Weight Loss Support - Moving Out...




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Trixie14
06-19-2006, 02:48 PM
Ok well some of you may have read my other thread about my bf's parents eating the food we buy for ourselves since groceries are hardly ever done around here...and alot of you suggested we move out b/c we were pretty much paying the same amount to live here as it would to live on our own.

Well that time might have just come...my bf's mom told him today that my bf's stepdad's daughter is moving out here, and that means WE have to help finish the other bedroom up here so she can move in, we have some problems with this:

1. We shouldn't have to help finish the bedroom for her, were not the ones who want her out here, we had to help finish our bedroom why can't she come out here and help?
2. We better get a door on our bedroom if she is moving out here
3. My bf's stepdad must think his family is royalty, since the only reason our bedroom got finished so fast was so they could have the bedroom downstairs we were in to make more room in the living room for his family at xmas time (their bedroom was previously in the living room) and after this room was done (mind you it still isn't completly finished) the rest of the upstairs was forgotten about. Oh, and they had 4 couches downstairs, THREE in the living room, and one on the front porch that they got from somewhere a couple weeks ago and it looks brand new, anyway they recently got rid of one in the living room, and took it to the dump, it was still perfectly fine, but my bf's moms reasoning was 'oh it was only in here for when joe's family came at xmas' they didn't even think to offer it to us for our room, we can't watch TV together b/c we have one recliner that is falling apart...
4. Get this, my bf pays $100/wk right now to live here, they want $50/wk from me but I'm only working one day a week and I would never pay that much to live here, anyway my bf's stepdads daughter...get this...doesn't have to pay a CENT just b/c she is his daughter and apparently can't afford it when she is working at Tim Hortons full time, making the same or more than my bf is per hour.
5. When she moves out here, we won't be able to do anything..such as watch TV or have privacy, b/c she is a stuck up yuo know what, and all she will have to do is complain to daddy and daddy will make it all better, which means we will be getting in trouble for everything. I've known her the entire time I've known my bf (we have been dating for 4 years, known eachother for 6) and I know how she is...it will be **** with her up here, b/c we won't matter at all, it will be whatever she wants she gets, and my bf's mom won't stick up for us b/c she has no backbone and can't stand up to my bf's stepdad at all.

ANYWHO....we don't want to be here when she comes out...so were thinking of just leaving, we called my bf's friend but he is moving out this month with his girlfriend...anyway like I said I'm only working one day a week right now but I told m bf I would work full time if I have too.

I'm trying to come up with a budget and Im wondering if it looks ok?

Rent - $500 - $600/mth (for a one bedroom, all inclusive (utilities included) and appliances included - fridge and stove usually, which is how most apartments around here are)
Groceries - $100/wk, $400/mth
Cigarettes - $50/wk, $100/mth (Only my bf smokes)
Gas - $30/wk, $120/mth
Insurance - $200/mth (I'm guessing at this, we will probably put it in my name once I get my G2 in September since it will more than likely be cheaper, we have never gotten a straight answer from my bf's mom about how much his insurance is, and I know that my friend paid $164/mth for her 95 sport accent, and here if your a girl its cheaper and if you take drivers training it is cheaper but only by about 10%, I didn't take drivers training, but our car is not a sport (sport models are more expensive), it is a 95 as well though, so I'm estimating about $200 to make up for the fact that I didn't take drivers training.)
Other - $200/mth (Including $60/mth for cells - no need for a phone with cells, $40/mth for internet, $30-$40 for TV etc.)

My bf makes around $1500-$1600/mth right now (again that is an estimate, using his hourly wage x 80 hours (paid bi-weekly) then subtracting 20% for taxes.

I will make anywhere between $500-$1000 making minimum wage working part time or full time.

So I'm wondering if this looks ok...I dont think I forgot anything??? Thanks.


sotypical
06-19-2006, 03:05 PM
Trixie - you DEFINATLY need to get out. I hope I can help but telling you my costs. My boyfriend and I live together - I am 20 and he is 21.

rent = $500 a month, includes everything (we are living in his aunts basement suite, but moving soon and it will be about 850$ there plus utilites)
cell phones x2 = $100/month
food = $500/month (about), we buy a lot at costco, so like a huge thing of chicken, beef, pork, etc and cut it up and get about 1-2 months out of it all.
TV/Internet = $50/month, my boyfriend works for shaw and we get half price, so you are probably looking at 100$ or so (for digital cable, 60$ or so for regular cable)
Gas = $100/month or so, we dont do much driving
Insurance for his car = $150/month
Insurance for our place = $250 (i think) /year
House hold expenses = $200/month toliet paper, laundry soap, etc

Remember that moving out for your first time you need lots of stuff, like dishes, furniture, and lots of little things, dish soap, laundry soap, toilet paper, nakpins, dish towels, towels, shampoo, the first few months can be VERY expensive. Just make sure you are ready for it. I get about 1700$ a month after tax and my boyfriend gets at least 2000$ a month after tax and we seems to have no trouble with money, but we did at the beginning.

MAKE SURE to stay away from buying silly things - I have a hard time there being a girl like buying a new shirt or jeans, some months every penny counts.

I really recommened to move out, I know how stressful it can be. Especially living in a bad situation. Like I said we live in my boyfriends aunt's basement suite, and I am always stressed out and that is why we have to move.

Good luck!

One last tip, things cost a lot more then you think they do, I found that out!

Glory87
06-19-2006, 03:21 PM
Cigarettes - $50/wk, $100/mth (Only my bf smokes)

Wouldn't that be $200/mth? If that's not a reason to quit smoking, I don't know what is.


Jen415
06-19-2006, 04:22 PM
Jeni: I just read the most recent entry on your blog. Considering the fact that you all need to move out soon, wouldn't it be a good idea to use the tattoo money for deposits, etc.? There will always be opportunity to get them later if you really want them. I would think your freedom from his parents is worth at least the price of a tattoo...

Just my humble opinion....

ValRock
06-19-2006, 04:27 PM
Cigarettes - $50/wk, $100/mth (Only my bf smokes)

Wouldn't that be $200/mth? If that's not a reason to quit smoking, I don't know what is.

No KIDDING!! That's a LOT Of smokes... I don't even spend that much on DIAPERS eek!

LLV
06-19-2006, 04:33 PM
Well, we're not here to lecture her on how much her boyfriend smokes, but I will agree, $50 a week is a lot of cigarettes, since we're talking about her expenses and all. Maybe he could cut back. Even cigarettes that cost $5 a pack would only cost him $35 a week if he'd cut back to one pack a day. I can't imagine anyone smoking $50 worth of cigarettes in one week. So there's an expense you can cut right there. Have him try and cut back on the smoking, that'll help.

sotypical
06-19-2006, 04:36 PM
Jeni: I just read the most recent entry on your blog. Considering the fact that you all need to move out soon, wouldn't it be a good idea to use the tattoo money for deposits, etc.? There will always be opportunity to get them later if you really want them. I would think your freedom from his parents is worth at least the price of a tattoo...

Just my humble opinion....

I took a quick look at your blog after reading that and I agree. You will be pretty tight for money for a while, so no tattos or capri's - you are going to have to stop buying stuff unless you ABSOLUTLY need it!

So when you see a pair of pants and go "those are cute" and want to buy them, think to yourself, "do I really need these pants? how many pairs do I already have? etc" If you have NO PANTS at all, the buy all means get some, but there will be no more buying because it is cute. I am not trying to be harsh, just telling you the facts. I know all about these, I only moved out 6 months ago.

You are paying 400$ a month to live there and sure its like, well only 500$ to have our own place. But it is not only 500$ I thought the same. You might have all utilites included but there is so much more you never think about. I am not kidding when you need every penny, the first few months will be expensive.

You need stupid stuff you never even think about, like cleaning supplies (bathroom, kitchen, carpet, etc), paper towel, plunger, toilet brush, toothpaste, vaccume, mop, broom, extention cords, all kinds of things to cook with like a potatoe masher or a soup spoon, etc. If you already have all that then you are all set. I was given almost everything for xmas but when I moved out we still spent at least 2000$ on buying other stuff. And when I saw I was given almost everything for xmas I am not kidding, I was given microwave, toaster oven, blender, beaters, pots and pans, dishes, cutliery, all serving spoons and that kind of stuff, etc, etc, etc. And we still spent over 2000$.

Please just make sure you have enough money and really control the urge to spend.

Trixie14
06-19-2006, 04:39 PM
Cigarettes - $50/wk, $100/mth (Only my bf smokes)

Wouldn't that be $200/mth? If that's not a reason to quit smoking, I don't know what is.

I meant $50/every 2 wks, he gets a carton every 2 weeks, which is about $52 but I rounded to $50

Trixie14
06-19-2006, 04:40 PM
Jeni: I just read the most recent entry on your blog. Considering the fact that you all need to move out soon, wouldn't it be a good idea to use the tattoo money for deposits, etc.? There will always be opportunity to get them later if you really want them. I would think your freedom from his parents is worth at least the price of a tattoo...

Just my humble opinion....

I just found all this out today, so I was planning on using my bday money for a tattoo until today, if we decide to move out I will be using my bday money for that.

Trixie14
06-19-2006, 04:42 PM
I took a quick look at your blog after reading that and I agree. You will be pretty tight for money for a while, so no tattos or capri's - you are going to have to stop buying stuff unless you ABSOLUTLY need it!

So when you see a pair of pants and go "those are cute" and want to buy them, think to yourself, "do I really need these pants? how many pairs do I already have? etc" If you have NO PANTS at all, the buy all means get some, but there will be no more buying because it is cute. I am not trying to be harsh, just telling you the facts. I know all about these, I only moved out 6 months ago.

I had money given to me for the purpose of buying some summer clothes, b/c I had none, and I bought 2 pairs of capri's on saturday before I knew any of this was going to happen, I didn't want to spend $100 on 2 pairs but Additionelle was the only place that had capri's in my size that fit me ok, I HATE HATE HATE clothes shopping so it isn't like I bought them b/c I wanted too, I bought them b/c I needed them and the money was given to me for that purpose.

sotypical
06-19-2006, 04:44 PM
I am sorry if I can across as harsh, I really didn't mean it. I just want you to make sure you are ready. It really sounds like you need to get out, but I just wanted to help you think about all the things you needed. I wish someone did it for me! I spend months being broke, and it was aweful! and I know myself I have a bad habit of buying things I don't really need!

Trixie14
06-19-2006, 04:59 PM
Trixie - you DEFINATLY need to get out. I hope I can help but telling you my costs. My boyfriend and I live together - I am 20 and he is 21.

rent = $500 a month, includes everything (we are living in his aunts basement suite, but moving soon and it will be about 850$ there plus utilites)
cell phones x2 = $100/month
food = $500/month (about), we buy a lot at costco, so like a huge thing of chicken, beef, pork, etc and cut it up and get about 1-2 months out of it all.
TV/Internet = $50/month, my boyfriend works for shaw and we get half price, so you are probably looking at 100$ or so (for digital cable, 60$ or so for regular cable)
Gas = $100/month or so, we dont do much driving
Insurance for his car = $150/month
Insurance for our place = $250 (i think) /year
House hold expenses = $200/month toliet paper, laundry soap, etc

Remember that moving out for your first time you need lots of stuff, like dishes, furniture, and lots of little things, dish soap, laundry soap, toilet paper, nakpins, dish towels, towels, shampoo, the first few months can be VERY expensive. Just make sure you are ready for it. I get about 1700$ a month after tax and my boyfriend gets at least 2000$ a month after tax and we seems to have no trouble with money, but we did at the beginning.

MAKE SURE to stay away from buying silly things - I have a hard time there being a girl like buying a new shirt or jeans, some months every penny counts.

I really recommened to move out, I know how stressful it can be. Especially living in a bad situation. Like I said we live in my boyfriends aunt's basement suite, and I am always stressed out and that is why we have to move.

Good luck!

One last tip, things cost a lot more then you think they do, I found that out!


My budget is based on what we spend now, gas is about $30/wk right now, sometimes $30 every 2 weeks if we don't go anywhere besides work for my bf sometimes $60/wk if we go out of town, it all depends on how much driving we do, groceries we could do with $100/wk b/c we wouldn't mind just buying soup, bread, sandwich meat, etc. cheap things..we don't need gourmet meals. I check the paper often and my parent's have always rented and I usually saw the budget, so I know a one bedroom would be $500-$600, our cells are $57/mth, I rounded up to $60, TV will only be about $30-$40...I know this b/c I know how much my mom pays and my bf's mom pays, Internet will be about $40/mth or less b/c thats what is being paid now and when I was at home it was $25 (Just depends on the speed we choose) The only cost I'm not 100% on is car insurance, and that is only b/c my bf's mom won't give a straight answer.

Most apartments around here include everything with the rent, and most come with a fridge and stove already. I know we would need alot of things to move out, we would even need first and last month's rent, were considering a small loan, which would be good for credit, and help us get on our feet, if the smallest amount we can take out is $5000 and we only spend $2500 we'll put the other $2500 right back on the loan, were not sure though, that will be a last resort, we have alot of thinking and planning to do, all we know is we want out of here. By September 1 we could probably have about $1000 saved, which could cover first and last, then we would just need to worry about things we need...

There won't be many deposits to pay, since utilities are included with rent, you don't have to pay a deposit to the utility companies, the only deposits we'll have to pay is maybe something on the apartment although most places only ask for first and last, I've asked many times when I've called about apartments before, we even went so far as to schedule an appointment to look at one, but decided against it at the time, the only other deposit is car insurance if it is switched over to my bf's name, but I'm not even 100% sure how that works...if we stay in town here my bf could walk or bike to work for a while, same with me, the only downer is it is much harder to find jobs here since it is much smaller.

We just found out this was happening today, and our biggest problem is that my bf's stepdads daughter won't have to pay, we didn't get to talk much b/c my bf had to leave for work so were going to have to talk about it more tomorrow.

Another option is moving into a place with my mom and my brother....but I'm not so sure I would want to do that.

Trixie14
06-19-2006, 05:00 PM
I am sorry if I can across as harsh, I really didn't mean it. I just want you to make sure you are ready. It really sounds like you need to get out, but I just wanted to help you think about all the things you needed. I wish someone did it for me! I spend months being broke, and it was aweful! and I know myself I have a bad habit of buying things I don't really need!

I understand, I also understand that you only know what I'm telling you so your only replying to what you know...:)

midwife
06-19-2006, 05:35 PM
If you need concrete info re: insurance, call an agent.

Trixie14
06-19-2006, 06:18 PM
If you need concrete info re: insurance, call an agent.

Alot of them won't do it over the phone b/c they need to see the car etc. and we called their insurance company once before and got a quote from the guy, who ended up calling my bf's mom and told her, so then she found out we had called and found out we wanted to move out and told us that the quote we were given was wrong, so we ended up with two prices, then just a few months ago when my bf had a good paying job it jumped even higher than the previous two prices and she had an excuse for that...so thats what I mean by we can't get a straight answer from her about car insurance, so thats why were clueless about how much it is, you think she would have the courtesy to tell him how much it is and give a real honest straight forward answer, he has asked her before to put the car in his name as well but she refused, right now she is the primary driver and he is secondary b/c she says that makes it cheaper, so he is paying how much it costs to have her as primary and then how much it costs to have him as secondary, instead of only paying for himself if he was primary, or if the car were in his name.

sotypical
06-19-2006, 06:39 PM
You need content insruance tho, and that can be done over the phone.

Glory87
06-19-2006, 07:41 PM
Alot of them won't do it over the phone b/c they need to see the car etc. ...so thats what I mean by we can't get a straight answer from her about car insurance,

That is so weird, I have USAA insurance and they have insured both my car and my home without ever asking to see anything. As far as what she's currently paying now for insurance, is there a monthly statement? If so, look at it. My insurance company also sends me biyearly contracts with everything spelled out. I keep them with the rest of my important papers, maybe his mom does too?

kms7z
06-19-2006, 08:00 PM
seriously reconsider whether or not you really need cable TV and internet. it is SO expensive these days, and it sounds like you would benefit from the extra $100/mth that would free up.

We don't have cable and do just fine. Internet is a good resource, but I think it is one area you could cut on until you get your feet on the ground.

Glory87
06-19-2006, 08:20 PM
True, I pay just 12.95 for basic cable (otherwise I would get no TV reception at all). I kind of miss Deadwood and Battlestar Galactica, but I just rent them when they come out on DVD.

fitgal2
06-19-2006, 08:36 PM
I definatley think you need to move out. they way they are 'discriminating' ISN'T RIGHT. Plus it looks like you have it al planned out money wise...and I see that you live in ontario, which make buying fruit and veggies a bit less expensive with the markets and all! I have been able to get buy spending 80-90 bucks on groceries including th healthy stuff...I have reliazed going to food basics at the beginging of th week i can get really good produce!

good luck

SwimGirl
06-19-2006, 09:05 PM
I just went to an insurance place, they just needed my postal code, type of car and how long I've had my insurance.

It's amazing the little things that can come up from moving out, but it's SO worth it!!!! I would also say consider getting basic cable, and then download any shows you can't live without. You can find almost anything online these days.

I wish you the best of luck with moving out :)

-Aimee

Trixie14
06-19-2006, 09:33 PM
That is so weird, I have USAA insurance and they have insured both my car and my home without ever asking to see anything. As far as what she's currently paying now for insurance, is there a monthly statement? If so, look at it. My insurance company also sends me biyearly contracts with everything spelled out. I keep them with the rest of my important papers, maybe his mom does too?

If we got caught looking at her bills she would shoot us! lol She keeps the cabinet that she keeps her paper work in locked as well.

Trixie14
06-19-2006, 09:40 PM
seriously reconsider whether or not you really need cable TV and internet. it is SO expensive these days, and it sounds like you would benefit from the extra $100/mth that would free up.

We don't have cable and do just fine. Internet is a good resource, but I think it is one area you could cut on until you get your feet on the ground.

I don't think we could give up internet or TV, we would go crazy especially living in such a small town, and we would only be getting basic cable, and thats $30.50/mth for 40 channels ($19.95 hook up fee), which is what we want, and internet is $39.95/mth ($9.95 hook up fee) besides I need the internet to finish up 2 of my school courses in september.

lilybelle
06-19-2006, 10:12 PM
I didn't notice where you had a car payment listed. If there is no money owed on the car, you can get liability insurance which is really cheap. My son is 20 yrs. old and has a 1997 jeep wrangler and liability insurance costs him only $30.00 monthly. This would save a lot of money compared to full-coverage insurance. Also, $52.00 a carton for cigarettes is very expensive, have him try to find a generic brand that he likes. They are cheaper, about $22.00 a carton, this is what I get for my DH who smokes.

kms7z
06-19-2006, 10:37 PM
I don't think we could give up internet or TV, we would go crazy especially living in such a small town, and we would only be getting basic cable, and thats $30.50/mth for 40 channels ($19.95 hook up fee), which is what we want, and internet is $39.95/mth ($9.95 hook up fee) besides I need the internet to finish up 2 of my school courses in september.

yeah, internet is a MUST when you are in school...

brandnewme
06-19-2006, 11:34 PM
Okay, advice from someone who moved out with NOTHING:

1) Buy bulk in things that you know you will need. From food to toiletries, etc, if you go through it fast enough, bulk is generally cheaper in the long run.

2) Dollar stores. Seriously, if you have nothing, dollar store stuff doesn't sound quite so bad. When I first moved out on my own, I literally bought 90% of my kitchen stuff and cleaning supplies at the dollar store.

3) Really focus on needs vs wants. If you want something, save for it. If you can't live without it right this minute, rethink and then if you still need it that bad, get it. (Common sense, I know, but apparently I didn't learn that very well when I was younger - it took several months of living off of $25/month for groceries before I realized this)

4) It will be hard. Other days, it will be harder. Eventually it gets better, but the first year is rough.

Car insurance is relatively cheap if you have only liability, depending on the make/model and how new it is. Check out geico.com or other similar sites. They'll give you a good idea of how much it will cost, without having to have them see the vehicle.

Renting a place that has all utilities included is ideal, but may not be possible. I know here, it's harder and harder to find places like that. Make sure you read the fine print - when I moved in here, I didn't realize I'd end up paying the gas/electricity after I'd been here 6 months. Deposits for these are very costly depending on the area.

Check into renting apartments/efficiencies that are furnished. If you can't find any, check out the local Salvation Armys or Goodwill/Secondhand stores.

Good luck!

mom2cole
06-19-2006, 11:42 PM
Check out progressive.com for a car insurance quote. I used to work in the insurance field and it would be much cheaper for you to get a policy instead of your bf if he has a valid license than he can drive your car with no problem. I gave tons of quotes over the phone without ever seeing a car so if you know what type it is you can get a quote. But your insurance is going to be roughly double on your own as what your parents are paying since they have been insured longer are probably getting a multi-car discount and discount for insuring there home also. If you are under twenty five with no tickets or accidents and just want liabiltiy I would guess around $75-100 per month. If your boyfriend insures the same car and is under 25 it probably will be $100+ for liablilty per month. I would highly suggest calling or visiting Progressive.com because that is who we use for all new drivers with no previous policy of their own. If you need full coverage that is going to get expensive $150+ per month. It all depends on area, driving record, credit history, car make and model, your age, ect.... There are 60+ things that figure into a quote so no two are alike. Good luck.

Misti in Seattle
06-20-2006, 01:06 AM
I don't know how much more direct the parents can be in letting you know they want you and your bf to move out, and sounds as if it is time for you to do so.

Reference your budget though... be forewarned. There are going to be a LOT of extra things come up that you are totally unprepared for, and they will not be cheap. Also little things like light bulbs, laundry supplies (or even more if you have to use a coin laundry as they are NOT cheap). Welcome to the real world. You will find there is not going to be someone standing there to give you a couch if you need one or care whether or not there is a door on your bedroom unless YOU make sure it is there or put it there. You're going to want things like curtains and misc. items. You are saying you don't have furniture because they won't give it to you... but planning to spend your $$$ on tattoos and cute pants. Better off to go buy a couch.

It's interesting that you complain because they ate food you bought... because they didn't supply food so you had to buy your own... you expect to be able to eat THEIR food but they should not eat yours?

And yah a lot of utilities included do NOT include such things as water, trash pickup, or other stuff.

I don't agree that the parents are controlling... sounds like they just want their adult son and his girlfriend to find a way to make it on their own, which is a very reasonable request IMO.

Don't mean to sound harsh... but we all have to grow up sometime and can't expect others to support us. I think they have been quite generous.

Trixie14
06-20-2006, 01:38 AM
I didn't notice where you had a car payment listed. If there is no money owed on the car, you can get liability insurance which is really cheap. My son is 20 yrs. old and has a 1997 jeep wrangler and liability insurance costs him only $30.00 monthly. This would save a lot of money compared to full-coverage insurance. Also, $52.00 a carton for cigarettes is very expensive, have him try to find a generic brand that he likes. They are cheaper, about $22.00 a carton, this is what I get for my DH who smokes.


He doesn't owe anything on the car, his parents bought it and he paid them back, and he doesn't smoke a "name brand" it is a generic brand, and we go the corner store here that sells the carton cheaper, the other corner store is $57 for a carton..

Trixie14
06-20-2006, 01:42 AM
Sounds like the parents are quite controlling, and the aspect of loosing what control they have over their son, is disturbing to them. I'm no phsycologist (heck i cant even spell it! lol), but it really sounds like a mother who is refusing to accept the fact that her little boy is all grown up, plus doesn't want to loose the money you guys are providing to them now. Whatever the cost, whatever the sacrifice, if you want to stay with your b/f, then I'd move out as soon as possible by whatever means, or this could cause major problems between you and your b/f. And what a deal!! He's paying her car insurance for her, and you already mentioned that you buy alot of the food, AND your paying rent??? It's no wonder they're trying to discourage you to be on your own, they'll loose out financially when you do.

As for her being mad if you looked at her bills, if b/f is paying the insurance, then he has every right to look at the bill. personally, I'd demand to see what I'm paying for, or tell her to pay it herself. I know you have a car issue and all that (been there done that!!), but eventually you'll get tired of being treated this way, and do what you need to do by whatever means. Believe me, she would not allow someone else to treat her the way she is treating you guys. Locking up a bill he's paying and not letting him see it, is just another "control" mechanism, or she's lying about the cost, and doesn't want you to know about it. You guys do have some leverage whether you think so or not. and its the money. Give them an ultimatum. Tell them either you get treated with more respect as the adults you are, or you'll take your cash and your food and go. I'll bet they'll sing a brand new song. Then again maybe not. Still, and this is just for you, do not allow someone to walk all over you, regardless how much you love your b/f. Nobody is worth being taken advantage of over, or being treated as subhuman. At some point, b/f is going to be forced to stand up for himself, or be treated this way by them forever. It won't stop until b/f puts a stop to it, even if you move out.

we have been together 4 years, known eachother for 6...so putting up with this kind of stuff is not new, we've put up with alot from them and it just continues to worsen, but they don't see it our way, if we try to talk to them they turn it around and make it all about them, and nothing will ever change. I totally agree that she is controlling, she doesn't even know we have a credit card b/c she won't let her 20 year old son have one, she doesn't know about our cell phones either b/c she would freak out, her daughter is 25 and wants to get married (she lives on her own) but my bf's mom thinks she is "too young and with the wrong guy"...

Trixie14
06-20-2006, 01:49 AM
Okay, advice from someone who moved out with NOTHING:

1) Buy bulk in things that you know you will need. From food to toiletries, etc, if you go through it fast enough, bulk is generally cheaper in the long run.

2) Dollar stores. Seriously, if you have nothing, dollar store stuff doesn't sound quite so bad. When I first moved out on my own, I literally bought 90% of my kitchen stuff and cleaning supplies at the dollar store.

3) Really focus on needs vs wants. If you want something, save for it. If you can't live without it right this minute, rethink and then if you still need it that bad, get it. (Common sense, I know, but apparently I didn't learn that very well when I was younger - it took several months of living off of $25/month for groceries before I realized this)

4) It will be hard. Other days, it will be harder. Eventually it gets better, but the first year is rough.

Car insurance is relatively cheap if you have only liability, depending on the make/model and how new it is. Check out geico.com or other similar sites. They'll give you a good idea of how much it will cost, without having to have them see the vehicle.

Renting a place that has all utilities included is ideal, but may not be possible. I know here, it's harder and harder to find places like that. Make sure you read the fine print - when I moved in here, I didn't realize I'd end up paying the gas/electricity after I'd been here 6 months. Deposits for these are very costly depending on the area.

Check into renting apartments/efficiencies that are furnished. If you can't find any, check out the local Salvation Armys or Goodwill/Secondhand stores.

Good luck!

I already know about bulk and dollar stores! lol I've always planned on buying things from the dollar store lol and when we get to do the groceries here we always buy bulk, and most of the time we choose no name over brand name, I know about saving money, I don't come from a well off family...

I've tried getting an online quote before and I always ended up getting really expensive quotes, once I even got a $500/mth quote for a 1995 neon!!

95% of the apartments here include utilities and a fridge and stove, so we don't have to worry about that.

We have alot of what we would need already, it is just some little things that we would need, and we planned on going garage saling to get some of that (microwave, toaster etc.)

I know how to stretch a dollar, I will admit that one problem I will have is giving up the things I want b/c we can't afford it, but I can do it, I'm not one to buy something I know I can't afford, no matter how badly I want it.

I have estimated our bills to be around $1500-$1600 my bf will make around $1600, if I work 20hrs/wk at min wage I'll make around $500/mth, so my income would pretty much be disposable income.

lucky
06-20-2006, 12:54 PM
I tend to agree with Misti in this case. And, as for comparing your treatment to that of your BF's step-sister; don't do it. Clearly, you do not care for her and that is fine. You've made an arrangement with your BF's parents and they have kept their end of the bargain by providing a roof over your heads. What arrangement they make with anyone else is, frankly, none of your business. It doesn't have to be fair - life rarely is. Whether you pay rent or not it is THEIR house and that gives them the right to set the ground rules. Let me assure you, it is a much bigger inconvenience for them to have grown children and their SO others living in their home than it is for you to put up with them while you are there. I love my children and they will never be without a place to live as long as I have one BUT that doesn't mean I don't want them to give their best effort to growing up and moving out.

If you do choose to move out (and I think that is a good idea given how you feel about your current situation) I would strongly suggest that you re-think considering your income as "disposable." You should be saving as much as you can for whatever might come up. You want to be prepared, for instance, if the car needs a repair. Then there will be tags and registration, inspection stickers, oil changes, tire rotations and replacements...and that is JUST THE CAR! Nevermind, day to day life and (gasp!) retirement. Once you are out on your own life is going to come at you really fast. And that is okay, as long as you are PREPARED. Ideally, you should have enough money in the bank to cover at least 6 months of living expenses in case of an emergency (what if one of you loses your job? It happens to people everyday, and often to people who least deserve it. Like I said, life isn't always fair).

To that end, I would suggest you go to work full time whether you HAVE to or not. I know people who are single, with children, and are full time students who still manage to work full time (different jobs at different companies, with flexible hours) so I know it can be done. Unless there is a REALLY good reason you aren't working full time you probably should be. At least until you've been out on your own for a while and know for sure that the budget you've made for yourself is really going to work. Take it from a SAHM mom of three children with years of exeprience in accounting, your budget on paper is an important starting point but it isn't necessarily going to reflect "real" life expenses (no matter how much thought you've put into it).

Trixie14
06-20-2006, 01:24 PM
I tend to agree with Misti in this case. And, as for comparing your treatment to that of your BF's step-sister; don't do it. Clearly, you do not care for her and that is fine. You've made an arrangement with your BF's parents and they have kept their end of the bargain by providing a roof over your heads. What arrangement they make with anyone else is, frankly, none of your business. It doesn't have to be fair - life rarely is. Whether you pay rent or not it is THEIR house and that gives them the right to set the ground rules. Let me assure you, it is a much bigger inconvenience for them to have grown children and their SO others living in their home than it is for you to put up with them while you are there. I love my children and they will never be without a place to live as long as I have one BUT that doesn't mean I don't want them to give their best effort to growing up and moving out.



I dont know how many times I have to say it, THEY WANT US HERE!!!! Their not doing this to try and make us move out, they have said a million and one times they WANT US HERE, they dont want us to move out, they don't think were ready, she has stopped us SOOOO many times from trying move out.

The only reason she isn't paying is b/c 'she is joe's daughter' which is bull, if we pay, she pays! They wanted $50/wk out of me working part time, she is working full time, she can afford it, their so hard up for money, and she will be using just as many or MORE resources than us, and if she doesn't pay, we'll be the ones paying for it b/c when their bills go up instead of making her pay they'll come after us.

Trixie14
06-20-2006, 01:27 PM
If you do choose to move out (and I think that is a good idea given how you feel about your current situation) I would strongly suggest that you re-think considering your income as "disposable." You should be saving as much as you can for whatever might come up. You want to be prepared, for instance, if the car needs a repair. Then there will be tags and registration, inspection stickers, oil changes, tire rotations and replacements...and that is JUST THE CAR! Nevermind, day to day life and (gasp!) retirement. Once you are out on your own life is going to come at you really fast. And that is okay, as long as you are PREPARED. Ideally, you should have enough money in the bank to cover at least 6 months of living expenses in case of an emergency (what if one of you loses your job? It happens to people everyday, and often to people who least deserve it. Like I said, life isn't always fair).


I never said that just b/c my bf will make enough to pay the bills that I would just go out and blow my money on crap, I'm not stupid, I'll be saving it, I know emergencies are going to happen and that we need to have money in the bank saved for those emergencies. Sayings it is disposable was an expression, meaning that my bf will make just enough to pay the bills, so my income will be used for other things, such as emergency bills, savings, or occasionally when we can afford it, a nice night out or a new CD, or whatever.

Trixie14
06-20-2006, 01:31 PM
To that end, I would suggest you go to work full time whether you HAVE to or not. I know people who are single, with children, and are full time students who still manage to work full time (different jobs at different companies, with flexible hours) so I know it can be done. Unless there is a REALLY good reason you aren't working full time you probably should be. At least until you've been out on your own for a while and know for sure that the budget you've made for yourself is really going to work. Take it from a SAHM mom of three children with years of exeprience in accounting, your budget on paper is an important starting point but it isn't necessarily going to reflect "real" life expenses (no matter how much thought you've put into it).

I will be working full time if I get this babysitting job that I'm talking to a family about right now, I live in a SMALL town with MAYBE 2500 people, there isn't much to choose from so its take what you can get, and I don't have my G2 yet so I can't drive on my own, which means I can't drive to the other town (where I used to live, thats bigger) to work, besides that would cost more on gas. I've been taking out resumes ALL the time, I can't help it if I don't get calls about any of them, right now Im working one day a week b/c thats ALL there is. If we both work in town here, which is ideal, that means we will spend less on gas, and if we can't afford it at all, of if we can't afford it right away, we won't need the car since we will be able to walk/bike to work.

Glory87
06-20-2006, 01:37 PM
Why don't you guys move to a bigger town?

I would also suggest waiting tables as a lucrative part time job. I made enough money waiting tables to completely pay for my last two years of college (rent, utilities, car/renters insurance, tuition, books, etc). I wasn't working in a fancy place either, just a Mexican chain.

sotypical
06-20-2006, 02:00 PM
if we pay, she pays!

I lived with my Mother and my step father from age 9-20. My mom had another child with my step father when I was 10 - a little girl and I love her to pieces but I leanred that life is not fair and it is not worth having all these resentments - it is VERY hard to watch my 10 year old sister be allowed to do all the things I was never allowed. But you have to let it slide, is it REALLY that important? When I was 10, I had to go to bed at 8:30, I wasn't allowed to have sleep overs, when I was 15 I wasn't supposed to go the mall by myself, when I was 20 I have to be home by 10pm, etc. Here she is 10 years old allowed to do all the things I couldn't do even at 20 (they like her home a little before 10). I KNOW what it feels like it, but that is life. There is no point letting it bother you, there is so many more important things then silly little things like that.

WHO CARES that she doesn't have to pay rent. She isn't you and in the end you will turn out better then her because you were taught resonsibility. I always said to my parents, "but so and so doesn't have to the clean the house, and they are allowed to have sleep overs, and they are allowed to go to the mall, they are allowed to do this and that, etc, etc" I was always told "I don't care about so and so!" And I was always so mad and compared myself to every once and was always so angry and spent too many years being mad about this kind of thing, ITS NOT WORTH IT!

Don't worry about stupid things, your 19 enjoy it! You are learning responsibility and she isn't. In the long run you will be better off!

lucky
06-20-2006, 02:17 PM
Trixie, I'm not suggesting your BF's mother and step-father WANT you there. I said it about my own children, if they need my support at ANY age I will WANT to give it to them. If they aren't financially ready to move out I wouldn't push them. That doesn't mean it wouldn't be a sacrifice to have them there at that stage of our lives.

I've been where you are. My husband and I moved in with my parents when we built our first house. It was a supposed 3-6 month process that, because of weather, turned into 9 months. My parents were very happy to help us. They were very accomodating. We did disrupt their lifestyles though. Because of that, we had an obligation to do certain things their way - whether we agreed with them or not. Our other option, like you, would have been to get our own apartment.

Living in their home means you are going to have to tolerate certain decisions that are THEIRS to make - like whether or not your BF's step sister could or should pay to be there. Rent doesn't buy you the right to call the shots. That is true even when you aren't related to the landlords.

What I'm trying to say is that you should be sure your decision to move out is a financially responsible one rather than driven by your dislike of your BF's step sister and his parent's decisions regarding her - because you probably aren't going to be able to change either one. And, if you can tolerate both for just a little while you should be able to save enough money to move out with a bit more stability in a relatively small amount of time. And that would not only be better for you but your BF's mother wouldn't have to worry about whether or not you are ready.

Trixie14
06-20-2006, 02:27 PM
I lived with my Mother and my step father from age 9-20. My mom had another child with my step father when I was 10 - a little girl and I love her to pieces but I leanred that life is not fair and it is not worth having all these resentments - it is VERY hard to watch my 10 year old sister be allowed to do all the things I was never allowed. But you have to let it slide, is it REALLY that important? When I was 10, I had to go to bed at 8:30, I wasn't allowed to have sleep overs, when I was 15 I wasn't supposed to go the mall by myself, when I was 20 I have to be home by 10pm, etc. Here she is 10 years old allowed to do all the things I couldn't do even at 20 (they like her home a little before 10). I KNOW what it feels like it, but that is life. There is no point letting it bother you, there is so many more important things then silly little things like that.

WHO CARES that she doesn't have to pay rent. She isn't you and in the end you will turn out better then her because you were taught resonsibility. I always said to my parents, "but so and so doesn't have to the clean the house, and they are allowed to have sleep overs, and they are allowed to go to the mall, they are allowed to do this and that, etc, etc" I was always told "I don't care about so and so!" And I was always so mad and compared myself to every once and was always so angry and spent too many years being mad about this kind of thing, ITS NOT WORTH IT!

Don't worry about stupid things, your 19 enjoy it! You are learning responsibility and she isn't. In the long run you will be better off!

The point is that she doesn't have to pay b/c she is his daughter, he is favoring her, which is wrong. I have a 10 year old brother, who is aloud to do alot of what I wasn't at his age as well, but things are alot different in my family than they were when I was 10, I dont think its right and my parents are the ones who are paying for it now, he wasn't disiplined so now thinks he can get away with anything, and usually does. If they were charging rent to teach us responsibility it would be a whole different story, but thats not why they do it, they are drowning in debt, and having her out here will make it worse, I realize it costs more to have us here, and room and board is fine, even though I think $50/wk is a bit much for someone working part time, but she is working full time and she won't try to save money by turning off the lights, or turning down the air conditioner when its not so hot outside, she won't care, so it will cost them more to have her here, and we will be the ones who get the backlash, they will come after us for money b/c joe won't allow my bf's mom to go after his daughter, he will blame it all on us, my bf's mom won't stand up him. so its not really that 'oh its not fair boo who' its that were going to suffer when its costing them more to have her here.

sotypical
06-20-2006, 02:34 PM
The point is that she doesn't have to pay b/c she is his daughter, he is favoring her, which is wrong.

Yup. That is how it is my house, my little sister is favoured because she is his daughter. But when it comes down to it, this isn't your family, it's his and if he has a problem with it then he needs to talk to them. You can't let it bother you because it's not worth the trouble. You really need to drop it and forget about it, just smile.

Fair enough that you can't afford $50/wk but it really isn't very much. BUT your are not their daughter, so it is totally fair (IMO) that you should pay rent. She is his daughter so he can do whatever he wants with her. Even if you don't like them, they have given you a place to live and they really DON'T HAVE to do that. Asking you for $50/wk really isn't a lot.

Trixie14
06-20-2006, 02:37 PM
Trixie, I'm not suggesting your BF's mother and step-father WANT you there. I said it about my own children, if they need my support at ANY age I will WANT to give it to them. If they aren't financially ready to move out I wouldn't push them. That doesn't mean it wouldn't be a sacrifice to have them there at that stage of our lives.

I've been where you are. My husband and I moved in with my parents when we built our first house. It was a supposed 3-6 month process that, because of weather, turned into 9 months. My parents were very happy to help us. They were very accomodating. We did disrupt their lifestyles though. Because of that, we had an obligation to do certain things their way - whether we agreed with them or not. Our other option, like you, would have been to get our own apartment.

Living in their home means you are going to have to tolerate certain decisions that are THEIRS to make - like whether or not your BF's step sister could or should pay to be there. Rent doesn't buy you the right to call the shots. That is true even when you aren't related to the landlords.

What I'm trying to say is that you should be sure your decision to move out is a financially responsible one rather than driven by your dislike of your BF's step sister and his parent's decisions regarding her - because you probably aren't going to be able to change either one. And, if you can tolerate both for just a little while you should be able to save enough money to move out with a bit more stability in a relatively small amount of time. And that would not only be better for you but your BF's mother wouldn't have to worry about whether or not you are ready.


Were not planning on moving out on a whim, we have wanted to move out for a while, were planning on saving money first, as much as we can. We need to know how much our bills are going to be though, and I can estimate everything but car insurance, I told my bf today he needs to tell his mom that he wants to see the bill and know how much he is paying right now, b/c if we plan on moving out we need to know. Im not sure how that will go over with her, she will probably refuse to show him and just give some random high number, especially if she finds out that we want to know to move out, I figured out today that if he saves $200 every pay in July, August and September, he will have $1400 (7 pays) if I get this babysitting job Im after, I can save $200-$250/mth, which makes it another $600-$750, which in total is $2000-$2150, so we could move in October. I tried looking at the bill today for car insurance, b/c to my surprise the cabinet wasn't locked, but I couldn't understand it at all....

sotypical
06-20-2006, 02:38 PM
In all honesty, parents will ALWAYS favour their OWN children. Even if they don't MEAN to do it. Most of the time, they won't even realise they are doing it. And I am sure when it comes time for you and I to be a mother we will favour our children even if we try not to.

lucky
06-20-2006, 02:39 PM
I never said that just b/c my bf will make enough to pay the bills that I would just go out and blow my money on crap, I'm not stupid, I'll be saving it, I know emergencies are going to happen and that we need to have money in the bank saved for those emergencies. Sayings it is disposable was an expression, meaning that my bf will make just enough to pay the bills, so my income will be used for other things, such as emergency bills, savings, or occasionally when we can afford it, a nice night out or a new CD, or whatever.

Just to be clear, I never implied that I thought you were stupid. Your original post ask that people take a look at your budget and offer an suggestions of things you might have missed. You had not mentioned savings - so I suggested it. I apologize if my advice came across as condescending in any way. It wasn't intended to be!

Trixie14
06-20-2006, 02:42 PM
Yup. That is how it is my house, my little sister is favoured because she is his daughter. But when it comes down to it, this isn't your family, it's his and if he has a problem with it then he needs to talk to them. You can't let it bother you because it's not worth the trouble. You really need to drop it and forget about it, just smile.

Fair enough that you can't afford $50/wk but it really isn't very much. BUT your are not their daughter, so it is totally fair (IMO) that you should pay rent. She is his daughter so he can do whatever he wants with her. Even if you don't like them, they have given you a place to live and they really DON'T HAVE to do that. Asking you for $50/wk really isn't a lot.

I didn't ask to live here, they offered, and told me I would never have to pay, not that I didn't plan on every paying, maybe $50/mth working part time b/c $50/wk could be half my pay sometimes at part time, my bf can't talk to them, they won't listen, he has tried. My bf is upset that they try to get so much out of him, but she is treated like a queen just b/c she is his daughter, if I were my bf's mom I'd be sticking up for my son, but like I said she has no backbone and won't stand up to him, what he says goes, he is one of those old fashioned men who think woman should do everything, he makes more monry than my bf's mom but pays less when it comes to bills.

idest
06-20-2006, 02:43 PM
Hi Trixie14,

I think what people are trying to say is... moving out means you've decided to take care of yourself and become an independent adult. And a part of that process is letting go of the stuff that is hard for you at home-- something a lot of people here have been through and want to help you get through, too. I don't think anyone is saying you're wrong to call your situation unfair-- just that you'll need your energy for other things now.

If you think about these issues as emotional baggage, then what you're hearing in this thread is the suggestion that you stop carrying it. It won't go away-- it never really does-- but you can put it up on the top shelf of your closet for a while and stop lugging it around. You can turn your attention to the exciting and challenging job of flying solo.

Best of luck!

Trixie14
06-20-2006, 02:52 PM
Just to be clear, I never implied that I thought you were stupid. Your original post ask that people take a look at your budget and offer an suggestions of things you might have missed. You had not mentioned savings - so I suggested it. I apologize if my advice came across as condescending in any way. It wasn't intended to be!

Savings would be in the 'other' category.

Here is a new budget:

Rent - $500
Groceries - $400
TV, Net, Cell - $140
Cigs/Gas - $160-$220
Insurance - Around $200
Saving - $200
Total - $1600-$1660

BF Income - $1600-$1700/mth maybe more with any Overtime
Me - $300 - $500/mth (Part Time)
Total - $1900 - $2200

sotypical
06-20-2006, 03:02 PM
Trixie14 - please don't take this the wrong way. I get the feeling we are upsetting you and making you feel worse.

None of us are meaning to do that, we are simply trying to help you by teaching us where we went wrong. I want to tell you something that I left about before because it is very personal for me.

Like I mentioned I spent the last 10 or so years with my with step dad and a lot of that time was not so happy and I always felt like you, I always worried about stuff that really wasn't important.

Last May/June my mom went thru rehab when she got out in June I went to the same center and took a one week course. Where I sat for 6 days, 10 hours a day, and delted with my hate for this man. When I left 6 days later I realized how much time I had spent worrying about such petty thing things. How I missed SOOO MUCH because I was always so concerned that I was being treated unfairly. I never felt better in my life, it really was a breath of fresh air.

I always thought that none of this stuff really bothered me, but it did and it really does MESS YOU UP! You need to take everything as a gain of sand, in one ear and out the other. Worry about NO ONE, NO ONE AT ALL, but you, because in the end you are the only person that is important to you. Who cares if she gets free rent and you boyfriend doesn't, who cares if her mom has no backbone, who cares, who cares, who cares. This doesn't have to effect you, but you are letting it. You are on control of you, you CAN NOT control anyone else so don't even try.

Now please don't rip my head off, I meant all that in the best way possible.

idest
06-20-2006, 03:06 PM
sotypical,

it feels really good to let go, doesn't it? Good for you for figuring this out so early. It took me a LOT longer! :)

sotypical
06-20-2006, 03:12 PM
idest - letting go really is one of the best feelings in the world. It is nice to know that you are in control of feelings. (for the most part, haha)

Trixie14
06-20-2006, 03:17 PM
Trixie14 - please don't take this the wrong way. I get the feeling we are upsetting you and making you feel worse.

None of us are meaning to do that, we are simply trying to help you by teaching us where we went wrong. I want to tell you something that I left about before because it is very personal for me.

Like I mentioned I spent the last 10 or so years with my with step dad and a lot of that time was not so happy and I always felt like you, I always worried about stuff that really wasn't important.

Last May/June my mom went thru rehab when she got out in June I went to the same center and took a one week course. Where I sat for 6 days, 10 hours a day, and delted with my hate for this man. When I left 6 days later I realized how much time I had spent worrying about such petty thing things. How I missed SOOO MUCH because I was always so concerned that I was being treated unfairly. I never felt better in my life, it really was a breath of fresh air.

I always thought that none of this stuff really bothered me, but it did and it really does MESS YOU UP! You need to take everything as a gain of sand, in one ear and out the other. Worry about NO ONE, NO ONE AT ALL, but you, because in the end you are the only person that is important to you. Who cares if she gets free rent and you boyfriend doesn't, who cares if her mom has no backbone, who cares, who cares, who cares. This doesn't have to effect you, but you are letting it. You are on control of you, you CAN NOT control anyone else so don't even try.

Now please don't rip my head off, I meant all that in the best way possible.

I understand what your saying, and I've always been this way, I can't let anything go, and I worry constantly about things, I hate being this way but I can't help it, when I posted here I just wanted to know how my budget looked, if I had missed any bills and such, and maybe a little bit of understanding, but I just feel like no one gets what I'm trying to say and where I'm coming from, were just so tired of their crap, and my bf is totally different than me, he can forget about something and just let it slide so easily, which makes it hard for me to talk to him about moving out, among other things, he wants to and thinks its a good idea but he doesn't want to deal with it he just wants it to be done, and I know he is sick of them too, but instead of dealing with it and finding a solution he just ignores it....and I know I should just ignore it and let it go but its just so hard, I'm so tired of getting hurt and feeling like no one understands me, and being treated like crap. I think the solution is to move out, were 20, we should be on our own anyway, and maybe I need to find a way to deal with all my build up frustration and anger from everything thats happened in my life. I havn't had it easy, I too have a stepdad and I hated him so much, we got along great until my brother was born, then I was pushed aside b/c I wasn't his kid, I don't resent my brother for it, I love him more than anything in the world, and maybe he didn't mean to be that way but I was a girl, and I was getting older, he didnt understand me anymore, and he had his own son....I've been in foster care, I don't talk to my dad for reason's I'd rather not say b/c it is embarrassing and personal, among other numerous things...I think part of the reason I can't lose weight and I always give up is b/c of my childhood, subconciously I'm holding on to my weight for protection...everyone thinks I need to talk to a counsellor...but I would feel so stupid sitting there talking to some stranger about my problems, that are probably insignificant to what someone else is going through..I've always thought of writing a book (maybe not to be published but to help myself sort things out) but when I try to write my mind becomes jumbled and i get a million thoughts and words swirling around in my head that I can't think.....I understand your all just trying to help....but again I just feel like everyone doesn't really understand what I'm trying to get across, no one is living here, so no one knows exactly how it is, so their assuming...and I guess thats all they can do is assume....the only one who can really understand how it is for me is me...

sotypical
06-20-2006, 03:32 PM
You have it right, the only person who can understand how it is for you is you. Even though you boyfriend lives in the same place even he can't understand. My best suggestion is for you to find a new place to live and just say, okay were leaving now. Take control, tell you boyfriend he can come if he wants. My boyfriend and I moved into his aunt's basment suite about 6 months, I wont get into any details but I HATE IT, sometimes I think I will kill them if I dont get out of them, so I told him, "I am moving, you can come if you want." I found a new place to live and that was that. We move in two weeks.

Only you know what is best for you. This is his family, it is much easier for him to deal with them and he will never understand how you feel because he sees things different. Just get out and don't look back. Start fresh!

sotypical
06-20-2006, 03:34 PM
There are two books called Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie (I think?) They are a daily reading book, you read a small passage everyday. That is what we read while in this program, it was GREAT!

Jen415
06-20-2006, 03:35 PM
I understand what you are saying.

But here is the reality: Life is not fair.

The only one who can change your situation is you. You are on the right road to doing so, by making a budget and getting a job. I think you are showing a lot of maturity for a girl your age.

Just remember though, Trixie--when it comes to posting on a forum like this, be careful asking for advice--you just might get more than you bargained for.

Don't ask me how I know.....

sotypical
06-20-2006, 03:35 PM
I actually found this! Looks like they post the passage everyday, maybe from different books tho:
http://www.hazelden.org/servlet/hazelden/thoughts?cat_id=1904&page_id=25020

sotypical
06-20-2006, 03:40 PM
I think we actually watched some SUPER SUPER old movie that she made, and I was like OMG that's MY LIFE!!! HOW DID SHE KNOW? haha it was awesome

I just saw on that site, they actually have the passages from all differen't daily books. I was just thinking about buying the book, see if I can't find it off ebay but maybe I don't even need to buy it!

Glory87
06-20-2006, 05:01 PM
I was just wondering why you are only interested in working part time - are you still in school or something?

mudbugs
06-20-2006, 05:58 PM
My only comment is, move out, you won't regret it. Times will be tough sometimes. Do not fret & sweat over the budget..if you HAVE to make it you will. Sometimes you will have to eat Hamburger Helper, without the "hamburger", but you will make it.

It's been 30 years ago, but I was thrown out of the house because I was dating a "hippie". We had to set up household without even a friggin' FORK. I did it, and I lived to talk about it, and you can do it, too.

sugarlove
06-20-2006, 06:27 PM
All I can say is that, if you truly want to move out, you'll do whatever it takes to make it happen - regardless of what it means giving up or doing without. I think, though, you need to ask yourself - are you REALLY willing to do WHATEVER it takes to make it happen?

I read many of your blog entries - really, honestly, and without trying to be harsh, it doesn't come across that way. You mentioned a babysitting job that you were ultimately glad not to get as it would have meant getting up at 5AM every day - but then another entry outlined your plans for the day, and it was waking up at 10AM, taking an hour for yourself to "wake up", and then doing some exercise, showering, bit of schoolwork, TV, etc. You have to ask yourself what's more important - getting up at the crack of dawn and collecting a paycheck so you can move out, or having the luxury of time to do what you want all day? Nothing in life comes easy....this is coming from one who knows. For the most part, people who have, have because they work very hard for it. I got into my first apartment by saving literally EVERY penny I had - it meant that I didn't get to "treat" myself with books or CD's or other luxuries....even just every once in a while. Every penny mattered, and moving out mattered to me - I made the decision about what was most important.

Your budget seems reasonable - although I would caution that if getting an accurate car insurance quote is the make or break issue, you're likely going to find it very difficult to make ends meet as there will ALWAYS be an unexpected expense that comes up. If you can only just get by with every last penny accounted for, it will be tough going - it's not pretty to hear, but it's the truth. It won't be impossible - again, it's all about what you're willing to sacrifice to gain an apartment of your own.

Could you not get a paper route or something to make a little extra cash while you look for a full-time job? You mentioned a larger town close by, but that it would cost more in gas to get there - well, if you can get a full-time job there that you can't where you are now, the extra gas will be more than worth it. I do think that trying to do this when you're only able to contribute a couple hundred dollars a month, is less than ideal.

Trixie14
06-20-2006, 07:21 PM
All I can say is that, if you truly want to move out, you'll do whatever it takes to make it happen - regardless of what it means giving up or doing without. I think, though, you need to ask yourself - are you REALLY willing to do WHATEVER it takes to make it happen?

I read many of your blog entries - really, honestly, and without trying to be harsh, it doesn't come across that way. You mentioned a babysitting job that you were ultimately glad not to get as it would have meant getting up at 5AM every day - but then another entry outlined your plans for the day, and it was waking up at 10AM, taking an hour for yourself to "wake up", and then doing some exercise, showering, bit of schoolwork, TV, etc. You have to ask yourself what's more important - getting up at the crack of dawn and collecting a paycheck so you can move out, or having the luxury of time to do what you want all day? Nothing in life comes easy....this is coming from one who knows. For the most part, people who have, have because they work very hard for it. I got into my first apartment by saving literally EVERY penny I had - it meant that I didn't get to "treat" myself with books or CD's or other luxuries....even just every once in a while. Every penny mattered, and moving out mattered to me - I made the decision about what was most important.

Your budget seems reasonable - although I would caution that if getting an accurate car insurance quote is the make or break issue, you're likely going to find it very difficult to make ends meet as there will ALWAYS be an unexpected expense that comes up. If you can only just get by with every last penny accounted for, it will be tough going - it's not pretty to hear, but it's the truth. It won't be impossible - again, it's all about what you're willing to sacrifice to gain an apartment of your own.

Could you not get a paper route or something to make a little extra cash while you look for a full-time job? You mentioned a larger town close by, but that it would cost more in gas to get there - well, if you can get a full-time job there that you can't where you are now, the extra gas will be more than worth it. I do think that trying to do this when you're only able to contribute a couple hundred dollars a month, is less than ideal.

Yeah sure working in the bigger town where I used to live full time would be great, and would make up for the gas, but how am I supposed to get there?? I already said I don't have my G2, so I can't drive alone, my bf's mom can't drive me she works all day and my bf works rotating shifts, so I dont think an employer would be too happy about having to work around his schedule so he can drive me. I'm working one day a week right now, while I'm looking for something else, I don't care if its full time or part time, I would prefer babysitting though just b/c that is what I enjoy, but I will take something else if I can get babysitting. I WANTED that babysitting job so bad, I was really excited about it actually, it was 3 weeks of getting up at 5am, I wouldnt like it but big f'n deal, its money. She told me she would call me friday or saturday and didn't end up calling until 9pm sunday night when I would have started monday morning at 5am, and told me she didn't need me. I'm in talks with another family right now about a FULL TIME babysitting job, and I really really hope I get this one. In the end I will do what I have to, even if I might not like it, if I have to go work full time in the factory my bf works at, I'll do it. My blog is just a place for my personal thoughts, and to help me gets things off my chest that I'm pissed off about, so half the stuff on there is written in the heat of the moment, where something happened and I just need SOMETHING to talk to to get it out so I can feel better and a blog doesn't talk back, it just lets you type whatever you want.

Trixie14
06-20-2006, 07:25 PM
I was just wondering why you are only interested in working part time - are you still in school or something?

I will work either, and yes I am still in school. Im finishing up 2 high school courses that I'm hoping to be done the beginning of November since I start them in September I just finished 6, and then I plan on doing a college course, probably a course to get my ECE diploma, or something else with kids.

sotypical
06-20-2006, 07:43 PM
Just a thought - if you do live in a smaller town there are probably lots of people that work in this bigger town. I am sure it wouldn't be hard to find a ride and you could chip in on gas money. I live in a bigger town and work in a smaller town (30 min away) and I don't drive; this is what I do and it works out good.

Jen415
06-22-2006, 11:29 AM
My blog is just a place for my personal thoughts, and to help me gets things off my chest that I'm pissed off about, so half the stuff on there is written in the heat of the moment, where something happened and I just need SOMETHING to talk to to get it out so I can feel better and a blog doesn't talk back, it just lets you type whatever you want.

I had to learn the hard way once that if I wanted a place where I could say whatever was on my mind, I needed to make it a totally private blog, meant for no one else's eyes but mine. If that's what you want to use your blog for, you might want to consider making it private.