100 lb. Club - Still having esteem issues...& comparison pics




roundRN
05-29-2006, 01:18 AM
Hi all...

Well.....I guess it's my turn to vent a little...I hope you all don't mind? The other night my husband and I went out with some friends. We went to this resort area and found a nice restaurant with an outdoor tiki bar,etc. Well...I was feeling pretty good about myself before we got there.....I was wearing the outfit below...(if the pictures work)...and thought I looked pretty good.

Well...we got out to the tiki bar...sat down for a few drinks and then the teeny-tiny's started rolling in and I instantly became the 255 pound person I once was. These girls were tiny with their little short shorts, cami's, tiny little legs, thongs hanging out,etc. I immediately got self conscious...started tugging at my shirt to hide my fat rolls....and sat there wondering if I'll ever be able to wear the things these girls wear or look the way they do...(not that I'd EVER want my thong hanging out..but you know what I mean).

I know I've come a long way and I'm proud of that......but somedays it just seems like I'll always be the fat one.....or I'll never be exactly where I want to be. Why can't I just be happy with who I am......and what I've done thus far?? I wish I could kick up my self esteem a notch or something.....take a self esteem class? Does anyone know what I'm talking about?

I'm sorry to vent...but sometimes you just gotta do it. I did make myself feel a little better by doing some comparison pics.....I do see a difference and it made me feel a little bit better.....but I still see that I have a ways to go.

I don't know..maybe I'm just in a bad mood tonight or something? A few days ago...I posted about being excited about goal and fitting into my high school prom dress,etc....now just a few days later....I'm feeling fat, ugly, and so far from being where I want to be....what's up with that?

Ok..I better run...thanks for listening everyone. I'll post my pic's below...I'm 255 in the first one and 166 in the others...

Hugs,
Liv


roundRN
05-29-2006, 01:31 AM
Ok...my picture re-sizing thing is being a pain.....I may just try and put my comparison pics on my website.....working on it now...errrrrrrrr.

Liv

roundRN
05-29-2006, 02:17 AM
Errrr...these pic's are peeving me tonight.......


kykaree
05-29-2006, 02:33 AM
I'm sharing your subconcious. My self talk appears to be the same as yours "yeah you might have lost 60lbs, but you're still fat, you still can't wear a short skirty, and will you just lookat the cellulite on your highs, and your wobbly stomach, just who are you trying to kid"

Stop

We know better, you are looking fantastic, and no one could NOT notice your weight loss. It's hard, especially when your not there yet, and I'm not convinced that when we hit that magic number, the voices will stop.

Being that obese person will always be with us, she was part of us, she wasus for a long time.

I'm still getting to self acceptance, and trying to work out just where I am in all this. Practically, the best thing I have done, is yoga. I am starting to get a much better idea of where my body is at now, and ready to get moving again.

roundRN
05-29-2006, 02:49 AM
Kykaree....

Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts with me.....you are right...my subconcious is talking to me right now. I'm looking at this poorly put together comparison pic thing..(lol) and I'm thinking to my self......"I look practically the same"......90 pounds lost and I look the same". Gosh...I don't know what my deal is tonight...I'm seriously thinking it's hormonal....I feel like crying my eyes out right now...ugggghh.

Seriously though...I think it may be hormonal. I"m taking a medication called Lupron....for my endometriosis. It's not really working the way it should be...which is depressing and frustrating in itself.....the medicine is supposed to stop TOM and put me in a pseudo menopause.....well...it's not working...so...I'm getting TOM...which is painful and horrible for me....AND..I'm having side effects of the med even though it's not doing it's job....I've had night sweats, hot flashes, headaches, mood disturbance...uggghh.

My hormones are out of control.....I know it's not an excuse...but I think it may explain some of my thinking as of late. I"m usually a very upbeat and positive person.....and I just haven't been these past few days.

Ok..I think I better get to bed......thanks everyone....I'll try to be more positive...just let me sleep on it for the night...

Luv,
Liv

jtammy
05-29-2006, 07:08 AM
:hug: Liv, I just wanted to drop in and tell you that you are looking great. I'm sorry that you aren't seeing the difference when you look at the pics, because it's a big difference. 90 lbs is what my 10 year old niece weighs. It's a whole other person. You've done such a great job losing that!:hug: :hug:


And yes, I know that our hormones certainly affect our frame of mind. I hope a good nights sleep helps.

LindaB763
05-29-2006, 08:12 AM
Liv, I agree with Tammy. I can see a big difference. You have done a fantastic job. :hug: :carrot: Don't let those skinny minnies get you down. They probably haven't been overweight a day in their lives and will gain a 100 pounds when they get pregnant and freak out because they can't get rid of the weight! HAHAHA!!! :D

I'm still in that "fat mode" too though. No matter how much weight I have lost I can still see what else I need to get rid of. Bugs me to death. Ugh. Some days are better than others. I just want to take off these fat glasses and see me as everybody else does. Is it possible? :?:

newfiedarling
05-29-2006, 08:39 AM
Liv,
You look absolutely fantastic, truly beautiful! Body image is a funny thing, what you see about your body and what someone else sees are most often completely different things.

I know completely how you feel. I can look at myself in a mirror and sometimes see no difference in my body. I think that I was expecting my body to completely transform and change shape. The reality is that I'm still the same shape but just a smaller size. Because of that I still see the same body and sometimes can't see the improvements. But if I compare before and after pictures I know that I've lost the weight and I know that the improvements are there - exactly the same as they are with you in your comparison pictures.

You've done such a fantastic job - you look beautiful. Always remember that for every person you wish you were as thin as or could wear the same chothes as, there will be someone out there looking at you wishing they could be as thin, have such georgeous cheekbones, beautiful smile, etc, etc as you.

:hug:

~Dee

roundRN
05-29-2006, 01:13 PM
Hey everyone.....

Thanks so much for the sweet comments. Well...I slept on things and I am feeling a whole lot better today. I started off the day with some great exercise.....and I'm feeling back in the ballgame again. I don't know what comes over me sometimes....I just need to think about how far I've come..not how far I have to go. I've accomplished a lot so far..and I've worked very hard to get there....so I can't let my subconscious dictate!!! I"m going to try to remain positive...and once I'm a little closer to goal....I have decided to submit my story to the Weight Watchers Then and Now contest...if others can submit their stories...why can't I? I just need to start thinking more of myself.....I am worth it and I do deserve it.

Ok...I've got to go clean our our camper now. Thanks again everyone...I just love you guys here so much.....this is the most supportive and non-judgemental group of folks I've ever met in my life. Thank You!!!!!!!!!!

Luv,
Liv

SuchAPrettyFace
05-29-2006, 02:17 PM
......"I look practically the same"......90 pounds lost and I look the same".OMG, NO YOU DON'T!!!!!!

Honey you look A-MA-ZINGGG!!!! I would be very very jealous if I weren't so happy for you! :lol:

Do you have any clothes left from your highest weight? Maybe you could try them on, to see just how far you have come? I know our brains like to make us feel bad every once in awhile, but there's no denying pants that are way too big for you now or a shirt you're drowning in.

I'm glad you're feeling better. :hug:

kykaree
05-29-2006, 02:29 PM
Do you have any clothes left from your highest weight? Maybe you could try them on, to see just how far you have come? I know our brains like to make us feel bad every once in awhile, but there's no denying pants that are way too big for you now or a shirt you're drowning in.



The one thing that I keep doing is putting on my fat jeans. It's hilarious, and no one believes they once were mine!!! And I have one fat shirt too.

I'll always keep them, in my darkest moments, they keep me away from the pizza :D ;)

YP1
05-29-2006, 02:44 PM
I've been sorting out clothes to sell on ebay this weekend - I really can't believe how big they are (and that they used to be tight!). I could take an entire family camping in some of them. A real reality check when I'm in danger of overlooking what I've achieved.

midwife
05-29-2006, 03:11 PM
Liv, There is such an amazing difference between those two photos. Please don't be so hard on yourself. Your accomplishments are phenomenal! You are so beautiful, and sleek, and obviously very very smart!

dragonwoman64
05-29-2006, 06:23 PM
Honey you look A-MA-ZINGGG!!!! I would be very very jealous if I weren't so happy for you! :lol:

that was my reaction too. Just had to say two things:

1. it's inspiring to me to see how you've managed to lose so much weight. I have my down moments when I wonder how I'm going to go on and finish this job (like this morning heh heh). Ninety pounds is an incredible accomplishment.

2. I've had moments like that. Yesterday, I stopped at the deli, wearing a new shirt that I just bought this weekend in a SIZE SMALLER, which I was very psyched about. Two 20 something, slim, tall women came in, bare middriffs, tank tops, nice tans. It's not quite the same as your experience, since I'm not nearly as close to my goal as you are. I guess there will always be someone slimmer, younger, better looking, etc., than me! (Ever see Fried Green Tomatoes? Makes me think of Kathy Bates when she hits the car of those two hotsie women in the supermarket parking lot when they try to steal her parking space, heh heh.)

Stevi-rocks
05-29-2006, 06:37 PM
Funny thing, self image. How many of us remember being a particular weight at a particular time and thinking..." I'm so fat" only to, years or how ever long later, say "What was I thinking!!!, I would kill to look like that again!!!" Don't sabatoge yourself! You are you. And apparently a beautiful and determined you. ((((hugs!))))

lucky
05-29-2006, 08:32 PM
I am glad to hear that you are feeling better about things. I still had to jump in and say that there is a HUGE difference between the two pictures you posted. You look great. You really do.

I've had the exact same thoughts you posted so I understand where you are coming from. The thing is, I would bet my last nickel that the girls you were comparing yourself to were comparing themselves to someone else. And that is a real shame. It is a very delicate balance between feeling good about what we have (and what we are going to have when we reach goal) and being realistic about what we are capable of obtaining physically. I'm never going to get my 18 year old body back. At first that was a tough pill to swallow but then I realized that I don't want it back. Sure, I have a gooshy stomach but I have three beautiful children to show for it. I can't wear the skimpy clothes and stop traffic (okay, I might stop traffic if I wore them but it wouldn't be for the good reasons. LOL!) but my husband loves how I look and carry myself. And I love how I look and carry myself too - as long as I don't compare myself to anyone else. We are who we are and we have to work with what we've got without feeling as if we have to keep up with the Jones', so to speak.

Keep up the hard work. You look great and have every reason to feel great about yourself too!

taekwondomom
05-30-2006, 12:35 AM
Just chiming in to say:
You look terrific! Congratulations on shedding 90lbs!

Foreverhopefull
05-30-2006, 06:04 AM
Sweety, You look AMAZING!!!!!

I'm realy trying to stop thinking about how much those girls look and all since I talked with a good friend of my parents who's a nurse in a psych ward.She was telling me that they had to open a all ward for anorexic/boulimic girls because the magazines are making all the girls think they have to be skinny to be pretty, otherwise they are ugly.

She said her youngest patient was 8yold!!! Can you imagine? She said that there is so many tricks you can get on the pro-anorexia web sites...like to sleep naked with windows open, so that when you body is freezing, your body will be burning calories.

I've also seen, in my nursing days, a women that was so weak from starving herself that she would go down the stairs on a crazy carpet to keep most of her energy to leave her appartment building. Because of her starvation, she got dementia and was in the hospital for 6months overbefore leaving for the psych ward. The last I heard of her she was sent to a retirement home because of the dementia.

I have nothing to envy from a skinny girl other than she has the pick of the pack for clothing and she's not stuck with the plus size stores.

I prefer to be feeling a buldge than to have the skin thight clothing.

roundRN
05-30-2006, 10:13 AM
Gosh you guys...

Thank you soooooooooooooo much for all your sweet comments and words of wisdom.....they have really helped me!!!!!!! Things are going good again for me and I'm on the up-swing again :) Yeahhhhhh :) I don't know..I guess I've always had esteem issues ....things have gotten better...but it's still hard for me sometimes and I still get myself into an occasional "funk". I'm going to try to be more confident and more happy with ME. I've even noticed that when I'm feeling really good, really confident,etc...that radiates to others and thats when i tend to get "oh you look cute", "oh I love your shirt",etc. comments...kind of strange...but self-confidence and healthy self esteem go a long ways.

Ok..I've got to head to exercise and then to bed. Thanks again everyone..you are all fabulous!!!!

Luv,
Liv

ChocLabLover
05-31-2006, 09:00 AM
Liv, I am late to the post, but I think the pictures look amazing!