Is this selfish? I have been able to stay home with my children since they were born, and work as a medical transcriptionist from home. I am very grateful that I was able to do this. My youngest child started kindergarten back in September.
I will be honest. I am terribly bored working at home. I want to work around other people, have someone to take a lunch break with, be around other adults. I work all day on my computer and go back and forth to this site (which I love and has helped me with my weight loss greatly) and e-mail, etc. My dilemma is that when my children have time off, I want them to be able to be at home, not in a day camp or something, but truthfully, now at ages almost 6, almost 9, they are bored when they have to stay home all day.
Am I being selfish to want a job even though that means part of the time my children will have to go to camps and/or day care. I just don't know how much longer I can stand seeing the walls of this house.
02-23-2006, 12:27 PM
I don't think you're selfish at all. First I would just like to say hats off to all stay at home moms. I am the mom of a wonderful 2 yr old daughter and I love her more than anything but I truly don't know that I could be a stay at home mom. I have worked since I was 14 and now at 33 I am definitely a career woman. I enjoy my job and its incredibly rewarding. I do enjoy the adult interaction with my coworkers and doing lunch etc.
Don't get me wrong, I will admit that the best part of my day is when I walk into daycare and my daughter comes running.
Good Luck on whatever you decide to do. Hang in there.
02-23-2006, 12:33 PM
That's a great age to put them in some after school program like the Y. Kids that age are attracted to their peers. Get out, do what you need for yourself and know that you raise them and taught them yourself. Now let them fly (with a close eye of course).
Less of Lena
02-23-2006, 07:04 PM
Icmethiner, perhaps part of your question was answered when you said your kids were bored having to stay at home. I'm a SAHM, having left a wonderfully exciting career when my son was born (he's in high school now). Never ever looked back, it was so the right decision to make, for our whole family's sake.
I think the key is, even though I was called a Stay-At-*HOME*-Mom, we were rarely home. We were always on the go. We were members of several playgroups, where the parents actually stayed and played (and talked and engaged in adult interaction). We were at the park, at the playground, at museums, at the mall, we were always on the go.
One he started school, I became a school volunteer. I chaperoned parties and helped in classrooms. I never wanted for adult interaction.
Are there things you can do that will get you, all of you, out of the house and interacting with others?
02-23-2006, 07:41 PM
My mom stayed at home when my brother and I grew up and I was always thankful for it because she was always there for it, but later I felt really sorry for her. She wasn't as social as some of my other friends moms, and didn't have a close circle of friends. She still doesn't, really, but she gets out more than she used to. So when I left for Japan, she was pretty much devastated and I felt terrible for it. I didn't know how bad it had been for her until I came home :(
So, if you think you can be happy staying at home, go for it. If you think you'll be happier getting out, then I suggest you do that. Your kids will realize later on that it was for the best and you were there for them when they needed you most. Congrats :)
02-23-2006, 07:54 PM
I'm homeschooled, (have been since seventh grade) have no friends, don't really go anywhere and have 7 younger siblings I help care for. In short, I'm home all the time and sick to death of it!
I understand how you feel and don't think you're selfish.
02-23-2006, 08:27 PM
I understand how you feel, I only stayed home with my boys for about a year and I had to go back to work because we needed the money. Now that I am back at work I think I would go nutty staying home all day. Work is my paid break from my children! My job is not demanding or really that stressfull, it fit the time I was available to work. I work from 6am to 2pm and my husband works 4pm to 12:30am so one of us is always here with our boys so I don't feel too guilty about going to work and leaving them with dad. Can you find some volunteer work to do when the boys are in school to get you out of the home? If you volunteer you could pick your own time and hours and get out of the house. Go to a senior home and play games or just chit chat or volunteer at your animal shelter or at your kids school. Get out for a while and then you will feel better.
02-23-2006, 11:32 PM
You definately aren't being selfish! You deserve to have some time for yourself!!! I'll take some of that time off your hands, as I wish I had more time at home...preferably alone, so I could work out even MORE! lol
02-24-2006, 12:36 AM
I've always wanted to go out and get a job when the kids got in school, my youngest is in 3rd grade now and I still haven't gotten back out there. Although I want to, right now the problem is finding a job. I stay at home during the day with nothing to look forward to but cleaning house, I have no interaction with people my own age, other than church on Sunday's. I wish I had some job somewhere...but oh well...
I don't think your being selfish wanting to get out....
02-24-2006, 02:00 AM
I was in an after school program and I went to day camp when I was a kid. I always went to special programs at museums or the Y or community centres and stuff when there was a day off school when my parents were working. I loved it. Don't be afraid to let your kids try something like that, they will probably have a ball. :)
02-24-2006, 02:28 AM
Your children will benefit most from a happy mother. That said, I think Lena has the right idea. You can pretty easily find things to do to take you out of the house in the hours the kids are in school, and still manage to be there for them after school. Your kids don't stop needing you once they're in school, but there's no reason for you to be at home constantly. Heck, you may well be able to get a job driving a school bus! (Most of the advertisements I've come across offer free training.) Or you could, like Lena said, volunteer at school or at your church if you have one.
Me personally, I'm really starting to consider a part-time job in the afternoons/evenings now that my hubby is on shore duty. There's no way I'd put the kids in daycare (many reasons, not the least of which being it'd eat up all my take-home pay), but I like the thought of juggling things for me to work a few hours a day and feed my yarn addiction. ;)
Being a SAHM is important, but being happy is important too.
02-24-2006, 08:58 AM
I used to work from home, and the 4 wall syndrome got to me too. But I don't think you have to give up being there for your kids. You can get out and meet people and go to lunch with co-workers just by taking a part-time job, or even doing volunteer work. Or perhaps find a job that allows flexibility, where you can go into the office or work from home.
02-24-2006, 09:26 AM
It's a very personal decision. What works for one person, may not work for another.
My situation is the complete opposite. I left my (high-paying, high-stress) job to be a stay-at-home-wife. We don't have children, but after years of trying, I decided to take one last shot by reducing the amount of stress in my life. I love "staying home" (although, it really means I have a life outside of a paying job). The only thing that would be better for me is to be a stay-at-home mom. However, two years after leaving my job, that still hasn't happened. So, I'm looking at re-entering the work force - but in a job that is more meaningful (if not less stressful).
I'm really torn about it. On the one hand, I see the dream of having children slipping away. On the other, if we pursue adoption, we need more money. (Sometimes I think it's a cruel joke. :( )
02-24-2006, 12:04 PM
Wow how on earth can you say you are selfish!!!!..Girl NO,NO and NO...wanting to have a "life" outside of mother and wife, and everything else our stay at home position's require, is by no means selfish.
I am a mother of 7 wonderful kids, they are either off doing their own lives, or in school.so i have all day every day for me now.....and I love it!!!...I even did a home medical billing course, got straight A's..but cant get a job at home, becuase I am entry level, and most at home jobs they want experienced!!lmao.vicious cirlcle...so I have this diploma and no job!!lol.I would love to work at home, instead I find myself, doing this!!lol.i also moderate on another board, and only wish it were a paying job!!lol
But I do get to go to lunch if I want, or shop if I want, and after mothering so many believe me even going to the grocery store alone is paradise!!!!!lmao
What I love is this...............We get to choose, we are fortunate enough, that we can decide, if we want to go out to work, alot od people dont have that luxury, but it still doesnt make us selfish! Go for it!!
The only reson I dont is taxes, and day care during off school times, that we cant afford!!!lol
02-24-2006, 12:13 PM
I am a SAHM. Sometimes I long to have a job for financial reasons, but my kids are really young and childcare is out of the question financially. I did work midnights through the holidays for some extra money, and whew. It was rough. I was getting 3 hours of sleep right before I had to leave for work.
When they are all in school, I will go back to work.
I can see it from another point of view though. There was a time when I was a single mother and I missed my children terribly. I cried all the time, I was very depressed and longed to be home. When I remember those days I hold my kids tight and am very grateful for the oppertunity to be with them before they become teens and are well on the way to adulthood. :(
02-24-2006, 12:23 PM
yes this is so true.....I hvae 3 that are off doing their own thing.one just got back from Afghanistan, one is in Florida, and one is in Finland....and ladies, it is over way too soon, our babies/children are not that for long, and I know it wont be long until I am wishing them ALL back home again!! just so I can be a fulltime mammy again!!
02-24-2006, 12:26 PM
I love being a stay-at-home mom, even though my son is now 12 and in school during the day. But I am here for him in the a.m. to help him get up and ready and to the bus stop and in the p.m. to pick him up at the bus stop (which is a ways away) and be here for him to help with homework, etc. Also, to take him to Tae Kwon Do, Scouts, etc. The time during the day, those 6-7 hours while he isn't here, are MINE to do with what I want. I usually do housework, play with my dogs, go to thrift stores, do laundry, watch TV, do my homestudy course on Fitness and Nutrition, go to Curves, take a walk, ride my bike, go to the gym, take care of my cats (I have a feral cat colony), go on field trips, volunteer at the school if I want, do the grocery shopping in the morning when no one is ever there, go to Walmart when no one is there LOL! All kinds of stuff. I am never bored. There is always something I can do. I can even just pick up a book and read all day if I want to. It's wonderful, very unstressful. Then, when my son and husband gets home, it's family time. I cook for them, take care of them, go places with them, clean up after dinner, watch tv with them, whatever. It's really a great life. I love that my son isn't in daycare, or now that he is 12, a latch key child. Growing up, my mom was always home. She didn't work so she was there every day for us, and I think that was great. My husband and I also believe in traditional family and we both prefer that I am home to be here if my son is sick, dr. appts., etc. Also, for his kids, who live with there mom, but she works. So, I take them to doctors, etc. too. Now they are all teens with the youngest being 16, so they drive now, but still need someone to go to doctor appts. with them, so I do it.
I have been a stay-at-home mom who also worked from home. Now I don't have to. There is a big difference. When I was married before, we had a magazine and worked from home. I pulled many, many 16-17 hour days sitting at the computer building that magazine, ads, writing, etc. Also tried to homeschool during that time, and take care of family, house, cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, etc. It was very difficult, to say the least. When that marriage didn't work out, and my son and I left, I then worked outside the home. My son was in daycare from 6:30 a.m to 6:30 p.m. I worked 2 and sometimes 3 jobs at a time in order to make it. That too, was difficult! Now, I have remarried and have the option to stay home and not have to work at all. I can be "just" a SAHM and it's really, really a great thing. I love that my son isn't a toddler anymore too. It gives me more time for me. At first, I did feel selfish, but then realized, I am pretty much on duty, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, even when he's not here, cause I still do stuff all day long. Now it's ok if I do stuff for me too. My husband encourages it. He's a great guy!
It really is a personal decision. Some people really need that interaction with other people. I am not one that feels that way. I am perfectly happy to talk on the internet, be with just my animals, etc. Plus, I still go out alot. LUnch with my sister, I participate in tae kwon do with my son and husband 4-5 nights a week. I don't feel deprived at all! LOL
02-24-2006, 03:52 PM
Thanks for your replies everyone.
Kathy, I could think of plenty of things to do - but I have to work, either from home or get an outside job, but I have to work somewhere. Working at home means I'm here, but I'm not, as I see from your message, you know all about. I have to stay chained to my computer all day, basically, sitting on my butt typing with earphones in my ears. People think they would love to work at home and be a medical transcriptionist, but believe me - my body is paying for all of this sitting, and my mind is paying for being in front of the computer all the time!
Over the summer I did not work, and it was bliss!
02-24-2006, 03:59 PM
Aquachick - that is one of my fears - missing them if I get a job and having them miss me. And just putting too much stress on them.
And Mom of 7 - (sorry can't remember your name and can't look at it while posting) - thanks for your comments too.
I think finding something part-time away from home is going to be the best case scenario. We need the money - and I need to get out of this house. It isn't that I want to be away from my children - I want to be away from my house while they are in school And while I could come up with tons of fun things to do, reality is I have to earn some money, either here at home, or somewhere else.
It does help a lot to know that there are so many moms who know where I am coming from. Thanks everyone! Any more suggestions are more than welcomed!
02-25-2006, 03:11 PM
I don't think you need to get a differnt job I think you just need to get out of the house some while the kids are at school (after all you work is flexible) my suggestions: do some volunteer work at the hosp or at your kids school, take a few classes, or join a club. that way you get human contact without sacrificing the time with your kids :-)