Gah! I was just starting to get over the whole drama of my fiance leaving me and then he goes and pulls something that drags up EVERYTHING all over again.
Of course I don't think he knows that he did something worng, but I do plan on telling him tonight when I chat with him on IM. And I know just how it's going to go. He's gonna moan and groan about how he knew he was going to do something to upset me and how he should just wander off and die to keep from hurting me... WTF?! And It's for something so strupid to... sometimes I hate being a woman because we hold on to grudges like this forever. Oiy!
Okay, so at the start of the year, my fiance came back to me after he left me for this girl he knew for like 2 months. I knew he would come back, but it didn't hurt any less that he left me in the first place. Now. We both have myspace account...and he had that girl and all his "friends" who told him to dump the fat a$$ and get some new a$$.
Now I understand that he never had friends before and peer pressure sucks and he wanted to make them happy, but that didn't make me feel any better.
So when he came back, he never stopped talking with that girl and the "friends." on myspace. I asked him about it and he said. "You don't trust me?" I said flat out "No!, would you trust me if I did what you did to me?"
He deleted them as friends.
BUT now, after like 4 months, I go back to myspace, was looking around and noticed that he has that stupid girl BACK on his friends list and I know he's been talking with her because I see his comments on her page.
Arg I have never been so angry and sad in my life. I crawled into bed and slept for 2 hours. (in the middle of the day no less!) Because I knew I was pissed enough to write my boyfriend a very nasty e-mail or call him and scream at him over the phone about trust and betrayal. But I didn't, I took a very long nap. I'm better now... just dissapointed.
I'm still thinking of calling him because that goes far better than chatting on the computer. I know I need to trust him, but it's soooo hard. I never trusted many people in my life anyways.
Grr.. and it was this girl and "friends" who use to leave nasty notes to me on my car and shout stuff at me in the hallways of the college. And my boyfriend knows they did this to me. I just don't know how to feel or what I should think.
Most of all I just hate the Drama. It makes me feel like I'm back in middle school @_@
Myspace ruins lives!!! thats all I can say. Myspace does remind me of middle school drama. Believe me, I was stupid enough to get upset over some girl on my mans profile also.
But i can see where you're coming from. What he did to you is just plain wrong. I dont think I'd be able to forgive a guy who would cheat on me. Do you really love this guy? If you do, then I guess it would be worthwhile of putting effort in making the relationship work. But if you dont truly love him I suggest you get out and then later on down the line when he sees the new and improved you he'll realize what kind of an *** he had been to you. And then you can walk with your head held high knowing that you're so much better than him.
I think that the most important thing in a relationship is trust. Without trust seems like the other elements dont even matter. I suggest that you re-evaluate everything and decide for yourself if this relationship is worth it.
I know huh!? Even now I feel dumb for flipping over something as stupid as that, but I just can't help but feel so bad.
I'm not going to make excuses for him.."Oh, he's just too nice." ect.. nu-uh. I don't know what's up but I do plan on asking. And then dropping the whole thing. I love him sooo much. But I know I could live on without him because the 3 months we were apart, I had a massive rethinking of my life. I thought my life was over. But I was able to move on and I got over it.
I know that it's worth sticking it out and making it work. But only.. and if only... he is making the same effort.
You're right, it does take two to tango. You defenitly should talk to him and see if he is willing to put effort into this relationship. If he's not then wave good bye to him and walk out knowing that he's loosing the best thing in his life.
But if he is willing to make the effort, then this guy just might be worthwhile!
Oh wow, i know what you mean. I have a really hard time with trust. Seeing as im only 16 its just a tad bit sad that ive already been 'ruined' by idiot males. I know you absolutely have to have trust in a good relationship, but its hard for me because i dont know who to trust. Sometimes the people you put the most faith in turn out to be the ones who stomp all over it. I also know what its like to settle for something less than what i deserve because i dont think im good enough. Now im in the situation where i dont even feel like trying for the guy i really want cause i feel like he deserves something better. And thats just wrong.
But, i think that he doesnt deserve your trust if he goes behind your back and starts talking to these people again. I mean, does he not have any respect? If some people did those things to me, my boyfriend had better be someone who would stand beside me and support me no matter what. Im amazed cause i dont think i would have had enough self sontrol to take a nap rather than go all out on his @$$. lol!
Personally, i have way too much stubborn pride so if i had been in your situation, there is no way in **** he would have gotten another chance, ever. But hey, im not in your shoes. I guess, i know it sounds cliche, but follow your heart. Listen to your intuition, it tells you a lot.
You can't let guys play games with your heart. What they say about women's intuition is soooo true. Your heart will tell you what is right and wrong. If for just one second, you feel like something's not right, then go with that feeling. Your heart will never steer you in the wrong direction. Guys like that are so not worth it. There are many fish in the sea...time to start fishing.
Just one quick question -- What would you say to a friend of yours who told you that her fiance had left her for a quick fling, was surfing on a "meet people" website, AND was maintaining a relationship with another girl even though this was HUGELY upsetting?
Treat yourself like you would your own best friend, as that is exactly what you are -- you are your OWN best friend. There are worse things than being single. You could be married and extremely unhappy, or separated with kids to support without a partner, or ... well you get my drift!
You know you have to ask yourself, if he cheated once, will he do it again...most likely...people don't change unless they WANT to change...and as far as I can see, with him re-adding that "girl" to his page...he is not changing anytime soon!
cheating is an absolute deal breaker for me. It breaks trust, it shows disrespect, it shows a person's true colours...when you LOVE someone, you just don't do that to them!
YOu also have to know where your boundries are...you deserve way better than this, so why are you even thinking of giving him a second chance...your not married yet (plus if you were I don't think that would have stopped him)...you will find someone who will treat you that way you deserve to be treated...with respect, dignity etc...this may be a bit hard to hear but it seems as though your heart is in this relationship way more than his.
BTW: i think you are smart for not "trusting" him right away...it takes along time to rebuild trust!!!
Hi everyone. Thanks for the great support. I didn't talk to him about it last night. I did let him know I was very upset and he seemed rather worried for me and asked if I wanted to talk about it. But He's coming down for a vist soon and I really much rather bring this up when we are face to face. You can never tell if someone is lying or ashamed if you can't see their face.
He didn't cheat on me ( as far as I know @_@) ... He left me and waited a week before he started seeing the girl he meet the few months before. But it still felt as though he had. I had done nothing to him or his friends but they treated me like dirt and he wouldn't even stick up for me.
freiamaya- That's a pretty good idea. My best friend had some massive troubles with her Boyfriend and I was always the one to give her advice, no matter how hard it seemed. I am my own best friend, I should treat myself as such.
I'm not letting this go. I'm just setting it aside till I see him. I'm not going to let this get in the way of my being happy. I can always take my anger out at the gym ^_^
He was my fiancée.. but I called off the engagement when he left. A far a I knew, I was never going to lay eyes on him again. So he came back, and I wasn't just going to be all.."Oh, we're engaged again." I didn't have a shred of trust for him and so we have to start back from square one.
I understood why he let them talk bad about me and not say anything. A lot of his friends were good, but he made some that were.. well.. not so good. And for a person who ever had a friend before, it was hard for him to weed the good friends from the bad. he went from having no one but me...to a mob of friends in the span of like 3 weeks.(all this happened when he came here for college) He wanted to make everyone happy. Truth.. it still pisses me off to no end that he didn't stick up for me. I asked him. If I was standing there and your friend slapped me in the face, would you stick up for me? .... and he was unsure as to what he would do.
Yeah he's a year younger than I am, and a bit immature to start out with. (which is half the reason I love him so much,.. he makes me laugh.) So I let it slide, I'm not sure if he ever would stick up for me, when it comes to his friends.
I caved last night and talked to him about the myspace thing. He over reacted a little. For some reason he has it in his head that I don't want him to have any friends. And that's not true, I want him to have friends. But I want to be respected at the same time and he shouldn't be with friends who disrespect me. I wouldn't have a friend who would disrespect him. I told him, for someone who was trying to earn my trust again. Adding That girl back to his list was a pretty shoddy job.
Well to make a long story short, he deleted her, said he was sorry and we were up till 5 in the morning talking @_@
I have a feeling that he is beating himself up over the fact that he betrayed me more than I have. I've already forgiven him and had gone a good 2 months without even thining about it. And I hadn't brought it up at all for 4 months. But he's always saying how he can't stand knowing that he hurt me. And he always watches what he says to keep from hurting me again.
He's brought this up far more than I have in the past months. I don't know if he's just feeling guilty or what. But I told him last night that I haven't felt anything but love for him and the trust was slowly coming back. That I had put the past behind me and I had long moved on, but I was smarter this time. If I see something that's bothering me, I'm not just going to say.."Oh well he wouldn't do anything bad." (I guess that would be trust)
Whoo long post.. Hmm but I have a question. If you're married, or dating, do you keep away from members of the opposite sex? At least away from those who are single? I truthfully would feel a lot more at ease if he didn't hang around female friends (alone). He knows I don't spend any time with my male friends. (I don't have any really, one is like 500 miles away and the other, whom I've known for like, 15 years is married and a father)... but I told him I'm not going to spend any time with a guy out of sheer respect for him. Unless there was family or a gob of friends around.
So it that a normal feeling? My best friend said that people who are married or going to be married, shouldn't really hang around single people..@_@ seems a bit extreme, but her family agreed too, but they are very hard core Christian, so that may be why.
He was my fiancée.. but I called off the engagement when he left. A far a I knew, I was never going to lay eyes on him again. So he came back, and I wasn't just going to be all.."Oh, we're engaged again." I didn't have a shred of trust for him and so we have to start back from square one.
Oh, okay. I wasn't clear on that.
Sorry you're having so much trouble. I hope you get it worked out soon.
Uh yeah I hang around with "single" people and not single people, and I am engaged, and my DF hangs around with single girls too. We trust each other and I know he wouldn't try anything and he knows nothing would happen with me and anyone else. We have got to the stage now though, where we are each other's best friend, and we don't spend THAT much time with other people, apart from me with my kickboxing and him with his volunteer police.
I don't know much about MySpace, but it seems a bit immature - trawling the net for "friends", who are usually just after one thing (been there, done that!). You say he's at college now, doesn't he have friends at college? Are these the guys calling you names? Personally I'd be peeved if DF's friends hated my guts and DF didn't do anything to stop them bullying me while he was there. I think DF would get a slap!! Probably more, depending on the circumstances and severity of the non-sticking-up-for-me I would probably leave. He obviously can't love and respect the way he's supposed to if he lets people do that.
Just one quick question -- What would you say to a friend of yours who told you that her fiance had left her for a quick fling, was surfing on a "meet people" website, AND was maintaining a relationship with another girl even though this was HUGELY upsetting?
Treat yourself like you would your own best friend, as that is exactly what you are -- you are your OWN best friend. There are worse things than being single. You could be married and extremely unhappy, or separated with kids to support without a partner, or ... well you get my drift!
This is the most intelligent thing I've read on this thread.
Sakai, I would seriously reconsider your relationship with this young man. Anyone who doesn't respect you enough to stand up for you is not worthy of you.
I'm with Jen, Fru and Friea...additionally, I'd like to add that the first and foremost thing a worthwhile relationship has to have is unconditional TRUST. Life is waaaay too short to waste time on a guy that you don't trust and the drama isn't worth it, either.
One thing I do is to compare myself or my boyfriend/fiance/husband's actions to that of a really successful relationship. Such as, my parents just celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary. So, sometimes if I've had a boyfriend that is acting weird or if I have a boyfriend that is accusing me of being weird, I honestly ask myself, 'would my mother treat my dad this way or would my mom put up with my dad treating her this way?' For instance, would my dad go on myspace and solicit relationships with other people? Not on your life. Would my mom put up with this activity from my dad? NOT ON YOUR LIFE!! Would my dad ever even be acquainances with someone that called my mom a fat a@@? He better not be!! So, I'd look for a couple that you really respect that you can compare yourself and your relationships to and, like Christians sometimes ask themselves, "What would Jesus do?" ask yourself, "What would ____ do?" in regards to your relationships.
And my guideline for a good relationship is it has to absolutely have these three elements:
1. TRUST
2. Your partner must be your best friend and vice versa
3. Common goals for the future, such as marriage or not, kids or not, church or not, home in a neighborhood or home in the country, etc.
OH...and there's love, of course, but even the best of loves can be crushed if any one of the above three doesn't exist.
My two and a half cents...for what it's worth...good luck and I vote for taking this guy to the curb with the trash. You seem young and I'd hate to see you waste your youth on a jerk that doesn't deserve you!! Seriously.
Men troubles >_< I have no trust.
I just don't know how to feel or what I should think. 
You know you have to ask yourself, if he cheated once, will he do it again...most likely...people don't change unless they WANT to change...and as far as I can see, with him re-adding that "girl" to his page...he is not changing anytime soon!
Seriously.
