Weight Loss Support - Frustrated!




View Full Version : Frustrated!


mechell81
06-30-2006, 07:32 AM
Ok sorry to vent here..but I figured everyone here would know where I am coming from. Why do people feel the need to let you know you are fat? Do they think we forget we are fat? My family are all mostly thin or barely overweight. And EVERYTIME I am around them they make a comment or say something about my weight. I finally got to the point where I told them to stop it and asked them do they think I forget that I am 300 pounds!? My mom keeps saying I should get WL surgery or I am going to die. Nice huh? Personally I do not want to get weight loss surgery because I know I have not done everything I can to lose this weight. And I know I can't let cruel comments get to me...but I guess its hard when your family is more against you than anyone else. I am really starting to think though that any one who is not fat has this mind set that they can come up to you and just say hey you need to lose weight. It just pisses me off because I wouldn't walk up to someone and say hey you have a big nose...go get a nose job. lol And let me say..I know not everyone is like this. It just seems like there are a lot of people that do this. It just really bothers me!
Also, I really am starting to see a pattern here. I am already fighting depression from being this overweight...and then comments or rude stares just add to the depression. So then I feel stuck in a cycle of self pity...
I stay depressed-don't do anything about it-let the comments/problems make me more depressed and then I just stay fat and depressed!

How have you handled rude comments about weight? And how do you not let all the negative stuff depress you more and keep you stuck in the same ole cycle?
Sorry for rambling on....I just feel frustrated and stuck.....

michelle


aphil
06-30-2006, 08:35 AM
Well, if you are in a really sarcastic mood-you could always go with the sarcasm approach:

"Oh my stars...you mean...I'm FAT?!!!! Oh my goodness, I must be dyslexic! I thought that the scale said 130...you mean it says 310????!!!! Thank you SO MUCH for making sure that I was aware that I was overweight...I really had NO idea."

:devil:

Some people can be such idiots...:mad:

If anyone has any other ideas for how to react if you are feeling in a nicer mood...feel free to add them. ;)

idest
06-30-2006, 09:20 AM
Well... I like your approach, aphil. :)

But if you wanted to be slightly less sarcastic while still getting the point across, a simple can I ask you something? Do you really think I don't know how much I weigh? might be very effective.

I've also seen excellent results from a very plan acknowledgement. My daughter has a small port wine stain just below her lower lip. It's quite subtle and depending on the light, can be almost invisible or really dark. (Personally I think it add character to what would otherwise be a perfect face-- she's quite beautiful.) All her life people have made comments or asked stupid questions, usually along the lines of "hey, you have something on your face" or "is that jam on your mouth?" or "did you get in a fight?" She learned very early to look the person straight in the eye and answer "It's my birthmark." I almost feel sorry for people as I watch them cycle through regret, embarrassment and apologies.


Chatterbox1982
06-30-2006, 09:30 AM
Im sorry your family is so hard on you. My family is oppisite of yours as in weight all of mine are over weight and it scares me that that is my outlook maybe that is why im so dang determined to loose this weight before i get up there. I get depressed too sometimes cause i know im overweight and i wont say i even know how you feel right now cause im not exactly where you are but i talk to people sometimes about it and i almost get mad when im like i really have to loose weight i cant handle this anymore and there like you dont weight 200lbs you dont look like it im like yeah well you dont have to see me naked. they dont under stand that i need there support in looseing the weight not a cover up. i know they mean well but still. I hate seeing *skinny* people cause i feel judged that im huge and such. I just wanna be healthy not skinny and i know where i am at im not headed to a healthy spot and im sorry this is not my post. i dont know really what to say only things i can think of to offer to you would embarrass them wich they deserve if they are doing it to you but would ultimately embaress you and you seem like a good person and are better then that. good luck to you and you can do it. I still dont have a buddie if you want one.

misty

idest
06-30-2006, 09:47 AM
Hi Chatterbox,

yes, that's other side of the coin isn't it? If unsolicited comments about being heavy go in the unsupportive category, I'd say that the "you-look-fine-please-have-some-fries-with-me-so-I-don't-have-to-think-about-my-own-eating-habits go in the anti-support category. Either approach is just annoying and frustrating as heck.

I guess I think the best response to unsupportive AND anti-supportive people is just to answer them plainly and honestly. "Yes, I know... and I'm working on it" in the first case, and "I just wanted to express my thoughts about my weight, not make you feel you have to tell me I'm okay" in the second.

That said... I've learned not to talk too much about it. I find that, unless I'm talking to someone I KNOW will be supportive (here and with a few very close friends), the range of responses and my own reactions to those responses are a huge waste of my time and emotional energy.

sli
06-30-2006, 10:16 AM
I am so sorry that you have to put up with comments like that especially from family members! That makes it 10 times worse! Just continue to lose your weight and show them that you are better than that!
I know a little bit how you feel. My dad used to take jabs at me and it didn't help me at all! It just made matters worse. Then I lost it all got married had three babies within 4 yrs got big again. My EX huband looked at me one day and said " you turn me off, you've gotten really fat" so I looked at him just as calm as could be and said, "I can lose my weight but you will never be able to grow your hair back" To say the least thats one reason he is my EX. Sarcasm really does work!

aphil
06-30-2006, 10:30 AM
My grandmother made a comment to my grandfather once along those same lines...
He always teases and jokes around with people, and he made the mistake of saying something about my grandmother's weight-something to the effect of "You weren't heavy when I married you."
Her retort was: "Yeah, well and when I married YOU, you had a head full of hair and your OWN teeth!" :rofl:

Go Grandma!!!! :lol:

cemetarysiren25
06-30-2006, 10:59 AM
My most favorite thing to do/say when people would say I was fat or what not was this:
I would act all flustered, shocked and upset and say, "Oh my God! I'm fat?! When the **** did that happen?! This is terrible! Thank you so much for pointing that out to me!" Then you just give them a dirty look.

Sunnigummi
06-30-2006, 11:06 AM
I love aphil's posts and cemetary siren's as well...crack me up! I would go with the sarcasm. Honestly, I think it would be a little too much if this is the first time they mentioned it but as you said this is the millionth time they have been unsupportive so go ahead and give 'em a blast. They need to know that you're not happy with their comments. Another suggestion, blow them off and take your time losing about 10 - 15 lbs and then go and meet them if there is an event. Then you'll have more confidence and you can defend yourself better.

mechell81
06-30-2006, 11:32 AM
Ok you all made me feel better with the sarcasm! It does help that I moved far away from my family...I moved 4400 miles away. I moved to the top of Alaska..they are back home in Louisiana. BUT they still manage to say things like well you moved away from all the fast food..you surely must have lost a lot of weight by now!( there are no fast food places here) And whats with people thinking that fat people go home and eat 5 bags of chips, a whole cake, 2 large pizzas..every night? There are so many ignorant assumptions....

Sunnigummi
06-30-2006, 11:36 AM
Honestly... you'd think, right? I didn't and don't eat fast food and I'm still fat. That's because I ate more calories than I should've. Heck, I love me some rice and since that's a cultural staple in my diet, I O/Ded more than I should've. I've also gorged on chippies but it wasn't every night. Lack of exercise + eating more than one should can make a person fat. I hate people who make stupid assumptions like that. Grrrr...

gettingsmaller
06-30-2006, 11:41 AM
Michelle I know were you are coming from. My mom, who has always been fat, lost from a size 24 to a size 14. She thought since she was thinner than me, I was a size 20, that she should point out that I was fatter than her. I had invited my dad and her to my son's baseball game, and as she approached were I was sitting the first thing that I heard (and everyone around me heard) was "Oh my god have you have gotten so fat You are fatter than you have ever been. I can't believe you are so much fatter than I am". This hurt me so bad all I could do was cry. I could not even watch the game.
She did apologize but the damage was already done.
Family can hurt so much more than strangers can.
I just realized that yes I am fat and when I get ready I will lose it and you telling me I am fat is not going to speed things up.
Terrie

mousie
06-30-2006, 12:31 PM
How have you handled rude comments about weight? And how do you not let all the negative stuff depress you more and keep you stuck in the same ole cycle?


Usually I just ignore them, but if I'm in THAT kind of a mood, I've been known to look down at myself and scream, "OH MY GOD! WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN???" and thank them profusely for pointing it out to me. It tends to put them in their place. ;)

As for not letting it affect you...I live in my own little happy bubble, honestly. If I don't want it to be a part of my life, I don't let it be.

Stevi-rocks
06-30-2006, 01:45 PM
I have this Grandma, ok, well...she's MY Grandma but that doesn't mean I don't wish she belonged to someone else! I went through major weight change bout 11 years ago. Got down to 135-140lbs....ended up maintaining at 160lbs....ok fine I was cool with that. I go visit that Gma for the 1st time in 8 or so years (different states...Darn!) 1st thing out of her crabby, old, wrinkly mouth was, "Your getting fat again"...Thanks Gma. Whats even funnier, my 1st cousin was with me and she was easily 60lbs too heavy.....Old bitty said NOTHING to her. Needless to say, we don't talk much.

mudbugs
06-30-2006, 06:42 PM
People can be so cruel. I wonder if they realize that something they say in passing can effect you for your whole life.

On the other hand.......My daughter needs to lose 100 lbs. I don't mention weight to her. I don't even suggest anything to her about tracking what she eats, even though I know that helps SO much. She has no interest in scaling back her food. I worry myself sick about her. She's 25 and already has had gallbladder surgery, she is diabetic. And I don't say a blessed word, because I don't want to hurt her "feelings". And if I do say anything, would it make a difference? nope.

I hate to think I am going to watch her die before I say anything. It's all I can do to keep my mouth shut.

dragonwoman64
06-30-2006, 07:28 PM
you've gotten a few good comebacks that might just get your family thinking.

I wanted to tell you the very true story of my brother. He's struggled with his weight since he was a teenager. In highschool he lost a bunch of weight. skip time. Now he's in his thirties, he's doing well careerwise, married to his second wife. He's gained back a bunch of the weight he'd lost. She's never had a weight problem. She can't understand why he can't just stop eating and lose weight. They get into the cycle where she nags him all the time to stop eating and exercise. He starts binge eating whenever he's away from her, and the binge eating gets worse because he feels guilty.

He spends lots of money on weight programs (that work temporarily). Then finally gets the surgery (she actually left town while he was recuperating from that).

Some years after the surgery, he's gained back a percentage of that weight he lost, he has really bad knees, a bad back (from a ruptured disk when he fell off a ladder), and I'm sure is suffering from years of gaining and losing large amounts of weight. That nagging kept him in a state of desperation over these decades (when he might have been working on other solutions that would have actually helped him lose weight), he's still heavy, and it hasn't done much for their marriage.

(Tell them THAT story!)

How have you handled rude comments about weight? And how do you not let all the negative stuff depress you more and keep you stuck in the same ole cycle?

You'll see that Eleanor Roosevelt quote around here, in a signature: No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

I know it doesn't always feel that easy, but keep it in mind.

GenreGirl
06-30-2006, 10:55 PM
Sarcasm works great & I'm all for a zippy comeback, but for me what has worked best is simply learning to turn down the volume on nasty, unsupportive, sabotaging people. Even if they're family. Ignore them all & listen to yourself. Follow your own drummer. You aren't responsible for other people's thoughts & opinions- let them cope with their own shite (if you know what I mean!).

chick_in_the_hat
07-01-2006, 12:21 AM
I hate to think I am going to watch her die before I say anything. It's all I can do to keep my mouth shut.

I totally feel your pain....except for me it's my Mom....she has already had 2 strokes and a heart attack....all we can do is be an example. Hopefully they see the results and are inspired

mechell81
07-01-2006, 01:07 AM
Well I for sure would not have a problem if my mom just told me she was worried and that she just wanted to see me lose some weight. I think its fine to tell your child and maybe be positive about helping her lose weight. But saying hey you are so fat...or stop eating fast food all the time is rude. Or telling me I need to get WLS. My family has always just been critical and rude about it. My grandmother is VERY rude about...she asked me if I could still fit into the shower. That really hurt my feelings. So I think if you go to your kid suggest and really try to help the kid and be positive it will help. Like if my mom would say hey lets go for a walk...but instead she always says hey why are you so fat? And I know it comes down to me and I can't let it get to me. But sometimes especially when its your family its hard not to let it make you feel like crap.

Thank you all for sharing and making suggestions. You girls are great! :)

Michelle

lilybelle
07-01-2006, 01:53 AM
I have a sister that has been notorious for making rude comments about my weight. It always hurt my feelings and I didn't stand up to her. I wish I had used some of these sarcastic comments with her. She was always bad to bring up my weight issues during large family gatherings so it was too embarassing for me to retort. Now, she tells me "you went over-board and lost too much weight". I would like to hear her say this at the next family gathering.