South Beach Diet - Time for a Friday **SNORK**

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06-16-2006, 01:42 PM
Odds and ends from my **SNORK** file.
Which is your favourite?

1. Jesse Jackson, Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an
impressive new book. It Is called: "Ministers Do More Than Lay People."

2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.

3. The difference between the Pope and your boss...the Pope only
expects you to kiss his ring.

4. My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.

5. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in
the bathroom.

6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the
drink spilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood.

7. It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course,
there's shipping and handling, too.

8. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the
impression that he just cleaned the whole house.

9. My next house will have no kitchen -- just vending machines and
large trash can.

10. A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me
off I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid."

11. I'm so depressed. My doctor refused to write me a prescription for
Viagra. He said it would be like putting a new flagpole on a condemned

12. My neighbor was bitten by a stray, rabid dog. I went to see how he
is and found him writing frantically on a piece of paper. I told him
rabies could be cured and he didn't have to worry about a Will. He said,
"Will? What Will? I'm making a list of the people I want to bite."

13. Definition of a teenager; God's punishment for enjoying sex.

14. As we slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never
point the wrong way.

I think #6 is my fave. :rofl:

06-16-2006, 02:14 PM
Oh how funny! I had a hard time trying to pick out my favorite but #6 is a hoot! I really love #8. You must have met my husband!

Luc's mom
06-16-2006, 04:55 PM
Thanks Ruth, I needed something to make me laugh! My picks are #8 & #13 (DD just turned 15! Boys...yikes)

06-16-2006, 10:40 PM
har DE HAR HAR!! :lol3: I kinda like 6,8 and dare I say it ??#11. :lol: