General chatter - Multiple wedding shower gift etiquette?

02-24-2006, 04:07 PM
I've never attended a wedding, so I'm not sure what to do. My roommate/co-worker is getting married. I'd call us friends, but we are not that close, and I dislike her obnoxious fiance. My BF/wedding date doesn't like either of them and is only going to the wedding for my sake, so I'm not asking him to help pay for a wedding gift even though I will put both of our names on the card. Various friends are organizing an engagement party for the couple, a bridal shower for her, and a bachelorette party, all in addition to the wedding. I've been invited to all of these events. I feel I have to go, because since we live together roommate will know if I'm sitting at home with nothing better to do. I don't want to sound ungracious or cheap but my budget is extremely tight. Affording the standard 2 gifts (shower & wedding) would be a stretch but 4 is too much, especially given that I don't feel close to her. How do I politely not give a gift at each event? Which of the events do I give gifts at? Would it be better to give 4 inexpensive gifts (they'd have to all be about $10 each)?

02-24-2006, 04:29 PM
It would be unreasonable for her to expect a gift at each party. Your plan (a shower gift and a wedding gift) sounds just fine. But make sure your date is cool with adding his name to the card before you go ahead with that.

02-24-2006, 06:00 PM
You are being quite generous already. By the strictest etiquette standards, a wedding gift is a wedding gift, and may be given at the shower if you so desire. There's actually no need for a separate shower gift, but if you do give one it should be something small. (Oh, & FYI that nonsense about "covering your plate" with the cost of your gift is just that--nonsense.) While you can give them an engagement gift, it's certainly not necessary, and I've never heard of a bachelorette party requiring a gift!

02-24-2006, 07:04 PM
I would only give a gift at the bridal shower and wedding. The other two, to me, just don't seem like gift giving occasions.