Weight Loss Support - More venting about other people's comments...




lipidful
07-06-2006, 02:14 PM
Here I am again to talk about other people's stupidity and thoughtlessness yet again. I knew I was in for something at the big 4th of July cookout. I was to see people I hadn't seen in a while. Keep in mind that I'm 5'6" and around 143 pounds, which is pretty much exactly where I probably should be. And I'm trying to maintain, not lose any more.
I got:

Cousin # 1: "You're wasting away to nothing"
Me to cousin # 2: "Sometimes I wish I were invisible" (to avoid comments such as this)
Cousin # 2: "If you keep this up you're GONNA be invisible"

Aunt J: "You're not trying to lose any more weight, are you? LOOK AT ME...ARE YOU??!?!?!"
(aaargh)

Aunt P: "You look, like, too skinny. You look anorexic. Are you ok?"
(Where was she when I was obese? I think maybe I wasn't ok then...)

Cousin 3: (innocently) "Have you ever tried making this dip w/light mayo?"
Cousin 4: "Oh, lipidful isn't concerned w/calories" (sarcastically)

Uncle: (when he saw me grab a yogurt): "So is that what kind of diet you're on? A yogurt diet?"
Me: "I'm not on a DIET. I just started eating less....."
Uncle: "Oh come ON..." (Like I must have done some kind of devious or tricky thing to lose weight rather than use common sense)

Why are people so gosh darn annoying? Really, I do wish I could be invisible sometimes! I just want to be healthy and comfortable. LEAVE ME ALONE! LOLOLOL I'm not the type who wants all kinds of attention. That's not why I did this. AND I don't even talk about it. Except here.
Sorry for so much griping. I did have another cousin say I look like a "hot chick" so that's ok ;) but a bit embarrassing.


phantastica
07-06-2006, 02:19 PM
I understand your desire to be invisible. I hate discussing this stuff with people who have known me my entire life, too. My family asks idiotic questions, as well ... "what are you doing to lose all that weight?" Hmm, amazingly enough, I'm eating fewer calories and moving more.

margaret1975109
07-06-2006, 02:22 PM
Just ignore it. I'm also 5 foot, six and 143 pounds. While I'm not heavy, I know that I'm not anorexic either. They're probably just jealous that you were able to do it and feeling a bit threatened that you managed to overcome and conquer your weight problem. Just take it with a grain of salt.


Tealeaf
07-06-2006, 02:27 PM
I'm lucky, my family have all been very supportive. I would agree with the comment that there might be some jealousy going on.

You've lost alot of weight. They've noticed and will talk about it. But as you maintain, it will become old news, and they will find something else to snark on.

lipidful
07-06-2006, 02:30 PM
I know. I really should take it w/a grain of salt. I'm glad I have this place, though, where I can come vent. The crazy thing is, the aunt w/the anorexic comment could have even been thinking that I would take such a comment positively. ?????
Who would want to look anorexic, though? I think I look pretty healthy, which I am! I'm so happy that I went from almost needing blood pressure medication (even when I was 25 the doctor was saying I might need it) and now at 34, I'm perfectly normal! I'm healthier than I was a decade ago.... Why is that such a bad thing? :dizzy:

707Goddess
07-06-2006, 02:37 PM
I agree with all the ladies comments BUT i sure would welcome those comments right now **** i'd do back flips if peolple noticed me looking good LOL .... but i do understand that they made you feel very uncomfortable me on the other hand im an out going person who talks too EVERYONE and i love it when people talk to me, **** i even know the homeless peoples name ...lol so there is a difference there, you did great and they are jealous, I DISLIKE JEALOUS PEOPLE

kateful
07-06-2006, 02:49 PM
Wow. I'm sorry your family did that to you.

I've never been thin enough to warrant those sorts of comments. Of course, part of the reason that I get to a certain point and crap out is because people start to notice and start to make comments. It totally skeevs me out even if it's completely innocent and intended only as a compliment. It happens every time. I work my butt off to lose 15 or 20 pounds; I start to get comments or people looking at me, and I start hoarking down the garbage as fast as I can.

Your posts indicate you don't have this problem. I'm glad. I wish I didn't.

lipidful
07-06-2006, 02:49 PM
I come across as outgoing sometimes, but I'm actually pretty anxious around large groups of people and being on the receiving end of attention and being looked at. So it makes me uncomfortable. People don't believe me when I tell them that. I guess I'm a good actress. Hahaha

Beach Patrol
07-06-2006, 03:21 PM
Ha! - FAMILY ARE THE WORST CRITICS by far. :rolleyes:

I've gotten similar comments when I've been thinner - mind you, from 178 during one Christmas to 145 the next Christmas, and all of a sudden I'm gonna blow away with the slightest breeze. :?: Why can't they just say "Wow, I see how hard you've worked! You're looking good!" Ah, but that's a dream, I guess.

Of course, when I'm topping the scales at 160 (now) or higher, I'm just a roll-e-poll-e who needs to stop stuffing her face! :eek:

buckettgirl
07-06-2006, 04:04 PM
When I lose more weight, and it becomes obvious - no denying that I've lost... I know exactly who I will hear comments from. And I'm not going to be nice about it either. That is something I had to decide now, that way I can deal with it when it happens. I'm tired of being a doormat, of being walked on... I have never been assertive (one of the few ways I take after my mom LOL). When I get the kind of comments you did, I know that I will WANT to tell em where to shove it - but I won't. I'll probably just respond with something slightly less crude, such as: well, apparently you didn't care that I was morbidly obese, so what business is it of yours now?
No one will make me feel bad, or stupid, or want to be invisible - if they have a problem with my weight loss, then it is their problem - not mine. And I'm gonna make sure they know that!

phantastica
07-06-2006, 04:13 PM
Good plan, BucketGirl! I think it's a good idea to have comebacks ahead of time. My family has mostly only said positive things about my weight loss, but still ... weight is a totally charged topic in our family. I love compliments from others, though!

Ironically, one of my best friends has been the only one to come up with a not-so-supportive comment about my weight.

lilybelle
07-06-2006, 04:57 PM
My family has been the worst about the comments. They acted like I had starved myself and become anorexic. I am 5'7 and 145 lbs. which is a perfectly healthy weight. One thing I have noticed is that my healthy sized family and friends all give positive comments, the over-weight ones are the ones that think I'm going to fall over if a strong wind comes. As for the anorexic comments if they only knew my daily struggle to eat healthy and pass up the junk they eat , maybe they'd shut up.

kateful
07-06-2006, 05:08 PM
My family has been the worst about the comments. They acted like I had starved myself and become anorexic. I am 5'7 and 145 lbs. which is a perfectly healthy weight. One thing I have noticed is that my healthy sized family and friends all give positive comments, the over-weight ones are the ones that think I'm going to fall over if a strong wind comes. As for the anorexic comments if they only knew my daily struggle to eat healthy and pass up the junk they eat , maybe they'd shut up.

I'm overweight. Most of the people I know are overweight. Hence, over time, I've developed a skewed sense of "normal" when it comes to people's sizes. Those who are a healthy weight appear to be abnormally thin to me since my universe is rounder. Does that make sense? I really have to work at it to recalibrate my mind to recognize "normal".

mudbugs
07-06-2006, 06:12 PM
Oh boy, lipidful, do I feel your pain.

Since when has "my weight" become an acceptable topic of conversation? To me it is like saying to someone, "oh, I guess you can eat sugar now since you got your rotten teeth fixed", or "I guess you can eat cabbage now that you don't have that gas problem anymore?"

It just makes me nuts. Nuts, I tell you!!!!!!!:D :D

almostheaven
07-06-2006, 09:44 PM
I'm different about the way I handle it. If it were me, I'd have actually said what you put in parentheses, or something similar. I'd have let them know that not a one of them said anything when I was getting fat, and not a one of them hold a license as an M.D., but the one who does, myDOCTOR, has no problems with the weight I've lost, and in fact thinks I've done great.

My mom has a problem with it, and is so transparently jealous that she's started stocking her kitchen with all kinds of sweets for when I'm there a couple times a week. Dad's diabetic and mom's trying to lose weight. So she doesn't buy it for them, but she's ending up eating some of it, giving some away and throwing some away because she keeps buying it, and I keep taking a lunch with me when I'm there. LOL

lilybelle
07-07-2006, 12:04 AM
Thanks for the comment Kateful and I see your point. Makes perfect sense. I never thought of that. During all the years of my being over-weight, I just thought everyone was smaller than me, especially my family. I think they'll get used to how I look now, but only seeing me every few months through this process they probably were afraid that I'd go too far. What I'm trying to get across is I was a very round person in a much slimmer family and world.

angel-eyes
07-07-2006, 12:32 AM
Family get togethers are overated!!!..... It sounds like jealousy and envy to me!! All those comments are directed to you in a way that would make you sabbotage your diet. They have no consideration for your feelings or for how hard you've had to work to get where you are. I'm sure they are meaning it in a good way....NOT!!! My comeback comment to them would be...."how nice of you to say".... You should be very proud of your accomplishment!!! WTG!!!

carolshmarol
07-07-2006, 01:02 AM
Lipidful,

Your family probably made those anorexic remarks because they still have your 'before' pictures in their minds. They're always comparing you to that picture and it's probably a big difference and so it raises concerns in their minds. Try not to worry about this - people are people and they will eventually forget the old you. You wont' be in the spotlight forever so hang in there.

One side of my family is weird. Every time I see them, they always get excited, throw their arms around me and remark about how much weight I've lost when I didn't lose anything or I've, in fact, gained! They actually BELIEVE that I lost weight and they do this every time they see me. This has been going on for years - since I was 10. I laugh at them because I can't figure out what's going on in their brains.

My family and friends, on the other hand, doesn't notice anything. I lost 48 lbs. once and they said NOTHING. I was a little miffed at this and brought it up to them, THEN they noticed after carefully checking me out up and down. Then they were amazed. Hello! Something wrong with their vision?????

Misti in Seattle
07-07-2006, 02:52 AM
Lilybelle! Wow I didn't even recognize you with this avatar! You look absolutely fantastic! GOOD job!

DairyQueen
07-07-2006, 03:05 AM
Unless you've been extreme dieting, they have no right to say that. As long as YOU know you're eating and exersizing a healthy amount, thats all that matters.
But just so you know your weight isn't all eating disorders have to do with. If you went from a really high weight to 143 in a really short amount of time it could be considered anorexia.

lipidful
07-07-2006, 08:06 AM
nope, nothing extreme. This has taken me over a year. And I NEVER went below 1500 calories a day, even in the beginning. My blood sugar would never let me ;) and my appetite. In fact, when my nurse practitioner told me 1500 was too low for me, I raised my caloric intake and still lost weight. So what right does anyone have to suggest I'm anorexic? It's infuriating! :mad:
It is a sabotaging behavior from other people, because it kind of makes you question what you're doing.:(

MariaOfColumbia
07-07-2006, 11:15 AM
I haven't had this problem yet, but I might when I get closer to goal....

I think I'll carry a BMI chart with me, and if anyone says they think I'm getting too thin, I'll pull out the chart and show them what is a healthy weight for my height.

And just maybe they'll notice their own BMI while I'm at it! :devil:

almostheaven
07-07-2006, 10:57 PM
Next time try...

"Nope, I'm not anorexic. I don't make myself puke. But your concern about my weight loss and the possibility that I'm anorexic might make me puke."

lilybelle
07-07-2006, 11:05 PM
Thanks so much Misti for the comment regarding my avatar.