General chatter - stupid child slapper




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hoodj0080
03-14-2006, 06:50 PM
I need to vent guys. i was at the mall and saw this mom slap her little girl (about age 4 or 5) on the face 4 times!!! She had stuffed this kid in a way too small stroller and the girl's feet were on the ground. She was whimpering to get out and her mom kept slapping her. I called 911 and got mall security but they didn't do s&%*t! What kind of mother slaps on the face for something so minor? And in public? I'm so frustrated. The next time I see something like this happen I'm going to tell the lady it's really hard to smack a kid in the face with a broken hand! Thanks for listening, chickies!


Less of Lena
03-14-2006, 06:57 PM
What's really worrisome is, if she's willing to slap her child out in public, what does she do behind closed doors?

I'm glad you called 911 and alerted mall security. It's a shame they couldn't have done anything. Do you know if they even showed up to talk to her?

I get so irate when I hear stories like this. That poor child.


((edit: Was just thinking... I'd imagine this thread could get edited out. The spanking vs non-spanking debate may be too much or inappropriate and way OT for 3FC.))

hoodj0080
03-14-2006, 07:01 PM
My mom and I hung around the mall security guard for 30 minutes and gave her my number and name. The police called liek an hour and half later, when I was on my way home. (I was told it'd be best if I wasn't there when the real cops showed up). I work with special ed. kids and so does my mom. she once worked with a boy who was blind because his mom hit him so hard his retinas detached!


midwife
03-14-2006, 10:05 PM
Oh Lena, I don't think anyone could defend slapping a child repeatedly on the face, even the pro-spankers...I think you are fine.

icmethinner
03-14-2006, 10:31 PM
That's awful! It almost makes you want to go jerk the woman up by the collar and ask her what the heck her problem is! I always think in hindsite what I should have done - sometimes we're so shocked we don't know what to do at the moment. You did the right thing, but I hate that they didn't do anything about it. I almost never spank my children (like maybe once a year) and if I ever do, it is on their bottom, and I don't even hit hard enough to hurt - it is so rare for them for me to do such a thing that the mere shock that I would actually do something like that is usaully enough. I couldn't even imagine hitting those tiny innocent faces. I feel so sad for that little girl!

goy
03-15-2006, 08:34 AM
it surely is sickning isnt it....

this has nothing to do with the spanking or not spanking....

if you or the mall security saw one guy hit the other in the face 4 times..... you know the police would be in that faster than heck knows what, and some action should be taken, therefore with this sam situation this lady hit the defenceless child in the face 4 times, you did the right thing, and i surely hope the police did what they had to do.....

Sushi Penguin
03-15-2006, 09:27 AM
A couple of weeks ago, my boyfriend and I were at the mall and saw a mother dragging her little son (about 3-5 years old) very forcefuly by the arm. I heard her say something about spanking him, but I wasn't too sure because I often just block out the noise and other people's conversations in places like a shopping centre. Later my boyfriend told me what that woman actually said to the kid: "If you tell daddy I bought something today, I'm going to give you a big spanking."

No comment...

icmethinner
03-15-2006, 10:36 AM
Goy - excellent point! We protect other adults more than we protect children!

marbear
03-15-2006, 10:38 AM
One time I was driving down the street and saw a woman beating (fists, people) her son who looked about 8 or 9. I stopped my car in the street and rolled down the window to put her on notice. She immediately stopped. I drove around the block to get a parking space but she was gone when I got back. Probably good for me since I'm such a wuss she woulda surely tore me up :lol: The thing about it is, I wonder if the kids get it worse when you point stuff out. It's a lose/lose situation unless you actually know where they live and can get DHS to followup (and I've done that when I did social work and I had the hardest time getting them to do anything even in cases of obvious neglect).

marbear
03-15-2006, 10:42 AM
The child dragging lady- she shouldn't have threatened the boy like that. Having said that, I HAVE probably dragged my child across parking lots before when I didn't have a buggy and he was trying to force me not to leave. Sometimes you just have too much in your hands to carry them. Inside a store I will pretend to walk away and he will quickly follow. I can't let go of him in a busy parking lot. He will literallyjust lie in the street if he doesn't want to leave. Sometimes my concern for safety outweighs my desire for other people to think I'm a perfect mommy. Two year olds can find a way to put you on the spot.

Sapphireangel
03-15-2006, 11:39 AM
Slapping children across the face is terrible! It is child abuse. That woman needs to get a better stroller for her 4-5 year old. This reminds me of the Madeline Togood case. Her name should be Madeline Toobad. The woman should be arrested for child abuse, too bad the security didn't do anything, by the time the
police get there it is susually too late, the offender has already gone. The Mom threatening to spank her child if he told the father what she bought is wrong, she does something wrong and tries to get her child to hush up about it. I'm glad I don't have kids, for one thing I am not married. I agree it can be hard to get 2-year olds to behave in public, you have to worry about their safety, like getting hit by a car.

Linds81
03-15-2006, 01:53 PM
This just makes me shake my head in disgust! It's so sad to see that people have no coping mechinisms with their children! I work with children with severe behavioural issues, and there is always a way to get through to them, other than resorting to physical violence. It also makes me so mad because there are so many people in this world that would love to have children and can't, and then there are people who have children and don't deserve them and hit them. Grrrrrrr... lol... that is my 2 sense.

pumpingiron
03-15-2006, 02:45 PM
:cry: I'm so sad for that poor child, I had to say a prayer.

Hopefully, if the b!tch does this type of crap in public maybe other people notice and one day she will get hers.

That's all I'm gonna say about that.

Sushi Penguin
03-16-2006, 06:16 AM
The child dragging lady- she shouldn't have threatened the boy like that. Having said that, I HAVE probably dragged my child across parking lots before when I didn't have a buggy and he was trying to force me not to leave. Sometimes you just have too much in your hands to carry them. Inside a store I will pretend to walk away and he will quickly follow. I can't let go of him in a busy parking lot. He will literallyjust lie in the street if he doesn't want to leave. Sometimes my concern for safety outweighs my desire for other people to think I'm a perfect mommy. Two year olds can find a way to put you on the spot.

Oh, it was not the dragging that annoyed me. It was the "if you tell daddy I bought something today, you'll get a big spanking" part. :mad:

jules1216
03-16-2006, 08:19 PM
I have to say I am generally a very laid back person, but I have issues with child abuse. I have to say I have more than once said something to a stranger I felt was crossing a line. I figure if they actually hit me I can press the charges that the child can't and when the story would come out as to why this stranger hit me.

need2changenow
03-17-2006, 12:55 AM
:( Hearing these stories makes me feel so sad. If people are going to treat their children this way, why in the world do they bother having them? It just breaks my heart that these poor kids aren't able to defend themselves and just live with this abuse. Some people just should not have kids...

veggielover
03-17-2006, 12:57 AM
"If you tell daddy I bought something today, I'm going to give you a big spanking."

No comment...


Wow, that's just BAD parenting. Threatening the child just to cover her lies, how does that teach the child? Even when I was 5 I knew what BS really was.

veggielover
03-17-2006, 01:01 AM
GUys, I was hit lightly when I was younger. If I did something wrong my mom would hit me hard enough for me to feel it but nothing abusive. It really depends on the strength and force they use. Obviously, dragging the child or strangling or even slapping forcefully is horrible, but let's not say that hitting is necessarily bad. (the old fashion way, the mother has a ruler in hand and says to the child "Now give me your hand...")

jillybean720
03-17-2006, 08:23 AM
I don't think anyone said hitting was bad. I was spanked as a child, and I don't think it was a bad manner of discipline. The bad thing is when the parents cross that line from discipline to abuse. Some adults just can't seem to remember that what may feel like a light tap to a 150-pound adult could practically become a debilitating punch to a 30-pound child! I don't have any children yet, but when I do, I'm sure I'll slap a hand or pat a bottom a few times, but never hard enough to do any harm. My mother used to spank us at home, so when we were in public, all she had to do was threaten to do so, and we would shape up right quick :dizzy:

My neice has corner "time outs" as punishment most of the time, but some situations just require a more direct and immediate response, so she's been slapped on the hand and such at times, and she's a fabulous kid. When she was 4, she used to have this habit of head-butting people (not like running head-first into them, but just standing or sitting near them and leaning forward and bouncing her head on them). It was cute when she was little, but the older she got, the more painful it became! She was also getting to be just the right height so that if she was standing facing her father, a head-butt could easily drop him to the floor in the fetal position, if you catch my drift. One day, we were shopping, and she was sitting in the front of the shopping cart. Well, my sister was pushing the cart, and my neice did the head-butt thing and hit my sister in the chest, so my sister hit her in the forehead (certainly not hard enough to do any damage, just a little slap). She certainly didn't like being hit, so she stopped head-butting people right then and there. They had yelled at her countless times to stop doing it before, but that one smack on the forehead was all it took to make her stop for good :dizzy:

jules1216
03-17-2006, 09:00 AM
I agree with Jilly, there is definitely a line between discipline and child abuse. The sad part about rampant child abuse is that many people are afraid to discipline their kids at all and then others that think violence will keep their kids in line or whatever it is that they think and that's part of the problem in todays classrooms. I feel for children's teachers even though mine are grown up.

Less of Lena
03-17-2006, 10:34 AM
I often feel I should stay out of spanking discussions because of my unconventional views on the subject, but since some people have already expressed their views here, I think I can too. I think I represent the "other" side.

I am 100% against hitting a child under any circumstance. Period.

My son has never, ever been hit, spanked, slapped, smacked whatever (except playful smacks -- I'm talking about hitting as a form of discipline or expressing disapproval). Our reasoning was, when you spank a child, you teach them that it's ok to hit people when they do things that displease you. So, we made a vow when we married that if we ever had kids, we would use alternative methods of teaching discipline.

He is now a mature, healthy, good-natured teenager. He never went through the 2- and 3-year-old hitting phase so many kids do, and I think it's because he never learned to use hitting as a form of expression.

We did lots of time out, removal and talk. Lots of talk. We still do the talk discipline (sometimes it drives him crazy! :lol: )

Both my husband and I were spanked (but not abused by any means) as kids and we just felt that wasn't the way we wanted to raise our child. We wanted to try something different. I think we were successful -- our kid is proof.

It really hurts me to see children hit, even if it is just a "light smack on the bottom or hand".

lulu777
03-17-2006, 10:35 AM
Good for you. You can also advocate for the child directly to the mother when you see something like that going on. See http://www.nospank.net for all kinds of information on why it is never OK to hit a child.

lulu777
03-17-2006, 10:37 AM
Here it is: What Should I do when I see someone hitting a child?
http://www.nospank.net/stang.htm

I'm delighted by your courage. That poor little girl.

Less of Lena
03-17-2006, 10:58 AM
Lulu, thank you SO much for that site. I have bookmarked it and will be returning to read it all. I never even knew there was such a site.

I've often been made to believe that I'm too namby-pamby for not spanking. That's one reason I tend to not reveal my views on it much any more, in person or online. I've always felt as if I was in a very small minority and been made to feel that those of us who don't spank are trying to be "holier-than-thou".

It wasn't an uncomfortable enough feeling to make me reverse my views or actions, though.

I'm glad to know I'm not alone.

almostheaven
03-17-2006, 11:07 AM
I was spanked...when I deserved it. And it wasn't done out of anger. But that guide you posted Lulu...it makes it sound like ALL spanking is terrible violent abuse and that every kid who is ever spanked will become another Hitler...or worse.

I don't agree with extremism. If someone doesn't want to spank their child, that's up to them. If I want to spank mine, that too should be up to me. What happened in this instance wasn't spanking, but yes...I'd call it abuse. But there are also those who want to involve the police when a parent is trying to get control of their child in a public place and gives them a light swat on the bottom. And that's just too extreme for my tastes.

jillybean720
03-17-2006, 11:17 AM
I've often been made to believe that I'm too namby-pamby for not spanking. That's one reason I tend to not reveal my views on it much any more, in person or online. I've always felt as if I was in a very small minority and been made to feel that those of us who don't spank are trying to be "holier-than-thou".
I think you did an excellent job of stating your opinion without alienating those who DO believe in spanking. You're absolutely entitled to your views, and I think it's important for both sides to understand the other--whether they agree with the other or not, understanding is important, IMO. I would never say anything negative to someone who doesn't believe in spanking--they're entitled to that opinion. Just because I do believe in it (not as a SOLE source of discipline, mind you, but at times) doesn't mean I think EVERY parent should feel the same way :^:

LadyFirelyght
03-17-2006, 11:48 AM
I agree that repeated slaps to the face, really hard spankings, etc. are really wrong.

I was spanked as a child, but to this day I tell my parents that it never did any good. Hitting me really wasn't much of a punishment, because the pain goes away in a couple seconds and then I was off to make mischief again. What really worked for me were all the time-outs. I HATED to be made to stand in a corner for 5 minutes. I would stand there crying and whining the entire time because I hated it so much. I almost never repeated what I did to get time-outs.

But I think there ARE some kids that will not respond to anything but physical punishment. The problem is when the parents cross the line into abuse. I have an uncle with 6 kids and he (last I'd seen/heard) would spank them VERY hard, repeatedly. Often he would leave welts on their bottoms/legs. I was so young when I saw it happen, though, that I could never speak up. Just horrible.

Sarah Ann
03-17-2006, 12:33 PM
I was smacked as a child and it didn't work - I was a little monster. I decided I wouldn't smack my daughter but use time out and discussion. Despite my good intentions I actually did feel it necessary to smack her on the hand on three separate occasions when she was young and kept on doing something which was potentially dangerous that could kill her.

She's now nearly 28 and we both remember all those three occasions. She's fine about it and says she thinks a smack was about the only thing that would have made her take notice of me. Its me that is left with the feeling I should have handled it differently (although I'm not sure how!)

The government here in the UK is trying to get it made illegal for parents to smack their children. I think they are worried about the fine line between chastisement and abuse but there is a lot of opposition to the proposal mainly because it is said that the most serious abuse happens in the home where there aren't any witnesses.

veggielover
03-17-2006, 12:38 PM
you guys, in the summer while I was in NYC I was on the train. Some woman sitting across me hit her child hard and let him dangle by the wrists. The child was crying and then a man approached her and said "Ma'am, I'm a child advocate from [insert some government dpeartment here], and I believe what you're doing is wrong. This is not the way to treat your child."

The funny part was, after the women said "Let me teach my grandchild, okay?" back to the mean, the kid screams at the man, "Dont yell at my grandma-ma! SHe a nice lady!" Funny thing was, no one even cared to say anything else. The train was packed but no one was going to approach her for hitting her child.

That just shows how much no one really cares on the subway! I wouldn't interfere either, only because I know discipline is different within parents.

sarahyu
03-17-2006, 12:43 PM
It's scarey to approach people on the subway. You never know who has a knife or gun or who is going to follow you out shouting obsenities in your face or threatening to beat you up because you got into their business.

I've been lucky so far in that I've never seen a child being abused. I did see a bunch of rowdy teenagers start pushing an older man around. I did go and push the button to talk with the driver. He had a policeperson waiting at the next stop. He got on and the teenagers ran off.

Sarah

jillybean720
03-17-2006, 01:53 PM
I was spanked as a child, but to this day I tell my parents that it never did any good. Hitting me really wasn't much of a punishment, because the pain goes away in a couple seconds and then I was off to make mischief again.
Haha, I was just the opposite! My parents would put me in the corner or send me to my room (we didn't have toys or anything in our rooms because my mother ran a day care out of our home when we were little, so we had a "play room" where we kept all toys), and it did NOTHING because I would just sit there and do my time and then go and do whatever it was I was doing again. With a swat on the bottom, on the other hand, I felt physical pain and did not wish to repeat that pain, so it taught me to stop doing that (just like spraying water in a dog's face--it's an uncomfortable feeling, and that discomfort becomes associated with the bad behavior).

I guess it just goes to show that it's not only the parents who choose different methods, but also the children who respond differently to different methods.

saved2003
03-17-2006, 01:56 PM
oh my.... as a mother of 4 and my oldest is 6, I find that repulsive.....how could someone do that to that child? Its not like its the kids fault!!!

happydaisy
03-17-2006, 02:02 PM
Lena - I don't think you're "namby pamby" at all. :) My son is 6 and I have also chosen to not spank him. I've gotten crap about it sometimes from my parents and grandparents, but he has turned out to be a sweet, sensitive kid. He has his moments, but no more so than any other child. ;)

almostheaven
03-17-2006, 03:19 PM
Haha, I was just the opposite! My parents would put me in the corner or send me to my room (we didn't have toys or anything in our rooms because my mother ran a day care out of our home when we were little, so we had a "play room" where we kept all toys), and it did NOTHING because I would just sit there and do my time and then go and do whatever it was I was doing again. With a swat on the bottom, on the other hand, I felt physical pain and did not wish to repeat that pain, so it taught me to stop doing that (just like spraying water in a dog's face--it's an uncomfortable feeling, and that discomfort becomes associated with the bad behavior).
Yup. When my mom and grandma both repeatedly admonished us (me, brother and aunt) to stay within hearing distance when we wanted to play in the woods behind the house, we STILL didn't listen. We kept venturing further and further. Thought it was cool. We come down out of the woods and there they both stood with their arms crossed and a tapping their feet. They'd been yelling and yelling for us. Grandma points back to the trees and says "Each of you go get me a switch". As an afterthought, she adds "And don't bother removing the leaves from it either."

I never again went off out of hearing distance. It stuck with all 3 of us. I think it was quite warranted. I think if she'd put us in a corner, it wouldn't have made quite the impression. And perhaps the next time, we may have wandered truly too far.

Optical Goddess
03-21-2006, 11:31 AM
There are patients of mine at work who seem to be shocked when thier children act like children. They are trying to punish the childhood out of them. Kids are kids. They are going to run around and be full of energy and get into things. The patient in question grabs her children's arms and squeezes really hard, so it doesn't look like she's doing anything, she also has slapped her child repetitively. I told her that if she continues to treat her child that way I would not hesitate to call the authorities. She threatenned to "have my job". She stopped, and I have kept an eye on her when she's come in to the office, she's been fine, but I still worry for that child when they are in other places.

People don't like the meddle. It's easier just to look away. However, those poor kids can not defend themselves, someone needs to do it for them.

As far as spanking goes, I was spanked a few times, because I guess I had too much imagination to be put in time out. I actually ended up looking forward to it, rather than feeling punished. It all depends on the child and the parents. I cried more at the thought of getting spanked rather than the spanking...

To those who slap/hit/punch/smack/berate: They say they know how to parent thier children, and don't need anyone to tell them how to do so. I say that producing a child and parenting a child are two different things.

Almost everyone can learn how to be a better parent. They should want to, to be the best they can be for thier children. If we can always learn more in our occupations, it's the least we can do w/ our children

Mummy_Tummy
03-21-2006, 11:48 AM
I've often been made to believe that I'm too namby-pamby for not spanking.
Absolutely not! I agree wholeheartedly with you. I remember when my oldest son (now nearly 19) was about 6. He smacked his little sister. I grabbed his arm and started smacking his bum WHILE saying "we do not hit each other in this house". I mean, what an eye opener that was! I hardly ever spanked him as it was but after that defining moment (talk about a lightbulb!), I vowed never to raise my hand to my children ever again. I'm glad to say they are all reasonably well-adjusted, loving and respectful kids, no spanking required. It is possible to discipline, even in tough situations, without spanking.

I've seen this sort of discussion really get nasty before. I think it's wonderful that everyone can express their differing opinions with such respect!:hug:

Misti in Seattle
03-27-2006, 01:57 AM
Oh Lena, I don't think anyone could defend slapping a child repeatedly on the face, even the pro-spankers...I think you are fine.

As a "pro-spanker" I agree completely! Most pro-spankers are NOT supportive of child abuse and very clearly understand the difference between that and a swat on the tush. Personally I was severely abused as a child and I will and have called the police if I see a child being abused. I am sad for this poor little child and disgusted that the authorities were unable or unwilling to do anything about it! :?:

Misti in Seattle
03-27-2006, 02:04 AM
The funny part was, after the women said "Let me teach my grandchild, okay?" back to the mean, the kid screams at the man, "Dont yell at my grandma-ma! SHe a nice lady!" Funny thing was, no one even cared to say anything else. The train was packed but no one was going to approach her for hitting her child.


Actually I find that to be the sad part! Children DO by nature love their parents and grandparents and want to believe they are nice even when they are abusive. Our kids need to be protected and if the parents/grandparents won't do it, someone else needs to step in!

lulu777
03-27-2006, 08:21 AM
I was spanked...when I deserved it. And it wasn't done out of anger. But that guide you posted Lulu...it makes it sound like ALL spanking is terrible violent abuse and that every kid who is ever spanked will become another Hitler...or worse.

.
'
Yeah, a lot of people believe that all spanking is abuse and is wrong. I think the http://www.nospank.net site is a great starting point, but there are sites all over the net about the dangers of spanking.

I don't know how much you got through on the site, but it has some great points about emotional abuse at schools (like not letting kids go to the bathroom). I believe it is never OK to hit a child. That pretty much sums up my feelings about the matter. Have you seen the Gentle Christian Mothers site? They are much more understanding about the point of view of the spanker, but they still think it is not a good idea.

almostheaven
03-27-2006, 08:54 AM
'
Yeah, a lot of people believe that all spanking is abuse and is wrong. I think the http://www.nospank.net site is a great starting point, but there are sites all over the net about the dangers of spanking.

I don't know how much you got through on the site, but it has some great points about emotional abuse at schools (like not letting kids go to the bathroom). I believe it is never OK to hit a child. That pretty much sums up my feelings about the matter. Have you seen the Gentle Christian Mothers site? They are much more understanding about the point of view of the spanker, but they still think it is not a good idea.
Haven't seen the other site and only read a little of the nospank site. I never really cared much about what others thought of spanking. I always figured to raise my kids the way I thought best and let others raise theirs how they felt best.

I've run across kids who were spanked to the point I'd call it abuse, and were scared of their parents, and some who were never spanked, nor disciplined in any manner, and walked all over the parents...and everyone else. IMO, there's a middle ground in there. And if it includes a timely swat that hurts pride more than anything or banishment to a corner for the parent who doesn't want to engage in swatting, either one works.

lulu777
03-27-2006, 10:43 AM
There are entirely different ideas and approaches to teaching children that dont involve punishment. If anyone is interested Jan Hunt's excellent site on childrearing is highly recommended. http://www.naturalchild.org. Your son is still so young, you might find these sites interesting to explore, just to get an idea of the underpinnings for not spanking.

BTW, I am amazed at your impressive weight loss! Way to go! Maintaining like that after pregnancy is amazing.

almostheaven
03-27-2006, 12:58 PM
But I don't wanna maintain. I want my 140 back dang it. LOL Working on it. Just got back from Curves.

MAMA2CHUNKEYMONKEY
03-27-2006, 09:38 PM
wow.. that is just so incredibly sad.

Mummy_Tummy
03-28-2006, 05:55 AM
LuLu, thanks for the Natural Child website! I just signed up for their newsletter.

Marianna
03-28-2006, 08:33 AM
The natural child project is a wonderful website..

We wonder why we live in such a violent society when we raise our children with violence. I find it difficult to fathom why our children have less human rights than adults... they are our most vulnerable in society, yet are accorded such little respect.

I don't shame, physically abuse or alienate my friends or other adults when they irritate me - I fail to see why it is appropriate with my child.

Good on you for not letting it pass and saying something...

lulu777
03-28-2006, 10:18 AM
Isn't it a cool website? I love the online book, Whatever Happened to Mother http://www.naturalchild.org/whatever_happened/

SheilaF328
03-28-2006, 11:24 AM
I always tried to use time out with my kids, which 90% of the time worked. I remember one time though when my daughter was four, she threw a terrible tantrum. We lived in an apartment with pretty thin walls and she was screaming like someone was killing her. I was just waiting for the police to show up! We tried time out, we tried reasoning, and everything else. Finally, my husband went into her room, tapped her on the bottom and lo and behold, tantrum was done! And five minutes later, she was in the living room humming and singing away.

lulu777
03-28-2006, 02:04 PM
"tapped her on the bottom"? What does this mean, exactly?

jillybean720
03-28-2006, 02:17 PM
"tapped her on the bottom"? What does this mean, exactly?
I take it to mean he spanked her--not that he beat her to a bloody pulp or that he whipped her with a belt or anything crazy, just exactly what it said--tapped her on the bottom.

The way I see it, we have a bigger problem with violence in the world today than ever before in history (and I don't just mean war, but violence in the home and on the streets). Parents have been spanking their kids as punishment for thousands of years, so who am I to dispute that? I'll spank my children when necessary, but I'm completely confident that my spanking them will not turn them into violent, insane criminals when they get older. After all, I was spanked as a child, and I'm quite the opposite! I don't hate my parents for spanking me, and I don't think they were wrong to have done it.

treecricket
03-28-2006, 02:20 PM
I was spanked as a child; but now after watching supernanny I realize if a parent takes the time with their children spanking is NOT necessary.

jillybean720
03-28-2006, 02:25 PM
Man, I LOVE Nanny 911 (haven't seen Super Nanny, but I think it's about the same thing). I know they don't use any kind of spanking at all (after all, it's someone else's kids!), but I still think that once in a while, it may be necessary. I only hope that I have the good fortune to be able to spend my days at home with my children instead of at work like most of the parents on those shows.

WeighToGo
03-28-2006, 02:31 PM
IMO-The words we use do have the power to shape the way we think of things. I believe in this case tap is a euphemism for hit. Not punch or slap but not pat either. If I wanted to get a strangers attention in public, I might tap them on the shoulder. When I used to try to get my baby back to sleep, I would tap (pat) him on the bottom repeatedly. I doubt that is what was being described in this instance. Calling something by a nicer name can allow us not to be truthful about the reality of what is happening.

lulu777
03-28-2006, 02:42 PM
IMO-The words we use do have the power to shape the way we think of things. I believe in this case tap is a euphemism for hit. Not punch or slap but not pat either. If I wanted to get a strangers attention in public, I might tap them on the shoulder. When I used to try to get my baby back to sleep, I would tap (pat) him on the bottom repeatedly. I doubt that is what was being described in this instance. Calling something by a nicer name can allow us not to be truthful about the reality of what is happening.

Diane, I agree with you. For me, denial is a way of life. I lied to myself when I gained NINETY pounds in four years. I used excuses and euphemisms and phoniness and just pretended it wasn't happening. I'm trying to stop lying to myself at least about what's going on, and it has been very profound and humbling.

I think using euphemisms is a similar form of denial and a form of shaping opinions. A tap to me is a tap on the shoulder to get someone's attention. A spanking is a spanking. A slap is a slap. A tap is something different. But the OP knows what she was talking about, so we really should ask her. She knows what she meant better than we do.

WeighToGo
03-28-2006, 02:55 PM
For me, denial is a way of life. I lied to myself when I gained NINETY pounds in four years. I used excuses and euphemisms and phoniness and just pretended it wasn't happening.

Sorry to hijack the thread, but isn't that the truth?! At 220 lbs., I wasn't fat, I was "fluffy" or "chubby" or a million others.

I'm not even stating an opinion on spanking, I'm just commenting on euphemisms. From the description of trying everything to end a tantrum, I was surprised that a tap (gentle touch) would end it.

BerkshireGrl
03-28-2006, 03:00 PM
My parents didn't spank me much - a few times when I was doing dangerous things, or once when I lied to my father about breaking something (lesson learned there!) ;) We were more a family of VERY LOUD yellers, which, personally, I found worse than the rare spanks.

Tantrums - my mother told me she dealt with those in the home by taking me or my sister, when we were fully dressed, and gently putting us into a tepid full bath. The shock of suddenly being in water apparently immediately stopped the tantrums :lol: (I'm not talking very hot or cold water - warm!)

I dunno, I don't have kids, but I can see where spanking could be ok. I understand there are strong feelings on the subject here, and everyone has their own way - which is cool. Personally, I do not feel I was abused by being spanked... and if reasoning or time-outs may work better, I'd prefer that if I had kids.

But for immediate dangers like... sticking a knife in an electrical outlet, about to climb a wall covered in poison ivy while wearing a bathing suit... some short physical force may be needed. Maybe not spanking, but a powerful removal from the situation ;) (Both were personal lessons from my childhood, heh!) I also once grabbed my little sister by the hood of her coat and dragged her off her feet back when she was about to walk off a rock cliff. But then, that's justified! :lol: Poor kid almost got strangulated but then, beats the alternative!

Has anyone here used to spank and changed over to not, or used to not spank and now does? Just curious about the change in methods if anyone experienced that.

p.s. I have not witnessed what I considered physical abuse but I can imagine becoming very, very angry and defensive for the child. I have overheard what I considered verbal abuse and that too is awful... I think words can be more powerful than physical force... speaking from my own growing up, I would be very careful what I said to a vulnerable young mind!

techwife
03-28-2006, 03:09 PM
I spanked my daughter once. We lived in an apartment complex and the laundry was on the exact opposite from my apartment. I had my hands full with two baskets and my daughter (who was about 2 at the time) was heading full-steam-ahead to the road. I dropped the entire two baskets in the grass and ran after her and spanked her fanny. She had on a diaper. But she didn't cry, she just looked at me like I was insane. She also never ran towards the road again. But I think it showed an importance to her that she was in a dangerous situation.

I love Nanny 911 and Super Nanny. The best thing I take away from these shows is the importance of getting to eye level to talk to your kids. My son really comprehends what I'm trying to say to him when I do this. We can talk to one another and figure out what to do about a situation. I've also learned the importance of time out. I've always hated time out and thought it was a really dumb thing. BUT, watching these shows has shown me how it works. And my son HATES time out and the threat of it really works. My husband hates that I do time out...but he's not the one home all day, so if he can come up with a better plan, I'm all ears! BUT, I use my bottom step and the oven timer for 5 min time outs. Works EVERY time. My 11-year-old daughter...the one that was 2 and running for the road...gets her iPod taken away for a day...that works well, too.

Okay..my humble opinion...Kris

healthy2b
03-28-2006, 03:41 PM
I have four kids and we (DH and I) did spank our kids, but rarely. DH wouldn't spank the girls because he was afraid he would hit them too hard. Spankings were a last resort and done only with our hand, didn't want to hit with something that we couldn't tell how hard we were hitting. The girls probably only got two or three spankings their entire life. My son is a different story, I couldn't spank him because his bottom was so hard he would just laugh at me and thought I was playing. Because we didn't hit with anything other than our hand, my husband had to spank him and he probably got closer to ten his entire life. They are all grown now, one has graduated from college, two in college and one a junior in high school. IT didn't scar them for life and they are all very well adjusted and happy. If you were to ask them, they would say that the few times they received a spanking it was the only thing to get their attention.

Lady Jackyl
03-28-2006, 07:13 PM
I have an autistic son ( 3 years old) and was at a rehabilitation facility with him so he could receive speech therapy.. Well he was flipping pages through a magazine and ripped a page out intentionaly, I took it from him and put the mag. up at the reception desk so they could repair it and a woman that was sitting across from us says.. "if that were my kid i would beat his butt for doing that... some people dont know how to teach their children disapline" .. My reply to that way.. "how about I wait until you have a disability and beat the crap out of you" She got up and left mumbling under her breath... The nerve of some people :mad:

jillybean720
03-28-2006, 08:19 PM
a woman that was sitting across from us says.. "if that were my kid i would beat his butt for doing that... some people dont know how to teach their children disapline"
WOW. I can't believe the nerve of some people. Sure, I believe in spanking, but not for EVERYTHING. I mean, ripping a magazine page out really isn't such a deplorable offense that it should require you to "beat his butt." Also, just because I believe in spanking, I know there are some people who don't, so I would never suggest to someone to do so (not that I ever would for such a minor, non-dangerous offense in the first place). I bet if THAT woman had gotten enough/better discipline growing up, she might have better manners :p

SheilaF328
03-29-2006, 01:11 PM
[QUOTE=jillybean720]I take it to mean he spanked her--not that he beat her to a bloody pulp or that he whipped her with a belt or anything crazy, just exactly what it said--tapped her on the bottom.


You are right. He spanked her. It was one swat. Not as light as a tap on the shoulder, but not as hard as a whipping. Knowing my husband, he probably had his hand cupped so that she didn't feel too much at all. As far as being in denial, I wouldn't say I was in denial about spanking my kids. I will freely admit that occasionally I have had to give them a swat or a spanking, or whatever you would like to call it. The reason I said tap was that is something we just say in our house. For example, "We have tried time out, we have tried the corner, this is your last warning. If you continue your behavior, you are going to get a tap on the bottom."

My kids are 10 and 15 now and they are both well-adjusted kids. I honestly can't remember the last time we had to spank either one of them and I would say that you could count all of the spankings that they have received on one hand.