Bah...I'm so disgusted with myself. I got on the scale this morning and it said 294.5 :o I am not upset because I weigh so much--after all, I have weight a little more before--but rather that I had lost down to about 265 and then gained so much BACK.
So my scale said that number which I haven't seen so high in over a year, and what do I do today? Binged on a box of swiss rolls on my way home from the grocery store after work. Why? Who on earth knows, but it's certainly killing me. It's like every day, I just say, "I'll be good tomorrow..." but then that tomorrow never comes because I just keep saying the same thing the next day. I do well with meals and even with snacks at home, but this closet bingeing is becoming a serious issue. It's never been such a major problem before as it is now, but I can't think of anything in my life that is wreaking so much havoc on me mentally as to cause such a drastic switch.
Ugh, who knows...practically back to the drawing board for me now :(:mad:
07-05-2006, 06:09 PM
Jill, I've said it before, but it bears repeating: you are SO GOOD at giving other people advice! I hope you can take a little time and repeat some of that excellent advice back to yourself, and find a way to start again.
You know that tomorrow is a new day. You know that you've done this before. Retrace your steps and find a way to redo the things that made you successful last time!
What advice would you give to someone else in your situation? I know it would be good advice... and maybe you can take that advice yourself!!
07-05-2006, 06:58 PM
I really appreciate you too Jill. And I don't like you being upset ... at all! I did notice that you weren't on the boards lately.
Don't be a stranger here!
Go right now and make a huge bowl of cut up crunchy vegetables. Make a baggie for in the car and a nice plate for after work. Hurry home ... your prize for doing your days work tomorrow is to come talk to us and eat that lovely plate of veggies. We'll be waiting.
Heck make a protein-y breakfast and come here before work!
Want to do a planning for Thursday thread?
Ya know something funny? My mental picture of you is this dainty wee smiling gal with a blonde ponytail.
07-05-2006, 07:03 PM
Let me pitch in to add I went through a similar thing recently. I'm probably up 5-7 lbs total, which isn't so much of a big deal for the weight itself but in comparison to my total weight, yeah it feels like starting over.
This kind of limbo went on for 2-3 weeks here and there over the last 2-3 months or so, with me never fully on or off plan. I'd start to post on here again and try to get back on track, but somehow it just didn't go and a day later I'd finish off a gallon of ice cream. Even not keeping it in my house made me just come up with 1,000 excuses to buy it at the supermarket. Anyways, a week ago last sunday, it just "clicked" for me. And here I am, counting calories again and enjoying the easy downhill slope of weight loss and exercise. It's not always there, but sometimes it seems so incredibly easy and other times it doesn't matter how disgusted I am or how much I plan or think about it it just isn't there and neither is my willpower. I hope you will get your "click" soon too, good luck!
07-05-2006, 08:04 PM
I've read many many posts by you and, as wyllenn said, you give great advice. I don't post much but I'll try my hand at some advice based purely on my own experience with weight loss.
Regarding the closet bingeing, this is something I have become very familiar with over the past year. I was never a "binger" (not a word, I know) until I started trying to lose weight. I can eat very good for about a week before I just get soooo pissed off that I'm depriving myself of foods that I love that I binge on chinese food or zebra cakes or something. And I always feel awful afterwards, mentally as well as physically. It seems to be some sort of rebellious behavior for me.
I've only recently realized that this will probably always be my pattern. So, I figured I shouldn't deprive myself anymore or bad results ensue. I decided to find some food product (non-diet) that I could eat a serving of everyday to keep myself sane. However, it couldn't be super easy to just grab and shove in my mouth or I'd eat all of it. Ice cream works well for me, not bars because those are too easy but the gallons or half-gallons or whatever they are. I get my food scale out and measure out a serving everynight. Plus I can switch up on the flavors so I don't get bored with it.
I've been doing this for 3 1/2 weeks now and no binge in sight, I don't even really want to. I just work the ice cream into my calories for the day.
I know this wouldn't work for everyone because for some people binges are triggered by just one taste but since I just found something that works for me, as far as bingeing goes, I wanted to share.
07-05-2006, 08:44 PM
I always had "bingy" tendencies - but restrictive dieting just made my binge issues explode. What worked for me was finding whole foods that I loved and really satisfied me. I kind of figured the binges were my body's desperate attempts to find some nutrient it craved. Now that I eat better, I get everything my body needs and it doesn't drive me to eat anymore. I haven't binged once since I changed my life in July 2004 - it's always kind of amazing to me.
07-05-2006, 09:24 PM
Oh Jill. :hug: You know what? Maybe you just need to mentally "start over." Firstly, you are still maintaining at least a 15! lb weight loss and that is something and definately somewhere to start. There is no use in beating yourself up over gaining some weight back. It's done and over with, you can't change the past but you can change the future. You can lose those lbs again and more! You have proved that you can do it and you can do it again.
So, maybe just take a step back and say to yourself that this binging is going to end because you are only hurting yourself and undoing all sorts of hard work. Tell yourself that this is going to end, now.
I know what it is like to binge and gain back a bit of weight that totally sucks!! when you have to take the same weight off again! but it happens, so deal with the situation from this point.
You can do this, we all have faith in you. ;) :)
07-05-2006, 09:32 PM
Thanks SO MUCH for all the positive vibes, guys :hug: I sometimes feel kinda dumb because I run around here spouting off advice to pretty much anyone who will listen (and even some who won't! ;)), but then I can't seem to stick to that same advice myself. The whole reason I was doing calorie-counting was exactly so I didn't have to cut out any food group completely--if I needed swiss rolls (not that anyone really "needs" them, but ya know...), then I could very well have had one pack and included it in my calories for the day, but no, I have to have a whole BOX! I don't even really care for chocolate very much. I don't know...yes, tomorrow is another day. I had a crazy headache this evening (sugar-induced, perhaps?), so I've napped the evening away on the couch, so at least I haven't eaten anything else I regret.
I do want to be thin. At this time last year, I weighed less than I do now--a whole year practically wasted. I go around today with the same complaints I had then, and it kills me. You're absolutely right that I've done it before, and I just need that click. I just get tired of waiting for that click and get super-restrictive and then binge...viscious cycle :devil: But anyway, all I can do is keep trying, right? I have GOT to start going back in the right direction soon or lord knows I'll go absolutely insane :mad:
07-05-2006, 10:05 PM
Sounds like you're feeling a squidge better.... anyway to put your own advice to good use? What advice would you give someone else in this situation?
And don't feel dumb, silly! :) We're telling you you're smart! :) You just need to believe that!
We all say things and then don't always take our own advice. You have something so many people who come here don't YET have: knowledge. Know that you will learn to use it. I really believe your "click" will come!
07-05-2006, 10:24 PM
I am feeling a little better--perhaps a bit more determined after feeling like such a big baby :p I just made my lunch for tomorrow--baby spinach, strawberry slices, almond slivers, and chicken mix (some chicken, cabbage, and broccoli I cooked up with a bit of teriyaki sauce and ginger) to have with my light Asian dressing I have in the fridge at work. I haven't done any intentional exercise in MONTHS, so I'm going to walk up the stairs to my apartment when I get home from work every day from now on--I only live on the 3rd floor, but it's actually 4 flights of stairs (enter through Lower Lobby, then Lobby, then floors 1, 2, and 3). I did this the other day when the power was out (thank goodness I don't live on the 16th floor!), and man was I winded! So while it's not exactly 30 minutes of high-impact aerobics, it is at least a starting point :^: After all, wyllenn, that is the advice I would likely give: start with baby steps, do what you can, and work to increase it!
SusanB, I'm going to take you up on that Thursday planning thread--going to go start it now! And I couldn't help but chuckle at the thought that someone pictured me as dainty with a blonde ponytail--hehe, SO not me, but I guess at least it tells me I've got a youthful vibe, which is nice to know after so many years of hearing, "You're so mature for your age!" :dizzy:
07-05-2006, 10:56 PM
Baby steps! Exactly! That sounds like an excellent idea! A good friend of mine walks up to the fifth floor of our admin building every time she has a meeting there. She says it's still a bit tough, and she's winded at the end, but her recovery time has really improved.
Maybe you could make some kind of challenge for yourself -- number of days you walk up the stairs linked to a reward or something? Some other way to keep yourself accountable?
GO JILL!!!!!!!!! :carrot:
07-05-2006, 10:58 PM
In my experience it was setbacks like this that helped me reflect and therefore correct my negative behavior. I used to sit in front of the doughnut shop and eat 4 doughnuts be for taking a dozen home and not have a clue as to why? Stand in front of the fridge in the middle of the night asking my self "Why did I just eat that? I still don't know. My life was fine, I thought I was fine emotionally?? Not unhappy...I geuss I was looking for satisfation from any source that was easier than what I had to commit to doing. It doesn't happen anymore (hasn't in years) But there is still potential, the key for me is to render it absolutely not an option. What are Swiss rolls?
07-05-2006, 11:03 PM
Stevi -- OMG, that was exactly the experiences I had with binging! I would binge but have no idea why! I still don't know. For whatever reason, I've managed to not do it in ages (since I started this new lifestyle), but I still don't understand. Maybe you're right and it had something to do with not being able to commit to what I had to do!
I had a moment today when I really really wanted to binge. This time I knew exactly why (emotionally eating to fill a void), and I have certainly had those desires too. But the unknown binges... I think you may have a handle on this problem of mine!
07-05-2006, 11:08 PM
My only reasonable solution to something I still don't understand is to make it off limits. I saw your "resisting a binge" thread and All I have to say is (no pressure intended) You have a responsibility to all of us that look up to you.....You are an OAK! :)
07-05-2006, 11:10 PM
Yeah, I really don't know why I binge, either. I don't usually do it at home since I don't have much "bingeable" food in my kitchen anymore. My worst times are when I'm alone--going through the fast food drive-thru on my way to/from work, buying junk when I go to the store by myself, and sometimes even just eating too much healthy stuff at home when I'm alone after work before my boyfriend gets home. Even if it's fruit, grilled chicken, or whole-wheat pitas, though, calories are calories, and I don't need that many of 'em!
Stevi--Swiss rolls are a Little Debbie chocolate cake rolled with white creme filling and chocolate on the outside. I know other companies make them as well with different names...I think they are the same thing as Yodels? I definitely have a weakness for snack cakes--Zebra cakes rock my world! :devil:
Misti in Seattle
07-06-2006, 02:36 AM
Hi Jill... you are off to a good start again just by coming here and sharing what you did! Wow this thing is a constant battle, and one I am sure most of us here understand. I am saying a special prayer for you right now and hope that you will be able to get back on track! :hug:
07-06-2006, 07:52 AM
I saw your "resisting a binge" thread and All I have to say is (no pressure intended) You have a responsibility to all of us that look up to you.....You are an OAK! :)
heh. I get what you mean. I told one person the other day who had slipped and gained some weight back that she had to keep on trucking, because *I* needed to know slipups weren't fatal and could be overcome!!!! Actually, I think I've said that to a couple of people. It was one of the reasons I decided to post about my cravings. I think we need to see how people deal with setbacks and cravings and urges. Put it on the table rather than just focus on the success.
However, I don't FEEL like an oak, not at all! More like a tiny sapling!
07-06-2006, 09:27 AM
Jill, although we don't actually talk personally, I always read your posts and I swear that you are my soul sister. You'll post about things that I seem to be going through at the exact same time. And your thought pattern is so much like mine. I seem to be losing and re-gaining weight over and over. I'll lose some weight and seem to be doing good and then the binges start (and when I binge, I binge) and I have no reason as to WHY I do it. It is so annoying. And I think about how I actually weighed LESS this time last year and when I think about how much I could have lost by now if I would have just stuck with it, it makes me want to vomit. I get so pissed at myself. But you know Meg said something in a post one day that has really got me thinking. I believe she was talking about meeting her first year anniversary of beginning her weight loss and healthy journey and well I don't remember what day it falls on but let's say June 1st for arguments sake. She said it would have been June 1st whether she lost the weight or not. And that thought has been in my head ever since. I just keep thinking that time will continue to go on whether I lose the weight or not, whether I eat healthy or not, whether I exercise or not. And now I'm at this time at my life where I'm 27 years old, my daughter is growing up right before my eyes and here I am just letting time slip by without taking control of my life. Okay, now I'm rambling and this has become about me. My bad. :p
My point is, that I know that you can do this. And I know that I can do this. We've done it before. I've seen you give out great advice. Shoot, I could write a book about successful weight loss although I've never done it. We have it inside of us to do. I don't if we're scared or what. That may be a huge part of it really: just plain ole fear. But if we set ourselves up for success, we can achieve it. I know we can.