[WaterWater]

What happens if you mess up? If you have a binge? Do you go back and start counting again... 1 day abstinent? OR do you keep counting... 31 days abstinent though I am not perfect and have slipped?

I have not broken my asbtinence yet (thank God!) BUT - and I know that I am supposed to be taking this one day at a time - what happens if I do well for a few months and then slip? Would I go from having say 90 days of abstinence back to 1 day of abstinence? I am finding that those numbers mean an awful lot to me and I am curious.

[marny]

Water-
That's a great question. I know what you mean about those numbers meaning a lot. They mean a lot to me too. They are numbers of victory!
The answer to this question could be different depending on who you ask.

My sponsor and I see eye to eye on this. If you binge, yes you need to start over all the way at step one. This isn't punishment. This is so you can learn whatever you missed the first time around that led to the binge. If you eat a moderate amount of something that you planned to absztain from, you need to look at the motives behind it. For example, if you are abstaining from sugar and later found out that you were served something with sugar in it without knowing, then no, you didn't break your abstinence. Your motives were with your commitment.

Or, an example from my own life last week: We had friends over to celebrate my husband's birthday. They wanted to bring a dessert. He told them okay, but Marny won't be eating it because she isn't eating desserts. The friends brought a pie for him, and then made little sugar free tarts for me. In my mind, they were still dessert sugar free or not. But, I had to make the decision to be gracious and thankful and taste one bite, or just say thanks for all the effort and thought, but no. I made the decision to take one bite and say thank you for their thoughtfulness. I talked to my sponsor about it afterward. We agreed that my motives were not to binge, not to eat a trigger food, but to be gracious and loving. Now, if I had not been able to stop at one bite or it had triggered a binge, then I would have learned that I can't even do one bite under special circumstances.

I don't eat cake at birthdays even though they could be considered a "special occasion". It's not my birthday, the cake wasn't made especially for me with my needs in mind. It's definitely off limits.

Can you see the difference between the two situations? I can see it clearly, but there are some who may argue that there is no difference. Some would say that one bite, no matter the situation, is breaking abstinence, and setting myself up for bigger problems.

This is a good reason to have a sponsor to bounce these things off of. I was really glad that I could talk to my sponsor about my experience so that I wasn't left wondering if I had made a mistake.

[Claire Marie123]

I think its ok to carry on as logn as u do get back to your diet, I dont think theres any point beating yaself up bout it when its done, just learn by ur mistakes and carry on as normal

[WaterWater]

That made perfect sense Marny, and thank you for sharing that! Good for you on the ONE bite! That is fantastic!

Thank you also Claire!

I think I was confused on the difference in absitinence and recovery. Even if I do slip, then I am still in recovery as long as I continue. Of course I am hoping for no slips, but my 'humaness' scares me sometimes

[marny]

OA has a book called "Abstinence" and it covers a bunch of people's stories about what abstinence means to them. It's wonderful, and I highly recommend it. I pretty much need an OA library to get myself through the program. I really depend on literature as one of my tools. When I'm feeling insane, I can pick up a book and regain my sanity and my serenity.

[WaterWater]

Marny, I can definitely see the importance of the OA literature! I have already filled out my order form to send in when I hit 30 days of recovery. I am rewarding myself with OA literature rather than food and I getting my 30 day coin at the same time. There are so many books that I want. I think that this time around I am getting the AABB, Overeaters Anonymous, and the 12 Step Workbook. I really need to get going on my actual steps. I feel like I am pretty well on with the first three... though I am still willful and need to turn that over completely. I have started working on my inventory very slowly also. I want to have the workbook so that I can be SURE I have made it through each step before I actually say that I have. I am going to put "Abstinence" on my list for the next round when I order my 60 day coin

When I'm feeling insane, I can pick up a book and regain my sanity and my serenity.

I love how you put that and I am going to write that down!

On another note - and I do not mean to sound ungrateful - but I am having second thoughts about my sponsor and I think that I may need to seek another. I am not sure if anyone at the local meeting will be far enough along to feel that they can be a sponsor themselves, but I will find that out on Monday night. I am sure they have worked something out. My online sponsor has only contacted me once and I really am feeling that I need more contact. YOU have been a lifesaver and in a way, I view you as my "unofficial" online sponsor. I really appreciate you!

[marny]

water--
I really admire your plan to reward yourself this way. What a great idea! Hurray for the 30 day coin! I keep planning on drilling holes in my 2 coins and putting them on my keychain. But, I just haven't done it.

[MtaTJac]

Wow, you ladies are awesome! 30 days of anstinance is a great achievement!!

I'm starting back from step one, day one! So here's to day one of abstenance for me!

[WaterWater]

Jac! I am so glad to see you back! Here's to day one!

[marny]

Water--
Somehow I didn't see the rest of your post last time. Guess I forgot to scroll! I love that you see me as your unofficial online sponsor. :-) You are my unofficial online sponsee. hehe. Have you been able to find a new sponsor? I agree that you should be in contact with your sponsor a lot more...like every day.