at you! Doesn't the Universe realize that you need a "break", a little understanding and some compassion? It is enough to make anyone want to throw up their hands in defeat.

You are standing on a threshold and the choice you make is yours and yours alone. Yes, those in your life may be affected by what you choose, but this is YOUR LIFE. You can choose to give up and go back to the way things were. Were you happy then? Obviously not, or you never would have started this journey. Or you can make the choice to FIGHT. Fight for your health, fight for your self esteem, fight for who you are- the real you, the one hidden by more than just a few extra pounds. Fight for your LIFE. And do it for nobody else but yourself. Be selfish with this and be proud of your selfishness! (but, we are mothers we are not ALLOWED to be selfish) BALONEY!!!

You have already come a long way, don't measure it in pounds, measure it in blood, sweat, and tears! I bet you are much healthier now than you were 15 months ago! I bet you have been a source of support and encouragement to many people. I bet you have learned a lot about what foods you can and can't "handle". And I bet there are people in your life who are proud of you (maybe even Ice Storm, himself!).

I see that you have made a good start at "re-losing" some of that weight! And you know what? I would KILL to be where you are! I still have a lot to lose just to "catch" you!

You are young, beautiful and ALIVE. Life lays at your feet- TAKE IT.

If this helped at least a "little" than save it as I am sure there will come a time in the future when I might need you to remind me that I have a choice, too!

"What doesn't kill us, serves to make us stronger"

"Failure is not the Falling Down, it is the Staying Down"

"Keep on swimming..."

" I Will Survive"

Kathi:) ;) :D :dizzy: :p
(whenever I am in a funk, I like to listen to some music that gets me singing. Don't know if you know who Jason Mraz is, but he has a song called, "Life is Wonderful" that seems to put things into perspective for me. Also, some eighties music like "Come on Eileen" usually does the trick! Or Maroon 5!)


jtammy
07-10-2006, 09:05 PM
Linda,

:hug: I'm so sorry that you are feeling down right now. From your previous posts, you seem like such a kind and caring person. You are such a giver, helping your mom with her new housing situation, organizing the fundraiser for her after her home was destroyed, giving in your relationship with your husband, taking care of the kids. You really deserve to do this now for Linda. I hope you can move forward soon. Anytime you need a buddy, or a shoulder to cry on, or a listening ear, you know we're all here.:hug: :hug:

SnShn13
07-10-2006, 09:55 PM
I'm sorry you're going through a rough patch right now. I'm going to keep you in my prayers. I hope everything gets better!

Misti in Seattle
07-10-2006, 11:13 PM
Linda.... :hug: Sorry you are going through such a rough time. I am saying a prayer for you right now!

KristasMom
07-10-2006, 11:32 PM
Linda - don't SHOULD on yourself. Take some deep breaths and step back -- what do you need for YOU?

For me and many of us on this list, we stuff food to stuff feelings - but who has time for feelings? - I think maybe if we make the time, things might get better.

Take care of yourself, hon.

Sue

Hpnotq
07-10-2006, 11:47 PM
Linda,
I don't know you and I may be new, but I understand what stress does to you. Think about doing something for you...and soon. Know we're all here for you and we'll be thinking about and praying for you.

kathi
07-11-2006, 12:33 AM
I have to apologize to all the Nemo fans out there as I messed up my quote. I knew it didn't sound right. Of course, I meant, "Just keep swimming..."


LInda- I hope you are doing okay!!!!

Kathi

karistiana
07-11-2006, 02:27 AM
:hug: Linda,

Sorry to hear your going through a rough patch. Stress and depression can really knock you down, I know. You've had some great advice already, but I wanted to reiterate that you deserve to do this for you. You deserve to feel good about yourself. You deserve to lose weight and be healthy. Don't let anyone take that away from you. I don't know you very much personally, but you seem like a wonderful, caring person, and you deserve to have the support and love that you give to so many people. We're all here for you, and whenever you need to vent or just need many shoulders to cry on ... we're here.

kykaree
07-11-2006, 02:52 AM
Repeat after me.........

"I have not lost the weight I wanted to lose, but that does not make me a bad person. I am not a failure because I have gained some weight back."

Get it?

So many of us (me included) put so much pressure on ourselves to lose weight, and get caught up in this whole worthiness cycle. I have not lost weight therefore I am unworthy. or perhaps as in your case, I am a bad person because I did so well, and now I have gained again, I am such a bad person and don't deserve success.

You deserve it. But you don't need to lose another thing to be a beautiful, caring, loving mother, daughter, wife, online friend. You are a fabulous, wonderful person, who enriches so many lives, including mine. Whether you are 300, 200 or 140lbs, whatever. Irrelevant.

Work on the other areas of your life that need some attention for a while, and be kind to yourself.

If you could love yourself just a quarter of how much we all love you, just imagine how powerful that would be! Self love zaps pounds, self hatred piles them on!

Heather
07-11-2006, 09:17 AM
Linda -- You know, when I first joined 3fc, you were such an inspiration because of your energy and attitude.

You are still an inspiration. And I thank you for posting your struggle here. I think we all need to see that this journey is not necessarily linear. You are NOT a failure. You are struggling, but I believe you're going to get back on track. There's some great advice here and I hope you can find your click and get back on track!!!!

barbygirl43
07-11-2006, 10:40 AM
Many of us have been right where you are (myself included). It is so hard to get back on track when your mind tells you what you know you NEED to do but your heart just isn't there with your mind right now. It is even harder when your personal life is still somewhat in shambles.

Might I suggest you at least see your doc and talk to him/her about your possible depression and work on that right now. You will know with your heart and your mind when the time is right for you to get back on track and when you do, you'll be reminded that yes you did gain your weight back, but it won't be your main focus about your weight loss.
:grouphug:

BreakingFree
07-11-2006, 11:23 AM
Linda -

You're NOT whining, you're venting and seeking support which is probably one of the best things you can do right now. You've gotten some great advice. I would just add that I LOVE what kykaree said: "Self love zaps pounds, self hatred piles them on!" I really believe this. I also find that, for me, having a specific time frame by which I "should" have lost a certain amount of weight always backfires. We'll get there when we get there!

It sounds like you're dealing with a lot right now so please cut yourself some slack and be gentle with yourself. Think about telling yourself that you're doing the best you can at the moment and when you're ready, you'll move forward.

Keep us posted - You'll be in my thoughts.

famograham
07-11-2006, 01:34 PM
Wow...my friends...thank you :cry:

You know... the relationships I have here with you are the most reciprocal and supportive relationships in my life. I have a wonderful family who loves me to no end, but by my very nature, I tend to concern myself with others and keep my own "stuff" to myself. It's just the way I am I guess. It's much easier to deal with other peoples problems!!! :lol:

I so deeply treasure each and every one of you for supporting me, and for loving me...deepest fears and failures and all. ;)

:hug: :hug:
Linda

mezmerize
07-11-2006, 02:12 PM
Linda - There isn't alot that I can add here many have wonderfully stated how I feel. Keep posting and know your in our prayers!

DishyFishy
07-11-2006, 02:45 PM
My thoughts have pretty much been voiced by others, Linda.

Lots of :goodvibes: and :hug: to you, my dear, and do consider Dawnyal's suggestion to talk to your doc about possible depression issues.

:grouphug:

--Ali the <*)))>((

ChocLabLover
07-11-2006, 02:53 PM
Linda, :hug:! I just saw this thread today and wanted to add my voice of support to that of everyone else. Do NOT beat yourself over what is happening at the moment. Stress wrecks such havoc on us it really isn't fair. However, you need, you MUST take care of yourself first. A doctor may be able to help you with your depression. As for the weight loss, the only advice I can offer is to take it one step at a time. I know you can this, and you have been inspiration to me in the past.

trishn222
07-11-2006, 03:43 PM
Linda as a sufferer from a divorce and a sufferer from depression I can definitly feel for you right now. You will get through this. You will deal with this and you will be better for it. Now that being said, just deal with it and don't put extra pressure on yourself about the weight. You will feel better but feeling guilty about gaining weight is not going to help. You will get back on track and you will be able to loose what you have gained. You have already proven that you can do it. Just deal with the emotional stuff right now if that is what you need to do. It is not worth beating yourself up over. :hug:

Trish

Sheila53
07-11-2006, 05:21 PM
Oh, Linda, I'm so sorry you're going through all this stress. Please take care of yourself, take time for yourself, and learn to love yourself as we all love you. I wish you would see yourself the way we see you--as a beautiful, strong, creative, loving woman. I agree with Dawnyal, too, that a visit to the doctor may be in order. Take any kind of help you need to get through this rough patch in your life.

Thinking of you . . .:hug:

ScarlettDrawl
07-11-2006, 06:52 PM
:hug: Linda. I'm chiming in late but though everyone has said it so well, I have to lend a hug just the same. I hope things start looking brighter soon.

MelodyL
07-11-2006, 11:09 PM
As someone with three kids who has been through a divorce, I know how emotional issues can wreak havoc on you physically and emotionally. You feel so out of control, like what you do has no impact on the world. It is compounded when those you should be able to count on are maybe not there for you in the way you need them. And then, of course, life just keeps coming at you! Doesn't the Universe realize that you need a "break", a little understanding and some compassion? It is enough to make anyone want to throw up their hands in defeat.


I loved that statement. I have been there!! When things are bad in our personal relationships, when the person that we thought was supposed to support us no matter what is not doing that, it is hard to deal with. I too am a Mother of 3 who went through a divorce, and it has been seriously the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with, I'd say even harder than my weight issues!! And that period of time where things were really bad between us before the divorce, was a time of turmoil and pain as well. It is so hard when we can't talk to the person that we said we'd spend the rest of our lives with. I really hope that things get better and you guys are able to learn how to communicate, but in the meantime, try to give yourself a break. You are beautiful just the way you are, and you are trying to do something that will make you feel happier and more self confident, but you've had a lot happen that has made you get off track. Like others have said, as Mothers we tend to put everyone else ahead of ourselves, and it is hard to make sure we take the time to think of us, especially if there is a lot going on that is stressful!! Hang in there, you'll get back on track, and 10 pounds down is a heck of a lot better than 10 pounds up!!!

Nori71
07-12-2006, 01:10 AM
Linda,
I'm just catching up on posts and wanted to chime in here. Since I joined here you have been an inspiration to me - and you are right now tonight as well. You're still here and you're conscious of your health goals - physical and emotional. One thing I've noticed on this board as well as in my own life is that all weight-loss journeys, even the most successful ones, have hurdles. Life happens and it doesn't all revolve around "weight management". Take time for yourself and be encouraged, Linda. You've encouraged me many times!! You'll be in my thoughts even more now.
:hug: , Nori

Sandi
07-12-2006, 10:00 AM
Linda -

First off :hug: :hug: :hug:. You know how much I love you. You are a dear friend and I'm sorry that your struggling. It's hard when you feel like you haven't met your goals. But maybe instead of focusing on where you should be, focus on where you are. Focus on everything that's great in your life. We all put so much power into what we weigh and the truth is that we impact the world anyway. I really think once you can quit looking back, you can start planning your new success.

I am here for you every step of the way!!!!

:cheer: GO LINDA!!! :cheer:

midwife
07-12-2006, 12:45 PM
Hugs to you Linda! Find joy where you can during these hard times and be kind to yourself.

SuchAPrettyFace
07-12-2006, 02:40 PM
Yes, exactly what Sandi said! It's not about the "should have"s, and I don't think there is ever a straight path to this journey. What I do know is we are all here, and we know how you feel. We have (most of us) been there ourselves. :hug: I think once your mom is in her own place, the stress level will go down a bit. It's perfectly natural to be stressed after such a stressful event! I'm so glad your mom & kids are still here to love you & BE loved by you. :)

If you need to talk, you can PM me. I hope you're feeling better, my friend.

-SAPF

famograham
07-12-2006, 07:27 PM
:cry::cry::cry:

Wow...I love you too :)

Thank you so much for your wonderful words!

:hug:
Linda

DollyR
07-14-2006, 03:35 PM
:grouphug: Linda, :grouphug:

I am sorry about your rough patch. I am not sure what I can say that has not already been said but I want you to know we are here as always. When I had that bad time with DBF telling me how he felt about my size you were very supportive. It passed for me and continues to fade with each week. I wish the best for you and hope this will pass quickly for you.

Take care,:hug: