Simply Filling/Core - What Would You Do? (poll)
05-15-2006, 03:19 PM
I guess I am an awfully vain person and not as self confident as I like to think I am. I just got an invite to a pampered chef/dinner party from an ex-colleague of mine. I worked with her and many of the 'other' guests (also ex-colleagues) several years ago (probably have not seen these folks since 2000 or 2001?).
Anyhow I am VERY EMBARRASSED ABOUT MY SIZE! Yes it does affect my social life. Had I lost weight and looked better you can only imagine how excited I would be to go and see everyone. Now that I am at my heaviest I cringe at the thought and can only imagine the thoughts behind the smiles as they see how heavy I am!
So what would you do?
-to heck with it - I would go in all my glory and enjoy the food, wine and company - who cares what I look like?
-I would send my regrets - say I have other plans and save myself any embarrassment
-buy a major gut sucking body stocking so that I am pulled in from head to toe and hope no one notices
-go and wear all black and try to keep head up so double chin doesn't show and keep arms and legs covered to avoid any loose skin sightings - and not eat anything while I'm there so people will wonder why I'm so fat and think that I must have a glandular problem
-try and lose 50 lbs by next week!
Now I know what you will 'want' to say - but think carefully and let me know how you would REALLY react!
05-15-2006, 03:29 PM
Lol, I love the glandular problem one. I am the wrong person to ask, I just responded to a christening invitation that I would not be attending, inspite that my brother & his wife are the Godparents. The father of the child being baptized, I was friends with his sister since I was 6 years old. We had our differences and I have not spoke to or seen her in 7 yrs. That was before I had my kids. So as vain as I am I did not want to go to the christening so she can see how much weight I gained, she has always been a skinny minny.So I know exactly how you feel. Good luck on your decision. :hug:
05-15-2006, 03:32 PM
If they are ex-colleagues and you haven't seen them in years, do you really feel obligated to go? I most likely would not (but that is just me) if you were close to them then ya'll would still be in good contact.
I can't really do the poll as my answer is "No, I am sorry but thanks for thinking of me"
05-15-2006, 03:42 PM
I'm with Robin, in that I wouldn't feel obligated to go since I haven't seen them in over 5 years. I wouldn't go and torture myself. But I would use this as motivation to get myself on the wagon and try to get myself ready for the next invitation that I might really WANT to accept.
You know, since my husband's health scare, I've been trying to think more along the lines of "life is short" and this isn't a dress rehersal. Either I'm going to get thin/healthy or I'm not. But, I cannot let whatever my decision is affect how I enjoy my life. Today may be all I have. Can you tell that I'm in a weird place lately?
If you really would like to see these people and rekindle the friendships then you should go and enjoy yourself.
05-15-2006, 03:43 PM
My advice to you? Go and live life to the fullest; you never know- you may be the smallest one there!
What would I do? Lately I've had some old friends trying to get our old gang back together. The last time I saw them I was 20 pounds lighter. Frankly, I've been avoiding getting together with them b/c of the way I look. They would also expect me to be the same old crazy girl and I'm just not comfortable enough in this body to live up (down?) to my old reputation. If it was that crowd asking, I wouldn't go. But there are other old friends that I haven't seen lately that I would say yes to. It depends on the group that asks.
Is that confusing enough?
05-15-2006, 03:57 PM
frouf, dear friend. i hate to say it but i wouldn't go. that's just the way i am. can't help it.
05-15-2006, 04:18 PM
I would say go and enjoy. However, I've had a similar situation arise and I didn't go because I didn't want my old friends to see how much weight I had gained. It's tricky, go if you feel comfortable, decline if you feel that your weight would make you uncomfortable.
05-15-2006, 04:40 PM
If i received an invite from a group i hadn't seen in years i would ask myself do i want to see these people.Size be damned,if you want to see them you should go.If you don't care to see them and just feel obligated send your regrets.That's what i would do.
05-15-2006, 04:45 PM
I guess it all just depends on how much you really want to see them. It seems like you really want to go, and if that's the case, I would definitely go (my answer was the gut-sucking body thingy). But if you just feel obligated, I wouldn't worry about it. :hug:
05-15-2006, 06:17 PM
Do you like them enough to let the fear of what they'll think bother you? I mean, do you care what they think or say? And are you going to see them afterwards on a regular basis?
I'm not sure what I'd do so I'm not voting yet.
Misti in Seattle
05-15-2006, 11:00 PM
I can't complete the poll either because neither of my two responses was given as an option. If I WANTED to go I would go and enjoy the conversation and people... but I would NOT freely indulge in all the food and wine. I would eat very small portions and enjoy the fun. If I did NOT want to go I would... as someone said above... say "No thanks but I appreciate your thinking of me."
05-15-2006, 11:08 PM
I have decided and voted for option #1 -- go in all your glory and have a wonderful time.
You are a lovely woman, a successful businesswoman, a great mom and wife and a good friend to us all. You have SO much to offer, and I think you underestimate yourself as well as your ex-colleagues.
05-17-2006, 12:16 PM
what i wanna do and id actually do are 2 diff things- id go and enjoy in thend, but but part of me would wanna find an excuse bc the truth is i have been feeling just like you alot lately b/c ive gotten so big in a relatively short time period.
05-17-2006, 12:23 PM
Frouf, what did you decide?
05-17-2006, 11:16 PM
This is so sad really - I knew I was not the only one who felt this way. Why are people so judgemental?
These ex-colleagues were for the most part very good friends of mine - esp when I was there. There are actually a few of them I am in 'contact' with thru emails - we correspond and catch up on our lives/kids etc. There will be at least a few people there I don't know - so I guess I don't care much what they think..and at least one person there I can't stand (and can't imagine why she was invited - i will ask one of the people i 'correspond' with about that!).
Of course no one would say anything to my face - but the next day I know someone might say ' did you see how big sh'e gotten?" - probably not in a mean way, but as Vickie said in a more 'concerned' way!
I also am a very honest and truthful person and don't like lying or hiding the truth and right now my home life is not the greatest - and my relationshp w/dd is pretty strained. I know I can 'joke' about how difficult the teenage years are and how my daughter and I are butting heads - but frankly it sometimes just makes me want to cry! Every day is a struggle for me right now and I can't go out places and smile and pretend nothing is wrong!
That is why I feel very comfortable on this board - I can say whatever is on my mind without being judged and I can get at least some support. My closest gf who I don't see often enuf would also be privy to this stuff - and maybe one other person - I am having dinner w/her tomorrow night - she is a lovely, very spiritual woman and we have shared many of our dark secrets so I feel somewhat comfortable with her. I am afraid that I will start crying tomorrow night at dinner when she asks me how things are going!
How pathetic is that???
P.S. Just realized I never really answered your question Vickie - but I think i shall bow out!
05-17-2006, 11:28 PM
Nothing wrong with tears spilled between two good and loving friends. Tears contain toxins and I'm a firm believer in getting rid of them. I say go, have a lovely dinner, some great wine, and revel in the fact that you have this wonderful woman in your life who will give you comfort and support. I believe in quality and not quantity. I don't have a million friends. But the ones that I do have are the ones you could call in the middle of the night and they'd get dressed and come to give you a hug and mop up your tears. Don't worry about not seeing this old group of friends. One day soon, you'll get back on the wagon and drop those pounds and you'll be able to schedule something with them if you choose.
And never, never, forget that we are here for you too!
05-18-2006, 12:13 AM
Well said, Vickie. I agree completely.
Frouf, I change my mind. I vote not to go. You don't need the added pressure right now wondering what they're saying. Whether you care or not what they think, it's still going to be on your mind. :hug: