Weight Loss Support - I'm feeling like I can't do this.

View Full Version : I'm feeling like I can't do this.

02-12-2006, 01:51 PM
I'm feeling really down right now. I gained alot of weight due to depression (about 50 lbs) I gained it really fast, so now I have stretch marks all over my arms, stomach, hips, breasts, legs, and behind my knees. I feel like.. I know I'll never have the beautiful body that I want, why should I even try?

Any support would be much appreciated.

02-12-2006, 01:58 PM
I have to say, I feel the same way at times, but you know what?: We CAN do it! Even if we don't turn out looking like super models, we will be healthier and happier than we are now. Chin up dear, you can make it!:hug:

02-12-2006, 02:02 PM
I'm not all for convincing everybody they need to be a skinny minnie. The fact is you have to decide what is important to you. I won't have that perfect body either. I have stretch marks, a sag stomach (from 3 kid), and acne back and face. I do know I'll fit in clothes better, move better, and feel better about myself. My real goal is to achieve a healthier outlook on food, excercise and life in general. Being dx recently as bipolar, I discover that some foods and excercise help raise serotonin levels in our brains (which I need). I don't achieve it everyday, but then I also know life is not about being perfect.

02-12-2006, 02:08 PM
I know I want to be healthy, but I also don't want to be so self concious. I want to be comfortable in my body and I feel like I wont ever achieve that. I don't care if I'm not model skinny or perfect looking. I just want to be happy with who I am and it feels so unattainable.

02-12-2006, 02:13 PM
Melissa, it is a lot of hard work and unfortunately there is no way around that. But, by taking it one day at a time, focusing on the process and being patient with yourself will allow you to accomplish your goals. Hang in there.

02-12-2006, 02:26 PM
When I lost 60 pounds at 14 years old, I went from 180 to 120lbs. only to let myself go up to 250 pounds. Can you imagine the mess it created on my body? After so much weight loss, I had the same fear. I'm only approximately 15 pounds away from my goal, and despite also having stretch marks and saggy skin, I feel better than ever. In fact, I'd say I feel 95% better, reaching 100% when I get where I want to be. Today, someone told me that I must be getting hit on like crazy. That makes me feel great, and assures me that what I have accomplished through hard work was worth the effort. Just because I lost weight does not make me taller, which I'd like to be. Therefore, you need to focus on the fact that you will look better no matter what, and less self-concious or inferior. I feel like trading these feelings for half a pizza, but then I remind myself that I would not trade being thin for anything else. All I can tell you is that you can do it! Do you think it was easy for me to lose 105 pounds? Not at all, but focus on the prizes, no matter what they are for you, and you'll be on you way.

02-12-2006, 02:40 PM
Don't give up! I'm similar to you in that I have depression and it puts me down in the dumps a lot, and i gained a lot of weight- but im not going to give up. You have to realize that you are worth it and if you want to get fit its going to happen if you deserve it. Everyday look in the mirror and say at least one good thing about yourself- and then exercise or eat right. I know thats what EVERYBODY says, but try and do that in the morning to start of your day more positively. You can do it! I believe in you!

02-12-2006, 02:54 PM
Most of us have these imperfections. :hug: If it makes you feel any better I have gouges in my stomach from surgeries. I mean deep ones too. I actually had a new doctor gasp the first time she saw them. Talk about a slap to one's self confidence. :(

I know despite having stretch marks and scars, we will feel better being able to breathe better when we walk, and have lower blood pressure. We will feel like a healthier women that can wear the clothes we've thought we'd never get into. There will be a new state of mind being set free from the fat that has trapped us and held us back from so many things. Things maybe we didn't even realize.

I know you can get through this. You have so many people here rooting for you every step of the way.

02-12-2006, 03:11 PM
Oh how normal you are!!! I think it's something we ALL go through at some point, but it's also reminding ourselves that we are in control of the end result. We aren't all meant to look like we did in high school (or what our friends looked like). I have had several abdominal surgeries. 2 from having my children, and from having a severe infection after my 2nd child that meant having to reopen. I am just glad to have survived it, and know that it will never be the same again.. I just work around it, and I swear if my boobs go any farther South, i'll be sending them a postcard begging them to come back! But these are just things our bodies do as we get older, bigger, thinner, and less pliable. We just need to start accepting these changes as part of life, and stop allowing society to dictate to us how we are supposed to look in order to feel good about ourselves. *sigh* It is a vicious cycle. One we have to work extra hard to get out from under. Giant :hug: to you dear, and just know that you are not alone, but you are the only one who can change your thought process! :)

02-12-2006, 03:49 PM
Ditto on the normalcy of how you're feeling. Gaining a lot of weight can play havoc with our confidence. I didn't think I could lose weight, AND KEEP IT OFF, so I stopped trying. I think if the weight hadn't kept creeping up I would still be not trying.

I don't know what the future holds for me and if I will keep off the weight I lose, but I'm determined to be healthier than I was, and already feel LOADS better!

I know when I first started I felt overwhelmed by all the possible changes, so I started just by doing portion control, then moved to calorie counting and in general more healthy eating. THEN I added in exercise. In December, my husband and I joined a gym. I feel like I can do this every day now. So much of it is routine! And what's best is -- it's working!

We've all been there too! THink about what is most important to you (for me it was health and not being held back by my weight anymore) and GO for it. You may not look like a model and have a flawless body -- but so few of us do, that I don't think it really matters.

02-12-2006, 04:13 PM
I'm gonna sound like dr Phil here, but you won't do it until you change your attitude. If you feel like it's going to be impossible it WILL be impossible. What I did when I first came to 3FC was look at people who had done it, and read their posts avidly. I came to realise what made a successful loser.
*Consistency - doing it every day, day in day out, despite the monotony and tedium
*Positivity - losing weight isn't a punishment for being fat, its a reward to ourselves and our bodies and our inner selves.
* A sense of fun - weight loss needn't be all hard work. learning new ways of cooking, eating and moving can and should be fun!
* Resilience - we all have holidays, vacations, birthdays etc and we all need to bounce back from less than perfect food experiences
* Patience - yeah it's great when the weight comes off at one to two pounds a week, and fabulous when you have a great loss one week like 5lbs. What isn't so great is when you are doing it all right and you don't lose, not an ounce, for weeks or in my case, months. It took a long time for your body to get into this mess, and it will take a long time to get it out of it.

Stop beating yourself up for what you've become, focus on where you are going and what it will take to get your there.

02-12-2006, 04:24 PM
Of course you can do this! Others have given you great advice and support and I want to chime in. Perhaps you need to take your focus away from the desire to have a beautiful body. What is "beautiful," anyway? By whose definition? Beauty is many things. It is strong body. It is a healthy body. People who survive and beat major life challenges, such as depression, are beautiful. Don't focus on the little things like stretch marks, but rather on the beauty of a strong, healthy body that cares for you as you care for it. You can do this because you are a survivor and you deserve it!

02-12-2006, 07:11 PM
kykaree -- You nailed it. At least, you nailed my impression of what a successful loser is, after a number of months on 3fc.

Maybe we can turn it into an anagram we can all remember, like: PCARP! (positivity, consistency, a sense of fun, resilience, patience)... or CARPP... or some such. (I love using mnemonics to remember informatioN!

02-12-2006, 07:30 PM
Melissa, 50 pounds isn't near as much weight as it sounds like it is. I've lost over 20 in just the last two months. I once lost 50 in 8 months and that was with not really trying consistently.

Believe me it CAN be done and it can be done much faster than you imagine it can be. The real problem as I see it? You are looking at the WHOLE big picture. Divide it up into manageable portions.

I'm currently losing 10 pounds. But I'm not even looking at the whole 10 pounds at once, I'm looking at only 4 or 3 at a time. I just completed my 4, and now I'm 1/2 pound into my next 3 pounds. Think about it dear, ANYONE can lose 3 pounds right? Just start small. Aim for little goals and go for it. You can do it. The problem is that you are letting perfectionism get the better of you. You figure that even if you get there you won't be happy with yourself. Do you really KNOW that? You haven't gotten there yet.

Perfectionists give up too quickly because they expect "perfect". We don't have to go there. Even if you start and you only lose 3 pounds. That is 3 less pounds you have to lose! Celebrate your successes. Aim small and when you reach one small goal, go for the next one.

That is what I did all through the month of January, it is what I'm doing all through February and you know what? I'm going ALL the way to my goal this way. If you look at my tickers for my "goal weight" you won't see any "ultimate" goals. You will see no more than 4 or 3 pounds at a time. And when I reach those goals I set a new one. I don't look for huge successes, but by celebrating my baby successes I've gone back down by more than 20 pounds from my start weight. I did NOT set out to lose 20 pounds. I did NOT set out to reach 130 or whatever weight I should weigh. I set out to feel healthier, to fit in more of my clothes, to not be so heavy that my knees hurt. I set out to lose 3 or 4 pounds. My next goal is only 2.5 pounds away. I will make it and I will make the next one too. You can do this with me. We CAN be successful.

Will I be "beautiful" at whatever weight I decide to stop at? Probably not. Age has a way of making you less beautiful as you go along. But I will be more beautiful than I am now. And I can live with that. Regarding stretch marks? I'm sure that you, like most of us, wear clothes most of the time, so why worry about them? They will be hidden.

02-12-2006, 10:02 PM
i have stetch marks too- all over legs, thighs, hips, back etc. you know what ive noticed?? i hardly ever think about them. you have to be super close to notice them and i have to be in a bathing suit or shorts. thats like what- 10 percent of my year? people just notice the over all painting, not the tiny brush strokes. you know?

if they REALLY bother you- you can get them lasered off for a hefty fee. i twouldnt bother- but just so you know its out there!

also if they are knew- retin-a creams help generate cell growth and make them less noticable faster. (doesnt work for older ones though)


02-12-2006, 10:53 PM
Aww you guys... thank you for all of your support. :grouphug: Tomorrow is a brand new day... I'm so going to put this page on my favorite list that way anytime I'm feeling down I'll read your advice and feel better. :D

02-13-2006, 01:23 AM
I also think it's important to remember that Reese Witherspoon has stretch marks, Tyra Banks has cellulite, and Angelina Jolie has acne pockmarks. Nobody can look like "the ideal," even the women we're supposed to idealize!

02-13-2006, 01:34 AM
Glad to hear you're feeling some better. Hang in there and yiu can do it, one pound at a time.

02-13-2006, 01:44 AM
people just notice the over all painting, not the tiny brush strokes. you know?

I LOVE THAT!!!!! :)

02-13-2006, 02:51 AM
I was at the gym the other day, there is this gorgeous woman, perfect figure, who works out with us. Her top lifted at the back and she is covered in really bad stretch marks. So it happens to everyone! I don't notice mine. And even if mine all go, I still have a 15 inch scar across my stomach from gall bladder surgery! And will I still wear a bikini, you betcha!

02-13-2006, 03:11 AM
Everyone has already said some really great things. You can do it :cp: It takes time! Just think how much healthier you'll be 5, 10, 15 pounds from now. Don't give up!! We are here to support you :hug:

03-18-2006, 11:07 PM
I feel the saem way you do. I am always cheering everyone else on to lose weight if they wnat ot but then I don't push myself (i feel like a hypocrite!) so even though I really shouldn't be giving out advice since we are both kind of in the same boat- you should keeep trying, we all need to really BELIEVE that the one pound we lost this week or the 2 lbs etc. we lose is really an accomplishment because if we value the small steps towards our health we will be more motivated to lose weight. Also, all the women here are amazing cheerleaders! together all of us can help each other get through the weight loss process which at times is difficult, but WE ALL KNOW you can do it!:hug:

03-27-2006, 09:34 PM
Your feelings are completely normal. Before I started losing weight, I felt the same way. I knew that my large abdominal incisions from gallbladder surgery and hysterectomy and then hernia repair and then bowel obstruction would never go away. I knew my stretch marks from child birth would still be here. I also knew my boobs would continue to head further south. Now, after losing some weight, my incisions that once were fat and red are now thin, white lines, my stretch marks are pale and not nearly as noticeable. As for the boobs, I have a large coffee can that I put change in every week and plan to one day have a lift. My husband thinks I am sexier and lots more energetic. You can do it, the reasons you have for not bothering are the same as mine were, EXCUSES. Just jump in there and you will find a lot of support here. GOOD LUCK