Support Groups - Support from significant others???!!!




thirty3zenlane
02-08-2006, 03:21 PM
I don't even know where to begin. I joined this group yesterday and I've been browsing over several topics (I'm sick at home). I see SO MANY people posting about negative comments from their supposed "loved ones." This CAN'T be healthy, and believe it or not, it's very much a form of emotional abuse. I'm not undermining any relationships here, but my girlfriend would NEVER say anything so negative to me. I've expressed my unhappiness with my extra fat, and her reply is always, "I love you and your body." I'm just in shock over what some people put themselves through. I don't believe relationships should revolve around body image! Society has brainwashed people into thinking that size 0-2 is NORMAL. Well, ladies, it's NOT normal. I'm not saying you shouldn't be healthy--you certainly should! What I'm saying is you shouldn't have someone who should be there supporting you, bring you down when you're trying to do something for YOURSELF. I just found it to be really sad. Please surround yourself with positive influences and support.

Just my 2 cents,
Tara


jackie o
02-08-2006, 03:55 PM
hi Tara i just came to this site my self to yesterday. hope that i get the hang of it soon, so far i am not sure what i am doing, or if i am doing it ok, i am not that good when it comes to computers, hope that you fel better soon, i am jackie o can you let me know if you see this? thank s

thirty3zenlane
02-08-2006, 04:13 PM
Hello there. I certainly can see your message. If you need any help, message me. You can do that by clicking my name or pic and I believe that will then give you the option to message me. If you have yahoo, you can also message me on there "swollensore" is my screen name. Good luck with figuring out this site.


srmb60
02-08-2006, 04:36 PM
Tara, I think what you've been reading is the all too human propensity to gather together and be miserable. Oh we enjoy, enjoying each others triumphs ... but there's nothing like co-misery to bring folks together.
Nobody wants to hear that my husband adores my new slender torso.

I have another thought that is kind of nebulous and might get me in trouble. But, here I go any way. Despite the plethora of discombobulating information there is on the internet etc. weight loss really is a simple principle. I must feed myself less and I must make myself move more. The dratted personal responsibilty thing rearing it's ugly head again.
You see, it's more forgiveable for me to fail if I have a few strikes against me. It's not really my fault if I quit ... if manufacturers mislabel products, my mother fed me butter, I have a family history of obesity, my husband buys me chocolate ...
I once asked a gal if she knew her husband thought (what she said she thought he thought) if he'd actually said it out loud or if she just thought he thought it. Did she want to run it past him for clarification? She didn't answer.
There's a lot more comfort in having 12 responders say "oh you poor darling! you deserve so much better, no wonder you can't lose weight"

I've been married a long time. Sometimes I have to smell what my husband is thinking but it always works better if I ask for clarification and make sure I truly understand what he said.

If you want any clarification about that hethoughtshethought business. I'll try :)

thirty3zenlane
02-08-2006, 04:50 PM
Hello there. I understand what you're saying, but specific 3fc topics aside, it does happen. You're right--it is simple in theory. I'm not saying, "Oh, I can't believe these poor women are stuck with such *******s!" I wouldn't keep anyone around like that and find it sad that people think they're not good enough to escape that pain. I'm not into pity parties, but what concerns me more than certain situations is society in general. People live their lives by such harsh principles based on some man's perception of what "sexy" is.

srmb60
02-08-2006, 05:26 PM
I was perhaps a bit light-hearted in my response. Emotional abuse is rampant. It's deathly sad and I don't deny that. Sadder still is the fact that the abusee's feel they must endure. If you called to say you needed out because your SO was beating you, would I help? **** ya! I've done it before and I'd do it again.

What would you think of if I said 'the media feeds us a line and some folks fall into it. they make us think we wanted to know'?
I have never asked, cared or wondered what Paris Hilton or Jessica Simpson or Tyra Banks do, say or think. And yet there's millions of pictures and articles out there.

DeafinlySmart
02-08-2006, 05:35 PM
While I won't go as far as to say that much of what is said by some spouses is healthy, I will say that some negative talk or even honest talk is not completely bad. It's when the other knows it is pushing that person's buttons or upsetting that person that it starts to cross the line.

srmb60
02-08-2006, 05:45 PM
Here's a perfect example of the media thing for you. McLeans is Canada's weekly news magazine perhaps about like Time. One and a half weeks after a federal election where we elected our first conservative government in years!!! Guess who's on the cover??? Paris Hilton.
I've got some to the editor letter writing to do!

Scrappy Chick
02-08-2006, 06:43 PM
I can completely see your point. My DH is totally supportive of my weight loss, but he also told me for years that he was happy with me just as I am. That allowed me to stick my head in the sand and NOT take control of my weight. He was doing the right thing by telling me he loved me no matter what, but at the same time it was hurting me. In turn, I shoved all my hatred inward and became severely depressed (again not healthy).

Hind sight is 20/20 and I don't know what I would have said if he told me I needed to lose weight (probably wouldn't have been pretty) but maybe it would have been the wake-up call I needed. Just some food for thought.

Sara

thirty3zenlane
02-09-2006, 12:10 AM
There's a difference between pushing a person and flat-out insulting and making someone feel like crap. I understand that a push may be needed to get started, but something more along the lines of concern, not rejection based on appearance and some high form of expectations.