[Pacman]

This is my first post to this group, indeed, this website.

I have a lot to say, but I will try to make it succinct and thank you for taking the time to read this ........

First, a brief bio: I'm Male, 29 yrs old, and a newlywed of nearly 6months. I live in New York City and I have advanced medical training (though I'm not a physician) I currently work with computers.

I've tried in earnest to find a website devoted to obese men, chubby guys, etc. As I'm sure many of you have found, the internet search engines are 95% full of weght-loss scams and products that may work but not eithout much effort on your part and a whole lot of websites that are simply a waste of space.

I've been fat my whole life, although there was a time that I had lost all the weight and maintained a slim body type, though only for about 2 years. I gained it all back, with a vengence.

I'm a compulsive overeater. I was the type of person who'd stay up all night long (insomniac, too) watching TV, playing video games and overeating. I was rarely interested in WHAT I ate, so long as I could keep feeling "FULL" -- that was what kept me safe, kept me happy and kept me company.

I was also a social outcast for many years, and only (accidently) met my wife on the internet and lucked out and found a wonderful woman who loves me dearly and tries her best to support me in my trials and tribulations.

My main problem is staying in the right mindset and not drifting after a time from my predetermined course.

I would decide, "Now, its time to lose weight for real and do it right!!" So I'd exercise moderately (say walk for 20 mins a day) and try to eat normal-sized portions.

This would last 2 maybe 3 weeks, sometimes a whole month. Invariably, I'd return to my old ways, noshing a little of this, skimming off the top a little of that, and before I knew it, I've slipped back into my old ways.

Part of me knew what I was doing as I did it -- but I was (and often am) so consumed by my desire to eat and feel full (water never quite did it for me, it was the chewing and the swallowing that was pleasurable) that I didn't think of anything else but eating SOMETHING. And I've eaten some weird stuff in my time becuase I couldn't risk being found out about eating THIS or THAT.

It is embarassing to admit, but I've eaten all sorts of food in odd combinatinations, foods that should only be eaten on the side (i.e. condiments) in large quantities, simply because that's what I could get away with.

And now, since I've been married, it's been easier in that, I no longer need to feel the pressure of "try to lose so you can find a woman to love" -- now I have that, so in essense I can "go nuts!"

I do know better. My obesity (I believe I weigh about 350 or 400, not really sure) has impacted almost every facet of my life. It has reduced my energy levels so that I have the hardest time waking up in the morning, I suffer from insomnia at night and when I do sleep, I have sleep apnea and I doubt I get very much REM sleep since I could sleep for 12 hrs and I still feel tired.

I'm sure the story I'm telling is very similar to what many out there are going through and that is what I need to find.

I know how to lose weight, it isn't that hard to know WHAT to do, its doing it that's the problem.

I've thought about seeking professional help, perhaps a nutritionist to inspire me or perhaps even a therapist, but I think that speaking/writing to people who suffer like me and understand that our situation must be changed would be beneficial to me (and perhaps some of you as well?)

So I am less interested in HOW to lose weight (although tips are appreicated) but in how to stay motivated, how to GET motivated and how to actually take a proactive step in my life and keep walking down that path.

Regarding the subject of my post --- MEN.... I feel that women have different issues regarding weight loss, and perhaps here, I am wrong. But I think that the associated problems with obesity in men are different than that in women.

I find that mostly women try these types of soloutions (weight watchers or support groups) -- and while not completely true, I'm sure there are more women than men engaged in this type of activity.

I'm seeking good logic and supportive thoughts and ideas from anyone, but I am uniquiely interested in OTHER MEN and how THEY feel about their obesity, especially those who are husbands and fathers and professionals -- because I am a husband and a professional (not yet a father, some day)

And so, if you've actually spent the time to read all of my ramblings, I suppose YOU are the person I'd like to hear from, be you MALE or FEMALE -- but I suppose what I am looking for will pan out more specifically as this thread gets a bit longer.

I wish all of you well and I do look forward to some enlightening posts from some of you about some of what I've said here.

Again, I'm seeking thoughts on behavior modification and I seek ways of changing bad habits (like eating till the early morning) and perhaps replacing them with others....

THanks for your time ....

[summer8386]

Hi Pacman,

Wow, I can understand some of what you are saying in regards to eating. If I do not have my mindset on the desire to lose the weight, it does not happen. I have to 'go on a mission' to succeed at this....and to keep it under control. It is a constant battle....and one I am determined to win. No white flag for me!!!! I lost mine {60#'s}by joining TOPS for support. Men are very welcome in any TOPS chapter and the larger ones in major cities tend to have more men in them. TOPS also offers 'retreats' for men only and this might be something that would help you....because I truly think men and women are different in their weight loss approaches. If you wish, check out their web site and see if you can get more info. www.tops.org I wish you great success and may you have a wonderful marriage and some kiddo's to chase around one day.

Summer

[Coolsue]

Dear Pacman, I was truely moved by your writing and hear your desperate cry for help. Just want you to know there is a better way to live and a better life for you out there.
The OA program is a 12 step program. You have to learn to be honest (which takes time) about the food you eat and why you eat it.
I suggest you find a meeting to go to even if you are the only man there(so what). You will find as much support as you need at these meetings. Every meeting is different so try a few different ones until you find one you are comfortable at.
My program focuses on my higher power whom I choose to call God.
If you would like to correspond with me and "talk" more about food,emotions,physical problems, spiritual health etc...then I am here for you. No, I am not a saint. I have just found that reaching out to others everyday strengthens my program...it's a 2 way street. Here is my address: [email protected]
Hope to hear from you. coolSue

[zebra666]

Greetings!This is James.My recommendation would be to join Weight Watchers,because it certainly worked for me.In 7 months(since Sept.29,last year),I've lost 84 pounds,from 263.4 to 179.4 pounds.Everybody there knows what you're going through,and their support and positive reinforcement is invaluable.Good luck!

[Tember]

hi Pacman

I'd have to say I am in about the same boat as you. But I am learning to take baby steps. I havent tried any programs, as I am sure they are really great, but I am trying to do this on my own as I have so little time to go to meetings and such. This forum has helped me a lot tho to get out some of my feelings each day as I face my successes and obstacles. I just thought I would let you know what is working for me so far....I currently started drinking my daily allowance of water and lost 3 pounds off the bat just by making that one change. It's been tough because I dont really like water either..lol But for every glass of water I drink, I allow myself one m&m...lol Hey, it works for me..lol Since suceeding at keeping my daily water routine, I've moved onto my next step, which is fighting my boredom munchies...let me explain....I work all day and when I come home, there are a thousand things I should be doing ..like cleaning and cooking supper for my wonderful hubby, or working in the yard..but it has gotten to be a horrible habit to sit in front of the t.v. and vedge or play playstation with my hubby all night. And in those moments, I sometimes am overcome with boredom, then to fill up the need for excitement, I FIND FOOD! lol you know exactly what I am talking about. Well, I found my cure ...so far it is working for me. I sat down at my computer and typed up a list of the things that I enjoy to do, and the things that need to be done on a daily or weekly basis. And when I feel that urge coming on, I grab my list and start at the top.....the key for me is doing ONE thing at a time....and going from there....its working for me so far. You might give that a try, as well as the wonderful programs that the others have told you about. Best of luck to you and I look forward to hearing about your sucesses!

[houndlvr1]

Hi Pac -
I've attended OA meetings myself and you definitely have to be honest with yourself at those meetings. Most of the time I listened to folks with eating disorders explain the history of their "food lives" and I have to say the breakdown of people at the meetings I went to was 50/50. Men emotionally had a harder time expressing themselves in the group at their first one or two meetings but ultimately, once they got going they were probably even more honest than the women.

At any rate, there are some wonderful 12 step books to read if you want to pick one up at the library before actually taking the big step and going to a meeting. There also are some online OA groups that meet regularly. If you search by state on OAs site you can find one near you. I'm not sure if you know the mechanisms of OA/sponsorship but having a sponsor keeps you honest as long as you're doing your part and truthfully reporting what you're eating to them daily.

If you are interested in reading something (or doing an audio book) let me know - I can come up with a few things that you may find interesting.

The other thing I'd suggest is picking up a daily affirmation book like one that I have called "Inner Harvest". It gives you a daily message to read to keep you motivated. You can find a slew of these books from Hazelden.com.

If I can help let me know - my hubby and I are both overweight and maybe he can lend some assistance to you.

[teach93]

Hi, Pacman. I absolutely agree with you that certain things about obesity are different for men and women, however, I also belive that there are commom threads.

If we are compulsive eaters, as I am, we aren't too picky about what we eat generally. While I haven't done the condiment thing, I have eaten some combinations of foods that have later left me sick and thinking, what the heck was that????

We all know how to lose weight. We have read the books, done the research, most of us have spent a small fortune on the latest trends. That is, I think, common to both women and men.

We all feel some measure of desperation. We know what to do and for some reason, we lose control and don't know why.

While women may think more about obesity for appearance sake, and I don't know that this is true, it ends up all being about health.

For Me: My feet hurt at the end of the day and I have pain from my hips down. I can't walk up the slightest incline without huffing and puffing. I wonder if I will fit in the seats at the movie, or whether the chairs at a restaurant will be too close togther when a group goes to eat for me to be comfortable. When sitting on the bleachers at our local basketball game, they are marked off and numbered. I wonder how many people notice that I am taking up more than my share of marked space.

Do any of these ring a bell? I feel that you will probably get a lot of response from the ladies on here, (except for James!!) but I think that we have a lot more in common than we might think.

Elaine