I guess it all goes back to having a poor body image but sometimes I just feel like a fake and I fear that I'm going to be called on it at any moment.
I'm nowhere near my goal yet but I have come quite a long way. I can shop in normal size clothing stores now but I always feel like someone is looking at me and wondering why someone so big would be shopping in that store. Or a salesperson coming over to tell me that they don't carry anything in my size. When I take clothes to a dressing room and it either doesn't fit or I don't really care for how it looks on me, when I return it to the clothing rack I'm sure people are thinking that it must have just been wishful thinking on my part to think I could fit into it. I know that nobody really pays any attention to what others are doing or trying on but the thoughts keep popping into my head.
The sames goes for when I'm doing just about anything you normally see fit and healthy people do. My husband recently bought me an elliptical and the whole time we were in the store I felt like I wanted to shrink away. It was January and I felt like they were all thinking that here is this big person who just made another New Year's resolution and that it would be big waste of money. I wanted to tell the salesperson that I had actually lost quite a bit of weight and that yes I would be able to handle the exercise. And no I wouldn't break the machine.
Does anyone else ever feel like this? I never had this problem before I lost weight, I just didn't think about those things. Now I just feel like a fat person hiding out in a thinner person's body and that everyone can see right though the disguise.
Yes. I always feel really uncomfortable if I try clothes on, they fit but I don't like them. When I hand them back I always feel like the assistant is going to think "no wonder she's not buying them, there's no way she'd get those to fasten", even if I've been wearing them, fastened, in the changing rooms no more than two minutes earlier!
I keep on feeling like I'm going to get found out, like the fat police are going to come round and restore my current way of life to the person I've stolen it from, giving me all my old habits and inactivity back. I know that I'm not that person at the moment, but it's a big leap of faith to believe I'll never be that person again, and no matter how much I want that to be the case, and am prepared to work to make that the case, I do sometimes wonder whether you can completely erase a part of you just like that. Part of the problem is that it's almost been too easy that I don't believe I managed to do it. If I'd really had to deprive myself or eat stuff I didn't like or live on a liquid diet I'd believe it, but just changing my food around and doing exercise I like seems almost too insubstantial to let me keep this new me.
I assume you are exposed to alot of the same messages as your southernly neighbors...The expectation is failure; and that is not just those who are overweight. Our society does not 'encourage' the obese to lose weight, they shame us there. Are you a fake? No. Can you get past your own body image? Hard to say. When I lost 100lbs,(well 350, if you count the husband I hadn't realized the amount of weight I lost until I stepped on the scale at the doctors and yelled OMG! I had not 'tried' to lose, my new schedule and attitude changed my habits. I was still wearing the 'old' clothes and laughed off the 'incredible shrinking woman' comments. It was the first, and honestly the only time that I had not focused on my weight or anyone else. I was busy doing things I loved. I got happy, and I guess when I get happy I stop worrying about what everyone else has in their head.
Just a thought...
blu
Yes, I completely understand what you mean. I'm the same person inside that I was when I weighed so much more, and so I feel like people must be seeing the same person.
I don't know that we ever get used to the changes. Who we are is the same, it's just the shell that changes, so it's sometimes hard to remember how very much we've changed.
The important thing is to keep up the great work and to try and get past worrying about what people think. I know it's not easy, but you've already accomplished a lot and this is one more part of the journey.
I don't know if it's so much as I care what people think, but what I think. I just realized that it's because I'm ashamed of how I used to be and the state I had let my body get to. I'm sure these feelings will subside with time but it makes me anxious when I think of someone who didn't know me before finding out how big I really was. Strange.
I can say that I do know how you feel. I had lost lots of weight before becoming pregnant. When we make such radical changes it is hard for our brains to catch up to our bodies. Really I am not sure how one goes from feeling like an outcast to being normal. Chances are that people are not thinking any different about you than any other person. I told my boyfriend that I felt self-conscious about ordering heath at restaurants. Just because they are probably thinking "year right, what is she trying to do." He said it was the opposite. If I were ordering something fattening they would think, "now you know she shouldn’t be eating that." Your brain will catch up. My mom always tells me that I have a right to be out just like everyone else. Just because we have or have had a weight problem makes us no different. You've done such a great job, enjoy wearing and trying on all those beautiful clothes.
I know just how you feel. I feel that way myself a LOT of the time. I especially feel like this when I meet a new person who never knew me heavy; it feels like such a big part of who I am that I feel like a fraud if I don't "disclose" it. But I frequently have to remind myself that who I am now is no less "real" than who I was. I wasn't always that heavy; why didn't I feel like a "fake" obese person?
And yes - I still feel the same way in dressing rooms. When I first got into "regular" sizes, sometimes I would chicken out before I even got to the dressing room, for fear that the attendant would say something to me. That's gotten better over time, and I can only guess that the rest will, too.
Okay, this is coming from a woman who has spent her entire life overweight, and has been over 300 lbs for a majority of the last several years...so take it as you will.
LET YOUR OLD SELF GO. Say goodbye to the girl who always ate junk and just laid on the couch....say goodbye to all the old habits and stinkin' thinkin'. YOU ARE A BRAND NEW PERSON--inside and out. Live the life you have always wanted to live in the body you've got.
Great way of putting it jen! It's hard to accept that you are a great person and you look great esspecially when you've looked differently your entire life, Im sort of in a different situation but i know how you feel, Im trying to love myself as who i am and what i look like now wich is really hard considering im over 90 lbs what i used to be, But i know deep inside that old me is there and dying to come out! and when she's finally here im going to really love myself All though im teaching myself to love me now on my way down it's really hard. Your beautiful and have had great success! It's all in your Head! Make yourself believe you are good lookin (because you are!) and believe that you are smaller and enjoy it! I can't wait to be there!
In a word; no. I do not feel like a fake, because I do not consider myself to be anywhere near THIN. I definately still consider myself fat, although a lot less fat.
But, I actually feel my mode of thought transitioning from "thin-fat girl" to "fat-thin girl." Because I am now out of the bottom plus size range and am now at the high end of the thin shop sizes.
So, all in all.....I think that maybe the feelings of being a "fake" might be related to the speed of your weight loss. I could def. understand this if one went from 250 to 150 in 6mos. But I, alas, have taken almost 18mos to shed 95lbs and thus have been able to come to terms with my weight loss at a much more steady rate. I have had a chance to become accustomed to it.
Oooh I can relate. Well not right now, because I gained back a lot of the weight I originally lost. But a couple of years ago when I was down to my smallest size ever I was able to buy a few blouses in the Juniors section. It was such a thrill to be able to buy ANYTHING in that section of the store and not have to go to the "fat woman's section", that I was having the time of my life. My husband was helping me pick out clothes and he was loving it too. Naturally I was just on the verge of being that size and I had to pick "large" from that area, and some of the things I picked either didn't fit yet or just barely fit. So I had to be very selective, and try them on. But yeah. I felt like a real fake even looking at those clothes. I was feeling embarrassed for anyone to be seeing me, because that was my thought... They are probably saying to themselves "Who is SHE kidding?"
Weird huh? True, Not everything fit, most of them didn't, but I was getting there and anxious for it to get there a little faster, but I did buy a couple of cute things that I wore for my husband for awhile, (until I started gaining again).
I like to believe "everyone else is spending so much time worring about how they look that they don't really have time to notice me." they may look but really they are thinking something about themselves and you may be a passing thought. Just remember thin doesn't mean happy they could be jealous that you can afford a new outfit for yourself or to shallow to notice anything other than your weight and not you. I try not to waste time on shallow people. Be proud of who you are and happy in your life regardless of weight and it will show. I do understand the feeling though....And hey if they are talking about you that means you are worth talking about not boring or fit into a mold. I don't know, I try to put a possitive spin on everything its what I do.... Next time a skinny shopping person tries to tell you they don't have it in your size make sure they know they are in the plus size clothing and they don't have anything in their size either......hahaha
When I'm eating tofu & brown rice, or something equally healthy, no one ever comes in the breakroom.
Twice this week when I've been "naughty" for lunch, there have been 500 ppl in & out of the breakroom to see the fat girl eating black raspberry frozen custard & onion rings. Or a pepperoni melt & some oil-slicked tomato salad.
Have faith in yourself, Dee! I have faith in you. You will get there, and like you said, it's mostly in your head. Ppl are WAY too wrapped up in themselves to pay that kind of horrible attention to you.
I was having a few misgivings yesterday .... kind of along these lines. I had a really good day compliment-wise, ya know? The gals at work ... my friend on the phone ... I got a lovely pm here.
But I felt like blurting out how two faced I was .... I'm a yo-yo-er .... This is the same 20 lbs I've lost before .... I haven't exercise worth two spits in a week ... I had a Tim Hortons muffin and timbits yesterday ...
My husband suggested that I quietly, in my heart, learn to know that in the long run ... I've done well. It sounded so simple when he said it.
I struggle with the same exact feelings. It took me months to get up the courage to walk into Old Navy and I must admit...I still feel out of place there...and the sad part of that is....they carry plus sizes to begin with...geesh. I don't know if I'll ever get over that..... I'm sure even at 130 or 140 pounds...I'll still look around the room to see if I'm the fattest person there.....I'll still feel scared to go into the trendy little boutiques. I wish I could "let go of the fat person"...like someone mentioned above. I don't know....I've either been overweight most of my life and/or worrying about being overweight (even when I wasn't)....weight issues are such a huge part of my life....mentally...it's all I think about.
I've learned to take all the "nice weight loss comments,etc" and journal them...then if I'm feeling extra fat or bad about myself....I just go to the journal and read thru them all...it really makes me feel better. I'm getting better with self esteem issues...but I've always struggled....regardless of my weight.
Dee...you are doing a fabulous job...you should be very proud of yourself. Hold your head high and be proud of how far you've come. I will try to heed my own advice and hold my head high with you...k?
Luv,
Olivia
Do you ever just feel like a fake?
I hadn't realized the amount of weight I lost until I stepped on the scale at the doctors and yelled OMG! I had not 'tried' to lose, my new schedule and attitude changed my habits. I was still wearing the 'old' clothes and laughed off the 'incredible shrinking woman' comments. It was the first, and honestly the only time that I had not focused on my weight or anyone else. I was busy doing things I loved. I got happy, and I guess when I get happy I stop worrying about what everyone else has in their head.
All though im teaching myself to love me now on my way down it's really hard. Your beautiful and have had great success! It's all in your Head! Make yourself believe you are good lookin (because you are!) and believe that you are smaller and enjoy it! I can't wait to be there! 
