Just a little rant about something that I can’t stand about myself. It’s a bit irrational and kinda funny but it really grinds on me.
My “second” spare tire. Grrr…
Okay, I have a belly… a “spare tire” that layer of fat that wraps all the way around right above my belly button. Then….. I have a second… one that hangs right below my belly button. (gross!!) I have my own theory as to why I have this, for not even my best friend who is almost the same size as me, has this problem.
I think it started because I use to wear pants that where one or sometimes two sizes too small for me. In middle school I was wearing a size 16, but I would squeeze into a size 14 or even 12 if possible. Thus “molding” my tummy.. the fat that was under the tight band.. and the fat that sat above ( and over) the band.
I know it’s nothing big at all really. But it really bothers me and it has for a very long time. I haven’t seen my belly button in who knows how long. The “pouch” of fat under my belly button makes wearing anything but granny panties very awkward. I’ve always wanted to wear those cute sexy little bits of underwear just to feel a bit sexier. You know ^_^
It just feels weird because of the extra tire; the top band of the panties kinda vanish between the tires and it looks like I have a strip of cloth glues to my skin or something because the band is gone @_@. And I don’t know about you.. but as a 21 year old wearing full butt covering granny panties…. That’s just wrong. >_< not that I want to wear a thong or anything...egads…only some cute lacy things you know. I tried a thong once just for kicks and the top band didn’t even reach over my pouch.. @_@ it ether would have to cut right across the pouch or sit hidden under it. *twitch*
I’m also afraid that the little pouch will never go away. Like if I lose the fat the skin will just hang there, now an empty pouch. When I had lost 40 pounds the summer after high school the pouch did shrink some…not very much as tire number 1. all I noticed was that it sagged a bit lower.. (yikes!).. but I did see my belly button peeking out though the fat.. not much, just a shadow.. but more than ever before. (of course I can see my belly button, but I would have to hold my tired #1 up in order to do so.)
I’ve had dreams for years that I took a huge knife and cut the pouch off of me, knowing that it was nothing but fat. I would wake up, terrified
that I truly did that and would feel for my tummy... half glad that I didn’t do something so stupid... and half upset that the pouch was still there.
I have thought about maybe in the future if I happen to have the means (way, way into the future)… then I could get surgery to cut that pouch off if it truly does end up hanging there
Whew… feels kinda good to admit that about myself (finally). I never really admitted it to anyone really. But I’ve been very self conscious about it as of late. Now having a boyfriend to see me wandering around in my granny panties @_@. Wearing bathing suits just draws attention right to the pouch and I’m tired of wearing a bathing suit with a built in skirt. And don’t even get me started on my choir dress. Oiy… I saw myself on the recording. (I was in the front row…gezz.) and I about died at how much my tires where sticking out.. even with the girdle to hold them in and mold me into a better shape for the dress.
I don’t really want the fear of never losing the pouch to keep me from losing the weight.. I would rather have a empty saggy pouch than a full one ^_^